Living Right Is In the Trying

[reticentric]

Chapter Six

Dean appreciated old music. He’d never really got into the new stuff-some of it was okay-but he’d rather burst his eardrums than ever listen to the superficial bubble gum pop or whining boy groups that Sam liked. He wanted his music to tell a story or at least make it feel like his skin was vibrating while listening to it. However he had no issues listening to Rufus’ tunes from his small black radio as he tried to get his latest car up and running; a 1970 rusty Ford Torino Cobra. Marvin Gaye’s Distant Lover crooned out of the tiny speakers and he had to admit, Marvin had a voice filled with so much soul that it was brimming over.

The car though had seen better days. The bright red paint was peeling and nearly brown, the windows tainted with weirdly colored stains. Whoever owned it didn’t treat it very well and it kinda made him sad. He could never imagine letting his Baby fall into this kinda shape. He nearly popped a blood vessel if she made a noise he didn’t recognize.

His light gray shirt was covered in dark spots of grease that also smudged his forehead and neck. It was underneath his fingernails and in the shell of his left ear but he didn’t give a shit. He felt good. And he would feel even better when he turned the ignition and heard the purr of the Torino’s engine. His mind kept drifting back to that morning though and that Anna chick. The hot ones always turned out to be crazy.

Honestly he couldn’t imagine growing up that way. Sure his childhood had been cut short and fucked up but at least he’d had freedom. At least his brain hadn’t been washed by some fucktard wanting to be Jesus or whatever. You heard on the news about cults and religious leaders going too far, but it was different actually knowing someone who’d escaped that kinda shit. When he thought about what could have happened to Castiel if he hadn’t ran…if he’d stayed and let that asshole…it made him so angry he could have taken a crowbar to something.

Castiel was-he was-well he was too goddamn good for someone like Zachariah to mess with. But that was usually how it went. Good people got shafted and bad people just kept on going. He knew that from experience. But he’d never been in that situation before so thank goodness for small miracles he guessed. Not that people hadn’t said some fucked up shit to him when he was younger and hanging out with guys he shouldn’t have been around instead of in school. Old dudes in business suits that thought just because you were loitering on a corner you automatically wanted to suck their wrinkled dicks for cash. Yeah they could have used the money back then but Dean never went that low.

Hell he would have rather sold drugs.

Frowning, he worked the wrench in his hand hard against the tight bolt, his boots scuffling on the ground for leverage. He hated thinking about the past. Back to Cas. Cas was a tough little nerdy dude. He’d stood there and glared daggers at Anna while she railed into him but you would have never known how affected he was by what she was saying. He had one of the best poker faces Dean had ever seen. The quiet ones often surprised you and Dean wanted to see Castiel explode just once. Rain wrath and shit down onto someone’s head that deserved it.

He realized he was grinning like an idiot at the mental picture and snorted. The last thing he needed to be thinking about was Castiel’s blue eyes flashing in anger or how hot it would be. There was no way Rufus wouldn’t notice if he popped an erection when he slid from under the car, and then he would think cars made Dean hot in all the wrong ways.

Sitting in his lawn chair with his feet up on a small table, Rufus sipped from a glass of ice cold water. “You done yet?”

Dean lowered his arm so that he could see his legs. “Are you kidding me? Shape this car is in I might never be done.”

Rufus grunted. “Less yapping, more working. I thought you liked doing this sort of thing?”

Rolling out from underneath the Torino, Dean pulled himself up. “I do but even I know a lost cause.”

“So you can’t get it running?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Rufus gave him the finger.

“I love you too.” Dean joked, rolling his neck on his shoulders. “Feel free to continue sitting there like a King while I do all the heavy lifting.”

“Well that is why Gabe hired you.” Rufus replied easily. “You’re younger than I am. It doesn’t hurt you to put your back into it.”

Dean was not so sure about that. He was just about to voice his “concerns” when Castiel popped out of Gabriel’s trailer and made his way over, handing Dean a cold can of soda. “You’re all sweaty,” he said by way of greeting.

Taking the can from him, Dean popped the top. “Yeah that happens sometimes. Thanks.” He gulped down a few satisfying mouthfuls. “At least someone cares if I get dehydrated or not.”

Rufus just blinked at him. “You whine like a little girl you know.”

Dean laughed. He’d miss the old bastard when he was gone. “Oh so I got all the stuff we need to make smores with. We can have them for dessert if you want.”

Castiel was pleased. “I would very much like that, yes.” He reached up and rubbed at a smear of dirt on Dean’s cheek. “Your lashes are so long.”

Dean chuckled; he really liked Cas and his random self. “Good genes I guess.”

Rufus snorted. “Get a damn room you two. After the car is fixed.”

Castiel blushed and lowered his hand. “Gabriel has given me the night off because of what happened with Anna. I…I would very much like to spend the evening helping you with your duties. If I may?”

“Sure.” Dean smiled warmly at him. “I’d love the company.”

“Hey.” Rufus stood and pointed to the road where a black van was turning off and onto their path. “Looks like we got visitors. Most people round here know our hours and they are on the flyers. Must be lost.”

The van came to a stop beside Dean’s car. There was silence for a second and then the side door was sliding open with several people getting out. A tall fat balding man crawled out of the passenger seat wearing an expensive looking suit. He adjusted his tie and looked around, nose high in the air.

Castiel inhaled sharply at the sight of him and Dean knew right then there was going to be trouble. Well, bring it on.

“What’s wrong, Cas?” He asked watching as Baldy and his friends crept closer. “You know these chuckleheads?”

“Castiel.” Baldy opened his arms wide. “Look at you. How long has it been? Ten, eleven years?” His eyes trailed from Castiel’s shoes up to his face. “You have grown into a fine young man. I almost didn’t believe Anna when she said that she had run into you. However while at a gas station I saw this…” He held up a flyer with big bold letters talking about an angel. “It must be fate.”

Castiel’s mouth was set in a thin line, his brows narrowed. There was rage in his eyes. “Leave. Now.” His voice was deeper than Dean had ever heard it, as if he was putting every ounce of fury he had into it.

It wasn’t until he noticed Anna lurking in the background that he caught on to why that was.

“Mind your manners, Castiel.” Anna frowned at him. “Zachariah is still a superior.”

At the mention of his name, Dean was quick to connect the dots. “Rufus, go get Gabriel.” There must have been something in his tone because Rufus didn’t argue, instead opting to do as he asked. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face around here.”

Zachariah smiled at him. “Ah you must be Castiel’s friend. Anna mentioned you.” Pause. “Is this the type of person you left us for, Castiel? I don’t even know him but I can detect the sin on him. He reeks of it. Who knows the kind of things he has filled your poor head with. It’s lucky we found you when we did.”

Castiel took a deep breath. “You are the last person I ever wished to see. I would say I am surprised you’d even dare to come but I know your hubris knows no bounds.”

“The outside world has made you mouthy.” Grumbled a fierce looking black man with huge eyes and the dark haired man next to him smirked. “Zachariah deserves your respect.”

“He deserves a broken nose.” Dean growled.

Anna huffed. “Castiel are you really going to let this man continue to talk to Zachariah in such a way? Who is he to you anyway? We are your family. Raphael and Virgil are your brothers. I am your sister. We care about you.”

Castiel licked his lips. “I appreciate your concern but I am fine. I will not lie; over the years I have thought about all of you and wondered how you were doing. I am glad you are all healthy. But I have a new family now and they take very good care of me. Furthermore I have learned how to take care of myself as well.”

Zachariah chuckled darkly. “A family of sinners and heathens? My how far you have fallen. And am I to understand that you are using your considerable gifts for profit? God gave you those wings, Castiel.” He stepped closer. “I am sure he would be appalled with what you are doing with them.”

Dean exhaled angrily like a bull ready to charge. “They’re his and he can do whatever the fuck he likes with them!” He was shaking so hard with hatred, with the urge to slam his fist into Zachariah’s face that he nearly missed Castiel’s hand on his shoulder.

“Ooh outside voices!” Gabriel hurried over with Rufus and Balthazar tagging behind him. “What’s going on here? Whatever you’re selling we don’t want any.”

Zachariah looked smug. “We have come to take Castiel home. He belongs with us.”

Gabriel lifted a brow. “I think he’s right where he needs to be, actually.”

Apparently losing his patience, Zachariah sauntered right up to them. “Now you listen to me you disgusting vermin. I don’t know what kind of lies you have put inside of his head but Castiel will be returning home with us. He belongs with us. For eighteen years I clothed him and fed him and taught him the word of God. I refuse to let you devils condemn him to hell for your own selfish desires.”

“Well you’d know all about those, wouldn’t you?” Balthazar mocked. “Selfish desires and trying to pin someone down.”

Zachariah’s face twitched. “Raphael? Virgil? Put Castiel in the van. I’m anxious to get back home to begin his training again.”

The black man dubbed Raphael stalked up beside Zachariah. He reached for Castiel and found his hand smacked away by Balthazar. “I uh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you sweetheart.”

“Enough of this foolishness!” Zachariah shouted. He grabbed the collar of Castiel’s shirt and pulled, and that is when all hell broke loose.

Dean stopped resisting the itch to punch Zachariah and did it, sending him stumbling back with blood gushing out of his nose and down his chin. He cried out in pain and ducked behind Anna, shoving her away when she tried to tend to him.

Raphael lunged at Dean but Balthazar was quicker. He tackled him to the ground and the two began to scuffle, clawing and grappling with each other in the dirt. Virgil was on Dean before he could blink, landing a solid hit to his jaw, his ring opening a cut on Dean’s cheek. Dean ignored the small twinge of discomfort and hit him back, slamming his knee into Virgil’s stomach, making the other man double over. He struck him across the face and felt his knuckles tighten at the contact so he did it again, and again when Virgil regained his footing.

“You barbarian!” Anna shrieked and jumped on Dean’s back, her long nails digging painfully into the side of his neck.

Dean cursed and rolled her off of him. “Lady I’ve never hit a woman in my life but if you try that again, I’ll lay you out if I have to!” He turned just in time for Virgil to toss dirt in his face. “Fuck!”

Virgil cuffed him in the eye and latched onto his shoulders, shoving him violently into the side of the Torino. He bounced off of it like a rubber ball, landing on his knees on the ground. He felt Virgil’s fingers dig into his scalp to bash his head into the door when suddenly they were gone. His eyes were watering and burning but he forced them open just in time to see Castiel spin Virgil away from him and punch him in the mouth, splitting his lip.

He blocked Virgil’s uppercut with ease and jammed his fingers into his throat, making him gag and choke. Then he kicked him towards the van, landing his foot directly into his chest. Virgil looked as if he wanted to get up and continue the fight but gunfire stopped everyone cold.

“Ya know I don’t like guns. They’re loud and they make a mess and they make your hands all icky.” Gabriel’s words were amusing but his face was a mask of stone. He gestured with a small black pistol. “I’m a lover not a fighter. I also however cheat, hence the gun. Now I seriously think it’s time for you muttonheads to get the fuck off my property before my finger gets itchy.”

Raphael spit out blood and crawled off Balthazar where he had gotten the upper hand and lumbered over to join Virgil.

Zachariah eyed them all with total and utter contempt, his nose already bruised and swollen. “You’re all going to Hell! Each and every one of you! You will burn in the eternal fires like the sinners you are!” His seedy eyes focused on Castiel. “And you. You dirty, filthy little freak! I knew there was something wrong with you the moment I laid eyes on you but out of the goodness of my heart I brought you into the fold. I knew there was a sickness inside of you-that you lusted for other boys but I overlooked it. I let you stay with us. I was foolish to think I could ever help a damned soul like you. Mark my words Castiel, you will suffer for what you are. More than anyone else.”

They piled back into the van next, wounded but righteous. Minutes later they were driving away hopefully to be never seen again.

Dean slumped, resting his head back against one of the Torino tires. He was going to be sore later, he could feel it. He smiled when Castiel kneeled in front of him with Rufus’ water, pouring it into his fingers to dab at Dean’s eyes to wash out the grits.

Gabriel sighed and handed his gun back to Jake. Dean hadn’t even noticed when the others had showed up. “Thanks for fetching that for me. Well today was fun. Backyard wrestling and what not.”

“I thank all of you for sticking up for me.” Castiel said softly. “You are truly the best family I have ever had.”

Balthazar sat up slowly. “No problem, Cassy. Ah…” He rubbed at his red neck. “Come darling, help patch me up. I’m throbbing all the way down to my fingernails.” When Castiel hesitated, he pouted. “Are you really going to leave me in pain?”

“It’s okay. I’ll help Muhammad Ali here.” Rufus gestured to Dean. “You go on with Bal before he starts crying or something.”

Castiel locked eyes with Dean but nodded. He handed him the water and made his way over to Balthazar, pulling him up gingerly before helping him towards his trailer.

Rufus wasn’t as gentle with Dean-naturally-but he took him over into the shade and started cleaning him up with the first aid kit Ava brought over. “You got some moves in you.”

“Yeah well, dad was a Marine once upon a time.” He grimaced. “What he didn’t teach me I learned for myself.”

“You did the right thing helping Castiel out. I mean he probably could have taken on all three by himself but I’m sure it meant a lot to him.” Rufus wiped at his cut with an alcohol damp cotton ball. “Guy’s smart as a whip but he ain’t seen much of the world. And what he did see wasn’t very kind to him. I think it’s nice how you’ve taken to him.”

Dean shrugged and his ribs pulsed. “He’s a cool dude.”

Rufus yanked the strips off small butterfly Band-Aids and pasted them over Dean’s cut. “Heh. Okay I think you need to ice the rest of you for while. Go take a nap or something. The car can wait a bit.” He patted his shoulder. “And take some pain killers.”

Nodding, Dean trudged off wordlessly to his small mobile home and inside, closing the door slowly behind him. He went into the bathroom to the small medicine cabinet to find a bottle of aspirin that didn’t look too bad. He took three with water from the tap and then stretched out on the sofa, curling inwardly. He didn’t mind fighting for someone that needed help. He hated the thought of anyone being picked on or taken advantage of. And as pathetic as it was he was used to dealing with the consequences alone. It’s just…well…it was lonely.

Even when Sam was there it was lonely because Sammy was smart and outgoing, and people liked being around him. While attractive and charismatic, Dean didn’t exactly have lasting relationships. He could rock a one night stand like nobody’s business, but a relationship was a different matter all together. People just didn’t seem to take him seriously. They assumed he wasn’t that kinda guy. That he was only in it for the fun so nothing else mattered. To this day he couldn’t tell you where any of his old so called friends were.

And then you had someone like Castiel that was so freaken extraordinary that people would fight to be around him. To have him in their lives.

No one had ever fought for Dean before. He had a sinking feeling no one ever would.

~*~

By the time Dean woke up the sun had set and a few stars were slipping out into the night sky. He groaned as his joints popped and ached, his knuckles red and his side bruised. He forced himself up and to the bathroom to see his reflection, shrugging at what he saw. He didn’t look too bad really; no black eye but the skin around the cut on hi s cheek was purpling. A small cut rested on his nose and on his neck were four long angry looking whelps from sharp female nails. He was sorer than anything else.

“You could use a drink.” He told the mirror. “Eh, and a shower.”

Fifteen minutes later he was freshly washed and dressed, and heading out towards his car. He wanted more than the Whiskey in his cabinets. Not to mention Jo would probably end up trying to make him feel better or be totally sarcastic, neither of which he minded at the moment. He wasn’t blind or stupid; he could tell she had a crush on him. Although he didn’t feel the same way it never hurt to bask in that glow for a while. He wasn’t usually that kinda guy but hell, he sorta needed it tonight.

Unlocking the Impala’s driver side door, he looked up when someone called his name. He didn’t care who did what tonight, he just needed to get away for a while and if Gabriel couldn’t understand that, fuck him. He’d leave for California in the morning.

It wasn’t Gabriel though. It was Castiel. “You are leaving. Do you plan to return?”

Dean said, “Yeah. I’m just going to the Roadhouse for a drink or something. Figured it might help clear my head.”

Castiel’s expression turned forlorn. “I suppose Jo will be happy to ply you with food and drink until you feel better.”

“How’s Balthazar?” He asked with more edge necessary. “You fix him up?” Okay so maybe he was a little bitter over that. Either way it was stupid. Balthazar was one of Cas’ closest friends so of course he’d want to make sure he was okay.

“He will make a full recovery.” Castiel replied solemnly. There was silence for a minute and then, “I suppose I should let you go… Gabriel decided not to open tonight so you will not be needed for work.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose and wincing, Dean met Castiel’s piercing gaze head on. “You wanna go for a drive?”

Castiel smiled. “Yes.” He crossed to the passenger side and climbed in after the door was unlocked.

Dean turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life, purring happily at finally getting some attention. He stroked a hand across the dashboard, eased the car into gear and pressed down on the accelerator. The road was dark and quiet with no other vehicles at all. Every once and a while they’d pass an 18Wheeler or beat up pickup truck and that was mostly when they got closer to actual civilization like the gas station and diner. Dean made a point to stop at said gas station for a six pack before letting Castiel direct him to some dead end dirt road where a sprawling field stretched out before them with one lone giant tree.

They got out and perched on the hood, Dean sipping one of the beers while Castiel gazed up at the round full moon.

Castiel broke the quiet first. “Thank you again for helping with Zachariah. I am sorry for what Virgil did to you. He and Raphael have always been quick to anger.”

Dean kicked at a rock. “I’ll live.” Pause. “Gotta say though it was bad ass the way you kicked that dude in the chest. Who taught you to fight anyway?”

“Uriel. And Balthazar a little too.” He glanced at his hands. “I am not much for violence but it’s nice to be able to take care of myself. I was weak when Gabriel found me. I wouldn’t have lasted long on my own.”

“I think you would have done okay.” Dean dragged a hand over his face. “You know I’m glad I got to hit that son of a bitch Zachariah. When you first told me what he did I wished for it to be honest. I think he’ll remember me for a while.”

Castiel chuckled. “Oh yes I am sure he will. I feel a sense of closure now that the whole thing is over with. At the time-for a brief moment-I was afraid. It was like I was eighteen again and helpless.” His head turned and he stared at the side of Dean’s face. “And then you were in front of me practically trembling with rage on my behalf. There was a fierce protectiveness in you-like a warrior or a hunter-that I didn’t know you possessed. I don’t usually say this but I found your wrath to be beautiful. I was pleased that you thought enough of me to get so upset.”

Dean turned the bottle up and drained the liquid inside before sitting it empty on the ground. “You gonna go all chick on me like Sammy does?”

“There is nothing wrong with admitting you have emotions, Dean.” Castiel chastised tentatively. “They don’t make you weak.”

A harsh laugh ripped itself from his chest before he could stop it. “They damn sure don’t make you strong.” Sniffing, he shook his head. “I guess I owe you my fucked up story, huh?”

“You do not have to tell me anything you don’t wish to tell me.”

“I know. The funny thing is though? I kinda wanna tell you.”

“All right.”

Dean tapped his fingers restlessly on his jeans before speaking. “So, fuck. I haven’t talked about this in years. Okay.” He cleared his throat; he could get through this. He’d gotten through so much more. “My uh, my mom died when I was fifteen. Our house caught on fire-faulty wiring or some shit-and she was trapped inside. My dad tried to get her out but he couldn’t and he wouldn’t let me go back in with him. I had to stay outside and make sure Sam was okay. He just-dad wasn’t the same after she died. None of us were I guess. She was a really-she was really-we didn’t realize how amazing she was until she was gone.”

He dug his nails into the palm of his hand to hold himself together. “Afterwards things just kinda fell apart. Dad started drinking pretty much full time. He couldn’t hold down a steady job so we moved around a lot. Someone had to look out for Sammy though, ya know? He was only eleven at the time” He sighed, trying and failing to hold back tears. It was like a dam had been torn open. “So I did what I could…which was everything. I got him up for school and I-I cooked his meals. I would steal from dad so that he wouldn’t blow all his money on hooch, so that we could eat.” Pause. “I did okay I guess. Anyway Sam got older and he and dad started arguing all the time. I’m talking full on; up in each other’s faces kinda fights. I’d break ‘em up and Sam would call me a kiss ass, and dad would be all no son of mine is gonna tell me what to do….”

Castiel covered Dean’s hand with his own. “It must have been very difficult for you.”

“I think it was worse for Sam. He started acting out and hanging with the wrong kinda people. That’s how his dumbass ended up in trouble all those times. I tried to keep him straight but I was just his brother and he needed his mom.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “He stole shit and vandalized stuff but he went to school every day because he knew college would be his way out. He was fourteen when dad died; car accident. I had a few months left in school but I dropped out and got a job to support us. I thought-I thought with dad dead and it just being us he would stick close to home but he graduated high school and left for Stanford. I didn’t see much of him until he came home that summer with Ruby.”

“And got into trouble.” Castiel added. “Oh, Dean.”

“I’m okay.” He wiped his face quickly. “Sammy had it rough. He should have had a normal family but instead he just had me. I tried to give him a normal life but I failed I guess.”

“No. You didn’t.” Castiel was frowning. “You took care of your brother. You basically raised him. Other young men your age wouldn’t have stepped up to the challenge but you did. You’re remarkable.”

Dean flushed. “I’m really not, Cas. I should have done more. I mean the kid lost his mom. Dad and Sam, they loved her so much.”

Castiel tilted his head. “So did you. Were you even allowed to grieve her before you took her place?”

“I don’t know. I tried not to think about it.” He replied honestly. “Talking about her upset dad and Sam so…” A beat. “She was beautiful though.” Sliding off the car, he jogged around to the trunk and popped it open, pulling out an old shoebox. “Here these are a few of the pictures we managed to save from the house.”

Castiel removed the lid slowly and began sifting through the photos. He smiled at the happy faces of two little boys with a lovely blonde woman and dark haired man. “You have your mother’s eyes.”

Dean’s voice was barely above a whisper as he admitted, “I miss her a lot. Dad too. We were so happy before that goddamn fire. I used to wonder how our lives would have turned out if it had not happened. Maybe I’d have made something out of myself instead of being a high school drop out with a GED and not much else.”

Placing the box delicately on the ground, Castiel grabbed Dean’s hands and squeezed them. “You are so hard on yourself, Dean. You don’t think you deserve to be praised or to have nice things but you do. Why can’t you see how much you are worth? I can. I’m sure Rufus and the others can as well. You helped two strangers on the road when you didn’t have to. You do whatever menial task Gabriel asks of you without complaint even though what he pays is not much. And you were willing to fight to keep me safe.” His slender fingers caressed Dean’s cheek. “I think your parents would be very proud of you. You’ve grown into a fine young man basically on your own. One day-if he doesn’t already-Sam will realize all that you have done for him and he’ll repay your kindness. I know that I am honored to call you my friend.”

“Jesus…” Dean averted his eyes. That kinda admiration hadn’t been placed on his head since his mom was alive. Since she used to tell him how smart he was and how he could do anything he put his mind to. Since she used to help him with his homework and make him special pies for getting good grades. “I-thanks Cas.”

“You’re welcome. And whenever there is something weighing heavily on your mind I do not want you to hesitate coming to me. I will always listen.”

“Even when Balthazar is whining for you?”

Castiel smirked. “Yes.”

Dean snorted but he had to admit he felt a little better. He’d been carrying all of that bullshit locked up inside for a long time, only thinking about it when he was feeling especially low, which was way too often. While he still felt that he could have done more for Sam, it was nice to hear someone realize that he’d been just a kid as well. His childhood ended when their mother died. Life was bad for all of them; there was no question about that. But it had sort of got continuously worse for Dean. He didn’t just lose his parents; he lost his brother as well.

Blowing out a long steadying breath, he decided to revel in the high he was currently feeling because it wouldn’t last. It never did. He glanced to Castiel who was sitting quietly again, the moonlight casting a bluish halo onto his head. He looked so damn peaceful and, fuck, gorgeous. His eyes glittering and his skin smooth, his face set in a sort of soft reverence for the world around him. How did he manage to be badass one moment and then creepily serene the next?

How did he manage to see so deep inside of Dean and say what he had said without a single wink or nudge? Who could possibly be that honest and selfless? Better yet, who could be those things for someone like Dean?

He wasn’t sure what made him move, not really. It started as a twitch in his gut. A bodily reaction to Cas’ words floating around inside of his head, crashing together like meteors with each little piece that broke away turning into more words or soft looks or gentle smiles. Dean didn’t usually let himself want much of anything that wasn’t good food or good music, but suddenly he wanted to kiss Castiel more than he’d wanted anything in a long time. And he didn’t feel selfish or wrong for wanting it.

So he threaded his fingers through Castiel’s silky dark hair and when Castiel looked at him, he kissed him. For a tense brief second Castiel stiffened like a board and Dean thought he had made a horrible mistake that had probably cost him his one true friend. But then Castiel snapped to attention and kissed back clumsily. What he lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm, obviously enjoying the feel of Dean’s lips against his own.

The angle was wrong though so Dean stood and fit himself between Castiel’s legs, hands holding his waist. When Castiel didn’t immediately shove him away he figured it was okay and kissed him again. Castiel sighed softly, his lovely hands framing Dean’s cheeks, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles along his jaws. Dean sucked at his plump bottom lip and slicked his tongue across it, flicking it repeatedly until Castiel squirmed and gasped. Then he slowly coaxed Castiel’s tongue to stroke his own, their mouths moving together in a sensual dance that left both men panting but unwilling to stop just yet. Dean hadn’t kissed anyone since going to jail so he wanted to savor the moment. He wanted to continue to draw the soft sounds from Castiel’s throat so that he would never forget them.

“Dean. Dean.” Castiel moaned breathily.

The sound sent a shiver down Dean’s spine; his cock hardening almost immediately. Heat erupted in his stomach and he grunted, skimming his lips to the skin under Castiel’s ear to bite down and nibble until a red mark appeared. Dean liked the look of it; wondered how Castiel would look with is marks all over his body. On his chest and hips, down his toned back and on the inside of his thighs.

Castiel eyes were dazed, the blue nearly swallowed by black. His cheeks were pink; his lips kiss swollen and red. Dean wanted to lay him out in the backseat and get underneath his clothes. Strip him naked and make those beautiful wings pop out so that he could bite their arches and grip the feathers while he fucked Castiel into oblivion.

One kiss and it’s like I’m going off the rails! Is Cas freaken catnip or something?

“You okay?”

Castiel blinked up at him through long sooty lashes. “Yes.” His voice was gravelly and dark. “That was very enjoyable.”

Dean sniggered. “Uh, thanks I guess.” He ran his hand through Castiel’s hair again, curling the strands around his fingers, liking the way Castiel leaned back into it. “You’re so freaken hot.”

“I-”

Dean swallowed his words with another kiss. He licked into Castiel’s mouth, tasting him, pushing him back and down onto the hood of the car. Castiel opened willingly, tightening the hand he had on the back of Dean’s neck and whimpering as Dean pressed against him. Dean felt as if he was a rocket about to launch into orbit. It had been so long and even before then with Carmen it had never been this good. She’d never responded like Castiel was responding; practically a live wire beneath his hands, threatening to electrocute him. He was so warm and he smelled so good that Dean wanted to stay in this moment forever.

Or devour him completely.

The thought made Dean groan out a fuck into Castiel’s mouth and he shifted, letting his body sag forward so that he could grind down onto him, happy to find Castiel just as hard as he was.

Castiel gasped at the friction, his hips bucking up of their own volition before he was pushing at Dean’s shoulders. “Dean, wa-wait…”

“Shit, sorry!” Dean apologized taking a step back. “I’m sorry Cas.”

“No it-it’s alright.” He looked startled, overwhelmed. “I am-I have just never experienced anything like that before. It is a bit staggering.”

A sound clicked in Dean’s brain and he adjusted himself quickly. It would be hard to will his erection away and process that information at the same time. He was most likely totally jerking off later. “It’s cool. I uh, got carried away I guess.”

“It was pleasurable.” Castiel replied ducking his head. As if to make him feel better. “Very.”

It only succeeded in making Dean’s dick twitch. “Glad you liked it. You um, you wanna hang out here some more or head back?”

“I would like to watch the stars with you more if that is okay…?”

“Sure. I’m not really ready to go back either.”

He pulled himself back up onto the Impala and exhaled deeply, grinning at no one. He glanced to Cas who grinned as well before inching closer to rest his head on Dean’s shoulder. They sat in comfortable silence for a long while when suddenly Dean was struck with an amusing idea.

“Hey Cas. You said you’ve never tried to fly, right?”

“No.” Castiel replied suspiciously. “I usually only take my wings out during a show, or when my back is aching.”

Dean nodded. “Well would you be willing to try? I dunno it just seems like you should at least give it a go once. Being in a plane scares the shit outta me but if I had kick ass wings like yours I’d have to try if just one time.”

Castiel canted his head to the side in thought. “I suppose that is a valid argument.” He stood and pulled off his sweater and t-shirt, laying them both across Dean’s lap. Goosebumps broke out onto his skin. “Let’s hope I don’t injure myself.”

“You don’t gotta do this just ‘cause I brought it up.” Dean bit his lip and let his eyes trek over miles of perfectly smooth skin and two dusky nipples made hard from the nightly chill. “I don’t want you to get hurt. Pretty sure Gabriel will put his Ken doll foot in my ass if you do.”

“I should be fine.” He rolled his shoulders and sighed as his wings emerged with the same soft sound, whip cracking to extend as far as they could to either sides of his body.

Dean stared. It was all he could do. “How do you not fall over with those things?”

Castiel chuckled. “Practice? I suppose I am just used to them by now. When I first developed them they were hard to manage. However there were certain…angelic poses Zachariah wished for me to adhere to when people would come to ask for miracles.” His wings curved forward as if attempting an embrace, the long feathers at the tip nearly touching Dean’s knees. “I am sure you’ve seen them before on figurines. Every morning he would have me practice certain movements. I know now because he was coveting them but in his own sick way he did help me learn to control them more.”

“I’m still not used to them.” Dean admitted with a smile. “It’s like there should straps or something.”

His wings gave a lazy flutter and Castiel shrugged. “Sometimes I wish there were straps: that I could take them off whenever I wanted. But I am as God made me, and it’s not as bad as it used to be. Gabriel and others like him have taught me that I am not a freak.”

Dean watched as he planted his feet, as his wings shook and he began to beat them slowly like a butterfly would only way cooler. As they got steadily faster they kicked up a bit of wind that ruffled Dean’s hair and the dirt around him. He was sure he looked like a star struck kid meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time but he couldn’t help it. Castiel was a sexy winged badass and he’d never been happier that he’d changed a stranger’s tire than he was at that moment. And then, very slowly Castiel’s feet lifted about two or three inches off the ground.

“Dude you’re doing it!” Dean jumped up, pumping his fist into the air. “Fuck that’s awesome, Cas!”

Castiel’s feet hit the dirt with a little bounce and he grinned, shaking his wings out. “I think it would take more control than I have to achieve actual flight.”

His friend shrugged. “Maybe but still that was wicked cool.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

~*~

“All things considered-what with bearing my soul to you and shit-I had fun tonight.” Dean smirked and gazed up at Castiel from the bottom of his trailer steps. “Thanks for listening.”

“You’re welcome.” Castiel replied easily. “I am happy that I could be there for you. I’m always here, Dean, if you need me. I meant that.”

Dean nodded. “I know.” Looking around, he stepped closer and leaned forward, kissing Castiel briefly. “Night Cas.”

“Goodnight.” Castiel waited until he was walking away to shut his door.

Balthazar’s words drifted back into the forefront of his memory and while his assessments had been slightly crude, Castiel could not disagree with them. He was attracted to Dean but honestly it was hard not to be once you got to know him. Once you got to see underneath all the layers of doubt and self hate he covered himself with. Of course if he had not thought he was amazing before-especially after hearing what he did for Sam-there is no way he wouldn’t think so now after hearing about his parental tragedies. Dean was doing things at fifteen that Castiel didn’t know how to do at eighteen.

He sincerely wanted to be a shoulder for Dean to lean on if he needed it. Everyone said he was a good judge of character so surely Dean wasn’t some mirage of integrity. He was a wonderful man but still a boy in other ways and so very lost. Yet through it all he remained brave and selfless. Castiel wanted to help him be strong. He couldn’t explain why but sometimes some of the best things in life couldn’t be explained.

And Balthazar was probably right. Dean would leave one day to go to his brother and Castiel would be left with only memories of him. They would never be enough for a lifetime but he would take them over nothing at all. He’d deal with the fallout later.

Chapter Seven