Comments | reviewers_inc: Bring forth the angry mob...I mean jury! *cough*

kainasilverbane in reviewers_inc

Bring forth the angry mob...I mean jury! cough

May 29, 2006 20:14

Title: Shards
Author/Penname:Kainasilversbane (ME!)
Rating:pg-13
Chapters: Chapter 4 WIP (EDITED!)
Pairings: FujitakaxKaho
Summary: It's a filler, Fujitaka pins Kaho to the floor and sex implications run rampant. Lil funny XD
Warning, Notes: Bloody in some parts
Link to previous chapter: ( Read more... )

stories by kainasilverbane, bring forth the jury!

Comments 8

claire_chan May 30 2006, 20:42:36 UTC

It's end of term. XD We're all dead.

Kaho whined at the prospect of having the two of them force feed her and made her escape, darting into the living room as a head start.

“Hey! That’s not fair you had a head start!” Fujitaka said as he followed her, “Toya dish out some rice for me please!”

To me, the "head start" twice here sounds repetitive. XD A nice filler though and not too long, easy to swallow (unlike Kaho and her rice!!)

kainasilverbane May 31 2006, 02:18:24 UTC

Yes, I agree with you that that odes sound repetative, but I couldn't find another way to write it that I liked. I'l try working it out again ^_^

Grah! Yes! End of term kills us all! I still have two more finals! *dies* Then two summer courses!

claire_chan May 31 2006, 09:25:18 UTC

Good luck. XD I have a couple exams, a couple projects, and a couple concerts. As soon as June 20th hits though, I'm probably going to make my re-entrance into teh world of fanfiction.

Back to the editing, maybe you could just get rid of one or the other, still maintaining the meaning. Like, ...made her escape, darting into the living room.

"Hey! That's not fair, you had a head start!

kainasilverbane May 31 2006, 13:55:26 UTC

Doesn't that sound somewhat fragmented? But I just rolled out of bed so anything of intelligence is flying over my head right now XD

Thread 6

sheila_chan June 3 2006, 03:27:24 UTC

I obviously have plenty of reading to do. I've been away from the computer for quite a while, and boy, I missed this community.

Setting the nitty-gritty aside, I find the 'rice ball' scene pretty amusing. I'm just wondering, is Touya's name spelled as T-o-y-a or T-o-u-y-a?

Kaho cursing in English! LOL!

I skimmed this chapter before (when I tried to use the computer for liek a good 2 minutes) and got to read it in full just now; I noticed that you already changed your typos. Cheers to you!:)

ps:

good luck with your exams
did you mention having one on this post or was it in your latest post?
please don't mind me, I'm simply being the scatterbrained person that I am...@_@

kainasilverbane June 3 2006, 03:45:05 UTC

You know, I've been waiting for someone to ask my why I spella few names the way I do.

I do manga based spelling...most of the time. And in the first season release of the CCS manga, Touya's name was spelled T-O-Y-A.

Funny thing is if you go back now and check out the mangas at the bookstores, they've reprinted the first series/season/part of the CCS manga, flipped a few images, and changed the spelling of a few names. Toya being one of them, and Kaho's last name as another. Went from Mitsuki to Mizuki, correlating to the anime.

Why did they do that? I dunno. Am I gonna change? Not likely! XD I'm a sucker for originals/old style.

YUS! Kaho curses in english, I thought it'd be a funny little addition to her personality. She may have fairly placid in both reditions of her character (anime/manga) But I know she could kick some serious ass if she wanted to, physically or verbally XD