Pinnochio
I think that if I was ever to die a painful, not influenced by anyone else death, it would be like this. So I've been really sick this school year for no reason at all, and this isn't one of those "OMG It's JUST a headache, let's not go to school!" kind of 'sick'. It's the kind of sick where I wake up every morning, get ready for school, then dry heave (because there's nothing in my stomach) for about 15 minutes to half an hour, and then leave for school after checking that I don't look half dead. It's the kind of 'sick' where this has been going on for two months (it recently got better, but the two months before were daily and sometimes even hourly). And then when coupled with a cold I would end up vomitted blood on some occasions.
I have a relatively high tolerance to sickness, considering I've been sick all my life. You see, up until a year ago I got a cold every month, yes, that includes the summer months, and the majority of these colds were 'okay' by my standards. What that means is that if I'm not vomitting blood and I can still see ahead of me, I'll be fine. Don't believe me? There's this one time I went to school with a nose so stuffed up every time I blew it it bled and I still couldn't unstuff it, and it ended up nearly making me faint because oxygen couldn't get through to me (we had to wear masks for this science project and I couldn't suck in enough air through it) . Or the other time where I went to school fine but then spike a fever to which I measured to be 100 degrees by the time I got home. I don't really react to fevers unless they're that high anyways, so I should've known.
Pop a pill and make it all better, that's we do, isn't it? When medicine is so handy, why don't we just take an Advil or something and make it all better? I wish. After one use of medicine I become immune to it for about a year, then it works again, just not well, so I really should wait two years. But my doctor didn't know that so month after month he gave me the same antibiotic to fight my cold, but every month I would get better slower and slower until it wouldn't work anymore, but by then I would have tried to cover it up and went on my merry way. My colds never leave me, so perhaps they should be called flus, but I'm no expert, I'm just ranting. Even now, as I sit and type this I can still feel the mucus from the two month's before cold that never went away.
Immune issues? Certainly. But I have physical or shall we say nerve issues too. My knees buckle, meaning that they just randomly and sporaticly fold in on themselves and I end up in a heap on the floor. This has happened many times, outside on the sidewalk, on the once concrete floor of my basement, even at school. My legs just snap fowards and backwards and then collapse. I can't get up either, because I can't move my leg. I can't feel it and I can't move it. I scream in my head for it to twitch but it just sits there. When only one collapses the leg hangs like a chuck of meat and I'm always afraid that when I move it something will snap and I'll feel it when it comes back, or maybe I'll accidentally twist it in a way it won't go. But the nerves come back eventually, 15 minutes, an hour, maybe even two hours to get it all back. But even that isn't everything.
When I was in 7th grade I was in track and it was so fun! But then I had to stop because the doctors found out that I had bone fractures in my leg. Don't know what that is? Little tiny cracks in my bone he said, little slivers of bone just carved out of my leg. I had to get so many bone scans for that, so many times under that M.R.I. rotating x-ray. I hated it, but there was nothing I could do. The doctors could never fix it. They said that two months of rest should cure me, but it's been a couple of years and I can still feel the ache in my bones when I do a simple activity like walking to class.
And now we progress lower, my feet. I have the worst muscle spasm there that I would rather deal with all of those things that I typed before at the same time rather than have to deal with the muscle spasms. When I get them they're so horrible; I can feel the tendons below my feet twitch in twist so cruelly that every time I wish for death. I can feel the tendons twist below each other, and I used to have to leave them and just bite at my sweatshirt to stop screaming, but I recently figured out that if I try to massage that bottom of my feet it helps lower the pain. But just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Something recently e.g. yesterday and today, literally. I got a headache yesterday and then it escalated to a migraine which then burst into flames and became a migraine coupled with a fever. Not just any fever, because this fever was 'hot'! It became so bad that I couldn't see straight and ended up hitting the light instead of the button in quiz bowl (we have buzzers) and then it became so bad that I couldn't think because pounding in my head make my heart pound so loudly and painfully. But I got over that, I went to get myself a wet towel and draped it over my forehead which was inflaming. Before 3 minutes were over the super cold water became sauna hot on that towel and I had to douse it again.
I'm usually not smart enough to stop at my limits because if I did that all the time I would end up in my little glass house in a little glass case. Like playing my flute, if I play it for too long, such as half an hour vigorously and an hour normally, it tears up my throat until I can't speak and there's this taste of blood. And if that wasn't painful enough my wrist will inflame until it can't move. The wrist thing happens when I play the piano too. Like track which I had to quit because of my bone fractures, and just like Marching band which I should've quit, why? Because everytime we play it's like torture. The drums echo throughout my body, especially my stomach and it makes me ill, more ill than when I dry heave in the morning, more painful then falling onto concrete in a lump of nerveless legs. And I nearly fainted too, because I have to work myself that hard because otherwise I wouldn't be doing any work at all. I didn't sit down in marching band until my sight abandoned me and I was left with only a white vision and sound to guide me.
So why is this titled Pinnochio? Aren't I a little like Pinnochio? The fact that he wasn't alive until the wish upon a star is like how I can't feel my legs until I pray to whatever is out there to get me out of the street before I get run over. And how Geppetto makes a boy out of a chunk of would, and how he shaves off wood shaving off wood shaving like all my ailments. When Geppetto carves out Pinnochio's feet it's like my muscle spasms, when he carves out the forehead it's like my headaches, and when he doesn't work on Pinnochio it's like the duration of my colds settling in for a night or two or maybe even a month. I thought of Pinnochio as I was typing this, about how he will always have limitations as a puppet or a boy, and how I will always have these limitations as well. Actually, everyone has limitations, but I have to strain mine to even be on par with someone. I would probably get eaten by a bear if one ever chased me and a friend because just a jog from my door to the mailbox is enough to send me hacking in a cough and vomit. Definitely, if anything like a bear chased me, I would be the first to go.
I have a relatively high tolerance to sickness, considering I've been sick all my life. You see, up until a year ago I got a cold every month, yes, that includes the summer months, and the majority of these colds were 'okay' by my standards. What that means is that if I'm not vomitting blood and I can still see ahead of me, I'll be fine. Don't believe me? There's this one time I went to school with a nose so stuffed up every time I blew it it bled and I still couldn't unstuff it, and it ended up nearly making me faint because oxygen couldn't get through to me (we had to wear masks for this science project and I couldn't suck in enough air through it) . Or the other time where I went to school fine but then spike a fever to which I measured to be 100 degrees by the time I got home. I don't really react to fevers unless they're that high anyways, so I should've known.
Pop a pill and make it all better, that's we do, isn't it? When medicine is so handy, why don't we just take an Advil or something and make it all better? I wish. After one use of medicine I become immune to it for about a year, then it works again, just not well, so I really should wait two years. But my doctor didn't know that so month after month he gave me the same antibiotic to fight my cold, but every month I would get better slower and slower until it wouldn't work anymore, but by then I would have tried to cover it up and went on my merry way. My colds never leave me, so perhaps they should be called flus, but I'm no expert, I'm just ranting. Even now, as I sit and type this I can still feel the mucus from the two month's before cold that never went away.
Immune issues? Certainly. But I have physical or shall we say nerve issues too. My knees buckle, meaning that they just randomly and sporaticly fold in on themselves and I end up in a heap on the floor. This has happened many times, outside on the sidewalk, on the once concrete floor of my basement, even at school. My legs just snap fowards and backwards and then collapse. I can't get up either, because I can't move my leg. I can't feel it and I can't move it. I scream in my head for it to twitch but it just sits there. When only one collapses the leg hangs like a chuck of meat and I'm always afraid that when I move it something will snap and I'll feel it when it comes back, or maybe I'll accidentally twist it in a way it won't go. But the nerves come back eventually, 15 minutes, an hour, maybe even two hours to get it all back. But even that isn't everything.
When I was in 7th grade I was in track and it was so fun! But then I had to stop because the doctors found out that I had bone fractures in my leg. Don't know what that is? Little tiny cracks in my bone he said, little slivers of bone just carved out of my leg. I had to get so many bone scans for that, so many times under that M.R.I. rotating x-ray. I hated it, but there was nothing I could do. The doctors could never fix it. They said that two months of rest should cure me, but it's been a couple of years and I can still feel the ache in my bones when I do a simple activity like walking to class.
And now we progress lower, my feet. I have the worst muscle spasm there that I would rather deal with all of those things that I typed before at the same time rather than have to deal with the muscle spasms. When I get them they're so horrible; I can feel the tendons below my feet twitch in twist so cruelly that every time I wish for death. I can feel the tendons twist below each other, and I used to have to leave them and just bite at my sweatshirt to stop screaming, but I recently figured out that if I try to massage that bottom of my feet it helps lower the pain. But just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Something recently e.g. yesterday and today, literally. I got a headache yesterday and then it escalated to a migraine which then burst into flames and became a migraine coupled with a fever. Not just any fever, because this fever was 'hot'! It became so bad that I couldn't see straight and ended up hitting the light instead of the button in quiz bowl (we have buzzers) and then it became so bad that I couldn't think because pounding in my head make my heart pound so loudly and painfully. But I got over that, I went to get myself a wet towel and draped it over my forehead which was inflaming. Before 3 minutes were over the super cold water became sauna hot on that towel and I had to douse it again.
I'm usually not smart enough to stop at my limits because if I did that all the time I would end up in my little glass house in a little glass case. Like playing my flute, if I play it for too long, such as half an hour vigorously and an hour normally, it tears up my throat until I can't speak and there's this taste of blood. And if that wasn't painful enough my wrist will inflame until it can't move. The wrist thing happens when I play the piano too. Like track which I had to quit because of my bone fractures, and just like Marching band which I should've quit, why? Because everytime we play it's like torture. The drums echo throughout my body, especially my stomach and it makes me ill, more ill than when I dry heave in the morning, more painful then falling onto concrete in a lump of nerveless legs. And I nearly fainted too, because I have to work myself that hard because otherwise I wouldn't be doing any work at all. I didn't sit down in marching band until my sight abandoned me and I was left with only a white vision and sound to guide me.
So why is this titled Pinnochio? Aren't I a little like Pinnochio? The fact that he wasn't alive until the wish upon a star is like how I can't feel my legs until I pray to whatever is out there to get me out of the street before I get run over. And how Geppetto makes a boy out of a chunk of would, and how he shaves off wood shaving off wood shaving like all my ailments. When Geppetto carves out Pinnochio's feet it's like my muscle spasms, when he carves out the forehead it's like my headaches, and when he doesn't work on Pinnochio it's like the duration of my colds settling in for a night or two or maybe even a month. I thought of Pinnochio as I was typing this, about how he will always have limitations as a puppet or a boy, and how I will always have these limitations as well. Actually, everyone has limitations, but I have to strain mine to even be on par with someone. I would probably get eaten by a bear if one ever chased me and a friend because just a jog from my door to the mailbox is enough to send me hacking in a cough and vomit. Definitely, if anything like a bear chased me, I would be the first to go.