Home Away From Home
I think I got back three days ago. It was either three days or three years. I want to go back to Wellesley.
My dad and my brother were waiting for me at the airport the night I got back. I didn't tell them, and I didn't tell anyone, that I had cried that day, once in the Logan Airport and again later in Denver, Colorado. I still won't tell anyone. I'm not telling anyone now. Livejournal is just denial.
I missed my dad and my brother a lot, though. My dad has already started yelling at me again, though--that's fine. I get along better with him than my brother does. My brother has been pretty snappy, too--that's also fine. I enjoy his girlfriend. I usually enjoy his girlfriends. I get to berate them, and they always love me.
I spent some time with Nicole, and I wanted to see Ali, but I went to the graduation night instead. A lot of my friends got expelled or suspended from my high school just yesterday. It was really random. Pot. What's our problem? I'm not really a pothead, but it would be hard denying that to anyone who mattered.
I feel like I'm watching a television show. I always thought that my friends and I belonged on a sitcom. But this is the first time I've felt as if I'm merely a viewer. I mean, I put in my crazy share of shit--I was already feeling spacy today from smoking too much pot these last few nights--but my mind is still in Massachusetts. Today, Catherine and Jaimie got in a fight, and at first, I was a participant, but it was impossible not to fade out and become a viewer almost right away. I can't participate in these things anymore. I'm too far removed from the situations here.
Mitchell Hayes is a babe, though. I feel like a pedophile saying that. He's a kid.
I missed Justin, Will, and Hoff, though. My band of little brothers. I hope at some point I get to see Tyler. I might even want to see Kyle.
I might even want to see the other Kyle. I wonder if we would be able to get along after last semester and last Thanksgiving. I don't get it. I never have a problem with ex-boyfriends, unless the relationship was really serious, and the relationship with Kyle was only as serious as the weird shit going on in his mind.
Too many Kyles!
I'm locked outside of the experiences my friends are having right now. I was in Blimpie today with Jaimie, Ian, Naveed, and four or five of those ridiculous girls that I really can't stand (or even tell apart) came in, looking for Ian... I stopped talking. Not because I was uncomfortable or even annoyed... I just felt as if I was watching a television show. What was Jaimie going to say next? When she asked me a question, it took me a moment to take in what she had said.
My dad yelled at me today. Sometimes I forget that my dad can be a complete asshole. I am somehow able to block out that part of his personality, and when I'm away for awhile, I arrive at the conclusion that my dad is perfect. My dad is one of the funniest people I've ever met, he's crazy intuitive, and he's basically my hero, but he can also be a complete asshole. How many times has my dad made me cry? Thinking about that made it worse. I wanted to go back to Wellesley. I almost said, "I want to go home." Then I just felt confused and pissed off at myself. So I called Dahlia. I miss Dahlia a lot. I miss all my friends a lot. Boise is wonderful and I'll always have a big spot in my heart for Boise and everyone here, but my life has continued on elsewhere. Everytime I come back here for extended periods of time, I feel somewhat listless.
Also, I still have to write that last essay for Rosenwald's class. He gave me until the 29th. I realized that's a lot longer than I thought I had, but it's only making me put it off. At about ten at night on the 28th I'll sit down at my computer and bust it out. Hopefully it'll be good. Hopefully he'll at least consider grading it this time.
Noah Moody is in love with me, by the way. Hey, Artie, jealous?
My dad and my brother were waiting for me at the airport the night I got back. I didn't tell them, and I didn't tell anyone, that I had cried that day, once in the Logan Airport and again later in Denver, Colorado. I still won't tell anyone. I'm not telling anyone now. Livejournal is just denial.
I missed my dad and my brother a lot, though. My dad has already started yelling at me again, though--that's fine. I get along better with him than my brother does. My brother has been pretty snappy, too--that's also fine. I enjoy his girlfriend. I usually enjoy his girlfriends. I get to berate them, and they always love me.
I spent some time with Nicole, and I wanted to see Ali, but I went to the graduation night instead. A lot of my friends got expelled or suspended from my high school just yesterday. It was really random. Pot. What's our problem? I'm not really a pothead, but it would be hard denying that to anyone who mattered.
I feel like I'm watching a television show. I always thought that my friends and I belonged on a sitcom. But this is the first time I've felt as if I'm merely a viewer. I mean, I put in my crazy share of shit--I was already feeling spacy today from smoking too much pot these last few nights--but my mind is still in Massachusetts. Today, Catherine and Jaimie got in a fight, and at first, I was a participant, but it was impossible not to fade out and become a viewer almost right away. I can't participate in these things anymore. I'm too far removed from the situations here.
Mitchell Hayes is a babe, though. I feel like a pedophile saying that. He's a kid.
I missed Justin, Will, and Hoff, though. My band of little brothers. I hope at some point I get to see Tyler. I might even want to see Kyle.
I might even want to see the other Kyle. I wonder if we would be able to get along after last semester and last Thanksgiving. I don't get it. I never have a problem with ex-boyfriends, unless the relationship was really serious, and the relationship with Kyle was only as serious as the weird shit going on in his mind.
Too many Kyles!
I'm locked outside of the experiences my friends are having right now. I was in Blimpie today with Jaimie, Ian, Naveed, and four or five of those ridiculous girls that I really can't stand (or even tell apart) came in, looking for Ian... I stopped talking. Not because I was uncomfortable or even annoyed... I just felt as if I was watching a television show. What was Jaimie going to say next? When she asked me a question, it took me a moment to take in what she had said.
My dad yelled at me today. Sometimes I forget that my dad can be a complete asshole. I am somehow able to block out that part of his personality, and when I'm away for awhile, I arrive at the conclusion that my dad is perfect. My dad is one of the funniest people I've ever met, he's crazy intuitive, and he's basically my hero, but he can also be a complete asshole. How many times has my dad made me cry? Thinking about that made it worse. I wanted to go back to Wellesley. I almost said, "I want to go home." Then I just felt confused and pissed off at myself. So I called Dahlia. I miss Dahlia a lot. I miss all my friends a lot. Boise is wonderful and I'll always have a big spot in my heart for Boise and everyone here, but my life has continued on elsewhere. Everytime I come back here for extended periods of time, I feel somewhat listless.
Also, I still have to write that last essay for Rosenwald's class. He gave me until the 29th. I realized that's a lot longer than I thought I had, but it's only making me put it off. At about ten at night on the 28th I'll sit down at my computer and bust it out. Hopefully it'll be good. Hopefully he'll at least consider grading it this time.
Noah Moody is in love with me, by the way. Hey, Artie, jealous?