my brain just wants a vacation. and by wants, I mean seems to be taking with or without permission.
I'm closer to my equilibrium, but I fear that I will never again be the person who is so respectful of work that she doesn't swear in the building. Unfortunately, the drawback of how much I (quite often inadvertently) repress is that once my emotions are riled and released, well. The lid can't go back on Pandora's Box.
Plus, even though work should be easier, it's not actually getting less stressful.
The resolution to everything I mentioned in my last post: We had a departmental meeting which I suspect fixed fuck-all, but made everyone behave. Typically when that happens people behave for two weeks at the most. Over the weekend, they definitely started causing trouble again. The one racist comment wasn't against anyone in our department, but still made me uncomfortable. (It was also hilariously and tragically inaccurate. Miranda was bitching that her fruit plate was skimpy and said it was because it was made by a new white girl in the kitchen. Her lunch was actually made by a black man who isn't new.)
The way my name was drawn into a conversation I wasn't even part of made me more uncomfortable. And Elizabeth straight up irritated me by milking the clock, saying she cleaned a room she didn't clean, and then just shrugging it off when Joyce asked her how she managed to not clean a room and why she wrote that she had cleaned it. And by shrugged it off, I mean basically said "My bad, do I have to explain this to Brittany?"
No one has reported anything with Immigration yet, but I'm pretty sure it will happen the next time there's big conflict. And technically I probably should have taken some sort of legal action, but I didn't want the stress so I figured I'll give management this last chance.
I haven't quit, but I do have my brother looking into a potential opportunity to get a gig with place that does audiobooks. Which would be so many kinds of awesome that I told him I'd do it as an internship if that was the only way to get a foot in the door. Because here's the thing: management is going to keep trying to cut our hours and increase our labor, my manager is probably not ever going to stop putting me in the awkward position of having assignments that belong to management while giving me none of the authority/benefits that management gets, and I am finally feeling like maybe I can move on from this job without completely losing my ability to function. Maybe.
In non-work news, I am stupidly hooked on Assassins, particularly The Ballad of Booth. I've started sketching again, poorly. After a few weeks with zero mojo, I'm finally writing again. You can tell it's summer because I'm marathoning Project Runway again - I have Opinions on the designs, and they do not always match those of the judges. I had forgotten how easy it is to predict who moves on and who gets eliminated. So much easier in Project Runway USA than Australia or Canada. (I've never seen Project Runway Philippines, but I'm amused to hear it exists)
My other big non-work venture is trying to get myself into a state that isn't entirely out of shape. I lucked out genetically, so it's not like people look at me and go "she needs to get on a treadmill stat" or anything, but I don't have much by way of stamina or muscle. I recently was given a bicycle, so I've been trying the bus to work, bike home thing. It ends in pain and more pain.
And back to the world of work (I feel like this should be an ETA, since I began writing this entry so long ago): what the hell?
As I mentioned, I sort of span the gap between management and lowly peon housekeeper, particularly in how my boss treats me and what she asks of me. I had figured this was because my manager knows she can rely on me and has never worked in management before, so she's not quite sure where the lines are.
Today has changed that. Actually, today was all kinds of strange. People complimenting my lavender and turquoise hair left and right (it wasn't originally lavender, it faded quickly), the bus driver basically suggesting I jinxed him with my little red dress, the bus driver also apparently not seeing me because he thought I was a billboard... No, I have no idea.
Today I also spent nearly two hours in a meeting with management about our inventory, including walking Lisa through where our supplies are and how we keep them. It was strange. I am not management! But I'm the only person who knows these numbers, so I'm the person who gets asked.
And then she asked for my email address and gave it to the front desk as well, so now I am getting CC'd on the paperwork that relates to housekeeping orders. She wants me keeping spreadsheets on the figures so we have a streamlined process and we know more precisely what we need and how much and how those numbers relate to our occupancy, instead of just going by memory and guesswork. Which is cool, I am neurotic so I love the idea of having hard facts on hand.
But one - not technically part of my job description and two - I'm going to be working off the clock to do that, because it's not like I have access to a computer at work. Really, it sounds like a managerial task. Which is great, but I'm not management. So why the hell is everyone treating me like management?! Lisa was all "I should have just come to you about this ages ago" which is true, but. It's probably sad that for things like this, her thought is to talk to someone other than the manager.
I am pretty sure today was spent in an alternate universe. Hopefully tomorrow is as well, but one where I'm not actually, you know, a loser.
Plus, even though work should be easier, it's not actually getting less stressful.
The resolution to everything I mentioned in my last post: We had a departmental meeting which I suspect fixed fuck-all, but made everyone behave. Typically when that happens people behave for two weeks at the most. Over the weekend, they definitely started causing trouble again. The one racist comment wasn't against anyone in our department, but still made me uncomfortable. (It was also hilariously and tragically inaccurate. Miranda was bitching that her fruit plate was skimpy and said it was because it was made by a new white girl in the kitchen. Her lunch was actually made by a black man who isn't new.)
The way my name was drawn into a conversation I wasn't even part of made me more uncomfortable. And Elizabeth straight up irritated me by milking the clock, saying she cleaned a room she didn't clean, and then just shrugging it off when Joyce asked her how she managed to not clean a room and why she wrote that she had cleaned it. And by shrugged it off, I mean basically said "My bad, do I have to explain this to Brittany?"
No one has reported anything with Immigration yet, but I'm pretty sure it will happen the next time there's big conflict. And technically I probably should have taken some sort of legal action, but I didn't want the stress so I figured I'll give management this last chance.
I haven't quit, but I do have my brother looking into a potential opportunity to get a gig with place that does audiobooks. Which would be so many kinds of awesome that I told him I'd do it as an internship if that was the only way to get a foot in the door. Because here's the thing: management is going to keep trying to cut our hours and increase our labor, my manager is probably not ever going to stop putting me in the awkward position of having assignments that belong to management while giving me none of the authority/benefits that management gets, and I am finally feeling like maybe I can move on from this job without completely losing my ability to function. Maybe.
In non-work news, I am stupidly hooked on Assassins, particularly The Ballad of Booth. I've started sketching again, poorly. After a few weeks with zero mojo, I'm finally writing again. You can tell it's summer because I'm marathoning Project Runway again - I have Opinions on the designs, and they do not always match those of the judges. I had forgotten how easy it is to predict who moves on and who gets eliminated. So much easier in Project Runway USA than Australia or Canada. (I've never seen Project Runway Philippines, but I'm amused to hear it exists)
My other big non-work venture is trying to get myself into a state that isn't entirely out of shape. I lucked out genetically, so it's not like people look at me and go "she needs to get on a treadmill stat" or anything, but I don't have much by way of stamina or muscle. I recently was given a bicycle, so I've been trying the bus to work, bike home thing. It ends in pain and more pain.
And back to the world of work (I feel like this should be an ETA, since I began writing this entry so long ago): what the hell?
As I mentioned, I sort of span the gap between management and lowly peon housekeeper, particularly in how my boss treats me and what she asks of me. I had figured this was because my manager knows she can rely on me and has never worked in management before, so she's not quite sure where the lines are.
Today has changed that. Actually, today was all kinds of strange. People complimenting my lavender and turquoise hair left and right (it wasn't originally lavender, it faded quickly), the bus driver basically suggesting I jinxed him with my little red dress, the bus driver also apparently not seeing me because he thought I was a billboard... No, I have no idea.
Today I also spent nearly two hours in a meeting with management about our inventory, including walking Lisa through where our supplies are and how we keep them. It was strange. I am not management! But I'm the only person who knows these numbers, so I'm the person who gets asked.
And then she asked for my email address and gave it to the front desk as well, so now I am getting CC'd on the paperwork that relates to housekeeping orders. She wants me keeping spreadsheets on the figures so we have a streamlined process and we know more precisely what we need and how much and how those numbers relate to our occupancy, instead of just going by memory and guesswork. Which is cool, I am neurotic so I love the idea of having hard facts on hand.
But one - not technically part of my job description and two - I'm going to be working off the clock to do that, because it's not like I have access to a computer at work. Really, it sounds like a managerial task. Which is great, but I'm not management. So why the hell is everyone treating me like management?! Lisa was all "I should have just come to you about this ages ago" which is true, but. It's probably sad that for things like this, her thought is to talk to someone other than the manager.
I am pretty sure today was spent in an alternate universe. Hopefully tomorrow is as well, but one where I'm not actually, you know, a loser.