i hate everything.
well, lets see. i cannot wait until christmas break.. i cannot wait to go to WHIRLWIND with younglife.. i am going to try to get my money to Rick like THIS WEEK. i want to go SO MUCH. i love YL trips. i might go to Crooked Creek again this summer just because its somuchfun. austin is back from hunting.. we are back to normal.. it feels oh-so-great. nothing has changed in my household.. sometimes i actually FEEL the frustration building up in me.. i will expload so soon. isn't it weird how i can actually FEEL the madness and hatred inside of me? it kind of scares me, you read about that stuff but you never think you could actually feel it. my mom is annoying me by telling me to finish my lab. i have to tell her every fucking day that i am 16 years old, a junior in highschool and that i don't need a fucking bed time. i know FRESHMEN that don't have bed times. shes fucking stupid. she keeps reminding me to do my lab. i can garuntee her that i will do much better on it if she just lets me space it out and cool off before i rip a hole in my paper being so angry with her. the other day i was laying in bed texting austin about how i felt about everything with my mom and i actually wanted to go make myself throw up because i was so nausiated just telling him about it. and seriously, i probably will start doing that.. and i don't need to because i already don't eat enough as it is and i am really really thin. she's making me do this; and no, she's not just the scapegoat that i focus my inner-anger on.. i really AM angry with HER. i want to scream so bad. i was smarting off to her she was acting all hardass saying "rhea you know, this won't happen everytime.. this is NOT college" and i said "okay" (sarcastically) and she said "your attitude is really making me sick to my stomach." HOW IRONIC. SHE MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH TOO! ugh. i've got to go do my lab write up.. i made a 68 on the last one and i betcha i'm making a C in bio so i'm very scared bc i don't wanna get kicked outta NHS. i'll prolly be on academic probation with those folks but i am doing GOOD on this one so.. yeah. byebye.