Denial, Ch. 38: Kalilah, No Past
Title: Denial, Ch. 38: Kalilah, No Past
Author: darkentwisted
Characters/Pairings: Much/Carter, Thomas, Young!Carter/OC (OC's): Lord William, Lady Margaret, Charleton, Mentions: Robin, King Richard (OC's) Lord Wilton, Joanna, Matthew
Rating: R (For mentions of rape. F/M)
Genre: slash, angst, rape
Words: 3090
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own; I just want to play in their universe
Notes: This continues the 'Round-Robin' fic 'Denial'.
Sanitized for your protection by robinfanatic & wastingyourgum, poor souls with an unenviable task.
Summary: Carter reveals his darkest secret to Much while they are trapped in the Holy Land.
Original Characters based on the fic by robinfanatic, " For King and Country".
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Previous Chapters: Summary of previous chapters...
Denial, Ch. 38: Kalilah, No Past
by
darkentwisted
Carter turned in his sleep. How long had they been holed up in this dark room Much had forgotten. As many times as he found himself in his lover's arms being comforted out of another night terror he had never known the knight to stir in his sleep. This night was different. Carter tossed fitfully in his dream. Perspiration popped out on his fevered brow. Much would have woken him in a second but he knew Carter needed the rest. It was his turn at watch and he could only sit and allow his lover to dream.
Wilton Manor was not the place of happy memories. Finding himself back in the darkened room was terrifying enough but in the arms of his tormentor it was unbearable. The stifling smell of Lady Margaret's perfume overwhelmed him. The effects of the strong wine made him weak. She was on him, consuming him like some awful creature of the night.
"They are yours, you know, both of them." Margaret laughed, "Do you think that worthless limp brother of yours could provide me the heirs I needed?"
The seventeen year old boy struggled under the lady's weight. He felt crushed by her very presence and tried to turn away. Carter was disgusted at the sight of her and what she made him do. He thought of anything to remove him from this place as she forced herself on him... taking him. He thought of Charleton and his warm inviting arms and lips of forbidden love. As fast as it started, it was over and she staggered out of the room in moments. He could breath again. Before he could make himself decent, Margaret staggered back into the room. Instead of laughing she was crying and William followed in anger. He woke as his eldest brother's fist creased his cheek.
"Carter!" He blinked as Much's concerned face filled his vision. "Quiet! You will wake our enemy," Much spat in jest. He looked over at his lover. "Who is Margaret anyway?" Much snorted as he squinted out of a crack in the wall. "Some 'friend' of yours in a brothel I take it?"
The knight shook his head. "She was no friend of mine." He wanted to tell his lover but the words wouldn't come. Much had his daemons but they were surely nothing as dark as those Carter hid from even himself.
"It's her, isn't it?" Much gazed intently.
"Who would that be, Much?" Carter condescended.
"That woman, the one you never speak of. The one you dream about and cry out her name." He pouted in a way that at any other time Carter would've found himself smothering with a kiss. "You loved her. Do you still?"
Now the knight felt as if he were the one being smothered. "In case you didn't notice we are trapped by the Saracens and will probably die here! We don't have time for your games and petty jealousy, Much!" The words came out with more force than he intended causing the other man to jump involuntarily at them. "I'm sorry." He walked over to the other side of the room and propped his arm on an ancient post, covering his eyes as he leaned his head on his arm. If he could not sleep at least he could attempt to shut out the reality around him. Instead the bitter past came to reclaim his waking thoughts.
"Scandal or war. Your choice."
"I'm sorry?" Carter blinked not comprehending his eldest brother's words.
"Thomas has thus far failed to carry the Wilton name to glory and now you threaten to bury it." His mother glared as William spoke. "How dare you! I forgave you your little... 'incident' with Charleton in the stables but this... this I cannot forgive." William paled as he covered his mouth with a handkerchief and coughed. The wet, guttural sound filled the small room. He folded the blood-stained fabric. "And with my own wife." His lip curled. "Have you no shame?"
"But I..."
William's thoughts turned inward. He always suspected the children he sired favoured his half brother more than incidentally. He always suspected but turned a blind eye at his wife's unhealthy obsession with Carter. Now the cold facts were too much for his mind to bear. "Enough! You will follow your brother." William looked away in disgust. "I want you out of this house and away from my wife! I only hope God will look after you and help you to see the error of your ways before you bring eternal damnation to your soul."
>>>------------------------->
"Carter!"
The world came crashing back with Much's hand on his shoulder. The drumming outside had started again but that was not what made the cold sweat drip down his back and his fists clench.
"They will come back for us. I know they will," Much reasoned. "We will not die here."
"Much, the regiment thinks we are dead, or soon will be. We have nothing but each other and the water in our canteens." He looked into his lover's eyes. "And our daggers."
"Carter, I hardly think we can fend off the Turk with just our small... Oh."
"I have seen men die of thirst, Much. It is not the way I want to go, certainly not the way I want to watch you go. Nor will I see our enemies kill you." Carter smiled as he grabbed his lover and held him. "By our own hands or not at all."
"Alright, but if we must die I would rather die with a clear conscience." Much leveled his eyes. "I have known you over a year now and yet I know nothing about you save what you mentioned about Thomas. If I have to die I want to do it sharing the secrets that torture my lover's nightmares."
Carter started bluntly, "I have no past..."
"This is my dying wish and you must honor it!"
"And I get in return..."
"You get mine," Much nodded forlornly.
"But I know everything about you, Much You told me everything our first week together."
"Not everything. You aren't the only one with dark secrets."
>>>>----------------------------->
"Carter come here!" The dull ache in the young man's stomach was nothing new as he went to the foyer to face his mother. Wilton Manor was not the usual darkened sombre tomb of late. Father was always ill after the stroke and Carter's mother liked her privacy. The usual lightness of the home had been immediately transformed by the patriarch's poor health. Today however, Windows had been opened and the stale rooms aired out to receive the newlyweds.Still the house had an atmosphere of foreboding like a freshly opened grave and he peered around the corners at what horror the opened earth had coughed up.
"Carter," his mother sniffed from behind her kerchief. "Come, greet your new sister-in-law. Where are your manners?"
The lord of the manor's new bride did not possess the classic beauty of the local maidens. William had met Margaret in his travels to London and had married her there against his Mother's wishes. The younger woman was aged beyond her years. She looked down at the awkward blond boy and her cold eyes raked over his thin frame making the temperature already freezing in the room go sub-zero. He shook slightly as she fingered his chin. "Such a strapping young man." She then turned in the same breath. "Servant! That is not a side of beef! Careful!"
Charleton squeaked as he fumbled the over-sized bag, "Sorry, Milady." He cast his eyes from his master's new wife to his younger master. An almost half grin crossed his face. He quickly snapped back at William's stern voice. "Charleton, our room is upstairs. Take Lady Margaret's things up there then tend the horses."
"Yes, my lord." The young, dark blond servant turned once more to the younger, lighter blond lord and smiled full on, bowed respectfully, then went upstairs.
>>>>------------------------->
"I do not like this...Charleton already!" Much spat as he looked out between the slats of wood covering the windows.
"You remind me a lot of him." Carter mused, "He was a sweet simple soul, wise beyond any books, we became fast friends."
Much spun around, changing the subject. "So Margaret, your sister-in-law..."
"Half sister-in-law," Carter corrected.
Much nodded, "You became intimate with her?"
"Not by choice. It was anything but intimate."
>>>---------------------------->
He could not move. He wanted to cry, to scream, but the words were stuck. He could only sit there while this woman touched him, defiled his body. He first wanted to get away, then he wanted to die. He cried as the woman brought him grudgingly to climax inside her. "Not a word," she huskily whispered in his ear. "Not that anyone would believe you."
He ran, barely dressed, the hot tears spilling down his cheeks as he hid in the livery stables. She wouldn't find him there on this cold day and the horses brays hid his sobs.
"Nice night for it." The voice reached his ears as he quickly wiped at his face. The figure came over with a tattered blanket and slipped it around him. Charleton smelled of hay and sweat.
"I'm not crying," the young lord stammered. "I'm just..."
"Laughing on the wrong side of your face, as Master Thomas would say?" The servant grinned with a funny nod. "No one here but the horses to say otherwise."
"And you." Carter studied his friend's eyes.
"I won't tell. If you are going to 'laugh' you need a shoulder to do it on properly."
>>>------------------------------->
"Having permission made the tears of humiliation come easy as he held me," Carter lamented. "He held me all night till dawn came and he had to tend to chores." Carter looked up, his face crossed with remembered pain. "It wouldn't be the last time, then it became more than just comfort."
"You became more than friends?"
"Yes," Carter stammered. "He was the only one who shared my pain. I would have gone mad without him. No one else believed me. Then Thomas came home."
>>>----------------------->
The lazy summer day was cut with the smell of lavender in the air. Carter and Charleton lazed around with their shirts off. Charleton was grateful for the company but shrugged off his master as he tried to help him with the heavy chores. "My job."
"Many hands make light work," the sixteen year old lord mused, his fair skin turning darker in the sun.
"And if my lord gets caught helping me it will be a whipping for us both."
"I like helping you." Carter focused on his lover. '"Fine! What do you want me to do?" His eyes ran over every inch of his well muscled servant.
"Watch," Charleton grinned. Both men turned to the dust trail on the horizon. "Company?" the servant said as he slipped on his tunic.
Carter nodded, then a glint of the family crest caught his eye. "Thomas!" He excitedly ran to meet the horseman.
"You get taller everyday, little brother," the older boy mused. "Charleton."
"Lord Wilton," the servant bowed.
"No one is around," the squire grinned as he got off his horse. He cuffed the two younger men around the neck and pulled them close. "That's Thomas to you." He briefly kissed them both on the forehead. "How are the ogres?"
"They haven't eaten anyone yet... that we know of," Charleton mused.
"Are you staying long?" Carter asked hopefully.
"Aye, till our new King sends word for my return to Aquitaine," Thomas replied.
>>>------------------------------->
Things were good that summer. Margaret left me alone. She was with her second child and not well. I cried when Matthew was born." He looked up in despondence. "She bragged to me about Joanna being mine in one of her drunken encounters. With Matthew I wasn't sure. He didn't have my eyes, Much. I was hoping..."
"You fathered your brother's children." Much was beyond shock.
"I had no choice!" Carter put his head in his hands.
"Surely Thomas..."
The knight shook his head. "Something happened. I don't want to think about it." He held out his hand. "Please, these last hours, just hold me."
"All your secrets are mine." Much held his lover as the tears fell and a lifetime of tragedy flooded back. "Let me share your burdens. The past is the past, it can't hurt us now."
>>>-------------------------------->
The evening of his nightmares flooded back, the night he lost Thomas and Charleton forever. Rough hands clawed at him and for once he didn't give in. Having Thomas close gave him strength and the will to fight back. He thought it was over when he ran to safety and his lover's warm comforting arms. She followed him, waited in the shadows, then found their hiding place. She was as surprised as the two young men were. Margaret screamed, alerting everyone else on the estate. They were drawn, half-naked and ashamed, in front of the eldest Lord.
Shouting... Thomas' higher voice at times drowning out the graveled voice of the eldest Wilton. Words were spoken that ushered the matriarch out of the room in tears. "This would never have happened if you controlled that... that... harlot of a wife of yours!"
"Stand down!" William roared. "I will see you hang for such talk about my wife! She is a god-fearing woman." He coughed into his handkerchief then sneered at the two semi-dressed young men. "Committing blasphemy, sodomy, I will have you both burned at the stake!"
"Then toss her on the fire as well," Thomas reasoned. "She has done nothing less than try to bed me since I came home. Adultery is just as bad as sodomy in God's eyes."
Carter flinched as his eldest brother slapped the other one. "You utter blasphemy with your tongue!" He drew his dagger and pointed it at Thomas' throat. "You will leave this house! Take your accusations against Lady Wilton and that devil spawn with you!"
Thomas glared at his older half-brother. "This is not your house and that is not your decision to make. Father--"
"Our father is unwell and has not been the caretaker of this house for years. Like it or not, this is my house and what I say goes!" William turned in another coughing fit.
Carter cried as Charleton held him back. "No please! It was my fault! I..."
"No more or you will burn!" William released Thomas and pointed the weapon at the youngest lord. "Be grateful Margaret favours you, Carter, and has decided to let you stay." His lip curled as he sneered, "She will see to it personally that you mend your ways."
>>>-------------------------------->
They stood next to their horses as Carter bade them goodbye. No one else saw the two men off to war. The young lord wept openly.
"Oi! Enough crying..." Charleton tutted.
"He isn't crying. He's laughing on the wrong side of his face," Thomas mused without a hint of mirth. "I will take care of him."
"You mean I will look after you," the younger man corrected.
"Take me with you," Carter pleaded. "Don't leave me here alone...with her."
Thomas, grabbed his younger brother by the nape and pulled him close. "I wish I could. We will come back for you."
"Look after yourself," Charleton added. He then looked expectantly at his master.
Thomas looked around them, then over his shoulder. He smiled warmly. "Go ahead."
The two young men clutched each other fiercely as their lips connected. Carter moaned softly as he kissed his young lover for the last time.
"I will come back for you." Charleton smiled. "I will take you away from here. We will go to France where the lavender is as thick as grass."
Thomas cleared his throat gently as the boys shyly broke their embrace. "Time to leave, Charleton." He turned to his younger brother. "I will gain his freedom for you. We will be in the King's guard." They mounted their horses and rode off as Carter wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
Charleton grinned and yelled back, "We will be heroes, just you wait and see."
>>>------------------------------------>
"I am definitely not going to like this Charleton fellow when I meet him!"
"You won't have to, Much. He died at my brother's side in that village," Carter smiled sadly. "I searched for his remains but could never find him."
"Oh... I'm sorry," Much sobered as he held his friend. "I never got the chance to meet him. It was a big camp and there were so many of us, but I remember that day. So many men died. We didn't have time to give them all a good Christian burial. Some of the poor souls we stacked like cordwood and then lit a funeral pyre. He must have been among...Oh Carter, I'm so sorry."
Carter's tears mixed with the dust on his cheek. "It's alright, Much. I will see them again. We will join them soon enough."
"I guess we will." Much changed the grim subject to one more hopeful. "What happened next? How did you get away from Margaret?"
"One night William woke up too soon from his drink. I was almost relieved when he found us and sent me away to the Holy Land. I guess he hoped I would end up dead like Thomas did eventually, in the hot sand, burying the family's shame with me." He laughed. "Maybe now I will."
Much lifted the canteens. "Last of the water, if we go, we go out with a bang." Much lifted his in toast. "To Thomas!"
Carter tipped his container to his squires. "To Charleton," he said reverently.
"So you seem to have a thing for servants," the squire tutted.
"I do seem to attract the worst sort, don't I?" Carter joked, making his lover push him away.
"See if I finish you off now," Much shot back in gallows humour. "Die of thirst you!"
"Not till you tell me yours," Carter sobered. "No secrets tonight. No more secrets between us ever, shall we by some miracle escape this place." He cuffed his lover's neck and sighed heavily as they shared a kiss. "Tell me your secrets, Much, all of them, show me your pain."
"I was hoping you would forget," Much sighed as he began.
A/N: Much's story continues in "Kalilah, No Words".
Come to Denile. We haz plotbunnehz!