Initial Consult - Part 2
Originally published at Rhondalicious. You can comment here or there.
So all that led me to arrive at the office. Luckily for me, they are super organized and keep good records - they pulled out my whole original chart, including all my previous documentation of physical therapy, and doctor’s notes and suggestions!
That means this time I shouldn’t have to go through months of pointless work to show that pills and stretches don’t help the fact that I am in pain, daily. The only time in my life since puberty that my back has NOT hurt has been when I had an epidural. So to be spared more e-stim (placing electrodes on the body and zapping the muscles, engh) and painful deep tissue massages is really nice.
So I was still a little nervous, but when the surgeon greeted me by name in the hallway, I know it’s silly, but it made me appreciate that even though he may not remember ME, he at least took the time to go over my chart and look at my photos, and to recognize me. So many doctors don’t do that.
After a little discussion of the health issues that I’ve had over the last few years, I got to put on a “lovely” little paper half-gown, and have the actual exam. He did mention that my tissue is lump-free and I am very symmetrical (denser on one side, but not much bigger by measuring) which means surgery will be easier for him! I am all for less time in the OR with good results - the more even I am afterwards, the less pain I will have (and no need to lean to one side or the other to compensate for a larger side).
He is very confident that my back pain would be significantly reduced, and with some therapy, I should be able to gain an inch or so in height without all that weight stressing my spine.
I was also curious about abdominoplasty - it’s a big step, but I wondered if it would even benefit me, since I’m short and chubby post baby. He looked at my belly and noticed that I have significant diastasis as well - he took some photos and is sending it along to the insurance, but he doesn’t think they will want to cover it. He did mention that some of my mid-back pain is most likely cause by over compensating for the lack of abdominal support in the front - basically my guts poke out, so my back muscles are over-developed.
He said that’s also why I have a difficult time with breath/upper abdominal control while singing, dancing, and playing my musical instruments - no matter how much I practice, I can’t really control my diaphragm the way I used to, because my abdominal muscles gap and there is no way to control muscles that aren’t where they belong!
I know I will never look the way I did before babies - I will always be wider, rounder, and softer… But I love my body, and that it has given me children. I love my strength and stamina. I love that I am short, and snuggly.
What I don’t love, is waking up in constant pain, struggling to do things I love that used to come easily, not being able to run, or do upside down yoga poses, or stand with my hips in a straight line. I don’t love having a difficult time bending over, or not being able to sleep in the same bed as my husband. I don’t like how my body spasms every time I pick up one of my children. I don’t like having to buy special clothing, then having to alter it, just so it will fit. I don’t like turning my head, and having my entire body sound like a bowl of breakfast cereal. I don’t like the grooves in my shoulder, rounding them over, after ten years of heavy bra straps. I don’t like the permanent red marks on my chest from heavy wires compressing my flesh.
I think all that is worth it. To be able to go jogging. To ride a bike fast, without kneeing myself in the chest. To stand tall, to play with my children. To do all the things that have caused me pain, without feeling like I am being punished…