A handy guide to dealing with Rhi, in meme form.
Quite useful both for the new people here and the rest of you, too. via lauriestein.
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
Believe me, you'll know. I'll rant and rage and use angry icons and say FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. Also, please know that I deal with getting sad in a similar way: everyone must know my feelings. If I'm angry or sad to the point where I don't want to talk about it (unless it's just too complicated to explain), the situation is very, very dangerous; I'm not kidding.
Now, irritation is a bit different when it's with someone around me...I may be diplomatic to your face if the situation is better handled that way, and express my irritation in private until I get over it. I'm usually quite short in tone when irritated.
I might be angry a lot, some might say too much. To that, I say you should have known me ten years ago.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Sympathize and/or agree, though I prefer it if you link it to your own feelings in some way, rather than just Giving Hugs. Or offer ideas in a constructive manner, e.g. solutions to problems. I'm a very practical person in this regard. If you're the one I'm angry at, duck and cover.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
See the answer to #2.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
My father, unless I bring him up, and even then, it's not really so big a deal. Just don't push me to reconcile with him, I get enough of that already. In fact, don't force me into anything. Suggestions and pointing out my mistakes are good, shoving is not.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
Sympathy. Not that I'll be grateful at the time, I'm a pain in the ass. But I'll be glad for it later. Other than that, let me be or let me rant about how bad I feel.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
Attention. I wish I was kidding, but I'm a US American child of my generation, the ones who were told that we were Special and could Do Anything and therefore even though I hate it in myself, I'm a sucker for praise and compliments.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
Shout-outs, emails, comments, cards. Cake.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Uh, this sounds ungrateful, but...I vastly prefer to buy my own stuff, so unless you've seen something that you think is So Very Rhi, or are buying off an Amazon list, it's best to not randomly give me stuff. I might have a wedding list that is taking up my time at the moment...did I mention I'm not subtle?
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
I loathe holidays, mostly because, in my family, they involve drawn-out church services and then seeing lots of people and being away from my email/Twitter/journals. I'm an introvert and I hate small talk. That said, the actual holidays aren't as bad as the dread leading up to them, which I will whine about.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Not really, though I'm getting heteromarried on 14 August. NOT SUBTLE.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
I get twitchy if you don't have a clean bathroom, or at least one that's acceptable for, say, a visiting parent. And if your place smells really bad. Sorry. Coffee in the morning is good. The smell and bathroom are really the dealbreaker for OCD me, though.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Any way you know how. I hate talking on the phone, though, like burning of a thousand fiery suns, so let's avoid that like the plague if it's 'just to talk' and not for a practical reason. Like planning to take over the world.
This entry was initially posted at http://rhivolution.dreamwidth.org/16523.html. Comments are welcome at either location.
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
Believe me, you'll know. I'll rant and rage and use angry icons and say FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. Also, please know that I deal with getting sad in a similar way: everyone must know my feelings. If I'm angry or sad to the point where I don't want to talk about it (unless it's just too complicated to explain), the situation is very, very dangerous; I'm not kidding.
Now, irritation is a bit different when it's with someone around me...I may be diplomatic to your face if the situation is better handled that way, and express my irritation in private until I get over it. I'm usually quite short in tone when irritated.
I might be angry a lot, some might say too much. To that, I say you should have known me ten years ago.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Sympathize and/or agree, though I prefer it if you link it to your own feelings in some way, rather than just Giving Hugs. Or offer ideas in a constructive manner, e.g. solutions to problems. I'm a very practical person in this regard. If you're the one I'm angry at, duck and cover.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
See the answer to #2.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
My father, unless I bring him up, and even then, it's not really so big a deal. Just don't push me to reconcile with him, I get enough of that already. In fact, don't force me into anything. Suggestions and pointing out my mistakes are good, shoving is not.
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
Sympathy. Not that I'll be grateful at the time, I'm a pain in the ass. But I'll be glad for it later. Other than that, let me be or let me rant about how bad I feel.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
Attention. I wish I was kidding, but I'm a US American child of my generation, the ones who were told that we were Special and could Do Anything and therefore even though I hate it in myself, I'm a sucker for praise and compliments.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
Shout-outs, emails, comments, cards. Cake.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Uh, this sounds ungrateful, but...I vastly prefer to buy my own stuff, so unless you've seen something that you think is So Very Rhi, or are buying off an Amazon list, it's best to not randomly give me stuff. I might have a wedding list that is taking up my time at the moment...did I mention I'm not subtle?
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
I loathe holidays, mostly because, in my family, they involve drawn-out church services and then seeing lots of people and being away from my email/Twitter/journals. I'm an introvert and I hate small talk. That said, the actual holidays aren't as bad as the dread leading up to them, which I will whine about.
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Not really, though I'm getting heteromarried on 14 August. NOT SUBTLE.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
I get twitchy if you don't have a clean bathroom, or at least one that's acceptable for, say, a visiting parent. And if your place smells really bad. Sorry. Coffee in the morning is good. The smell and bathroom are really the dealbreaker for OCD me, though.
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Any way you know how. I hate talking on the phone, though, like burning of a thousand fiery suns, so let's avoid that like the plague if it's 'just to talk' and not for a practical reason. Like planning to take over the world.
This entry was initially posted at http://rhivolution.dreamwidth.org/16523.html. Comments are welcome at either location.