Living Right Is In the Trying

[reticentric]

Chapter Five

There was an old saying; times flies when you are having fun. Dean had never really given it much thought because while in jail he hadn’t had any fun at all. Being locked up like a caged animal didn’t suit him but sometimes neither did the outside world. He didn’t have much in book smarts and his social graces were lacking, so when he couldn’t charm someone he walked away or tired someone else. Sam was the one most people related to. He had those puppy dog eyes that he never hesitated to use to his advantage. And there was his patented bitch face that flared up whenever someone annoyed him. Never had he met a kid that could make you feel so crappy just by looking at you when you were in the wrong.

Little freak.

But his point was that time moved. It moved at basically the same speed-you just didn’t realize it depending on what you were doing. So before he realized it an entire month had gone by at Gabriel’s and he was turning over the tiny calendar in his trailer. Things hadn’t changed that much except for the fact that he was closer to the crazy people who called the Menagerie home.

Rufus still treated him like he was more annoying than anything but he could tell the old man liked him. Maybe even appreciated all of the slack he was picking up. They didn’t have heart to hearts where they explored their feelings, but Rufus felt okay enough to talk about the loss of his family and how he’d figured he would be a lonely old man for the rest of his life. He said that Gabriel was the biggest damn clown but he also had a big heart and that was all that mattered when you were in a tough spot.

Dean agreed.

His friendships with Andy and Jake had blossomed because they were all young and fond of the same things, mainly food and drinking though he didn’t engage in the last too often. He liked having his wits about him. But ya know he liked Andy and Jake. He wasn’t even freaked out by Andy’s freaky mind powers anymore because he promised to stay out of his head. And it was trippy more than anything else watching Jake lift the back of a car off the ground.

He sorta stayed away from Ava though as much as he could. It wasn’t that he disliked her-no nothing that dramatic-she just seriously freaked him out. She would look at him sometimes and just smile, and he felt like she already knew what he would have for lunch and whether he would like it or not. He was never rude but if he didn’t have to interact with her he didn’t.

Same went for Max though that was more his doing than Dean’s. He liked his space so Dean gave it to him.

Honestly he probably spent most of his free time with Castiel when Balthazar wasn’t calling him away for something or other. He’d seen Cas’ wings about a dozen times already (for free) and he still wasn’t tired of them. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of them. Or that he would ever get over the urge to wanna grab a handful of his feathers and bury his face into them. It had gotten so bad that he had to have something in his hands to distract himself.

It wasn’t just the wings though. Castiel was funny and delightfully obtuse about some things. He didn’t know much about or care for-for that matter-pop culture so many of Dean’s references often went over his head. But that just meant he’d get a cute blank look and blink until Dean explained. He was very smart however; he had a brain like a calculator and knew obscure facts to things Dean had never heard of before. He also spoke several different languages and when asked he would only say that he had an excellent home school teacher when he was younger.

In truth he could make Dean feel extremely dumb but he seemed to go out of his way to try to avoid that. And that just made Dean like him more. They didn’t exactly talk about anything real though. Like Dean had no idea where he grew up or if he had any siblings. He would shut down whenever the subject of family came up, so Dean stopped hinting. He talked about Sam-who Castiel seemed interested in knowing about-but kept it mostly surfaced based. He did not wanna reveal his deep, dark secrets without getting any in return.

It sounded fucked up but he had trust issues, sue him.

All that aside he liked hanging out with Castiel. He liked getting him to laugh because his eyes would crinkle at the sides and his whole face would change. He liked watching him work with the people who came to see him when he was on display. He would arch his back and flare his wings, and the small crowds would gape and ooh in awe. And Castiel would just sit with a pleasant look on his face, accepting their praise with real gratitude. The only time he got un-nerved was when someone requested a prayer. Then Balthazar would step in and herd everyone out.

Dean wasn’t fond of Balthazar and he knew the feeling was pretty damn mutual. The blonde made no bones about how he didn’t trust Dean or how he was sure Dean was going to rob them in their sleep. They traded harsh words on a daily basis; usually Gabriel or Castiel would step in and put a stop to it. Though Gabriel said he wouldn’t mind seeing them mud wrestle at least once.

Sam had heard all about everything because he insisted that Dean call him once a week. “To make sure you are still alive,” he’d moaned petulantly. Sometimes the conversations lasted for all of five minutes but, well, it made Sam feel better so Dean wasn’t too broken up about them. And he liked hearing about how whipped his girlfriend Jessica had him.

Groaning, Dean swung his legs off the bed and rolled his neck on his shoulders. He glanced to the clock and yawned, rubbing at his eyes. A firm knock sounded on his door and he pouted, dragging himself up in only black boxer-briefs to answer it. It wasn’t even noon yet!

He opened the door slowly, arching a brow at the assessing look Castiel gave him from head to toe before lingering on his chest. Pink crept up the side of his smooth neck and Dean smirked, and leaned against the side of the door. “Where’s the fire, Cas?”

Castiel cleared his throat. “There isn’t any fire. I am on my way to the market and I was wondering if you wished to accompany me. The earlier we go the fresher the fruits and vegetables are.”

Dean thumbed behind him. “Okay just let me throw something on. Unless you wouldn’t mind me going like this?”

Castiel only blinked up at him. “While I do not mind your state of undress I am sure others would see it as indecent.”

Chuckling, Dean strolled inside to the small dresser by the bathroom. “This isn’t even the tip of the iceberg of indecent.” He tugged on a t-shirt and jeans. “I could always lose the underwear.”

“You could. However you would most likely end up in jail. Again.” Castiel pointed out wittily. “And I fear Gabriel would not bail you out to teach you a lesson.”

“He would if you asked him to.” Dean said putting on his boots. “Just tell him you need me around for cheap thrills.”

“Are you a cheap thrill?”

“For you I could be.”

“I was under the impression that cheap equals poor quality.”

“No worries Cas. I’d give you a hellava lot of bang for your buck.”

Castiel laughed deeply and walked out expecting Dean to follow. Which he did after grabbing the keys to Rufus’ truck. He’d take his own car but Castiel liked the wide bed of the truck for baskets of things and bags of groceries.

They’d started kinda flirting with each other, though Dean was a natural flirt anyway. And he wasn’t sure what Castiel was doing amounted actually to flirting. But they would banter back and forth, and Dean would tease him about how gorgeous he obviously thought Dean was. Castiel would never admit to it or deny it but his blushing didn’t lie.

Dean really liked it when he blushed.

Crawling into the pickup and turning the ignition, he waited until Castiel closed the door before backing up and pulling off. The tires bounced over the tiny rocks of the dirt path and seconds later they were on the sleek concrete road heading to their destination. Dean didn’t play the radio because it was all country stations and lacked a tape deck for his cassettes. The silence should have been awkward but it wasn’t. It was almost…comforting.

He didn’t have to say anything and Cas would be okay with it. They could just ride down the road with the scenery flying by, sneaking glances at each other without having to fill the quiet at all. In Dean’s experience that did not happen a lot especially around strangers.

But he’s not a stranger anymore, is he? Not in the ways that matter.

“You know I’m not eating any of this stuff you get right?”

Castiel pulled his gaze away from the window to look at him. “Yes. You will. You will also cook me something with whatever ingredients I buy.”

Dean snorted. “You’re so bossy. And really you should learn to cook something yourself. What did you do before I showed up?”

His brows drew together in thought. “I can prepare simple dishes. Usually I ate leftovers that the Harvelles delivered.” He wet his lips. “If-you don’t have to cook for me if you don’t want to.”

Dean reached over and squeezed his thigh. He hated Cas’ sad voice. “Dude I’m just messing with you so cut the sad eyes. If I didn’t wanna do it I wouldn’t. Okay?”

“Okay.” Castiel whispered. “Thank you.”

Putting his hand back on the wheel, Dean grunted in response and kept driving. They reached the outdoor Farmer’s Market fifteen minutes later. The wooden stands and shelves were filled with goods from oranges to giant watermelons. Castiel looked positively thrilled with the selection. He was a nerd that way but it was always nice to see him excited. He tugged Dean from booth to booth, squeezing melons and stroking kale leaves. The only green Dean liked was the lettuce on his hamburgers and even that he could do without. But he humored Cas when he talked about juicy this or succulent that.

He also really liked the way he said “juicy” and “succulent”.

“Are you allergic to any fruits, Dean?”

“Not that I know of.” Dean replied. “Why?”

Castiel plucked a tiny piece of pineapple off a tray and held it out to him. “Taste this. It was cut just minutes ago from the most beautiful pineapple.”

Dean eyed it like it might blow up before relenting and closing his lips around it, and the tips of Castiel’s fingers. Castiel’s round blue eyes stretched wide and he swallowed thickly, slowly easing his fingers out of Dean’s mouth. Dean winked at him and chewed, nodding a little. “Tastes good.”

“I-well-yes.” Castiel stammered turning back to the samples. “When they are fresh they are very appealing.”

Dean grinned; the tips of Cas’ ears were pink. He loved seeing him all flustered. “I guess I could make a pineapple pie or something. Cake might be a better choice.”

Castiel picked up one of good size. “I shall procure us one then.” Pause. “You’ve never told me who taught you how to cook.”

A sigh. “My mom taught me the basics. I’ve always liked food so…” He pointed to the cucumbers to change the subject. “Grab one or two of those. They’re the only green thing I actually like by itself.”

Castiel nodded after paying for the pineapple. “Yes Dean.”

Taking out his wallet, he shoved some cash into Castiel’s hands for the cucumbers. “I got these.” It was lucky the Roadhouse had an ATM or he’d have to really scrape by on what Gabriel paid. Which wasn’t that bad since room and board were free. “You know what? We should go to the grocery store after this and get some marshmallows and make some smores.”

“Smores? I have never had one before.” Castiel said slowly. “Are they good?”

“Hell yeah. You’re gonna love ‘em.” He wiggled his brows. “It’s all chocolate with a graham cracker and stuff. And you melt it all together either by like a fireplace or something.”

“I would very much like to try one. Melted chocolate sounds delicious.”

“It is. We’ll get some before heading home.”

Castiel nodded again and headed for the strawberries while Dean absently followed, realizing he’d just called Gabriel’s place “home.” It wasn’t-not really-but on the month he’d been there it kinda felt like it. Surely it was warmer and safer than anywhere he’d been in a long time. The only thing missing were the floral curtains at the windows.

Stifling a big yawn, he looked around to see if anyone was selling coffee. It wasn’t the usual place to find any but he figured he might get lucky. Maybe someone was selling coffee beans and had brewed some up to prove how tasty they were. He was just about to ask Castiel about it when a female voice grabbed his attention.

“Castiel? Castiel is that you?” A tall and slender redhead in a long gray pencil skirt and white blouse was standing a few yards away, holding a green bag full of what looked like potatoes. “Oh! It-it is you!”

Castiel was staring at her with a look of abject horror on his face as if she were some kind of terrible monster. He was paler than Dean had ever seen him, his fingers white knuckling the strap of his shoulder bag. “Anna…” His voice was low, shaken. “What-what are you doing here?”

She smiled and crossed the space between them, pulling him in for a big hug. “Oh Castiel I can’t believe it’s you! This is such a wonderful surprise!” She cupped his cheeks. “Look at you! You’ve grown into such a fine young man. Praise God and all his holy light. We were all so worried about you.”

He took a step back. “What are you doing here?”

She continued to smile; it was kinda eerie. “A few of us are going around spreading the word of God. Zachariah has left Michael in charge at home to continue training and to look after the others. He felt like we could reach more people if we traveled a little. It has been wonderful meeting so many different people.” She sighed. “And now there’s you! I wasn’t going to come because I felt Michael needed me but now I know why Zachariah pushed me so. It was to find you and bring you home. God is great!”

Castiel shook his head jerkily, putting more space between them. “While I am happy to know that you are alright Anna, I will not be returning with you. The Retreat has not been my home for many years now.”

Anna waved a hand. “Castiel there is nothing to be ashamed of. Or scared of. You know that Zachariah will welcome you back into our fold with open arms. We all will. He will understand that you just lost your way. All you have to do is ask his forgiveness and things can go back to the way they were. It will be perfect.”

“I did not lose my way. I chose to leave.” He explained. “I had to leave.”

“Because you were tempted by the outside world. I know.” She exhaled softly. “Zachariah said as much the next day when he found your bed empty. He said you couldn’t help yourself because of your…affliction. While it was a mighty blessing it could also be a terrible curse that caused you to want things you shouldn’t want. But he had a plan for you Castiel. He was going to marry you to Rachel. Wouldn’t you have liked that? You two got along so well together and your children would have been beautiful.” Pause. “She is married to Inais now though but perhaps there is another for you. I am certain Zachariah would find you a suitable wife.”

“I ran away because… “ He stopped and swallowed audibly. “I am glad that you are well but I shall not be returning with you. I never want to set foot on the Retreat grounds as long as I live.”

“But it’s your home.” She said finally losing the smile. “You were born there. You grew up there. You have a duty to us and to God.”

Castiel glanced away. “I continue to serve my duty to God but in my own way, away from the watchful eyes of a man like Zachariah. I have come to learn that everything he preaches about is a lie. He is a cruel man who plays on the fears of those less fortunate for monetary gain. The best decision I ever made was to run away from him and never look back.”

Anna glared at him. “You will stop this at once, Castiel! The outside world has made you prideful and mean. Luckily that will be dealt with once you return home. Perhaps a few days seeking solitude with God’s word will fix your attitude.”

“You’re not listening.” He looked sad. “But that’s alright. I do not expect for you to understand. I hope one day that you can truly find happiness.”

He turned to leave but she latched onto his arm. “How dare you look down on me!” she yelled loudly. “You are a dirty, tainted sinner. You have squandered the amazing gift God gave you in order to live a life of decadence. You would be lucky if Zachariah even agreed to look at you again after all that you have done! You left us without saying good-bye. Just ran off in the middle of the night from your family. What sort of awful person does that to the people who took him in? Loved and cared for him when no one else would.” Her hand tightened, her nails digging into the material of his shirt. “Don’t forget what you are, Castiel, what you truly are. An abomination. Others will look upon you and hate you. Your place is with us! And if you don’t come with me right now, so help me I will-”

Dean had heard enough. More than enough. He snapped to attention as if pushed and stepped between the girl and Castiel, prying her hand off his arm. “I think you need to calm the fuck down and get away from him.”

Anna blinked at him. “Who are you?”

He drew himself up to full height. “I’m Cas’ friend. And I don’t appreciate the shit you’re laying on him. I don’t know who you are but you need to chill.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “What you want is of no consequence to me,” she sneered. “This is between me and my brother. I’m taking him home.”

Dean filed away brother for later. “Yeah I don’t think he wants to go with you. And seein’ as how he’s a grown ass man who can make his own decisions, that sounds okay to me. Not to mention I just met you but I’m pretty sure you’re one egg short of a whole dozen.” He slipped his arm around Castiel’s waist tugging him into his side. “C’mon Cas let’s go. We’ll come back later when Looney Toons isn’t around.”

“This isn’t over Castiel!” Anna shouted as Castiel let himself be taken away. “You will be judged! God will judge you and punish you for turning away from him! From us! You’ll see! You’ll come crawling back to us!”

She continued until the truck was speeding away.

~*~

Dean figured that Castiel would want to be alone after that but instead he followed Dean into his trailer and sat down on the sofa where he remained quietly for thirty whole minutes while Dean puttered about the kitchen. He wanted to ask what the hell was going on but knew it wasn’t his place. Still he couldn’t help replaying what he’d heard over and over again in his mind. All signs pointed to some kinda extreme religious sort of deal which would explain why Castiel acted like a freaken Martian sometimes. But of course it wasn’t the whole picture.

Guess that’s what he ran from, like how Ava split town because of her jacked up fiancé.

Fuck.

Scratching the side of his head, he sighed and dropped down beside Cas. “You want a drink or something? I got some Whiskey.”

Castiel shook his head. “No thank you.” He braced his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. “I am sorry you had to witness that, Dean.”

Dean scowled. “Don’t even go there, man. You don’t have anything to apologize for. We’ve all got that one family member that we pretend we don’t know in public. Mine is my cousin Christian. Dude’s an ass hat.”

Castiel smiled, just a little. “Anna is-she’s not my true sister. Not by blood.”

Dean wanted to know. He was dying to know but, “You don’t gotta tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I know.” He said quietly. “I want to. Gabriel and Balthazar already know about my past. And-and we have become friends this past month. Yes?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Then I want to tell you. I am not sure if Ava or Andy know; perhaps with their talents but they’ve never said anything so neither have I. Jake and Max are none the wiser when it comes to the full story.” He leaned back and fixed Dean with his ocean colored baby blues. “My father was never interested in being a father so my mother went to friends after she found out she was pregnant. Her best friend Daphne convinced her that she would be well taken care of at this place called the Holy Retreat; a religious institution. There she and Daphne became members and lived by the rules and codes of their leader, Zachariah.” He paused as if in memory and then continued. “She died in childbirth and I was raised by the other members of the Retreat. My life was not a bad one growing up. I helped with the daily chores. I was taught very well by private tutors like the other children, and we learned about God and the bible. Things were alright until I hit puberty and my wings appeared.”

“Naturally Zachariah did not cast me out. I assumed he would but he assured me that they were a blessing-a true gift from God. I was thirteen at the time and I believed him. He and the others were all I had ever known after all. At first they didn’t treat me any differently. I was allowed to be a child, to play with my friend Rachel and continue my chores.” Castiel frowned deeply, his expression murderous. “And then one day Zachariah pulled me aside and he told me that I should use my gifts to help people. I didn’t know what he meant since wings were just wings, but he told me he knew what to do. That God had told him. So he began to let people into our commune to see me. I was to sit and listen to their problems with my wings out, and then I was to lay my hands upon them in prayer. This went on for years. He would tell them that I could heal their ailments in exchange for a donation. He told some that it would take more than one session so they would return again and again.”

He bowed his head in shame. “I can still remember some of their faces. People who had terminal illnesses, lost relatives, missing limbs…some were going blind.”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek hard. He wasn’t touchy feely by any means but he slipped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder for support. “That Zach dude sounds like a real asshole.”

“He is.” Castiel whispered. “I don’t know why I continued to be used in such a way. I think I honestly thought at the time that it was what God wanted. Everyone told me it was. Anna, Michael, Raphael-even Rachel. And the people would just-they would just look so happy afterwards. Like a burden had been lifted from their souls.” There were tears in his voice but he held them in. “My wings grew with me and by the time I was eighteen they were much like they are now. One night just before bed Zachariah came to my room and asked me to pray with him. It wasn’t unusual; he often requested that I pray with him. We were on our knees, praying, when he started talking about me. He said God had given me to him because he was such a devoted follower.”

Silence.

“He said that because he had abstained until I was of age he could finally have me. I had no idea what he was talking about. I was foolish and too trusting of him. He started rubbing my back and when I tried to pull away, he grabbed me. Pinned me underneath him and tried to remove my pants, all the while telling me how I had been chosen. How I was going to help him become a Prophet. How I was going to,” he grit his teeth. “Bear his superior offspring. I think he was surprised when I fought back. I kicked and bit and hit until it was either let me go or be bruised in the morning. He told me I would learn to obey him and left. I ran away an hour later with nothing but the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet.”

Dean’s jaw was clenching so hard it was becoming painful. He didn’t know this Zachariah but he wanted to beat the living shit out of him. Maybe even choke the bastard until he was blue in the fucking face. Until he was gasping for air and sputtering. Until he was dead. “Cas…”

“I met Gabriel two days later and have been with him ever since.” Castiel released a long, slow breath. “I had hoped to have put them behind me forever but seeing Anna today reminded me that they are still out there somewhere. That the Retreat isn’t an institute but a Cult where Zachariah rules supreme.”

“Fuck ‘em!” Dean exclaimed, trying and failing to rein in his anger. “Seriously Cas you don’t need to even think about their brand of bullshit anymore. You are smart and funny and-and they’re dicks! And that Zachariah douche bag should be in jail for what he tried to do to you. Or worse six feet under. I swear to God if I ever run into that bastard I am punching him in the fucken throat so hard his heart stops.”

Castiel rubbed the back of Dean’s neck soothingly. “I am touched that you seem to care so strongly about me, Dean.”

Dean sighed leaning into the touch without conscious thought. “Well, yeah. I mean you’re awesome and you’ve been nothing but good to me since I got here. It makes me mad to think of someone trying to take advantage of you. I don’t like when people fuck with my friends. Especially the ones that aren’t bothering anybody and shit. They should have been taking care of you not trying to…” He made a tight fist and punched the cushion. “I’m glad you got away from that shit.”

“So am I.” Castiel groaned. “I should go tell Gabriel what has transpired. He would wish to know.” He got up slowly and Dean walked him to the door. “I am sorry we did not get the ingredients for your smores.”

Dean snickered. “I’ll go back by myself as soon as I get some coffee in me. We’re gonna get some smores in you tonight or die trying!”

“Well then I very much hope that you get some.” He laughed; his temperament seemingly lighter. “Thank you for coming to my rescue, Dean. You truly are a good man.”

Dean knew his cheeks were red, he could feel his freaken freckles burning. He didn’t reply, just nodded and watched Castiel be on his way. He didn’t take compliments well because, to be honest, he wasn’t used to them. Even back at the garage his boss Bobby Singer never told him when he was doing a good job. But he was like Rufus; he buried his emotions under too much bourbon and grunts with the occasional moment of emotion. Dean got that Bobby liked him though just like he got that Rufus was fond of him too.

Still his last true compliment had been when he was fifteen. From his mom.

~*~

The night Castiel met Gabriel he was seriously contemplating going back to the Retreat. He’d been on his own-for the first time ever-for two whole days that felt like a hundred. He was cold and hungry, sleeping inside of the bus terminal with another homeless man that obviously hadn’t had a bath in weeks. Deep down he knew what Zachariah had tried to do to him was wrong but his brain had started to rationalize the situation. Saying perhaps it was God’s will. Perhaps God did want him to belong to Zachariah in mind and body. He already had such sinful feelings for other men; maybe being with Zachariah was the right thing to do.

It made him sick though, just the thought of Zachariah touching him and his wings. But he was sure he had no other choice.

And then Gabriel had driven up on his loud motorcycle seeking directions, taken one look at Castiel and proclaimed that he was skin and bones. That he was going to come with him to get food because he hated to see anyone hungry. Castiel was wary to trust him but Gabriel-Gabriel-proved to be nothing but trust worthy. He took care of Castiel and taught him how to take care of himself. Talked him into helping him open his Menagerie for other “special people” that needed a place to go. Now Gabriel was closer to him than anyone at the Retreat had ever been.

Seeing Anna again after so long made his heart tighten painfully in his chest. Once upon a time they had played together and sung together. Now her very presence made him want to vomit. She was still spouting the same tired drivel that Zachariah taught. However he was surprised that she actually thought he would return with her. It made him wonder if the others spoke of him, what they said and how often they said it. A part of him wanted to reach out to her and try to make her see reason but he knew it would never work.

She followed the word of the Holy Retreat and nothing else.

“Thank you God for letting me escape that place when I did.” He said aloud to the emptiness of his trailer. “At times I lose my faith in you but I never question your existence.”

Pulling his knees up to his chest, he rested his chin on them and sighed. The situation earlier with Anna weighed heavily on his mind causing a headache to throb at his temples, but a small amount of good had came out of it. Dean had stood up for him. In the month of getting to know him better, Castiel had come to find Dean funny, sarcastic and extremely humble to the point of being self deprecating. He was family oriented and yet lacked a family which appeared to cause him great distress at times. He didn’t talk about his past but Castiel understood that completely. Sometimes it was very painful to let someone else in. Someone new.

But now Dean knew his biggest secret and it apparently made him even more protective. Castiel had honestly never thought of himself as something to be protected, wings or not. It made him smile…repeating Dean’s words over and over in his head. It was nice knowing Dean would stand beside him if he ever needed him to. That he could ask for his help and not be rebuffed.

With as amazing and handsome as Dean was, it was sort of a miracle that he was still single. Jo tried-she tried-at nearly every turn to catch his eye but for whatever reason Dean was not interested in her beyond a platonic level. Their pool rematch resulted in Dean being victorious so there was never any date. Thankfully. Jo had not given up though; there was a chance she never would. She was entitled to keep trying of course. Just like Dean was entitled to keep rejecting her.

“Cassy?” Balthazar knocked once before opening the door and sticking his head into the room. “Are you decent?”

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for my answer before you come in?” Castiel inquired with a smirk. “However yes I am.”

Balthazar smiled and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Gabriel told me what happened when you went o the market this morning. Are you alright, dear?”

Castiel sighed. “I am better, I think. It was strange seeing Anna again. She said a lot of hurtful things but I understand that she has been effectively brainwashed by Zachariah.”

Balthazar sat down beside him. “What are they even doing away from the Retreat?”

He shrugged. “She said they were spreading the word of God. Who really knows what is going on now…”

“I should have been there to help you.” Balthazar grumbled. “I do not like the thought of you being accosted by that woman alone.”

Castiel bit his bottom lip. “I was not alone. Dean was with me.”

Balthazar huffed and rolled his eyes. “I do not see how that marmoset was of any help.”

It was obvious to anyone that Balthazar did not like Dean. He claimed it was because he was an ex con but Castiel wasn’t certain if he believed that. It wasn’t like Balthazar Dupree had lived a life of purity and virtue before coming to stay at Gabriel’s. In fact five years ago he was on his way to being homeless after having spent his entire inheritance on expensive alcohol and high priced escorts. If not for Gabriel he would probably be living under an overpass in a cardboard box. So it made little sense for Balthazar to judge anyone else for their past mistakes.

“Actually Dean stood up for me and took me away before it could escalate any further.” Castiel explained. “He is not the horrible person you perceive him to be. Besides he stole a car…he didn’t harm anyone.”

Balthazar fixed him with a look much like you would give an unruly kitten. “Cassy, I love you but you do tend to try to see the best in people. Like those cretins that threatened to set you on fire or that woman that tried to mount you during a show. You excused their behavior just like you are excusing what Dean did.”

Castiel huffed. “Dean is vastly different than those people. They were malicious and sexually frustrated. He is neither of those things. Furthermore he has been nothing but cordial to me since the day we met. I think you would like him if you would just give him a chance.”

Dragging his palms along his jeans, Balthazar stood abruptly. “Don’t think I have missed the way you look at him, Castiel. Or how much time you have been spending with him. You are attracted to him.”

“I…” The denial was there on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it down, not wanting to lie to his good friend. “He is an attractive young man. I am sure Joanna Beth would agree with me. Perhaps even Gabriel as well. And Dean is agreeable and personable. He makes me laugh.”

“But only you and Jo want to fuck him.” Balthazar replied matter of fact. “Of course you are allowed to do whatever you wish, Cassy, but we both know that Dean is not worthy of someone like you. You are an educated, talented, beautiful man and you deserve someone who compliments you. Not some…high school drop out that turned to a life of crime when he didn’t have anything better to do. He won’t appreciate you. He’ll use you and then leave.” Pursing his lips, he leaned down and kissed Castiel on the forehead. “Forgive me. I am still upset over what happened to you earlier with Anna. I am going to go make you your favorite smoothie and then we’ll talk more.”

He was gone before Castiel could reply.

Chapter Six