Burn [KHR, 5927]
Title: Burn
Author: villanelle_koi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 59->27 [Gokudera->Tsuna]
Warnings: A little swearing on Gokudera's part. Angst by the bucketload.
Summary: It starts with a single note. As ever. As always.
Notes: To whoever requested these lyrics, I'm sorry if you were expecting something cheerier . . . . I dunno, reading them made me crave angst. And then this thing evolved a few times once I started it. Plus NaNo ate my life, so it's a bit rushed. And yeah, um, only managed to use like the shortest line of the song. I guess you could say it's done from the perspective of the one sung about in the lyrics. Oh, and this is also for my dear pokkoru, because she's been in a bit of a rough patch already and I do love her so. Hope you feel better, dear!
Lyrics: Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
Burn
It starts with a single note. As ever. As always. Always may have been a long time waiting, but it comes back to him eventually. One ivory finger pressing down one ivory key.
It's gentle when Gokudera starts to play. He eases into it, as if he's not yet entirely comfortable with it. He's not, truth be told. Has he ever been? Maybe not, since the days when performances were poison and each melody became a hell.
Note after chiming note drifts up slowly, and Gokudera smiles, just a little, to remember that playing was once fun. Beautiful, even. So he eases himself in a little more, layering one chime over another and picking up the pace. It's beautiful, he thinks. His teachers used to say he had to play from the heart. What is there in his heart that is beautiful now?
The thought springs into his mind unbidden, and instantly he leans over the piano and throws himself into the notes, complicated harmonies springing from his remembering fingers in a sudden burst of emotion. They crescendo upward and towards a climax, and suddenly -
His fingers make a misstep, and a single, resounding note cuts off the harmonies from their climb, and the melody is no less strong, but it's slower now. Note after note, one after another. It had been so lovely, and then he went and -
He can't do things right, can he? Not Gokudera, he can never seem to make things work. Even when things seem to go smooth. Maybe piano playing really does reflect one's soul. Inadequate. Unwanted. But Tsuna gave him that hope, Tsuna did, made him believe that maybe maybe maybe for just one moment he could be good enough. For what? Gokudera never knew, but then he met Tsuna and knew it was to be good enough for him and -
Another misstep, and Gokudera is suddenly furious with himself as he lets the melody flow into a harsher one, the notes sounding out with explosive force. Who is he kidding, anyway? As if he could ever be good enough. For Tsuna deserves better, Tsuna deserves the world, and Gokudera can give none of that to him. Tsuna his Tenth, Tsuna his savior, Tsuna Tsuna Tsuna -
Tsuna deserves better, of course. And there will always be someone better.
His eyes sting with fury at his own uselessness as the notes pour out of him, like all those feelings he wishes he had a right to share, to even have. No, he never had the right, not ever, not once. Did he? Tsuna, Tsuna, Tsuna, and the melody builds higher and higher, becoming a frenzied, chaotic mess of blended notes. He isn't sure whether or not those tears have fallen yet, but doesn't quite think they have because they're already there, being played out by skilled-not-skilled fingers, and he plays and hurts and breaks inside until -
oh-
Tsuna-
The melody slows. Then stops.
Gokudera sighs and sits back. His hands are shaking, he notices absently. He tries to ease them by lighting a cig. Drops it twice.
He lifts it to his mouth and breathes in his poison until he feels numb again. Yeah. That . . . . that's better. Isn't it.
(Gokudera likes lying to himself. It makes life less real. What isn't real can't hurt.)
He wishes he hadn't. Wishes Ts-Tenth hadn't reminded him that his smoke-stained fingers had ever touched pure ivory keys. But it's not as though he can take it back now.
There's a knock on the door. "Yeah, what?" Gokudera calls, closing the piano and leaning against it, the very picture of collected calm. His eyes have stayed dry.
For a moment his heart jumps, thinking that maybe it's his Tenth, maybe his boss is here -
But then the door opens, and it's just the baseball idiot, grinning as wide as he ever does and stepping inside easily, as if he has every right to intrude on the moment. "Hey! I'd heard you could play, but I didn't know you were that good, Gokudera!"
"Fuck off and die," Gokudera mutters, turning his gaze away in what is not disappointment, what has no right to be disappointment.
Yamamoto's still smiling, but he seems almost apologetic as he walks over to Gokudera. "Tsuna's worried about you, you know," he says, after a few moments of silence. "Can't say I blame him."
("Didn't you play the piano when you were younger, Gokudera-kun?"
"Huh? Ah, y-yes, Tenth! Why?"
"Well . . . ." And Tsuna had smiled a small, shy smile, and murmured, "Maybe . . . . you could play for me sometime, then.")
"It's none of your business," Gokudera replies after another drag on his cigarette. He lowers it again, flicking it so grey specks stain the floor.
"Of course, I get it," Yamamoto laughs. "Just . . . . try and remember you're not alone, all right, Gokudera?"
Gokudera lifts his cigarette to his lips. He inhales until he can feel his insides turning to ash, and slowly breathes out. Drops it to the ground. It's still smoking as he walks away. "Whatever."
Behind him, he hears Yamamoto's shoe crush the cigarette into the floor.
Lyrics:
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel that you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Author: villanelle_koi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: 59->27 [Gokudera->Tsuna]
Warnings: A little swearing on Gokudera's part. Angst by the bucketload.
Summary: It starts with a single note. As ever. As always.
Notes: To whoever requested these lyrics, I'm sorry if you were expecting something cheerier . . . . I dunno, reading them made me crave angst. And then this thing evolved a few times once I started it. Plus NaNo ate my life, so it's a bit rushed. And yeah, um, only managed to use like the shortest line of the song. I guess you could say it's done from the perspective of the one sung about in the lyrics. Oh, and this is also for my dear pokkoru, because she's been in a bit of a rough patch already and I do love her so. Hope you feel better, dear!
Lyrics: Crash and Burn - Savage Garden
Burn
It starts with a single note. As ever. As always. Always may have been a long time waiting, but it comes back to him eventually. One ivory finger pressing down one ivory key.
It's gentle when Gokudera starts to play. He eases into it, as if he's not yet entirely comfortable with it. He's not, truth be told. Has he ever been? Maybe not, since the days when performances were poison and each melody became a hell.
Note after chiming note drifts up slowly, and Gokudera smiles, just a little, to remember that playing was once fun. Beautiful, even. So he eases himself in a little more, layering one chime over another and picking up the pace. It's beautiful, he thinks. His teachers used to say he had to play from the heart. What is there in his heart that is beautiful now?
The thought springs into his mind unbidden, and instantly he leans over the piano and throws himself into the notes, complicated harmonies springing from his remembering fingers in a sudden burst of emotion. They crescendo upward and towards a climax, and suddenly -
His fingers make a misstep, and a single, resounding note cuts off the harmonies from their climb, and the melody is no less strong, but it's slower now. Note after note, one after another. It had been so lovely, and then he went and -
He can't do things right, can he? Not Gokudera, he can never seem to make things work. Even when things seem to go smooth. Maybe piano playing really does reflect one's soul. Inadequate. Unwanted. But Tsuna gave him that hope, Tsuna did, made him believe that maybe maybe maybe for just one moment he could be good enough. For what? Gokudera never knew, but then he met Tsuna and knew it was to be good enough for him and -
Another misstep, and Gokudera is suddenly furious with himself as he lets the melody flow into a harsher one, the notes sounding out with explosive force. Who is he kidding, anyway? As if he could ever be good enough. For Tsuna deserves better, Tsuna deserves the world, and Gokudera can give none of that to him. Tsuna his Tenth, Tsuna his savior, Tsuna Tsuna Tsuna -
Tsuna deserves better, of course. And there will always be someone better.
His eyes sting with fury at his own uselessness as the notes pour out of him, like all those feelings he wishes he had a right to share, to even have. No, he never had the right, not ever, not once. Did he? Tsuna, Tsuna, Tsuna, and the melody builds higher and higher, becoming a frenzied, chaotic mess of blended notes. He isn't sure whether or not those tears have fallen yet, but doesn't quite think they have because they're already there, being played out by skilled-not-skilled fingers, and he plays and hurts and breaks inside until -
oh-
Tsuna-
The melody slows. Then stops.
Gokudera sighs and sits back. His hands are shaking, he notices absently. He tries to ease them by lighting a cig. Drops it twice.
He lifts it to his mouth and breathes in his poison until he feels numb again. Yeah. That . . . . that's better. Isn't it.
(Gokudera likes lying to himself. It makes life less real. What isn't real can't hurt.)
He wishes he hadn't. Wishes Ts-Tenth hadn't reminded him that his smoke-stained fingers had ever touched pure ivory keys. But it's not as though he can take it back now.
There's a knock on the door. "Yeah, what?" Gokudera calls, closing the piano and leaning against it, the very picture of collected calm. His eyes have stayed dry.
For a moment his heart jumps, thinking that maybe it's his Tenth, maybe his boss is here -
But then the door opens, and it's just the baseball idiot, grinning as wide as he ever does and stepping inside easily, as if he has every right to intrude on the moment. "Hey! I'd heard you could play, but I didn't know you were that good, Gokudera!"
"Fuck off and die," Gokudera mutters, turning his gaze away in what is not disappointment, what has no right to be disappointment.
Yamamoto's still smiling, but he seems almost apologetic as he walks over to Gokudera. "Tsuna's worried about you, you know," he says, after a few moments of silence. "Can't say I blame him."
("Didn't you play the piano when you were younger, Gokudera-kun?"
"Huh? Ah, y-yes, Tenth! Why?"
"Well . . . ." And Tsuna had smiled a small, shy smile, and murmured, "Maybe . . . . you could play for me sometime, then.")
"It's none of your business," Gokudera replies after another drag on his cigarette. He lowers it again, flicking it so grey specks stain the floor.
"Of course, I get it," Yamamoto laughs. "Just . . . . try and remember you're not alone, all right, Gokudera?"
Gokudera lifts his cigarette to his lips. He inhales until he can feel his insides turning to ash, and slowly breathes out. Drops it to the ground. It's still smoking as he walks away. "Whatever."
Behind him, he hears Yamamoto's shoe crush the cigarette into the floor.
Lyrics:
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door
And you feel that you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone