It's an Eminem kind of day...
I just sat through possibly the easiest training class ever created to waste time while I could have been working to bring up my numbers to meet a quota that my bosses will claim I didn't meet when they manage to fuck me out of another bonus that I deserve and desperately need. Normally I would just be pissed off that they insulted my intelligence by making me sit in that room for the last hour instead of just handing my a worksheet that told me which idiotic little boxes to fill in on this point and click program. No...that's not why I'm shaking so badly I can barely type. The fact that they want me to increase my performance, yet insist upon changing my routine on an almost daily basis and can't figure out why nothing is getting done...that's kinda pissing my the fuck off. But the fact that they refuse to pay me the wage that is typically received for performing this job function and instead pay me about a dollar less an hour...that's what is making me want to walk around and bash in the fucking faces of every manager, supervisor, and executive in this fucking building. This is what makes me so mad I could scream. The fact that I am told day in and day out that busting my ass isn't enough to deserve a decent living...that is what is making me violently ill. The fact that I had to get more training to do more work in this shit hole. The fact that when I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, no one notices and many times I'm asked to do more, but every drop of enjoyment that I have found in the godforsaken peice of shit hell hole has been wrung out of my job in an effort to make me slave on more efficiently. I fucking give up. These people can come and write me up and fire my ass. Make an example of my piss poor attitude, because I've marched my big yellow behind into this fucking builing every goddamn day for the last two years, all the while telling myself that it would get better if I worked hard enough and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being the one that sucks it up and thanks God that I atleast have a job. I'm tired of trying to figure out how it could be worse and forcing myself not to cuss out my new new supervisor (that doesn't even know how to do my job) everytime she drops by my desk. I always thought that my efforts would be recognized if I just worked diligently and waited patiently. Still, my only reason for showing up every day is to keep a roof over my son's head and food in his stomach. I still can't through a tantrum and walk out. I still can't call these people everything but a child of God, like I want to. I can't let him down. But I have been broken, I'm tired. And I'm utterly inspired to put my hard work to use elsewhere. Somewhere that I don't have to abide by the rules of a greedy conglomerate that could give a shit if their employees are satified in their job. This place will not take another 5, 10, 15 years of my fucking life. Rant over.