So, I read my entire journal last night.

[reznormoon]

I started at the most recent post and worked backwards. I read myself deconstructing for about four years. It made me realize how much I've changed since then. It also made me realize that I swear a lot when I'm writing. Boy, there was a lot of crap back there. A lot of whining, a lot of self pity, a lot of senseless negative thoughts. I don't regret writing them though. They did help at the time, mostly by just being a release. Besides, if I didn't write them, I wouldn't have been able to remember with as much clarity.

I also realized that I have been holding on to a lot of things for so very long. Time to toss away some baggage that I simply don't need anymore. These things have been weighing me down without me really noticing.

This song has new meaning for me now:

*****
Piggy
*****

hey pig
yeah you
hey pig piggy pig pig pig
all of my fears came true
black and blue and broken bones you left me here I'm all alone
my little piggy needed something new

nothing can stop me now
I don't care anymore
nothing can stop me now
I just don't care

hey pig
nothing's turning out the way I planned
hey pig there's a lot of things I hoped you could help me understand
what am I supposed to do I lost my shit because of you

nothing can stop me now
I don't care anymore
nothing can stop me now
I just don't care
nothing can stop me now
you don't need me anymore

-Nine Inch Nails