Denial, Chapter 37: Kalilah: No Regrets
Title: Denial, Ch. 37: Kalilah: No Regrets
Author: wastingyourgum
Characters/Pairings: Little John, Djaq, Legrand, Will, Robin
Mentions: Guy
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen, Hint of Slash
Words: 1637
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own
Notes: This continues the 'Round-Robin' fic 'Denial' and takes place during 2x12.
Beta'ed, probably with many regrets, by the lovely darkentwisted and robinfanatic
Summary: Djaq asks John to share his thoughts with the Gang but when opening up causes him to lose control, who's going to make him see sense?
Want to play? Come join us!
Check out the Rules and join in the Round Robin fun!
Summary of previous chapters...
Kalilah: No Regrets
by wastingyourgum
John stared into the fire. He'd faced death many times but usually as an immediate problem where the adrenalin of fighting gave no time to think about consequences. Sitting and waiting for it to come to you was an entirely different prospect. He hadn't had to do that since that night in the Castle cells and even then he'd had the hope that his friends would get them out. Now he sat surrounded by those same friends and there was no-one coming except the painted mercenaries outside.
"John?" Djaq prompted him.
He snapped out of his thoughts as they all looked at him expectantly. "No," he refused and stared back at the fire.
"John? Who do you love?" Djaq asked.
He looked up at her, surprised by the bluntness of the question.
"You," he said to her as he looked around. "All of you, even him," he added, as he gestured at Legrand standing behind him. Legrand looked up sharply but then realised John's words were merely meant as something to say to Djaq for the sake of talking.
"Alright?" John stood up and crossed to the cart blocking the door. Then he stopped as he actually considered the question and his shoulders sagged.
"And Alice," he said, sadly as he turned to face them all again. "Shouldn't have let her go... and my boy, Little Little John... I should have... made them stay. And now I'll never see them again."
"You have a son?" Legrand looked at him with surprise. "I didn't know that!"
"I didn't know it myself," said John, bitterly. "I left Alice and ran to the forest. Left the two people who loved me and should have depended on me! My own child!" His voice rose in anger.
Djaq, Will and Robin looked at each other. John had barely mentioned Alice or his son since they had left and they had just assumed that he had dealt with it and moved on, though Djaq remembered his pain when Rosa had decided to name her baby after John's departed wife. "John, you didn't have a choice..." Robin started.
"Of course I had a choice! I left them and then, when I should have got them back, I let them go again! What was I thinking?! I'm a huge, ugly, stupid, useless coward! She was right - I should have stayed dead..." he paused and looked over at the barn door. "And any day is a good day to die if you're already dead. I don't need to wait till tomorrow." He stripped off his jacket and threw it across the barn. "Let's move this cart and you can all be rid of me. You don't need me any more, anyway. No one does."
Will ran over and hugged John's head as he threw himself against the cart. "John! John, no!"
"I need to die! I want to die! Let me die! Let me die!" John sobbed into Will's chest as the young carpenter looked over at Robin, helplessly confused. None of them had ever seen so much as a chink in John's personal armour and now this...
Legrand quickly stood up and crossed the barn to where Will and John stood against the cart. He gently but firmly pushed Will to one side and then hauled back and landed an almighty punch across John's jaw. John landed heavily on the floor but swiftly rolled over and sprung to his feet before launching himself at Legrand with a roar that made the barn walls shake. He swung his left arm wildly and Legrand ducked underneath and punched him in the ribs as he passed. John's elbow cracked back against Legrand's head and he followed it up with a right-handed punch to Legrand's back. Legrand spun as he staggered away and as John followed up Legrand raised his leg, planted his foot in John's chest and kicked him backwards.
The fight carried both men forward and back across the barn, crashing into supporting timbers, fine clouds of dust raining down with each successive blow. Djaq and Will scrambled to get out of their way as both men rolled past them, still furiously trading punches.
"Robin! Stop them!" Djaq was convinced the whole barn was about to come down round their ears.
Robin shook his head. "No, I think John needs this." He'd been aware of the tension between John and Legrand for some time though he was unsure as to the cause. They had seemed to be getting along fine but as Legrand had recovered from his wounds he had taken up more and more of John's duties - maybe his friend somehow felt his position threatened by the younger Frenchman.
John and Legrand were both breathing heavily now and coughing in the dust but neither showed any signs of slowing. They both had cut lips and Legrand was bleeding from a cut above his eye.
Robin was suddenly reminded of the day he'd fought Gisborne like this - both men driven by passion, not reason, fighting till they could barely stand - but that fight seemed like one between children compared to the struggle between giants taking place here.
As John swung another wild punch at Legrand's head the knight dodged to one side and, grabbing John's hair, slammed his head against a beam. John elbowed him in the stomach, making him release his grip, then turned and punched him across the face again. Legrand spun round and dropped to his knees facing away from John but as John made to grab him round the neck, he suddenly seized John's arm and the back of his shirt and flipped him forwards over his head. The impact as John landed flat on his back on the floor shook the entire building.
Legrand swiftly swung himself round and straddled John, grabbing his arms and pinning them above his head to the floor, then before John could try to shake him off, leaned over and kissed him, hard and forcefully, on the mouth.
He raised his head again. John's mouth remained open in surprise, his lips smeared with both his own blood and Legrand's. Robin, Will and Djaq stood in stunned silence.
Legrand's blue eyes were blazing. "Yes, you left her! And yes, she was depending on you - but she still does! Both she and your boy are safe now because of what you have done for them, as are countless others!"
John attempted to lift his arms but Legrand slammed them back to the floor. He leaned in close so his nose was almost touching John's. "You are not stupid or useless or a coward! You are strong and brave and your wisdom is respected by all here."
John turned his head to the side and his eyes met Robin's.
"He's right. The day you die will not be a good one for any of us, my friend," said Robin.
"We do need you, John," said Will. Djaq nodded as John looked at them both.
Legrand released John's wrists and placing his hand on John's chin, turned his head back to face him. He wiped the blood from John's lips with his thumb and held it up so John could see it.
"I am proud to share the blood of such a man and I'm sure your son is too," he said, much more softly. He kissed John again, gently this time, running his fingers through John's hair and pushing it back from his face.
"And you are also far from ugly... J'aime tes yeux." He kissed John once on the forehead, then quickly stood up and took his seat again by the fire. Djaq joined him to look at the cut above his eye.
John continued to lie on his back for a few minutes, his mouth slightly open, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, then he slowly sat up and got to his feet, still not meeting their eyes and obviously deep in thought. Robin and Will held their breath, not sure how he was going to react. As if coming to a decision, John turned and slowly walked back over to the fire to stand in front of Legrand.
Legrand looked up as Djaq paused in cleaning his eye. John's brown eyes, the eyes he loved, stared back at him. He slowly stood up so they were again face to face, unsure if John was about to hug him or punch him. John answered the unspoken question by suddenly wrapping his arms around Legrand and pulling him into a fierce embrace. Legrand flinched slightly then returned the hug, clapping John on the back.
John looked into the younger man's eyes and then rested his forehead against Legrand's. "Thank you," he said quietly.
"Pas du tout. 'We all have our moments of weakness'," Legrand grinned and playfully pushed John's head away as he sat down again.
Djaq threw her arms round John's waist and hugged him tightly. He smiled, a sad smile but a smile none the less, and patted her on the head. They both knew she hated that. She poked him in the stomach then turned back to looking at Legrand's eye. Will came over and sat down beside them both, patting John's arm but saying nothing as he passed him.
John walked over to Robin who stood back with his arms crossed. "Robin, I'm sorry for..."
"It's all right, John. We all know what you've given up. You shouldn't let regret eat away at you like that though."
John put his hand on Robin's shoulder. "I could say the same."
Robin shrugged off the older man's hand. "No, I don't have any regrets."
John regarded Robin carefully for a moment then decided not to push it - for now, anyway. He went back to the fire and sat down...
>>>----------------------->
On to Chapter 38 - time for Carter to share some truths from his past with Much
Author: wastingyourgum
Characters/Pairings: Little John, Djaq, Legrand, Will, Robin
Mentions: Guy
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen, Hint of Slash
Words: 1637
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own
Notes: This continues the 'Round-Robin' fic 'Denial' and takes place during 2x12.
Beta'ed, probably with many regrets, by the lovely darkentwisted and robinfanatic
Summary: Djaq asks John to share his thoughts with the Gang but when opening up causes him to lose control, who's going to make him see sense?
Want to play? Come join us!
Check out the Rules and join in the Round Robin fun!
Summary of previous chapters...
Kalilah: No Regrets
by wastingyourgum
John stared into the fire. He'd faced death many times but usually as an immediate problem where the adrenalin of fighting gave no time to think about consequences. Sitting and waiting for it to come to you was an entirely different prospect. He hadn't had to do that since that night in the Castle cells and even then he'd had the hope that his friends would get them out. Now he sat surrounded by those same friends and there was no-one coming except the painted mercenaries outside.
"John?" Djaq prompted him.
He snapped out of his thoughts as they all looked at him expectantly. "No," he refused and stared back at the fire.
"John? Who do you love?" Djaq asked.
He looked up at her, surprised by the bluntness of the question.
"You," he said to her as he looked around. "All of you, even him," he added, as he gestured at Legrand standing behind him. Legrand looked up sharply but then realised John's words were merely meant as something to say to Djaq for the sake of talking.
"Alright?" John stood up and crossed to the cart blocking the door. Then he stopped as he actually considered the question and his shoulders sagged.
"And Alice," he said, sadly as he turned to face them all again. "Shouldn't have let her go... and my boy, Little Little John... I should have... made them stay. And now I'll never see them again."
"You have a son?" Legrand looked at him with surprise. "I didn't know that!"
"I didn't know it myself," said John, bitterly. "I left Alice and ran to the forest. Left the two people who loved me and should have depended on me! My own child!" His voice rose in anger.
Djaq, Will and Robin looked at each other. John had barely mentioned Alice or his son since they had left and they had just assumed that he had dealt with it and moved on, though Djaq remembered his pain when Rosa had decided to name her baby after John's departed wife. "John, you didn't have a choice..." Robin started.
"Of course I had a choice! I left them and then, when I should have got them back, I let them go again! What was I thinking?! I'm a huge, ugly, stupid, useless coward! She was right - I should have stayed dead..." he paused and looked over at the barn door. "And any day is a good day to die if you're already dead. I don't need to wait till tomorrow." He stripped off his jacket and threw it across the barn. "Let's move this cart and you can all be rid of me. You don't need me any more, anyway. No one does."
Will ran over and hugged John's head as he threw himself against the cart. "John! John, no!"
"I need to die! I want to die! Let me die! Let me die!" John sobbed into Will's chest as the young carpenter looked over at Robin, helplessly confused. None of them had ever seen so much as a chink in John's personal armour and now this...
Legrand quickly stood up and crossed the barn to where Will and John stood against the cart. He gently but firmly pushed Will to one side and then hauled back and landed an almighty punch across John's jaw. John landed heavily on the floor but swiftly rolled over and sprung to his feet before launching himself at Legrand with a roar that made the barn walls shake. He swung his left arm wildly and Legrand ducked underneath and punched him in the ribs as he passed. John's elbow cracked back against Legrand's head and he followed it up with a right-handed punch to Legrand's back. Legrand spun as he staggered away and as John followed up Legrand raised his leg, planted his foot in John's chest and kicked him backwards.
The fight carried both men forward and back across the barn, crashing into supporting timbers, fine clouds of dust raining down with each successive blow. Djaq and Will scrambled to get out of their way as both men rolled past them, still furiously trading punches.
"Robin! Stop them!" Djaq was convinced the whole barn was about to come down round their ears.
Robin shook his head. "No, I think John needs this." He'd been aware of the tension between John and Legrand for some time though he was unsure as to the cause. They had seemed to be getting along fine but as Legrand had recovered from his wounds he had taken up more and more of John's duties - maybe his friend somehow felt his position threatened by the younger Frenchman.
John and Legrand were both breathing heavily now and coughing in the dust but neither showed any signs of slowing. They both had cut lips and Legrand was bleeding from a cut above his eye.
Robin was suddenly reminded of the day he'd fought Gisborne like this - both men driven by passion, not reason, fighting till they could barely stand - but that fight seemed like one between children compared to the struggle between giants taking place here.
As John swung another wild punch at Legrand's head the knight dodged to one side and, grabbing John's hair, slammed his head against a beam. John elbowed him in the stomach, making him release his grip, then turned and punched him across the face again. Legrand spun round and dropped to his knees facing away from John but as John made to grab him round the neck, he suddenly seized John's arm and the back of his shirt and flipped him forwards over his head. The impact as John landed flat on his back on the floor shook the entire building.
Legrand swiftly swung himself round and straddled John, grabbing his arms and pinning them above his head to the floor, then before John could try to shake him off, leaned over and kissed him, hard and forcefully, on the mouth.
He raised his head again. John's mouth remained open in surprise, his lips smeared with both his own blood and Legrand's. Robin, Will and Djaq stood in stunned silence.
Legrand's blue eyes were blazing. "Yes, you left her! And yes, she was depending on you - but she still does! Both she and your boy are safe now because of what you have done for them, as are countless others!"
John attempted to lift his arms but Legrand slammed them back to the floor. He leaned in close so his nose was almost touching John's. "You are not stupid or useless or a coward! You are strong and brave and your wisdom is respected by all here."
John turned his head to the side and his eyes met Robin's.
"He's right. The day you die will not be a good one for any of us, my friend," said Robin.
"We do need you, John," said Will. Djaq nodded as John looked at them both.
Legrand released John's wrists and placing his hand on John's chin, turned his head back to face him. He wiped the blood from John's lips with his thumb and held it up so John could see it.
"I am proud to share the blood of such a man and I'm sure your son is too," he said, much more softly. He kissed John again, gently this time, running his fingers through John's hair and pushing it back from his face.
"And you are also far from ugly... J'aime tes yeux." He kissed John once on the forehead, then quickly stood up and took his seat again by the fire. Djaq joined him to look at the cut above his eye.
John continued to lie on his back for a few minutes, his mouth slightly open, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, then he slowly sat up and got to his feet, still not meeting their eyes and obviously deep in thought. Robin and Will held their breath, not sure how he was going to react. As if coming to a decision, John turned and slowly walked back over to the fire to stand in front of Legrand.
Legrand looked up as Djaq paused in cleaning his eye. John's brown eyes, the eyes he loved, stared back at him. He slowly stood up so they were again face to face, unsure if John was about to hug him or punch him. John answered the unspoken question by suddenly wrapping his arms around Legrand and pulling him into a fierce embrace. Legrand flinched slightly then returned the hug, clapping John on the back.
John looked into the younger man's eyes and then rested his forehead against Legrand's. "Thank you," he said quietly.
"Pas du tout. 'We all have our moments of weakness'," Legrand grinned and playfully pushed John's head away as he sat down again.
Djaq threw her arms round John's waist and hugged him tightly. He smiled, a sad smile but a smile none the less, and patted her on the head. They both knew she hated that. She poked him in the stomach then turned back to looking at Legrand's eye. Will came over and sat down beside them both, patting John's arm but saying nothing as he passed him.
John walked over to Robin who stood back with his arms crossed. "Robin, I'm sorry for..."
"It's all right, John. We all know what you've given up. You shouldn't let regret eat away at you like that though."
John put his hand on Robin's shoulder. "I could say the same."
Robin shrugged off the older man's hand. "No, I don't have any regrets."
John regarded Robin carefully for a moment then decided not to push it - for now, anyway. He went back to the fire and sat down...
>>>----------------------->
On to Chapter 38 - time for Carter to share some truths from his past with Much