Holy crap, screwed up the LJ cut. Urg...
Title: Paradise City & Cry Little Sister
Author: Zexions.emo.girlRating:
One for chat form, one for OOC, one for reference fails (Using song titles for all of her chapter names, Twilight and mixing up Friday the 13th with Nightmare on Elm Street) and one for being a bad AU fic. (Yes, I changed it. Added one more heartless)
Full Name (including any titles): Axel, Zexion (Zexy-kun, Zexy-poo), Roxas (Rox), Demyx.
Full Species(es): Internetus Pointlessnessus
Hair Color: Doesn't say... I guess it's better than being reminded everybody's hair color every time they speak or do something.
Eye Color: Doesn't say I guess it's better than being reminded everybody's eye color every time they speak or do something.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: This badfic isn't really descriptive. ._.;
Special Possessions (if any): All the gay porn on Zexion's computer and Organization members have an account on a MMORPG. BLASPHEMY!
Origin: From the mind of a fan that plays too many MMORPGS and chats with her friends too much.
Connections of Canon Characters: Hopefully these are just really bad roleplayers.
Special Abilities: To be able to successfully threaten to 'kill your friend' if they don't agree to join a site. Also special internet predator abilities.
Other Annoying Traits: XIGBAR AND XALDIN ARE ZEXION'S LOVING PARENTS. Also did I mention that ORGANIZATION MEMBERS ARE CHATTING ON A MMORPG? Also the fact that Zexion is an IDIOT. He follows someone he doesn't know to his bloody apartment.
I Say/Notes:There aren't many grammer or spelling errors so far. The OOC, lack of logic, half-assed transitions and chat form make me want to hit my head against the wall. Yet another fanfic where Zexion is an angsting idiot that gets raped in later chapters. God damn, I think he's paired with Zack, Axel, Marluxia, Demyx (regardless of the fact that Zemyx isn't listed in the summary) and I think Leon too? I forget. That's in later chapters.
Forgive me if parts are boring in the sporking of the 4th chapter. I need to work on references or something. xD This is actually my first sporking, but that doesn't really matter, right?
I'm also sorry if the font color keep changing between each of my sporks. I actually hate Axel's neon green. I wanted something brighter, but I already colored in half the sporking by the time I realized that the neon green looked a bit stupid. I'll change it to forest green later... I'm tired...
Oh yeah, guess what? We get to the vague buttrape in the 6th chapter! 8'D God damn, it's long though so this might take a while...
EDIT: Finally fixed it.
I just wanted to list these terms just in case...
OOC stands for Out Of Character.
PWP stands for Porn Without Plot/Point
AU stands for Alternate Universe.
The sporking team from the last chapter, Axel, Roxas and Demyx, are currently lounging around in the theater awaiting the next painfully OOC chapter to come in. Before Cid gets the chapter ready, Marluxia and Zexion are both forcefully shoved into the theater by Xaldin and Xigbar via portal.
Marluxia: *seething* How dare they! Those two play a large part in this, yet I have to come instead just because I show up in this chapter!
Zexion: *lets out an aggravated sigh*
Demyx: So they finally found you Zexi-
Zexion: I refuse to talk to you until you disappear from this badfic.
Roxas: I don't even show up in this chapter...
Axel: At least you're not the official sporking bitch. *points to the plaque on his special sporking seat* I'm -always- here, even when I'm not in the badfic.
Roxas: *mumbles* You sure seem proud of it...
Chapter Three
Final Distance
Demyx: *begins strumming the melody of Final Distance on his sitar*
Roxas: I'd like to see how this title will be mixed in...
Zexion: Hopefully it means this is the beginning of the end.
Marluxia: *scoffs as he checks the amount of chapters* Oh, we're far from reaching the end. 30 chapters and still updating.
Demyx: Well sometimes fics like that get a little better as they go on.
Axel: I don't that she'll be able to fix all this OOC.
Zexion closed the door behind him and walked into the living room where his dads were sitting on the loveseat, hands embraced with each other.
Axel: 'Loveseat'? *snickers*
Roxas: I really wonder if anybody in this fic will be straight?
Marluxia: I wouldn't get my hopes up. The only straight people in these fics are the OOC "bitch queens".
Zexion: 'Hands embraced with each other'? To embrace is to hold something in one's arms. You can't 'embrace' hands with someone.
Roxas: They'd have to be sitting in a really weird position.
Demyx: *attempts to 'embrace hands' with Roxas but gets keyblade'd* I just wanted to know how it worked!
Xaldin saw him first, and then Xigbar saw him.
Axel and Roxas: *SPITTAKE* XIGBAR IS THE OTHER DAD!?
Zexion and Marluxia: *twitch*
Demyx: See why I couldn't bring myself to tell you guys who the other father was?
Zexion: Those two are MY parents in this? *horrified*
Marluxia: I can't see those two as loving. EVER.
Axel: NONE of us should be described as loving. We aren't a bunch of magical, giggling elves that skip around in flowery fields.
Demyx: But this fic is AU-
Marluxia: AU BE DAMNED TO THE DEEPEST PIT OF HELL.
Xigbar smiled and let go of Xaldin’s hand, reaching out to Zexion. His smile faded once he saw the sadness in Zexion’s eyes.
“What’s the matter with my boy?” he asked.
Zexion: ... *feels nauseous*
Demyx: I couldn't help but read that as "What's the matter with me boy?"
Axel: -as Xigbar- Yaaarr, what be wrong me boy? You be havin' trouble in the sea of bad fic? Drink this here rum to clear yer troubles!
Demyx: -as Xaldin- Captin', we be out of rum!
Axel: -as Xigbar- Why is the rum always gone?
Zexion: -as himself- Because you're all a bunch of crazy drunks.
As if he were a kid again, Zexion ran to Xigbar’s arms. He hugged Xigbar tightly. Xigbar, the one that he felt that he could trust most. Of course, he loved Xaldin. But Xigbar… He was always there for Zexion. He had helped him crawl to walk. Every night, even now, he would see Xigbar sitting next to him on the bed. And when Xigbar knew, or thought, that Zexion was asleep, he would bend down and kiss his cheek.
Marluxia: There are no words I can use to describe my horror.
Demyx: Loving and caring parents are always nice to have but this is so OOC. Xigbar would never act like that...
Roxas: ... I'm going to try replace everybody's names in this with blanks in my mind.
Axel: Pffft, good luck with that.
“He’s the reason you’re gay, Zexion,” Larxene shouted.
“Shut up, bitch! He’s the closest ‘father’ I have. Xaldin’s my dad too, but not like Xigbar, and he knows that. And I’m not gay!”
All: *confused*
Demyx: Woah, what's with the random angst inducing argument? Besides, didn't random italics mean thoughts? I guess it stands for flashbacks now...
Roxas: You can't turn somebody gay!
Marluxia: If you're going to try create a plot, it shouldn't consist completely of wangst.
Axel: At least it's better than PWP.
Zexion: Neither of them are good. Especially when I'm involved as one of the main characters. *twitches*
That had been in seventh grade. The seventh grade was the first year he became aware of his sexuality, and the boys in the locker room.
Marluxia: So he finally became aware that boys were in the locker room until 7th grade...?
Demyx: Boys in the boys locker room? BLASPHEMY!
Roxas: Maybe all the boys were extremely girly looking?
Axel: Meh, probably.
He could remember loving gym when he was little, but once he knew he was gay, he couldn’t wait for gym class. He wanted to be in that class all the time.
Zexion: *fuming* This is absolutely preposterous! I am horribly out of character yet no one in that horrid site seems to be aware of it! Why do I have to suffer through this!? Why on earth did the author choose ME?
Demyx: Because of your hair?
Axel: *grins* I'm still willing to cut it all off for you.
Zexion: *ignores and continues to rant*
Demyx: Oh yeah, I forgot... You're ignoring me.
“What’s wrong?” Xaldin asked, stroking Zexion’s hair.
Roxas: *muttering* "What's wrong?" the person asked, stroking blank's hair...
Demyx: Is that really helping?
Roxas: *slumps in his seat* Not really...
Zexion leaned back and sat on Xigbar’s lap the way a little kid would when first meeting Santa Claus and sitting on his lap.
Axel: -as Xigbar- And what would you want little boy or girl?
Demyx: -as Zexion- I wants me a barrel of floss! I wants me two bottles of glue to by my friends! *lexicon'd* Ow! I thought you said you were going to ignore me?
Zexion: Not when you're being overly obnoxious.
Zexion remember why he was here and stood up. He made his way to the recliner, right next to the sofa, and sat down nervously. He chocked on some saliva as he tried to choke out the words.
Zexion: Then he finally died from chocking on his own saliva. The end.
Roxas: Death by spit... Well, that's new.
Marluxia: None of us will be getting out of this that easily.
Demyx: Yeah... If it was that easy, vampires in the second chapter would’ve killed everybody!
Marluxia: I would've accepted that death with grace rather than star in a chapter.
“Do you…remember how you said that when I get a car…I’ll have a pretty girl…in the seat next to…mine…and we’ll…be…holding hands?”
“Yes, why? What is it Zexion? Do you not want a car? Or is it that you’ve already stole a car one day and went joy riding with a pretty girl…” Xaldin asked.
Roxas: Great... Here comes... the... abuse of... ellipses...
Demyx: -as Zexion- Choking... on own... spit... Losing... sanity... Brain... breaking...
Axel: Reminds me of that badfic with 113 ellipsis.
Marluxia: You actually counted?
Axel: *shrugs* I got bored.
Zexion: *head in hands* Dear nothingness, I sound like a 9 year old...
Zexion shook his head. “N-no, it’s not that. I’m not sure about the car yet… But about the girl…” Zexion’s voice squeaked and he suddenly lost it.
Zexion: I don’t sqeak.
Roxas: You don't choke on your own spit, freak out over stupid things or chat either, but that didn't stop the author.
Axel: -as Zexion- About the girl... I'm actually fabulously g- *book'd*
Marluxia: Zexion lost it? He must've finally realized that he was OOC and cracked.
Demyx: -as Zexion- They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haa to the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time!
Xigbar kneeled in front of him and took Zexion’s hand, rubbing Zexion’s arm with his free hand. “What is it, sweetheart?”
All: *twitch at seeing the word 'sweetheart' being used by Xigbar*
Demyx: Well, I won't be eating those sweetheart candies for a while.
Roxas: You actually like those? I think they taste gross.
Axel: I hate them. They're tasteless and covered with cheesy lines.
Zexion: *mumbles* Like most fanfiction now days.
Zexion sighed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be with a girl. Ever. Dad…I…I’m gay.”
There! It was out! Now he could get away from all this. Oh, please, he prayed, just don’t say anything and let me go. I admit it!
All: *aggravated sigh*
Axel: Yeah, I'm sorry. Zexion flipping out about his sexuality even though his parents are gay was a bit funny in the beginning with all the blinding OOC, but it's getting old.
Demyx: Don't worry, she'll create another special plot. Zexion ends up getting-
Rest: I don't want to hear it!
Xigbar’s eyes sort of went back into his head.
Marluxia: Those poor eyes almost made it. They never reached the back of Xigbar's head and now forever float aimlessly in his empty skull.
Demyx: His eyes went to the back of his head, but not really. Kinda, sorta, almost went to the back of his head.
Roxas: I wonder if Xigbar actually has an eyepatch in this?
Axel: Hell if I know. There are barely any descriptions. For all we know, everybody could be wearing giant spectrum afros and green jumpsuits.
Demyx: So they live in Funky Town?
Zexion: More like We're All Delusional Town.
He stared at Zexion for the longest time until he finally shook his head and looked over at Xaldin. Xaldin was like a statue that had been cracked into a million pieces.
Zexion: How can someone be a "statue that had been cracked into a million pieces?"
Roxas: I can't even imagine...
Axel: -as Xigbar- Zexion! Look at what your emoness did to Xaldin! Go fetch the vacuum cleaner and a ton of duct tape! You know what? Nevernind, screw that. Just sweep him under the couch.
He looked back at Zexion and held both of his hands.
“Zexion, sweetie, why didn’t you ever tell us this?” He seemed hurt, but in a happy way almost. Almost.
Demyx: He's hurt yet happy but not really? *confused*
Axel: Damn, I wish I had some tequila right now. I could take a shot for every time someone called Zexion something stupid.
Cid: No alcohol allowed for this sporking.
Axel: *curses under his breath*
Roxas: What did we have so far?
Zexion: *listing the nicknames stiffly* Zexy-kun, Zexy-poo, honey, daddy's little boy, sweetheart and sweetie. *twitches*
Demyx: Every time you call Zexion using a stupid nickname-
Zexion: A kitten burn in bloody vat of acid.
Demyx: ... Ouch, that's pretty cruel.
(Blah blah blah, Xigbar and Xaldin are accepting while being horrifyingly OOC with more NOT SO OBVIOUS *sarcasm* hints of XalXig. Xaldin and Xigbar decide to go to bed soon because for some reason, it's suddenly 11:00 PM.)
Xigbar nodded. “Yeah. You should get to bed, too, Zexion,” he said, pulling away from Xaldin and hugging Zexion again, kissing his hair. “I love you, kiddo,” he said again.
“I love you, too,” Zexion said, “Dadday.”
Zexion: *twitch* Dadday? That is a ridiculous typo.
Demyx: Well, I guess I'll be avoiding Xigbar and Xaldin for a long time.
Axel: I bet that isn't a typo somehow.
Marluxia: How would that be done on purpose!?
Xigbar looked as if he were about to choke up in tears. Dadday was what Zexion had called him when he was a little boy.
Marluxia: *with a bitter voice* Well what do you know...
Axel: *laughing his arse off*
Zexion: *speechless*
Roxas: She keeps putting in the word choke, yet no one died. I feel ripped off.
The memory….the way Zexion had just said it… All of it wanted to make him cry.
Zexion: It just makes me want to vomit...
Roxas: *offers him a barf bag*
Zexion: *gladly accepts it*
Instead, he pulled away, smiled, and walked to his bedroom with Xaldin’s hand wrapped around his waist.
Roxas: In the summary on the author's profile, it says HINTS of Xaldin/Xigbar. This is so obvious! Hints are very small and almost unnoticeable traces of a couple.
Marluxia: You would have to be deaf, blind and possibly mentally retarded in order to not see this.
Axel: -as retarded fangirl- Oh em gee, whut XalXig? LOL, I never noticed!!11 TEE HEE.
Zexion: *grumbles* I wish I was blind right now.
Once the door was closed, Zexion raced back to his room and logged back into the game.
Demyx: -as Zexion- About time that ended! My precious internet! *caresses imaginary monitor*
Axel: -as Zexion's computer- Bad touch! DO NOT WANT!
Roxas: *moves a few seats away from Axel and Demyx* ._.
Disappointment crossed his face as he saw that Demyx had logged off. He looked around at the other avatars talking to each other or doing mini-games.
GracefulAssasian: Looking for something?
Axel: Guess who THIS is? Whose that internet rapist? IT'S MARLUXIA!
Marluxia: *crosses finger* Please don't be extremely fruity, please don't be extremely fruity, please don't be extremely fruity...
Zexion: *hopes for the same*
Axel: You guys should just give up.
Demyx: Yeah, I mean, Zexion get paired up with 4 or 5 people I think by the 19th chapter.
Roxas: I also bet that Marluxia is going to be one of those 'oh so lucky' people that get paired with you, Zexion.
Zexion: *mortified*
Axel: Oh Zexion, you harlot! *bursts out laughing*
Zexion: *books Axel in the head several times* Call me that again AND I WILL KILL YOU DEAD.
Roxas: *slumps in his seat* This is going to be a looooooong sporking...
Marluxia: Should've bought snacks. *sarcasm*
Zexion: *grumbles* I'll have a bag of chips laced with arsenic and a large soda mixed with some hallucinogenic chemical.
Schemer: Who, me? No, just a friend but I guessed he logged off. Bye.
Zexion: Friend? I'd say more along the lines of "Let's find a rock, maybe something like a cinder block" friend.
Zexion was close to hitting the Log Off button until…
Axel: SURPRISE CYBERING! *pummeled by everybody else*
Cid: Hey, hey, hey! Cut it out! I ain't repairing this theater again!
GracefulAssasian: Wait! I need to talk to someone.
Schemer: about what?
Zexion: Literature?
Marluxia: Something that doesn't make me seem like a fruity rapist?
Roxas: The... weather?
Demyx: Aw come on Roxas! You can do better than that!
Roxas: I don't want to get beat up. *points to Axel who is currently unconscious on the floor*
GracefulAssasian: nothing important. I just really need a friend. It’s kinda hard not having any friends. I don’t want to sound like a perverted online pedophile, but how old are you?
Schemer: 16.
Roxas: I thought he was still 15? Isn't his birthday tomorrow?
Marluxia: *mutters* This could skip months and we probably wouldn't realize it.
Demyx: Maybe in the next chapter, everybody will be 80. They grow up so fast. *wipes away a non-existant tear*
Axel: *Still unconscious and mumbling something about tequila*
GracefulAssasian: o, I’m 19. Not that much difference though is there? Live?
Schemer: Kingdom Hearts.
GracefulAssasian: duh… what town?
Marluxia: Duh... what? Unless if that's the only area in this game, why would I say 'duh'?
Demyx: The author gave you special internet predator stalking skills!
Marluxia: I don't want them.
Demyx: Don't worry! Super Internet Stalker is out to save the day, one naive idiot at a time! *barely dodges being scythe'd*
Schemer: the dullest one there is.
GracefulAssasian: Hollow Bastion. Huh? =) okay.
Demyx: Oh, so Hallow Bastion is a TOWN inside Kingdom Hearts where everybody lives in real life! I kept thinking they were talking about areas in the game. She really needs to be more specific.
Roxas: Hell, she needs to get rid of this stupid chat form.
Marluxia: Hallow Bastion is a WORLD inside our universe. Kingdom Hearts is a source of power created by hearts from those slain by the keyblade!
Demyx: How many times do I have to say it? This is an AU fic! Expect tons of towns, schools and companies to be named after worlds in our universe!
Roxas: How many times do we have to tell you!? We don't care that it's AU! It's ridiculous!
Axel: *finally wakes up and slowly stands up* Damn it, you guys hit hard... *rubs the back of his head*
Demyx: You kinda deserved it.
Axel: Well whatever. *reclaims his rightful seat of sporking bitch* So, what'd miss and do I want to know?
Demyx: Marluxia is giving off internet predator vibes.
Axel: Pfft, tell me something I don't know. *dodges scythe*
One more question, are you gay?
Marluxia: Damn it! We're all gay in this!
Axel: Nah, Kairi or Larxene will probably show up later and try to tear apart Zexion's BEAUTIFUL LOVE. *dodges Lexicon*
Zexion: It was better when you were unconscious!
Axel: I know you guys missed me. Everybody loves the snarky sporking bitch. *thumbs up*
Schemer: yeah, but I’m going to get off now. So bye.
Zexion: Yes. I'm going to log off and never touch my computer again.
Roxas: If only you'd stop answering Marluxia's stupid questions! Just quit the game and screw the formalities!
Marluxia: *sighs* I guess I'm not that bad in this.
GracefulAssasian: Wait! Wait, hold on! Hold one minute! Name? I’m Marluxia.
Schemer: Zexion. Now can I go?
GracefulAssasian: yeah =) you can go cutie.
Marluxia: ... I take what I said back,
Axel: Right when you think you're not so bad in a fic, it goes and slaps you in the face.
Roxas: He doesn't have to answer Marluxia's questions. If he's obviously uncomfortable, he can just ditch him.
Demyx: The author needed another plot and a reason to get Zexion to flip out.
Axel: -as Zexion- Oh... Oh my Gawd, I broke a nail! I'll never be able to look at my parents again!!! The shame, the angst, the pain, the-
Zexion: Keep talking and I'll make sure you won't get up next time.
Zexion logged off, wondering what he had just done. He didn’t like how this Marluxia wrote you can go cutie to him before he logged off. Had he just met a stalker? Or worst, a rapist?
Roxas: Then WHY did you even answer all of his questions!?
Demyx: The internet is serious business?
Zexion: *scowls* He's just an imbecile and an insult to logic and proper characterization.
Marluxia: At least he didn't give any information on where he lives.
Zexion: *lets out sigh of relief* There shouldn't be anyway for Marluxia to find me.
Axel: Wait for the plot hole... Waaaaait for it...
Demyx: Oh, that happens a few chapters away
Suddenly he became frightened.
Zexion: He finally realized he was completely out of character and tosses into the middle of a ridiculous fanfic with a weak plot.
Demyx: ORLY?
Axel: YA RLY!
He looked through everything, until he found Demyx’s email address. He got onto email and wrote Demyx a quick message.
Axel: I think Demyx would be a possible stalker or rapist. I mean, he's got Zexion in the palm of his hand since he's relying so much on him.
Demyx: Do not want. D:
Marluxia: Nobody wants this!
Dear Demyx,
I think I’m in big trouble.
Zexion: *deadpan* The internet is out to get me.
Please write back soon. I need to talk to you… Live or face to face.
Demyx: Isn't live and face to face the same?
We need to meet.
Love, Zexion.
PS, don’t be worried yet until I tell you.
Roxas: You shouldn't have said that you were in big trouble! Of course he's going to worry!
Demyx: Yes! The chapter is finally over! We can leave-
Cid: Not so fast! Got orders. You guys need to spork one more chapter.
All: WHAT.
Cid: Look, it wasn't my idea. Just start sporkin'. It's short anyway.
Marluxia: I don't care if it's short! It still makes me want to kill something!
Cid: You want me to get the MCP out?
Everybody else: *immediately falls silent*
Paradise City
Chapter Four
The City Is At War
Demyx ran to his computer and quickly turned it on. He tapped his fingers impatiently for the stupid thing to warm up and get awake. He banged his head to a song that what stuck in his head.
Demyx: It sounds like I'm banging my head against something to the beat of a song.
Axel: Must be the cool thing to do now days. Instead of tapping your fingers to the beat of the songs you listen to, you slam your head on the wall!
Zexion: *grumbles* That must explain the copious amounts of idiocy.
Demyx: Those darn kids. What will they think of next?
Demyx grabbed the mouse when the computer finally loaded up, and logged in to his mail.
Zexion: That comma isn't needed.
Demyx: Aw, it was feeling left out. It forced itself into the sentence so it could feel involved.
6 UNREAD MESSAGES
Axel: -as Demyx- 6 new messages? Let's see here... Spam, spam, spam, gay porn- Oh hey! It's a message from my current target! Ufufufu. Time to work that internet predator magic! *dodges a blast of water*
Marluxia: This author sure loves to use bold for things she doesn't want to type out.
He clicked on the link and looked at the highlighted messages in his inbox. His heart squeezed tightly when he saw a message from Zexion. Ignoring the other messages, he clicked on Zexion’s first. When he read what Zexion wrote him, his heart clenched as if it were a ball, and a little kid had just kicked it. Hard.
Demyx: I'm having a heart attack!?
Marluxia: I hope so. One less pairing to deal with.
Roxas: I thought the summary said that Demyx and Zexion wouldn't end up together.
Axel: The cake is a lie.
Marluxia: This entire fic is a lie!
Zexion: Why do the adverbs need to be by themselves? It's not necessary.
Axel: Every stupid thing is necessary. Hell, We Should Just Capitalize Every Word We Type From Now On. A Lot. Forever.
Marluxia: Quit it.
Demyx read the other messages and then logged into Paradise City. He saw Zexion’s avatar waiting at the entrance. Demyx clicked on the wave button and turned toward Zexion’s avatar. He ran up to him and their avatars bumped into each other.
Axel: Supris-
Roxas: *slaps his hand over Axel's mouth* Do you really want to end up unconscious again?
Axel: *laughs and lightly elbows Roxas* Didn't know you cared.
Roxas: I don't want to be the one that has to drag you back to your room.
MelodiousNocturne: Sorry. So, what did you want to talk about.
Schemer: I told them.
MelodiousNocturne: You did? Good! I’m happy for you Zexion. But why shouldn’t I be worried until you tell me and why are you in trouble? Did they kick you out?
Schemer: No, they didn’t kick me out. They say that they’re happy but I know they’re disappointed.
MelodiousNocturne: over what?
Schemer: over the fact that I’ll never have kids. My dad said that he couldn’t wait to be a grandpa. That’s it though.
Roxas: Couldn't he just adopt?
Axel: Nah, there'll be no need. Later on, he'll magically have man babies.
Marluxia: Don't be ridiculous.
Demyx: Hey Axel, how'd you know? I thought you didn't skim through it.
Axel: ... I was joking.
Zexion: *head in hands and sighs*
MelodiousNocturne: o. why are you in trouble?
Schemer: I logged on last night to tell you, but you had already logged off.
MelodiousNocturne: sorry.
Roxas: Yeah, he's sorry for needing to sleep at 11 PM. *sarcasm*
Axel: Seriously Demyx, you need to be a better stalker than that. Sleeping before 11 PM, what's your problem?
Demyx: *sighs*
Schemer: its okay. And when I went to log off, someone came up to me and asked me who I was, where I lived, how old I was, and if I was gay.
MelodiousNocturne: what’d you say
Schemer: exactly what I told you
MelodiousNocturne: Zexion! You do know that random perverts get on these kind of things just to meet people! They could be a stalker or a rapist. What if that someone tracks you down and
Zexion: How can Marluxia be considered a predator but not Demyx when they asked similar questions? Honestly.
Marluxia: *in a bitter voice* Don't you remember? I'm always the one giving off strange rapist vibes.
Demyx: Am I going to be interrupted in a chat again?
Axel: Probably. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Marluxia suddenly jumped in out of nowhere and started humping Zexion's avatar.
Marluxia: *seething*
Schemer: I know Demyx. I thought about that last night. I didn’t get sleep because of it either. Anyway…
MelodiousNocturne: meet me at the Hollow Bastion Library tomorrow at 7pm. K?
Axel: Yup, here comes another episode of 'Freaking out with Zexion'! Next episode, will Zexion be able to find his ipod!? Will he start cutting himself before he finds it? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! *jazz hands*
Roxas: This is his own fault though, isn't it? But anyway, he barely told him any specific information. What's Stalker!Marluxia going to do?
Axel: Take a plane to Hallow Bastion with his big ol' book of stalkable ukes.
Demyx: Isn't 7 PM kinda late? Wouldn't most public libraries close before night?
Schemer: sure. Wait, how will we know that we’re talking to each other?
MelodiousNocturne: I’ll send you a message tonight. Remember that and walk up to every blond boy you see with a mullet.
Schemer: yeah, I’m sure that will be hard. You look for an emo freak with grayish blue hair.
Roxas: Besides just sticking with general descriptions about your hair, why not wear something weird? Like, "Look for a person sitting in the corner with the red scarf and white shirt" or something like that.
Zexion: This entire badfic has done a horrible job at descriptions already I'm not surprised.
Axel: At least it doesn't state out hair and eye color every time we speak. I mean, even I get sick of that.
Roxas: Especially if it's cliched. "Beautiful, glistening, blue orbs", "Silky, sun-kissed, blonde hair" or "Shining sapphires".
MelodiousNocturne: seriously?
Schemer: yeah.
Roxas: -as Demyx- No way.
Demyx: -as Zexion- Way.
Axel: -as Demyx- Bitch, please.
***
Zexion: And the author continues to be lazy and refuses to use proper transition.
Axel: Lazy author is lazy.
Demyx: The asterisk alien... Staring at us and mocking us. It must've eaten that transition.
Roxas: It must've eaten all the descriptions as well.
Marluxia: The poor, damned descriptions. They never stood a chance.
Zexion checked his inbox before he went to bed. Sure enough, from Demyx, was a message.
Zexion: Sure enough, there was a message from Demyx...
Bow chica wow, wow. Chica wow, wow! Zexion say this!
Zexion closed his eyes with a blush on his face.
Zexion: ... *twitch*
Axel: Yeah, Demyx sure is the smooth, sexy charmer. *bursts out laughing* -as Zexion- *fans self* Oh deary me~ Such a suave gentlemen! *blocks lexicons with his chakrams*
Demyx: Badfic!me continues to prove that he has no dignity. D:
He reread the message and laughed again, his cheeks becoming redder. He hit the reply button and typed Demyx a message.
Zexion: This makes me want to tape the author's eyes open, force her to watch every cutscene with us and-
Marluxia: Give it up. Those fans are already delusional. Making them watch the cutscenes won't help.
Axel: -as crazy fan- OMG, those two TALKED with each other! IT'S TOTALLY CANON. They must be having buttsex every night!
Demyx: I really don't care if it's canon or not. It's just that they're made so OOC in order to be together.
Zexion: *scoffs* Canon and logic in pairing fanfiction? Preposterous.
Demyx, I’m not saying that to every blond kid with a mullet. It’s not that hard to find an emo kid with slate blue hair. If you come up to me then fine, I’ll say it. But you will owe me later. =B
Axel: Yeah, you'll owe him some major buttsex after.
Zexion: I'd prefer a "get out of badfic" card instead.
Cid: Okay, the lot of you can leave now.
Marluxia: Thank the non-existant gods, finally! *portals out*
Demyx: *peeks at the next chapter* Uh oh... I don't think Zexion, Axel and Marluxia will like this next one...
Zexion: I don't want to know. I really don't want to know. *portals out*
Axel, Demyx and Roxas: *sigh and portal back to their rooms*
This is the first part.
This is the second part.
Author: Zexions.emo.girlRating:
One for chat form, one for OOC, one for reference fails (Using song titles for all of her chapter names, Twilight and mixing up Friday the 13th with Nightmare on Elm Street) and one for being a bad AU fic. (Yes, I changed it. Added one more heartless)
Full Name (including any titles): Axel, Zexion (Zexy-kun, Zexy-poo), Roxas (Rox), Demyx.
Full Species(es): Internetus Pointlessnessus
Hair Color: Doesn't say... I guess it's better than being reminded everybody's hair color every time they speak or do something.
Eye Color: Doesn't say I guess it's better than being reminded everybody's eye color every time they speak or do something.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: This badfic isn't really descriptive. ._.;
Special Possessions (if any): All the gay porn on Zexion's computer and Organization members have an account on a MMORPG. BLASPHEMY!
Origin: From the mind of a fan that plays too many MMORPGS and chats with her friends too much.
Connections of Canon Characters: Hopefully these are just really bad roleplayers.
Special Abilities: To be able to successfully threaten to 'kill your friend' if they don't agree to join a site. Also special internet predator abilities.
Other Annoying Traits: XIGBAR AND XALDIN ARE ZEXION'S LOVING PARENTS. Also did I mention that ORGANIZATION MEMBERS ARE CHATTING ON A MMORPG? Also the fact that Zexion is an IDIOT. He follows someone he doesn't know to his bloody apartment.
I Say/Notes:There aren't many grammer or spelling errors so far. The OOC, lack of logic, half-assed transitions and chat form make me want to hit my head against the wall. Yet another fanfic where Zexion is an angsting idiot that gets raped in later chapters. God damn, I think he's paired with Zack, Axel, Marluxia, Demyx (regardless of the fact that Zemyx isn't listed in the summary) and I think Leon too? I forget. That's in later chapters.
Forgive me if parts are boring in the sporking of the 4th chapter. I need to work on references or something. xD This is actually my first sporking, but that doesn't really matter, right?
I'm also sorry if the font color keep changing between each of my sporks. I actually hate Axel's neon green. I wanted something brighter, but I already colored in half the sporking by the time I realized that the neon green looked a bit stupid. I'll change it to forest green later... I'm tired...
Oh yeah, guess what? We get to the vague buttrape in the 6th chapter! 8'D God damn, it's long though so this might take a while...
EDIT: Finally fixed it.
I just wanted to list these terms just in case...
OOC stands for Out Of Character.
PWP stands for Porn Without Plot/Point
AU stands for Alternate Universe.
The sporking team from the last chapter, Axel, Roxas and Demyx, are currently lounging around in the theater awaiting the next painfully OOC chapter to come in. Before Cid gets the chapter ready, Marluxia and Zexion are both forcefully shoved into the theater by Xaldin and Xigbar via portal.
Marluxia: *seething* How dare they! Those two play a large part in this, yet I have to come instead just because I show up in this chapter!
Zexion: *lets out an aggravated sigh*
Demyx: So they finally found you Zexi-
Zexion: I refuse to talk to you until you disappear from this badfic.
Roxas: I don't even show up in this chapter...
Axel: At least you're not the official sporking bitch. *points to the plaque on his special sporking seat* I'm -always- here, even when I'm not in the badfic.
Roxas: *mumbles* You sure seem proud of it...
Chapter Three
Final Distance
Demyx: *begins strumming the melody of Final Distance on his sitar*
Roxas: I'd like to see how this title will be mixed in...
Zexion: Hopefully it means this is the beginning of the end.
Marluxia: *scoffs as he checks the amount of chapters* Oh, we're far from reaching the end. 30 chapters and still updating.
Demyx: Well sometimes fics like that get a little better as they go on.
Axel: I don't that she'll be able to fix all this OOC.
Zexion closed the door behind him and walked into the living room where his dads were sitting on the loveseat, hands embraced with each other.
Axel: 'Loveseat'? *snickers*
Roxas: I really wonder if anybody in this fic will be straight?
Marluxia: I wouldn't get my hopes up. The only straight people in these fics are the OOC "bitch queens".
Zexion: 'Hands embraced with each other'? To embrace is to hold something in one's arms. You can't 'embrace' hands with someone.
Roxas: They'd have to be sitting in a really weird position.
Demyx: *attempts to 'embrace hands' with Roxas but gets keyblade'd* I just wanted to know how it worked!
Xaldin saw him first, and then Xigbar saw him.
Axel and Roxas: *SPITTAKE* XIGBAR IS THE OTHER DAD!?
Zexion and Marluxia: *twitch*
Demyx: See why I couldn't bring myself to tell you guys who the other father was?
Zexion: Those two are MY parents in this? *horrified*
Marluxia: I can't see those two as loving. EVER.
Axel: NONE of us should be described as loving. We aren't a bunch of magical, giggling elves that skip around in flowery fields.
Demyx: But this fic is AU-
Marluxia: AU BE DAMNED TO THE DEEPEST PIT OF HELL.
Xigbar smiled and let go of Xaldin’s hand, reaching out to Zexion. His smile faded once he saw the sadness in Zexion’s eyes.
“What’s the matter with my boy?” he asked.
Zexion: ... *feels nauseous*
Demyx: I couldn't help but read that as "What's the matter with me boy?"
Axel: -as Xigbar- Yaaarr, what be wrong me boy? You be havin' trouble in the sea of bad fic? Drink this here rum to clear yer troubles!
Demyx: -as Xaldin- Captin', we be out of rum!
Axel: -as Xigbar- Why is the rum always gone?
Zexion: -as himself- Because you're all a bunch of crazy drunks.
As if he were a kid again, Zexion ran to Xigbar’s arms. He hugged Xigbar tightly. Xigbar, the one that he felt that he could trust most. Of course, he loved Xaldin. But Xigbar… He was always there for Zexion. He had helped him crawl to walk. Every night, even now, he would see Xigbar sitting next to him on the bed. And when Xigbar knew, or thought, that Zexion was asleep, he would bend down and kiss his cheek.
Marluxia: There are no words I can use to describe my horror.
Demyx: Loving and caring parents are always nice to have but this is so OOC. Xigbar would never act like that...
Roxas: ... I'm going to try replace everybody's names in this with blanks in my mind.
Axel: Pffft, good luck with that.
“He’s the reason you’re gay, Zexion,” Larxene shouted.
“Shut up, bitch! He’s the closest ‘father’ I have. Xaldin’s my dad too, but not like Xigbar, and he knows that. And I’m not gay!”
All: *confused*
Demyx: Woah, what's with the random angst inducing argument? Besides, didn't random italics mean thoughts? I guess it stands for flashbacks now...
Roxas: You can't turn somebody gay!
Marluxia: If you're going to try create a plot, it shouldn't consist completely of wangst.
Axel: At least it's better than PWP.
Zexion: Neither of them are good. Especially when I'm involved as one of the main characters. *twitches*
That had been in seventh grade. The seventh grade was the first year he became aware of his sexuality, and the boys in the locker room.
Marluxia: So he finally became aware that boys were in the locker room until 7th grade...?
Demyx: Boys in the boys locker room? BLASPHEMY!
Roxas: Maybe all the boys were extremely girly looking?
Axel: Meh, probably.
He could remember loving gym when he was little, but once he knew he was gay, he couldn’t wait for gym class. He wanted to be in that class all the time.
Zexion: *fuming* This is absolutely preposterous! I am horribly out of character yet no one in that horrid site seems to be aware of it! Why do I have to suffer through this!? Why on earth did the author choose ME?
Demyx: Because of your hair?
Axel: *grins* I'm still willing to cut it all off for you.
Zexion: *ignores and continues to rant*
Demyx: Oh yeah, I forgot... You're ignoring me.
“What’s wrong?” Xaldin asked, stroking Zexion’s hair.
Roxas: *muttering* "What's wrong?" the person asked, stroking blank's hair...
Demyx: Is that really helping?
Roxas: *slumps in his seat* Not really...
Zexion leaned back and sat on Xigbar’s lap the way a little kid would when first meeting Santa Claus and sitting on his lap.
Axel: -as Xigbar- And what would you want little boy or girl?
Demyx: -as Zexion- I wants me a barrel of floss! I wants me two bottles of glue to by my friends! *lexicon'd* Ow! I thought you said you were going to ignore me?
Zexion: Not when you're being overly obnoxious.
Zexion remember why he was here and stood up. He made his way to the recliner, right next to the sofa, and sat down nervously. He chocked on some saliva as he tried to choke out the words.
Zexion: Then he finally died from chocking on his own saliva. The end.
Roxas: Death by spit... Well, that's new.
Marluxia: None of us will be getting out of this that easily.
Demyx: Yeah... If it was that easy, vampires in the second chapter would’ve killed everybody!
Marluxia: I would've accepted that death with grace rather than star in a chapter.
“Do you…remember how you said that when I get a car…I’ll have a pretty girl…in the seat next to…mine…and we’ll…be…holding hands?”
“Yes, why? What is it Zexion? Do you not want a car? Or is it that you’ve already stole a car one day and went joy riding with a pretty girl…” Xaldin asked.
Roxas: Great... Here comes... the... abuse of... ellipses...
Demyx: -as Zexion- Choking... on own... spit... Losing... sanity... Brain... breaking...
Axel: Reminds me of that badfic with 113 ellipsis.
Marluxia: You actually counted?
Axel: *shrugs* I got bored.
Zexion: *head in hands* Dear nothingness, I sound like a 9 year old...
Zexion shook his head. “N-no, it’s not that. I’m not sure about the car yet… But about the girl…” Zexion’s voice squeaked and he suddenly lost it.
Zexion: I don’t sqeak.
Roxas: You don't choke on your own spit, freak out over stupid things or chat either, but that didn't stop the author.
Axel: -as Zexion- About the girl... I'm actually fabulously g- *book'd*
Marluxia: Zexion lost it? He must've finally realized that he was OOC and cracked.
Demyx: -as Zexion- They're coming to take me away, ho-ho, hee-hee, ha-haa to the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time!
Xigbar kneeled in front of him and took Zexion’s hand, rubbing Zexion’s arm with his free hand. “What is it, sweetheart?”
All: *twitch at seeing the word 'sweetheart' being used by Xigbar*
Demyx: Well, I won't be eating those sweetheart candies for a while.
Roxas: You actually like those? I think they taste gross.
Axel: I hate them. They're tasteless and covered with cheesy lines.
Zexion: *mumbles* Like most fanfiction now days.
Zexion sighed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be with a girl. Ever. Dad…I…I’m gay.”
There! It was out! Now he could get away from all this. Oh, please, he prayed, just don’t say anything and let me go. I admit it!
All: *aggravated sigh*
Axel: Yeah, I'm sorry. Zexion flipping out about his sexuality even though his parents are gay was a bit funny in the beginning with all the blinding OOC, but it's getting old.
Demyx: Don't worry, she'll create another special plot. Zexion ends up getting-
Rest: I don't want to hear it!
Xigbar’s eyes sort of went back into his head.
Marluxia: Those poor eyes almost made it. They never reached the back of Xigbar's head and now forever float aimlessly in his empty skull.
Demyx: His eyes went to the back of his head, but not really. Kinda, sorta, almost went to the back of his head.
Roxas: I wonder if Xigbar actually has an eyepatch in this?
Axel: Hell if I know. There are barely any descriptions. For all we know, everybody could be wearing giant spectrum afros and green jumpsuits.
Demyx: So they live in Funky Town?
Zexion: More like We're All Delusional Town.
He stared at Zexion for the longest time until he finally shook his head and looked over at Xaldin. Xaldin was like a statue that had been cracked into a million pieces.
Zexion: How can someone be a "statue that had been cracked into a million pieces?"
Roxas: I can't even imagine...
Axel: -as Xigbar- Zexion! Look at what your emoness did to Xaldin! Go fetch the vacuum cleaner and a ton of duct tape! You know what? Nevernind, screw that. Just sweep him under the couch.
He looked back at Zexion and held both of his hands.
“Zexion, sweetie, why didn’t you ever tell us this?” He seemed hurt, but in a happy way almost. Almost.
Demyx: He's hurt yet happy but not really? *confused*
Axel: Damn, I wish I had some tequila right now. I could take a shot for every time someone called Zexion something stupid.
Cid: No alcohol allowed for this sporking.
Axel: *curses under his breath*
Roxas: What did we have so far?
Zexion: *listing the nicknames stiffly* Zexy-kun, Zexy-poo, honey, daddy's little boy, sweetheart and sweetie. *twitches*
Demyx: Every time you call Zexion using a stupid nickname-
Zexion: A kitten burn in bloody vat of acid.
Demyx: ... Ouch, that's pretty cruel.
(Blah blah blah, Xigbar and Xaldin are accepting while being horrifyingly OOC with more NOT SO OBVIOUS *sarcasm* hints of XalXig. Xaldin and Xigbar decide to go to bed soon because for some reason, it's suddenly 11:00 PM.)
Xigbar nodded. “Yeah. You should get to bed, too, Zexion,” he said, pulling away from Xaldin and hugging Zexion again, kissing his hair. “I love you, kiddo,” he said again.
“I love you, too,” Zexion said, “Dadday.”
Zexion: *twitch* Dadday? That is a ridiculous typo.
Demyx: Well, I guess I'll be avoiding Xigbar and Xaldin for a long time.
Axel: I bet that isn't a typo somehow.
Marluxia: How would that be done on purpose!?
Xigbar looked as if he were about to choke up in tears. Dadday was what Zexion had called him when he was a little boy.
Marluxia: *with a bitter voice* Well what do you know...
Axel: *laughing his arse off*
Zexion: *speechless*
Roxas: She keeps putting in the word choke, yet no one died. I feel ripped off.
The memory….the way Zexion had just said it… All of it wanted to make him cry.
Zexion: It just makes me want to vomit...
Roxas: *offers him a barf bag*
Zexion: *gladly accepts it*
Instead, he pulled away, smiled, and walked to his bedroom with Xaldin’s hand wrapped around his waist.
Roxas: In the summary on the author's profile, it says HINTS of Xaldin/Xigbar. This is so obvious! Hints are very small and almost unnoticeable traces of a couple.
Marluxia: You would have to be deaf, blind and possibly mentally retarded in order to not see this.
Axel: -as retarded fangirl- Oh em gee, whut XalXig? LOL, I never noticed!!11 TEE HEE.
Zexion: *grumbles* I wish I was blind right now.
Once the door was closed, Zexion raced back to his room and logged back into the game.
Demyx: -as Zexion- About time that ended! My precious internet! *caresses imaginary monitor*
Axel: -as Zexion's computer- Bad touch! DO NOT WANT!
Roxas: *moves a few seats away from Axel and Demyx* ._.
Disappointment crossed his face as he saw that Demyx had logged off. He looked around at the other avatars talking to each other or doing mini-games.
GracefulAssasian: Looking for something?
Axel: Guess who THIS is? Whose that internet rapist? IT'S MARLUXIA!
Marluxia: *crosses finger* Please don't be extremely fruity, please don't be extremely fruity, please don't be extremely fruity...
Zexion: *hopes for the same*
Axel: You guys should just give up.
Demyx: Yeah, I mean, Zexion get paired up with 4 or 5 people I think by the 19th chapter.
Roxas: I also bet that Marluxia is going to be one of those 'oh so lucky' people that get paired with you, Zexion.
Zexion: *mortified*
Axel: Oh Zexion, you harlot! *bursts out laughing*
Zexion: *books Axel in the head several times* Call me that again AND I WILL KILL YOU DEAD.
Roxas: *slumps in his seat* This is going to be a looooooong sporking...
Marluxia: Should've bought snacks. *sarcasm*
Zexion: *grumbles* I'll have a bag of chips laced with arsenic and a large soda mixed with some hallucinogenic chemical.
Schemer: Who, me? No, just a friend but I guessed he logged off. Bye.
Zexion: Friend? I'd say more along the lines of "Let's find a rock, maybe something like a cinder block" friend.
Zexion was close to hitting the Log Off button until…
Axel: SURPRISE CYBERING! *pummeled by everybody else*
Cid: Hey, hey, hey! Cut it out! I ain't repairing this theater again!
GracefulAssasian: Wait! I need to talk to someone.
Schemer: about what?
Zexion: Literature?
Marluxia: Something that doesn't make me seem like a fruity rapist?
Roxas: The... weather?
Demyx: Aw come on Roxas! You can do better than that!
Roxas: I don't want to get beat up. *points to Axel who is currently unconscious on the floor*
GracefulAssasian: nothing important. I just really need a friend. It’s kinda hard not having any friends. I don’t want to sound like a perverted online pedophile, but how old are you?
Schemer: 16.
Roxas: I thought he was still 15? Isn't his birthday tomorrow?
Marluxia: *mutters* This could skip months and we probably wouldn't realize it.
Demyx: Maybe in the next chapter, everybody will be 80. They grow up so fast. *wipes away a non-existant tear*
Axel: *Still unconscious and mumbling something about tequila*
GracefulAssasian: o, I’m 19. Not that much difference though is there? Live?
Schemer: Kingdom Hearts.
GracefulAssasian: duh… what town?
Marluxia: Duh... what? Unless if that's the only area in this game, why would I say 'duh'?
Demyx: The author gave you special internet predator stalking skills!
Marluxia: I don't want them.
Demyx: Don't worry! Super Internet Stalker is out to save the day, one naive idiot at a time! *barely dodges being scythe'd*
Schemer: the dullest one there is.
GracefulAssasian: Hollow Bastion. Huh? =) okay.
Demyx: Oh, so Hallow Bastion is a TOWN inside Kingdom Hearts where everybody lives in real life! I kept thinking they were talking about areas in the game. She really needs to be more specific.
Roxas: Hell, she needs to get rid of this stupid chat form.
Marluxia: Hallow Bastion is a WORLD inside our universe. Kingdom Hearts is a source of power created by hearts from those slain by the keyblade!
Demyx: How many times do I have to say it? This is an AU fic! Expect tons of towns, schools and companies to be named after worlds in our universe!
Roxas: How many times do we have to tell you!? We don't care that it's AU! It's ridiculous!
Axel: *finally wakes up and slowly stands up* Damn it, you guys hit hard... *rubs the back of his head*
Demyx: You kinda deserved it.
Axel: Well whatever. *reclaims his rightful seat of sporking bitch* So, what'd miss and do I want to know?
Demyx: Marluxia is giving off internet predator vibes.
Axel: Pfft, tell me something I don't know. *dodges scythe*
One more question, are you gay?
Marluxia: Damn it! We're all gay in this!
Axel: Nah, Kairi or Larxene will probably show up later and try to tear apart Zexion's BEAUTIFUL LOVE. *dodges Lexicon*
Zexion: It was better when you were unconscious!
Axel: I know you guys missed me. Everybody loves the snarky sporking bitch. *thumbs up*
Schemer: yeah, but I’m going to get off now. So bye.
Zexion: Yes. I'm going to log off and never touch my computer again.
Roxas: If only you'd stop answering Marluxia's stupid questions! Just quit the game and screw the formalities!
Marluxia: *sighs* I guess I'm not that bad in this.
GracefulAssasian: Wait! Wait, hold on! Hold one minute! Name? I’m Marluxia.
Schemer: Zexion. Now can I go?
GracefulAssasian: yeah =) you can go cutie.
Marluxia: ... I take what I said back,
Axel: Right when you think you're not so bad in a fic, it goes and slaps you in the face.
Roxas: He doesn't have to answer Marluxia's questions. If he's obviously uncomfortable, he can just ditch him.
Demyx: The author needed another plot and a reason to get Zexion to flip out.
Axel: -as Zexion- Oh... Oh my Gawd, I broke a nail! I'll never be able to look at my parents again!!! The shame, the angst, the pain, the-
Zexion: Keep talking and I'll make sure you won't get up next time.
Zexion logged off, wondering what he had just done. He didn’t like how this Marluxia wrote you can go cutie to him before he logged off. Had he just met a stalker? Or worst, a rapist?
Roxas: Then WHY did you even answer all of his questions!?
Demyx: The internet is serious business?
Zexion: *scowls* He's just an imbecile and an insult to logic and proper characterization.
Marluxia: At least he didn't give any information on where he lives.
Zexion: *lets out sigh of relief* There shouldn't be anyway for Marluxia to find me.
Axel: Wait for the plot hole... Waaaaait for it...
Demyx: Oh, that happens a few chapters away
Suddenly he became frightened.
Zexion: He finally realized he was completely out of character and tosses into the middle of a ridiculous fanfic with a weak plot.
Demyx: ORLY?
Axel: YA RLY!
He looked through everything, until he found Demyx’s email address. He got onto email and wrote Demyx a quick message.
Axel: I think Demyx would be a possible stalker or rapist. I mean, he's got Zexion in the palm of his hand since he's relying so much on him.
Demyx: Do not want. D:
Marluxia: Nobody wants this!
Dear Demyx,
I think I’m in big trouble.
Zexion: *deadpan* The internet is out to get me.
Please write back soon. I need to talk to you… Live or face to face.
Demyx: Isn't live and face to face the same?
We need to meet.
Love, Zexion.
PS, don’t be worried yet until I tell you.
Roxas: You shouldn't have said that you were in big trouble! Of course he's going to worry!
Demyx: Yes! The chapter is finally over! We can leave-
Cid: Not so fast! Got orders. You guys need to spork one more chapter.
All: WHAT.
Cid: Look, it wasn't my idea. Just start sporkin'. It's short anyway.
Marluxia: I don't care if it's short! It still makes me want to kill something!
Cid: You want me to get the MCP out?
Everybody else: *immediately falls silent*
Paradise City
Chapter Four
The City Is At War
Demyx ran to his computer and quickly turned it on. He tapped his fingers impatiently for the stupid thing to warm up and get awake. He banged his head to a song that what stuck in his head.
Demyx: It sounds like I'm banging my head against something to the beat of a song.
Axel: Must be the cool thing to do now days. Instead of tapping your fingers to the beat of the songs you listen to, you slam your head on the wall!
Zexion: *grumbles* That must explain the copious amounts of idiocy.
Demyx: Those darn kids. What will they think of next?
Demyx grabbed the mouse when the computer finally loaded up, and logged in to his mail.
Zexion: That comma isn't needed.
Demyx: Aw, it was feeling left out. It forced itself into the sentence so it could feel involved.
6 UNREAD MESSAGES
Axel: -as Demyx- 6 new messages? Let's see here... Spam, spam, spam, gay porn- Oh hey! It's a message from my current target! Ufufufu. Time to work that internet predator magic! *dodges a blast of water*
Marluxia: This author sure loves to use bold for things she doesn't want to type out.
He clicked on the link and looked at the highlighted messages in his inbox. His heart squeezed tightly when he saw a message from Zexion. Ignoring the other messages, he clicked on Zexion’s first. When he read what Zexion wrote him, his heart clenched as if it were a ball, and a little kid had just kicked it. Hard.
Demyx: I'm having a heart attack!?
Marluxia: I hope so. One less pairing to deal with.
Roxas: I thought the summary said that Demyx and Zexion wouldn't end up together.
Axel: The cake is a lie.
Marluxia: This entire fic is a lie!
Zexion: Why do the adverbs need to be by themselves? It's not necessary.
Axel: Every stupid thing is necessary. Hell, We Should Just Capitalize Every Word We Type From Now On. A Lot. Forever.
Marluxia: Quit it.
Demyx read the other messages and then logged into Paradise City. He saw Zexion’s avatar waiting at the entrance. Demyx clicked on the wave button and turned toward Zexion’s avatar. He ran up to him and their avatars bumped into each other.
Axel: Supris-
Roxas: *slaps his hand over Axel's mouth* Do you really want to end up unconscious again?
Axel: *laughs and lightly elbows Roxas* Didn't know you cared.
Roxas: I don't want to be the one that has to drag you back to your room.
MelodiousNocturne: Sorry. So, what did you want to talk about.
Schemer: I told them.
MelodiousNocturne: You did? Good! I’m happy for you Zexion. But why shouldn’t I be worried until you tell me and why are you in trouble? Did they kick you out?
Schemer: No, they didn’t kick me out. They say that they’re happy but I know they’re disappointed.
MelodiousNocturne: over what?
Schemer: over the fact that I’ll never have kids. My dad said that he couldn’t wait to be a grandpa. That’s it though.
Roxas: Couldn't he just adopt?
Axel: Nah, there'll be no need. Later on, he'll magically have man babies.
Marluxia: Don't be ridiculous.
Demyx: Hey Axel, how'd you know? I thought you didn't skim through it.
Axel: ... I was joking.
Zexion: *head in hands and sighs*
MelodiousNocturne: o. why are you in trouble?
Schemer: I logged on last night to tell you, but you had already logged off.
MelodiousNocturne: sorry.
Roxas: Yeah, he's sorry for needing to sleep at 11 PM. *sarcasm*
Axel: Seriously Demyx, you need to be a better stalker than that. Sleeping before 11 PM, what's your problem?
Demyx: *sighs*
Schemer: its okay. And when I went to log off, someone came up to me and asked me who I was, where I lived, how old I was, and if I was gay.
MelodiousNocturne: what’d you say
Schemer: exactly what I told you
MelodiousNocturne: Zexion! You do know that random perverts get on these kind of things just to meet people! They could be a stalker or a rapist. What if that someone tracks you down and
Zexion: How can Marluxia be considered a predator but not Demyx when they asked similar questions? Honestly.
Marluxia: *in a bitter voice* Don't you remember? I'm always the one giving off strange rapist vibes.
Demyx: Am I going to be interrupted in a chat again?
Axel: Probably. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if Marluxia suddenly jumped in out of nowhere and started humping Zexion's avatar.
Marluxia: *seething*
Schemer: I know Demyx. I thought about that last night. I didn’t get sleep because of it either. Anyway…
MelodiousNocturne: meet me at the Hollow Bastion Library tomorrow at 7pm. K?
Axel: Yup, here comes another episode of 'Freaking out with Zexion'! Next episode, will Zexion be able to find his ipod!? Will he start cutting himself before he finds it? FIND OUT NEXT TIME! *jazz hands*
Roxas: This is his own fault though, isn't it? But anyway, he barely told him any specific information. What's Stalker!Marluxia going to do?
Axel: Take a plane to Hallow Bastion with his big ol' book of stalkable ukes.
Demyx: Isn't 7 PM kinda late? Wouldn't most public libraries close before night?
Schemer: sure. Wait, how will we know that we’re talking to each other?
MelodiousNocturne: I’ll send you a message tonight. Remember that and walk up to every blond boy you see with a mullet.
Schemer: yeah, I’m sure that will be hard. You look for an emo freak with grayish blue hair.
Roxas: Besides just sticking with general descriptions about your hair, why not wear something weird? Like, "Look for a person sitting in the corner with the red scarf and white shirt" or something like that.
Zexion: This entire badfic has done a horrible job at descriptions already I'm not surprised.
Axel: At least it doesn't state out hair and eye color every time we speak. I mean, even I get sick of that.
Roxas: Especially if it's cliched. "Beautiful, glistening, blue orbs", "Silky, sun-kissed, blonde hair" or "Shining sapphires".
MelodiousNocturne: seriously?
Schemer: yeah.
Roxas: -as Demyx- No way.
Demyx: -as Zexion- Way.
Axel: -as Demyx- Bitch, please.
***
Zexion: And the author continues to be lazy and refuses to use proper transition.
Axel: Lazy author is lazy.
Demyx: The asterisk alien... Staring at us and mocking us. It must've eaten that transition.
Roxas: It must've eaten all the descriptions as well.
Marluxia: The poor, damned descriptions. They never stood a chance.
Zexion checked his inbox before he went to bed. Sure enough, from Demyx, was a message.
Zexion: Sure enough, there was a message from Demyx...
Bow chica wow, wow. Chica wow, wow! Zexion say this!
Zexion closed his eyes with a blush on his face.
Zexion: ... *twitch*
Axel: Yeah, Demyx sure is the smooth, sexy charmer. *bursts out laughing* -as Zexion- *fans self* Oh deary me~ Such a suave gentlemen! *blocks lexicons with his chakrams*
Demyx: Badfic!me continues to prove that he has no dignity. D:
He reread the message and laughed again, his cheeks becoming redder. He hit the reply button and typed Demyx a message.
Zexion: This makes me want to tape the author's eyes open, force her to watch every cutscene with us and-
Marluxia: Give it up. Those fans are already delusional. Making them watch the cutscenes won't help.
Axel: -as crazy fan- OMG, those two TALKED with each other! IT'S TOTALLY CANON. They must be having buttsex every night!
Demyx: I really don't care if it's canon or not. It's just that they're made so OOC in order to be together.
Zexion: *scoffs* Canon and logic in pairing fanfiction? Preposterous.
Demyx, I’m not saying that to every blond kid with a mullet. It’s not that hard to find an emo kid with slate blue hair. If you come up to me then fine, I’ll say it. But you will owe me later. =B
Axel: Yeah, you'll owe him some major buttsex after.
Zexion: I'd prefer a "get out of badfic" card instead.
Cid: Okay, the lot of you can leave now.
Marluxia: Thank the non-existant gods, finally! *portals out*
Demyx: *peeks at the next chapter* Uh oh... I don't think Zexion, Axel and Marluxia will like this next one...
Zexion: I don't want to know. I really don't want to know. *portals out*
Axel, Demyx and Roxas: *sigh and portal back to their rooms*
This is the first part.
This is the second part.