(no subject)
im glad university is such an inspiring beacon of knowledge. by which i mean im glad that i have to bring tea and knitting to half my classes just to stay awake sometimes. and taht theres so much rote memorization and over the top reading that we just do it and dont think about it and jump to the next thing. maybe it gets better at the higher level next year but i feel like every year ive been in education they always tell you that and its never really true. on the other hand. montreal is warm today. it actually RAINED. amazing. that means were above freezing. oh springtime! st.pattrick's day this weekend means lots of fucking partying. it's designated on my calendar as 'DRUNK'.
we made snowflakes out of dental dams. this makes me happy.
we also danced in a giant inflatable globe to no music except for in our happy time wireless headphones. but it kindof smelled like sick. and was techno. and cold.
and african montrealers are the best drinks of your life. especially when they serve them in edible shot glasses. montreal, je t'aime.
i have an internship at a domestic violence shelter in england this summer. yay for doing shit with my life.
there's a 'equality forum' that equates to queers in philadelphia in the first weekend of may. i'm planning on going maybe with some mcgill friends. if anybody still reads this and is also around you should come.
new jersey/seeing mother. it was very chill and there were some pretty awesome moments, such as the fact that my mother came with me to the glbtq film festival at the library. mom ok with queerness? woah. right. more importantly, she was really excitd to see me. and i'm sure my trip really boosted her morale. it actually really upsets me to think of her in new jersey alone and going through radiation. nobody likes to think of their parents in their more fragile and sad states, even though im sure my mom covered that up a lot for me this weekend, i just wish i couldve made her feel 100% better. but her radiation ends on thursday and as far as i know she's as healthy as she can be given the circumstances.
but i have to say, sympathetic as i am it is difficult for me to be completely there for her. i still have some resentment and i still have a lot of unanswered questions and i still want her to wake up to so much of what she still thinks was all ok. but i just dont know if i can ever confront her about them, not so much out of my inability to do so, but because i feel like that would cause her so much pain. and whetehr she acted rightly or wrongly to me in the past i put her through so much more than any child shouldve put their parent through.
so i just dont know where that leaves me and resolving my shit. not that its something oh so dear to me, im fine and pretty damn emotionally stable and content. but i still feel theres things i need to work through. i guess we all do.
i'm hungry. i'm going to go make some lovely vegan dinner and probably be a lazy bum and not go to the library and listen to le tigre and convince myself not to nap. slash possibly go out to a jazz club and enjoy a glass of wine and friends. the whole inability to make decisions thing has not changed.
apologies for the length of this entry. ta love.
we made snowflakes out of dental dams. this makes me happy.
we also danced in a giant inflatable globe to no music except for in our happy time wireless headphones. but it kindof smelled like sick. and was techno. and cold.
and african montrealers are the best drinks of your life. especially when they serve them in edible shot glasses. montreal, je t'aime.
i have an internship at a domestic violence shelter in england this summer. yay for doing shit with my life.
there's a 'equality forum' that equates to queers in philadelphia in the first weekend of may. i'm planning on going maybe with some mcgill friends. if anybody still reads this and is also around you should come.
new jersey/seeing mother. it was very chill and there were some pretty awesome moments, such as the fact that my mother came with me to the glbtq film festival at the library. mom ok with queerness? woah. right. more importantly, she was really excitd to see me. and i'm sure my trip really boosted her morale. it actually really upsets me to think of her in new jersey alone and going through radiation. nobody likes to think of their parents in their more fragile and sad states, even though im sure my mom covered that up a lot for me this weekend, i just wish i couldve made her feel 100% better. but her radiation ends on thursday and as far as i know she's as healthy as she can be given the circumstances.
but i have to say, sympathetic as i am it is difficult for me to be completely there for her. i still have some resentment and i still have a lot of unanswered questions and i still want her to wake up to so much of what she still thinks was all ok. but i just dont know if i can ever confront her about them, not so much out of my inability to do so, but because i feel like that would cause her so much pain. and whetehr she acted rightly or wrongly to me in the past i put her through so much more than any child shouldve put their parent through.
so i just dont know where that leaves me and resolving my shit. not that its something oh so dear to me, im fine and pretty damn emotionally stable and content. but i still feel theres things i need to work through. i guess we all do.
i'm hungry. i'm going to go make some lovely vegan dinner and probably be a lazy bum and not go to the library and listen to le tigre and convince myself not to nap. slash possibly go out to a jazz club and enjoy a glass of wine and friends. the whole inability to make decisions thing has not changed.
apologies for the length of this entry. ta love.