wasting life
you know i hate going to the ER, because yet again i ended up there tonight and wasted about 5 hours of my life that i will never get back.. suprise suprise...so yeah, ive been having bad trouble with my knees and legs and having bad spasms in them and now i have two massive lumps in my groin area at the top of my legs... so i tell the doctor this, and hes a bit perplexed, because i didnt do anything to bring this on...so anyways, he orders some bloodwork to be done thinking it might be my lithium causing it, or that i might have an infection in my legs... well an hour later he comes back and says that thats not what it is, then he decides hes gonna do one more test because of a side effect of my lamichtal, well 2.5 hours later after i yelled to get a nurses attention to see if she could find my doctor...so she found him and he comes back and this whatever it is i have, is a side effect of my lamichtal, because once again, my doctor decided to put my up rapidly in the dosage, because with lamichtal your supposed to take 25 mg for two weeks, and then 50 mg for two weeks, and then 50 mg in the morning and 50 mg in the evening for two weeks, and then 100 in the morning, and 100 is like the mile marker after thats its all safe and good...well this bitch of a dr of mine, 25 for a week, 50 for a week, and then right on to 100mg... well needless to say when he got my blood results back, theres a disease that lamichtal can cause which my numbers were high because of the rapid upping of the dose, but in any event i dont remember whats its called it starts with an R, but basically what it does it weakens your muscles and if left go, then it can actually start to break down your muscles, hence why mine was getting so bad... but he told me i need to drink heaps of water, and just take it easy and if it doesnt get better i need to come back...he said i dont nessacerily have it, but he said that my numbers from my blood test were high....*doesnt make me too confident* well he gave me a knee immobilizer for my right knee because i couldnt even really stand on it, every time i put weight on it, it would get all wobbly and want to give out under me, so he gave me this knee immoblizer so i could put wieght on it for one, and secondly so that it stays straight and i cant bend it, but yeah so thats how my adventures for the evening have been, how bloody fun... oh well and because i have a knee immobilizer that is basically as big as my whole leg and i cant bend my knee...well driving home was interesting... let me tell you...lol....but im home now, and i just want to relax, and relax and stay off my feet as much as possible over the next could of days... doctors orders...and as much as most people would like to hear that from a doctor...i dont, because now that im to relax, and stay off my feet, i cant get away from my mother...:(... i love her and all and im concerned for her, but ive decided that in all honesty, i cant deal with it, shes putting too much stress on me and i cant deal with it...shes yelling at me over everything and i just cant fucking deal with her.... so me and renee will discuss this more in depth when i see her on thursday, i told her tonight i need to see her more often than every two weeks, i need to get all this sorted out right now, and in all honesty i just cant do it by myself, and im not saying i am doing it by myself, but i just need to talk to renee...shes a therapist, she knows just what to say ;)...lol...but anyways, im gonna go watch me some roseanne until 2 when family guy and futurama come back on on cartoon network....YAY...lol