Bring forth the angry mob...I mean jury! *cough*

[kainasilverbane]

Title: Shards
Author/Penname:Kainasilversbane (ME!)
Rating:pg-13
Chapters: Chapter 4 WIP (EDITED!)
Pairings: FujitakaxKaho
Summary: It's a filler, Fujitaka pins Kaho to the floor and sex implications run rampant. Lil funny XD
Warning, Notes: Bloody in some parts
Link to previous chapter: ( Read more... )

Comments

[claire_chan]

It's end of term. XD We're all dead.

Kaho whined at the prospect of having the two of them force feed her and made her escape, darting into the living room as a head start.

“Hey! That’s not fair you had a head start!” Fujitaka said as he followed her, “Toya dish out some rice for me please!”

To me, the "head start" twice here sounds repetitive. XD A nice filler though and not too long, easy to swallow (unlike Kaho and her rice!!)

[kainasilverbane]

Yes, I agree with you that that odes sound repetative, but I couldn't find another way to write it that I liked. I'l try working it out again ^_^

Grah! Yes! End of term kills us all! I still have two more finals! *dies* Then two summer courses!

[claire_chan]

Good luck. XD I have a couple exams, a couple projects, and a couple concerts. As soon as June 20th hits though, I'm probably going to make my re-entrance into teh world of fanfiction.

Back to the editing, maybe you could just get rid of one or the other, still maintaining the meaning. Like, ...made her escape, darting into the living room.

"Hey! That's not fair, you had a head start!

[kainasilverbane]

Doesn't that sound somewhat fragmented? But I just rolled out of bed so anything of intelligence is flying over my head right now XD

[sheila_chan]

I know I'm like weeks late, but never mind...

Belated happy birthday:)

[claire_chan]

Thank you so much :D