The Real World Royal Oak: The Season Finale
The Season Finale of Season 1 was all that I could have imagined and more. Let's see if I can even begin to recall what happened.
Ahmed, my coworker at the Y, could only work six hours on Sunday or he would have overtime. So, the only way I would have been able to attend the Wedding was to work from 7-10 AM and then go back from 4-6 so Ahmed didn't go over his hours.
I arrived at The Resort (Jeffrey's apartment) at about quarter to 11, and the countdown had already begin. Clair, Joseph, Meagan, and Mathew were sitting on the balcony, smoking and drinking margaritas. (Yes, folks, 10:45 AM on Sunday.) There was some gangsta rap blasting and Erion was bouncing this big ball around. Jeffrey and Crystal were already in their suits getting ready for the big event. (Bathing suits, that is.) These folk were acting silly already. I think they all (except Crystal) had gotten started drinking together at like 3 that morning. Jeffrey and Joseph in particular were already acting pretty loose.
Kevin: "Whose shirt is that?"
Jeffrey: "It's mine."
Kevin: "Did you just get it? I really like it."
Jeffrey: "Yeah. Do you want to put it on? [holds up shirt to me] Ah wait, that's too small for you. [looks at me] But you'll grow into it before long."
*Clever way of making fun of both my tendency to wear small shirts and the fact that I've put on weight lately.*
Joseph's brother and 1 year old nephew joined the festivities. We then proceeded out to the VH1 pool. I was walking there with Joseph and talking to him about his family, and I asked who some guy was who was already out at the pool. He said that it was his brother. We got a little closer, and I said "Your brother is John Beavers?" I've known John for like three years; he was a customer of mines at my old branch. What a small fucking world.
Rain and Gail showed up, and we all gathered on one end of the pool for the ceremony. There were like three girls at the opposite end of the pool, so I can only imagine what they were thinking. The one particularly clever part of Rain's lines was thus: "If there is anyone here who would object to their union, get the hell out of here, because you obviously can't see that these two are the real deal." The ceremony lasted like two minutes, Clair threw the bouquet (which Crystal had picked from the flowers out by the pool like an hour earlier) and Meagan caught it. None of them other bitches even tried.
Immediately following all of this foolishness, most everybody jumped in the pool, got out, then drank more. Erion has been famous lately for going to the deeper end of the pool (like 5 feet) and taking off his trunks and whirling them around his head. So, Joseph did it as a tribute to Erion, and Erion joined in. Hell, if you can't beat drunk white trash, join 'em. I jumped in and whirled my trunks around my head too. Somehow, Jeffrey got Crystal's chaste self to take off her top (but of course keep her chest modestly covered), while Clair just took her top off while she was still out of the pool and leisurely walked in. (By now, it was probably around noon or 12:30 on Sunday afternoon.) After I went to get batteries for Jeffrey's radio, we got to listen to some excellent white trash music like Jimmy Buffett and Limp Bizkit. Joseph kept doing this silly little dance that was just absurd to look at. He went down to the girls and the dude at the other end of the pool, talked to them, shook the dude's hand, and proceeded to tickle the feet of each of the girls in turn. There was a thick sister out there smoking, and he brought her over to sit with us. Naturally, I went and sat right next to her (Lynn) and conversated with her. She does home care, so she just came down for a spell to smoke.
All-in-the-business Benjamin came out as well, and once again, I told him that he needed a big woman. He told me that if I have something to say to him, I should just say it. I said "All right. You need to eat more." He responded with "Duly noted, but can we please never talk about it again?" Dang, I'm such an asshole. I am always offending somebody without meaning to do so.
A few hours later, Lynn's shift ended, so she came back down and asked for a beer this time. I was really pretty loose myself by this time, so we laughed our heads off and I somehow wound up with a phone number for "Alynn" on my phone. Clair was giving Meagan a lapdance at around this time.
The next thing I remember, I woke up on Jeffrey's Lazyboy with no memory of how I got there. The bad news was that it was 8 o'clock, and my shift at the Y ended two hours earlier. oops. Fucking drunk. I might not hear anything about that for a few days, when my supervisor at the Y checks the timepunches and realizes that nobody was there at the end of the day. I guess I'll just tell her that I fell asleep, which is perfectly true, but I'll neglect to mention that it was because I was drunk as sin.
Ahmed, my coworker at the Y, could only work six hours on Sunday or he would have overtime. So, the only way I would have been able to attend the Wedding was to work from 7-10 AM and then go back from 4-6 so Ahmed didn't go over his hours.
I arrived at The Resort (Jeffrey's apartment) at about quarter to 11, and the countdown had already begin. Clair, Joseph, Meagan, and Mathew were sitting on the balcony, smoking and drinking margaritas. (Yes, folks, 10:45 AM on Sunday.) There was some gangsta rap blasting and Erion was bouncing this big ball around. Jeffrey and Crystal were already in their suits getting ready for the big event. (Bathing suits, that is.) These folk were acting silly already. I think they all (except Crystal) had gotten started drinking together at like 3 that morning. Jeffrey and Joseph in particular were already acting pretty loose.
Kevin: "Whose shirt is that?"
Jeffrey: "It's mine."
Kevin: "Did you just get it? I really like it."
Jeffrey: "Yeah. Do you want to put it on? [holds up shirt to me] Ah wait, that's too small for you. [looks at me] But you'll grow into it before long."
*Clever way of making fun of both my tendency to wear small shirts and the fact that I've put on weight lately.*
Joseph's brother and 1 year old nephew joined the festivities. We then proceeded out to the VH1 pool. I was walking there with Joseph and talking to him about his family, and I asked who some guy was who was already out at the pool. He said that it was his brother. We got a little closer, and I said "Your brother is John Beavers?" I've known John for like three years; he was a customer of mines at my old branch. What a small fucking world.
Rain and Gail showed up, and we all gathered on one end of the pool for the ceremony. There were like three girls at the opposite end of the pool, so I can only imagine what they were thinking. The one particularly clever part of Rain's lines was thus: "If there is anyone here who would object to their union, get the hell out of here, because you obviously can't see that these two are the real deal." The ceremony lasted like two minutes, Clair threw the bouquet (which Crystal had picked from the flowers out by the pool like an hour earlier) and Meagan caught it. None of them other bitches even tried.
Immediately following all of this foolishness, most everybody jumped in the pool, got out, then drank more. Erion has been famous lately for going to the deeper end of the pool (like 5 feet) and taking off his trunks and whirling them around his head. So, Joseph did it as a tribute to Erion, and Erion joined in. Hell, if you can't beat drunk white trash, join 'em. I jumped in and whirled my trunks around my head too. Somehow, Jeffrey got Crystal's chaste self to take off her top (but of course keep her chest modestly covered), while Clair just took her top off while she was still out of the pool and leisurely walked in. (By now, it was probably around noon or 12:30 on Sunday afternoon.) After I went to get batteries for Jeffrey's radio, we got to listen to some excellent white trash music like Jimmy Buffett and Limp Bizkit. Joseph kept doing this silly little dance that was just absurd to look at. He went down to the girls and the dude at the other end of the pool, talked to them, shook the dude's hand, and proceeded to tickle the feet of each of the girls in turn. There was a thick sister out there smoking, and he brought her over to sit with us. Naturally, I went and sat right next to her (Lynn) and conversated with her. She does home care, so she just came down for a spell to smoke.
All-in-the-business Benjamin came out as well, and once again, I told him that he needed a big woman. He told me that if I have something to say to him, I should just say it. I said "All right. You need to eat more." He responded with "Duly noted, but can we please never talk about it again?" Dang, I'm such an asshole. I am always offending somebody without meaning to do so.
A few hours later, Lynn's shift ended, so she came back down and asked for a beer this time. I was really pretty loose myself by this time, so we laughed our heads off and I somehow wound up with a phone number for "Alynn" on my phone. Clair was giving Meagan a lapdance at around this time.
The next thing I remember, I woke up on Jeffrey's Lazyboy with no memory of how I got there. The bad news was that it was 8 o'clock, and my shift at the Y ended two hours earlier. oops. Fucking drunk. I might not hear anything about that for a few days, when my supervisor at the Y checks the timepunches and realizes that nobody was there at the end of the day. I guess I'll just tell her that I fell asleep, which is perfectly true, but I'll neglect to mention that it was because I was drunk as sin.