day 3
Title: 5 phone calls Xabi Alonso didn’t want to have at 3am
Characters: Random members of La Selección
Word Count: 268
Rating: PG; swearing.
Disclaimer: If you're stupid enough to think these are real, then you deserve to be sued. I however, don't. Kthx.
Author’s Notes: In my defence, they’re short but funny. Like yesterday.
1)
“Hello?”
“HOMYGOD THANK GOD YOU PICKED UP XABI!!!”
“…who is this?”
“IT’S CESC BUT THAT’S TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!!!”
“…Cesc?”
“YES XABI OMG KEEP UP!”
“It’s 3am. And you’re just down the hall from me.”
“YESYES I KNOW THIS BUT THIS IS TOTALLY WAY TOO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO MOVE!!”
“…what’s going on?”
“I think I’ve killed Íker.”
2)
“Hello?”
“Xabi?”
“…Xavi?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Something’s wrong?”
“Well, there must be. It’s 3am. You wouldn’t call me unless something was wrong at 3am.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just bored. Wanna come over and jump on the bed with me?”
3)
“XAAABIIII!!”
“…what the hell? Who is this?”
“XABIII IT’S SERGIOOOO!”
“Why are you crying?”
“Cesc just cut a chunk out of my haiiiiir.”
“…why isn’t Cesc asleep? It’s 3 in the fucking morning.”
“He was playing poker with us and then he decided I needed a trim and now there’s a CHUNK MISSING OUT THE BACK OF MY FUCKING HEAD!”
“…for fuck’s sake.”
4)
“Xabi?”
“…Íker?”
“Yes, Xabi. It’s Íker.”
“Cesc just called and told me he thought he killed you.”
“He did. I was clinically dead for 15 seconds.”
“…Jesus Christ, are you okay?! What happened?”
“I walked in on him shaving his…well. You don’t need me to go any further. Then he thrusts the razor at me and asks if I can help. The last thing I remember is everything going black, and waking up to him screaming at me, completely naked and covered in soap suds.”
5)
“Xabi?”
“…Raúl?”
“Yeah. Sorry for waking you up.”
“No, that’s fine. What’s wrong?”
“I miss La Selección.”
10 statements Íker Casillas found himself saying every time national duty was in progress.
1)
“Fuck off.”
2)
“…You’re kidding me. You really didn't do what I think you did, did you Fernando?”
3)
“I didn’t do it.”
4)
“No, Joaquín, Valencia will never beat Real Madrid. Ever.”
5)
“Cesc, seriously. Fuck off.”
6)
“Fernando, remove yourself before I put my foot up your arse and remove you myself!”
7)
“Humans aren’t meant to bend that way, Sergio. I promise you.”
8)
“Why is Real Madrid training so…normal in comparison to this?”
9)
“No, Xavi, you’re not fat.”
10)
“God help me.”
~~~FIN.
Characters: Random members of La Selección
Word Count: 268
Rating: PG; swearing.
Disclaimer: If you're stupid enough to think these are real, then you deserve to be sued. I however, don't. Kthx.
Author’s Notes: In my defence, they’re short but funny. Like yesterday.
1)
“Hello?”
“HOMYGOD THANK GOD YOU PICKED UP XABI!!!”
“…who is this?”
“IT’S CESC BUT THAT’S TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW!!!”
“…Cesc?”
“YES XABI OMG KEEP UP!”
“It’s 3am. And you’re just down the hall from me.”
“YESYES I KNOW THIS BUT THIS IS TOTALLY WAY TOO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO MOVE!!”
“…what’s going on?”
“I think I’ve killed Íker.”
2)
“Hello?”
“Xabi?”
“…Xavi?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Something’s wrong?”
“Well, there must be. It’s 3am. You wouldn’t call me unless something was wrong at 3am.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just bored. Wanna come over and jump on the bed with me?”
3)
“XAAABIIII!!”
“…what the hell? Who is this?”
“XABIII IT’S SERGIOOOO!”
“Why are you crying?”
“Cesc just cut a chunk out of my haiiiiir.”
“…why isn’t Cesc asleep? It’s 3 in the fucking morning.”
“He was playing poker with us and then he decided I needed a trim and now there’s a CHUNK MISSING OUT THE BACK OF MY FUCKING HEAD!”
“…for fuck’s sake.”
4)
“Xabi?”
“…Íker?”
“Yes, Xabi. It’s Íker.”
“Cesc just called and told me he thought he killed you.”
“He did. I was clinically dead for 15 seconds.”
“…Jesus Christ, are you okay?! What happened?”
“I walked in on him shaving his…well. You don’t need me to go any further. Then he thrusts the razor at me and asks if I can help. The last thing I remember is everything going black, and waking up to him screaming at me, completely naked and covered in soap suds.”
5)
“Xabi?”
“…Raúl?”
“Yeah. Sorry for waking you up.”
“No, that’s fine. What’s wrong?”
“I miss La Selección.”
10 statements Íker Casillas found himself saying every time national duty was in progress.
1)
“Fuck off.”
2)
“…You’re kidding me. You really didn't do what I think you did, did you Fernando?”
3)
“I didn’t do it.”
4)
“No, Joaquín, Valencia will never beat Real Madrid. Ever.”
5)
“Cesc, seriously. Fuck off.”
6)
“Fernando, remove yourself before I put my foot up your arse and remove you myself!”
7)
“Humans aren’t meant to bend that way, Sergio. I promise you.”
8)
“Why is Real Madrid training so…normal in comparison to this?”
9)
“No, Xavi, you’re not fat.”
10)
“God help me.”
~~~FIN.