I'm watching the phillies. Yes. the Phillies.
they are playing the Dodgers. its the top of the 8th and they are losing... it wouldn't be so strange except, you know, they are playing decent baseball which is all so different than the pirates i'm used to.
Which brings me to my reverie.
Mark came to visit yesterday. We had a photoshoot in John's house. With no heat. fun. It made me realize how much i still miss that life i left. And I was rusty at modeling, so that sucked, and i felt (and perhaps maybe was) a little too big to be doing that. I mean, it's true, i have been eating shit like doughnuts and not running at all. But it sucks to hear "watch your stomach" though it does motivate you to start eating better.
But that isn't the point. The point is we had our shoot at John's house (because i didn't have any location as it was literally freezing outside) and when he left us, Mark turned to me and said "so thats the reason you left everyone in Pittsburgh." probably, yes.
things have been really good lately. Like, REALLY good. Like, I met him after work on thursday to watch the Phillies game and then, of course, we stayed out till last call with everyone from his job and then we came home and had the rest of the steak that i made myself for dinner. And i was thinking we were just going to eat some steak and potatoes and go to bed, and we sit at the table, sharing a plate, and he just starts talking. About FEELINGS.
And of course he begins with 'I was thinking today and i realized something and i struggled all day with whether or not i should even tell you.' I was thinking A) he's in love with someone else or B) he got someone pregnant or C)he hates me and wants me to go away.
What happened was this: he started telling me that he likes me. *Really* likes me (and the fact that we were having an 8th grade relationship conversation didn't bother me at the time). And that he's fallen into "accidental monogamy" because although he knows he is allowed to tell me 'hey, girl X is in town this weekend, make yourself scarce' he doesn't want to. and he used all the right tricks. I believe he said 'why would i want to spend time with them when i already have perfect' which is SUCH a line, but i am a girl and it worked.
but you know, i didn't get all emotional until later, when i thought we were done. He turns and says, there is another thing too... but I don't know how to tell you. And then he simply says "my dad would have loved you" Fuck. i mean, fuck. how can you even respond to that? You don't. You just cry.
So i did.
But they were very very happy tears.
I'm very very happy
Which brings me to my reverie.
Mark came to visit yesterday. We had a photoshoot in John's house. With no heat. fun. It made me realize how much i still miss that life i left. And I was rusty at modeling, so that sucked, and i felt (and perhaps maybe was) a little too big to be doing that. I mean, it's true, i have been eating shit like doughnuts and not running at all. But it sucks to hear "watch your stomach" though it does motivate you to start eating better.
But that isn't the point. The point is we had our shoot at John's house (because i didn't have any location as it was literally freezing outside) and when he left us, Mark turned to me and said "so thats the reason you left everyone in Pittsburgh." probably, yes.
things have been really good lately. Like, REALLY good. Like, I met him after work on thursday to watch the Phillies game and then, of course, we stayed out till last call with everyone from his job and then we came home and had the rest of the steak that i made myself for dinner. And i was thinking we were just going to eat some steak and potatoes and go to bed, and we sit at the table, sharing a plate, and he just starts talking. About FEELINGS.
And of course he begins with 'I was thinking today and i realized something and i struggled all day with whether or not i should even tell you.' I was thinking A) he's in love with someone else or B) he got someone pregnant or C)he hates me and wants me to go away.
What happened was this: he started telling me that he likes me. *Really* likes me (and the fact that we were having an 8th grade relationship conversation didn't bother me at the time). And that he's fallen into "accidental monogamy" because although he knows he is allowed to tell me 'hey, girl X is in town this weekend, make yourself scarce' he doesn't want to. and he used all the right tricks. I believe he said 'why would i want to spend time with them when i already have perfect' which is SUCH a line, but i am a girl and it worked.
but you know, i didn't get all emotional until later, when i thought we were done. He turns and says, there is another thing too... but I don't know how to tell you. And then he simply says "my dad would have loved you" Fuck. i mean, fuck. how can you even respond to that? You don't. You just cry.
So i did.
But they were very very happy tears.
I'm very very happy