F**k Christmas......
Monday night on the 25th, jeez, one more month until Christmas. Fuck that's depressing. Christmas for me has changed from something to look forward to into something that has to be suffered through. Christmas Eve I always try to go to sleep early so I can just sleep through. I'm not sure why I feel like that. I miss my family I suppose, but why do I dislike Christmas so much? I think it starts when I start hearing Holiday music on the radio. The first few songs in a deluge that won't stop until Dec. 26th. New Year's is different, that's a time to spend with friends in blessed intoxication. Christmas, in my mind, is ideally spent with fam. It's no longer like when I was a child, racing downstairs to open gifts, now I look forward to seeing my nephew open the stuff I got him. My own memories are spotty at best but I always remember that even though we weren't very well off, my folks gave it their best shot when gift buying. There were a few misses, but all in all I can't think of a single childhood christmas where I wasn't freakin' estatic. Looking back I can now see what an ass I was as a kid, chunky lil' brainiac with a 4 page long list of gift wants for Santa. What my poor parents must have thought looking at that list, broken down alphabetically every single G.I. Joe, Transformer, He-Man, etc. I could possibly want to get my grubby lil' mitts on. I feel bad for that, my greed as a child, is that normal I suppose? To pester your parents for crap that they knew I'd grow weary of in a few weeks time. I wish I was a little brighter as a kid then I could have realized what I had, oh well hell, that's what kids are I suppose. Like I knew any different. In my twisted little brain it was fucking retarded to buy me Man-At-Arms, Battle Cat, Skeletor and NO HE-MAN. What the fuck? Or, get this, AT-ST, Yoda and a Wampa from the Star Wars line. What a fun adventure that made. I put Yoda in the AT-ST and had him hunt down the Wampa in my back yard. I guess I should have placed the blame where it belonged..the fucking toy manufacturers who brainwashed me into thinking that, hey goddammit, I need all of this shit to have any fun. How can I be a normal, red-blooded American kid without the U.S.S Flagg Aircraft Carrier Playset from G.I. Joe,which if memory serves around 100$ a pop. Christ. My step brother had that, and the ungrateful little fuck let the cats in their house use it as a litter box. Fucker. Anyway, what it all boils down to is this: Christmas is about sweeping away all the b.s. that you worry about on a daily basis and letting you realize for a precious few moments that what really matters is being loved. Your reports don't really matter, getting a 2003 Cadillac CTS doesn't matter, getting that laser procedure to remove that unwanted hair from your back doesn't matter, what matters is being around those you care about, and who care about you. That's it. Oh, that and getting He-Man fer christ's sake. What kind of shit is that? Urgh. My next entry will be a bit more normal, but this is all I've got for now.
Until next time,
Until next time,