Bad Week Dear Lord
Well God, this was a week of negativity. All that could go wrong did go wrong. My enrollment at work blew up. I put over a 100 hours in it. Someone is trying to impugn my reputation. If I made a mistake somewhere I will stand up to it. I feel like Jesus sometimes, your son. Blamed for something he did not do and crucified because of politics.
Dad has been verbally abusing mom, it is out of control. The man I knew as dad is completely gone. The alzhiemer and aphasia have riddled his mind like swiss cheese. I have apologized to mom over and over for him. I see her physically beaten down by the abuse and swearing he vomits forth. I have asked her about committing him...it is at that point. As a long term caregiver I am at my end with it. This is a marriage lost by disease.
My brother goes to court over custody on the boys. I know this won't do anything for him financially. But he is just fed up with her antics. She turns the boys against him to inflict pain while living a lifestyle of a 16 year old who is in her early fifties. But she has not kept up her court arrangements and that is what this is really over.
I learned this week also I could die because of the beatta treatments. This was my last hope in battling my diabetes. I have to decide to continue this or just settle for a slow death.
I didn't go to my reunion...I was out of funds to go and just out of time I guess. Also, seeing others my age who had a life with family and comparing my barren soul may have been too much. I am alone, I have always been alone...Lord. Being the good soldier has proved to be my demise in love. I didn't take advantage of situations when I could have. There were married women who wanted me but I know they just wanted an out. I tried to keep your commandments...darn it!
I seem to be losing more childhood icons. More friends lost, my sense of humor is not hitting home anymore...I am considered OLD, a fuddy duddy.
There are times I just want to find a boat and sail into oblivion...just disappear.
Do I matter anymore...Lord?
Dad has been verbally abusing mom, it is out of control. The man I knew as dad is completely gone. The alzhiemer and aphasia have riddled his mind like swiss cheese. I have apologized to mom over and over for him. I see her physically beaten down by the abuse and swearing he vomits forth. I have asked her about committing him...it is at that point. As a long term caregiver I am at my end with it. This is a marriage lost by disease.
My brother goes to court over custody on the boys. I know this won't do anything for him financially. But he is just fed up with her antics. She turns the boys against him to inflict pain while living a lifestyle of a 16 year old who is in her early fifties. But she has not kept up her court arrangements and that is what this is really over.
I learned this week also I could die because of the beatta treatments. This was my last hope in battling my diabetes. I have to decide to continue this or just settle for a slow death.
I didn't go to my reunion...I was out of funds to go and just out of time I guess. Also, seeing others my age who had a life with family and comparing my barren soul may have been too much. I am alone, I have always been alone...Lord. Being the good soldier has proved to be my demise in love. I didn't take advantage of situations when I could have. There were married women who wanted me but I know they just wanted an out. I tried to keep your commandments...darn it!
I seem to be losing more childhood icons. More friends lost, my sense of humor is not hitting home anymore...I am considered OLD, a fuddy duddy.
There are times I just want to find a boat and sail into oblivion...just disappear.
Do I matter anymore...Lord?