I'm going to tell you a secret.
Two actually.
1) It is honestly an act of God that I am not pregnant. I mean, seriously. I think in the past month I maybe took 10 of the pills on time. The rest were a day (or two) late. Did I do anything about that? no. Today when I was cleaning, I found a whole week of pills that I didn't take. WTF? where did those come from? I have no idea. And then there was the moment at Buffett when I offhandedly said something to Allyson about being late and freaking out and she goes, oh which one is it? and I had to honestly say, I have no clue. I mean, i could have guessed, but there is always - how did Nies put it in highschool: "they send scouts". So anyway, powers that be, thank you.
2) I'm here in Philly. My job is awesome. I have this feeling of... well I'm excited. I feel like I might be on the verge of good things. Today I met a photographer who is VERY well known in the area - we're going to shoot a Zivity set soon and I'm now on the list to call when he needs girls for local products (think: corsets). And I'm starting to feel like I might fit in.
But I realized something terrifying. With ALL the boys I had these amazing feelings. So overwhelmingly pure and true and disgustingly romantic. I fancied myself in love with all of them, each time thinking "oh THIS must be love" because it was even more intense than the boy before. Then they would move away. Or I would go away. Or we would no longer be. And as soon as they weren't around anymore, I was over them. Almost instantly. It happened every time. It's in the process of happening right now with the last one. My attachment is only as strong as the lack of distance.
Except for the one. And it was only 6 months. Then he was gone. And then there was a 1.5 year.... thing. And now I live here.
what the fuck. why didn't I forget about him like the others?
1) It is honestly an act of God that I am not pregnant. I mean, seriously. I think in the past month I maybe took 10 of the pills on time. The rest were a day (or two) late. Did I do anything about that? no. Today when I was cleaning, I found a whole week of pills that I didn't take. WTF? where did those come from? I have no idea. And then there was the moment at Buffett when I offhandedly said something to Allyson about being late and freaking out and she goes, oh which one is it? and I had to honestly say, I have no clue. I mean, i could have guessed, but there is always - how did Nies put it in highschool: "they send scouts". So anyway, powers that be, thank you.
2) I'm here in Philly. My job is awesome. I have this feeling of... well I'm excited. I feel like I might be on the verge of good things. Today I met a photographer who is VERY well known in the area - we're going to shoot a Zivity set soon and I'm now on the list to call when he needs girls for local products (think: corsets). And I'm starting to feel like I might fit in.
But I realized something terrifying. With ALL the boys I had these amazing feelings. So overwhelmingly pure and true and disgustingly romantic. I fancied myself in love with all of them, each time thinking "oh THIS must be love" because it was even more intense than the boy before. Then they would move away. Or I would go away. Or we would no longer be. And as soon as they weren't around anymore, I was over them. Almost instantly. It happened every time. It's in the process of happening right now with the last one. My attachment is only as strong as the lack of distance.
Except for the one. And it was only 6 months. Then he was gone. And then there was a 1.5 year.... thing. And now I live here.
what the fuck. why didn't I forget about him like the others?