I BLAME CHRIS
Hail Mikey, full of toast, the Butter is with thee; blessed art thou among knives, and blessed is the fruit of thy toaster. Holy Mikey, Son of God, pray for us vampires, now and at the hour of our toasting. Amen.
Our Mikey, which art in Jersey, Hallowed be thy name. Thy toast come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in toastdom. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us out trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into emptiness and deliver us from bagels. For thine is the toast, and the knife, and the toaster, now and forever more. Amen.
I believe in God, the Toaster almighty, creator of toaster and toast. I believe in Mikey Way, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Toast and born of the Virgin Donna. He suffered under Manic Depression, was medicated, died, and was buried. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again. He ascended into toastdom and is seated at the right hand of the Toaster. He will come again to judge the living and the undead. I believe in the Holy Toast, the holy catholic Church, the communion of toasters, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
If you're wondering, why yes, thelemic and I did devise a 'verse in which Mikeyway is viewed as the second coming of Christ by a cult of Catholic vampiric toasters. What, it could happen! If you, too, would like to join the Sacred Toast of Mikey Way Church, or if you'd just like more information, please read on.
restless_jedi: My fingers are cold. COLD APPENDAGES = VAMPIRE
thelemic: I AM ALSO COLD. CLEARLY THIS MEANS YOUR VAMPIRE IS CONTAGIOUS
restless_jedi: I ALWAYS SUSPECTED.
restless_jedi: I'M SORRY
thelemic: SIIIGH
thelemic: MY NON-LIFE, SO HARD
restless_jedi: AT LEAST IT WAS PAINLESS?
thelemic: THIS IS TRUE.
thelemic: WELL IT TICKLED A LITTLE
restless_jedi: SOME VAMPS ARE JUST WHINERS, BITCHING ABOUT THE CHANGE.
thelemic: INDEED. THEY CLEARLY NEED TO SUCK IT UP, PUN ENTIRELY INTENDED
restless_jedi: THEY CAN JUST BITE ME, ALRIGHT?
restless_jedi: *IS NOW THINKING ABOUT VAMPIRE TOASTERS*
thelemic: HAHAHAHA YESSSSS. THEY WANT YOUR BLOOD AND YOUR BREAD. IN THAT ORDER
restless_jedi: BLOOD ON THE BREAD. IT'S VERY CATHOLIC, VERY EUCHARIST, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT
thelemic: IT REALLY IS. ARE THEY CATHOLIC VAMPIRE TOASTERS?
restless_jedi: PROBABLY. THEY HAVE ROSARIES AND EVERYTHING. (BUT THEY THINK MIKEY IS JESUS)
thelemic: ... IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH. THEY MAYBE WORSHIP HIM A LITTLE. MORE THAN A LITTLE
restless_jedi: THEY JUST WANT TO KNEEL BEFORE HIM BUT THEY HAVE NO KNEES.
thelemic: THEY WILL JUST OFFER HIM GOOD TOAST INSTEAD
restless_jedi: THEY WANT HIM TO BLESS THEM (WITH HIS BLOOD)
thelemic: IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, THEY JUST WANT A LITTLE BLOOD. JUST A TAD
restless_jedi: BUT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT'S A BLESSING TO THEM, SO INSTEAD THEY TAKE OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD
thelemic: HE'S NOT SO MUCH A FAN OF THAT, BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO GET THEMSELVES INTO TROUBLE AND THEY'RE NOT AROUND TO MAKE TOAST IN THEN
restless_jedi: HE'S AMUSED BY THE WHOLE CHRIST THING WHEN HE FIGURES IT OUT. HE'S NOT GOING TO CORRECT THEM.
thelemic: HE HAS VAMPIRE TOASTERS WORSHIPPING HIM. THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE AWESOME/SURREAL
restless_jedi: HE TOTALLY BRAGS TO PETE ABOUT IT.
thelemic: PETE'S JEALOUS OF COURSE. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED BY TOASTERS TOO
restless_jedi: HIS TOASTER WON'T EVEN GIVE HIM TOAST THAT ISN'T CHARRED COMPLETELY. WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' LOVE?!
thelemic: THERE IS NO LOVE. NONE AT ALL, BECAUSE MIKEY'S TOASTERS WORSHIP HIM AND HIS JUST SUCK
restless_jedi: PETE'S AFRAID HIS TOASTER IS GONNA CONVERT TO MIKEYOLICISM AND GO VAMP ON HIM. MIKEY'S TOTALLY FUCKING ABUSING HIS POWER, OKAY?
thelemic: IF ANYONE SHOULD BECOME A GOD TO TOASTERS, IT SHOULD BE HIM. CLEARLY. MIKEY IS NOT THE ONE TO DO IT. REALLY.
restless_jedi: MIKEY STARTS ELECTRICAL FIRES AND SHIT. PETE'S NEVER DONE THAT.
thelemic: HE'S NEVER STARTED ANY FIRES! ... ON ACCIDENT.
restless_jedi: AND HE LIKES TOAST. MAYBE NOT AS MUCH AS MIKEY, BUT NOBODY LIKES TOAST AS MUCH AS MIKEY.
thelemic: MIKEY IS LIKE. THE TOASTMAN. THE TOASTMASTER. TOASTARIFFIC. PETE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE PROPER WORDS FOR MIKEY'S TOAST OBSESSION.
restless_jedi: IF PETE EVER FOUND THINGS CREEPY, HE MIGHT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT THE TOAST THING. BUT SINCE HE DOESN'T, IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA HOT. OTHER THAN THINKING ABOUT HOW MANY CRUMBS THERE MUST BE IN HIS BED.
thelemic: IT MUST BE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SLEEP ON. SO PETE DOESN'T LIKE TO DWELL ON THOSE THOUGHTS, BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM ITCHY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
restless_jedi: HE'S NEVER SEEN MIKEY GO LONGER THAN AN HOUR WITHOUT TOAST, AND HE'S PRETTY SURE MIKEY HAS SOME AT THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WHEN THEY HAVE CONCERTS, SO BETWEEN SONGS HE CAN SNATCH BITES
thelemic: HOW HE MANAGES TO NOT BURN IT WHILE STILL PAYING ATTENTION TO HIS SONGS IS BEYOND PETE, BUT HE PULLS IT OFF SOMEHOW. HIS DEDICATION TO ALL THINGS TOASTY IS IMPRESSIVE.
restless_jedi: MAYBE PETE CAN JUST CONVINCE MIKEY TO MAKE HIM TOAST FOREVER AND IT WILL SOLVE ALL HIS PROBLEMS
thelemic: HE'D HAVE TO KEEP MIKEY AROUND TO DO THAT. THAT WOULD ALSO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS.
restless_jedi: EXCEPT THE CRUMB ISSUE. PETE'S NOT SURE HOW TO SOLVE THAT ONE.
thelemic: HE DOESN'T THINK THERE'S SUCH A THING AS CRUMB-FREE TOAST.. MAYBE MIKEY CAN FIGURE OUT A WAY TO INVENT IT.
restless_jedi: HECK, MIKEY IS A FUCKING TOASTLY DEITY. MAYBE IF HE ASKS, THE TOAST WILL STOP CRUMBING.
thelemic: HE KNOWS THE TOAST WOULD AT LEAST MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO IT. MIKEY'S POWERS OF TOASTLY PERSUASION ARE PRETTY EPIC.
restless_jedi: THEY'RE LEGENDARY, NO FUCKING LIE. PETE'S HEARD PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T EVEN MET MIKEY TELLING STORIES ABOUT HIM AND HIS TOAST.
thelemic: HE'S SURPRISED MIKEY DOESN'T HAVE ANY BOOKS ABOUT HIS TOASTLY EXPLOITS YET. BUT IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
restless_jedi: PETE IS CURIOUS ABOUT THE TOASTERS BUT IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN JUST ASK MIKEY ABOUT HIS ACCOLADES OR SOMETHING.
thelemic: HE WOULD TRY GETTING SOME INFORMATION OUT OF THEM, BUT THEY ARE MOSTLY TOO OBSESSED WITH MIKEY TO PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO OTHER THINGS.
thelemic: THE FIRST TIME HE TRIES, THEY'RE BUSY WITH THEIR HAIL MIKEYS AND... NO LUCK
restless_jedi: PETE LOVES THE HAIL MIKEY THOUGH. HE'S THINKING ABOUT GETTING IT AS A TATTOO.
thelemic: IT'S A BIT WEIRD, BUT THEN, MOST OF HIS TATTOOS ARE.
restless_jedi: PETE'S NOT SURE WHERE TO PUT IT THOUGH, OR IF HE WANTS TO HAVE A PICTURE OF A TOASTER OR TOAST OR MIKEY NEXT TO IT.
thelemic: MAYBE ALL THREE, IF HE'S GOT ROOM. BUT THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE CROWDED...
restless_jedi: HE MIGHT HAVE ENOUGH ROOM ON HIS BACK, BUT THEN HE CAN'T SEE MIKEY'S FACE.
So. Feel free to compose toasterly hymns, to add to this in any way you desire.
Our Mikey, which art in Jersey, Hallowed be thy name. Thy toast come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in toastdom. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us out trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into emptiness and deliver us from bagels. For thine is the toast, and the knife, and the toaster, now and forever more. Amen.
I believe in God, the Toaster almighty, creator of toaster and toast. I believe in Mikey Way, his only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Toast and born of the Virgin Donna. He suffered under Manic Depression, was medicated, died, and was buried. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again. He ascended into toastdom and is seated at the right hand of the Toaster. He will come again to judge the living and the undead. I believe in the Holy Toast, the holy catholic Church, the communion of toasters, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
If you're wondering, why yes, thelemic and I did devise a 'verse in which Mikeyway is viewed as the second coming of Christ by a cult of Catholic vampiric toasters. What, it could happen! If you, too, would like to join the Sacred Toast of Mikey Way Church, or if you'd just like more information, please read on.
restless_jedi: My fingers are cold. COLD APPENDAGES = VAMPIRE
thelemic: I AM ALSO COLD. CLEARLY THIS MEANS YOUR VAMPIRE IS CONTAGIOUS
restless_jedi: I ALWAYS SUSPECTED.
restless_jedi: I'M SORRY
thelemic: SIIIGH
thelemic: MY NON-LIFE, SO HARD
restless_jedi: AT LEAST IT WAS PAINLESS?
thelemic: THIS IS TRUE.
thelemic: WELL IT TICKLED A LITTLE
restless_jedi: SOME VAMPS ARE JUST WHINERS, BITCHING ABOUT THE CHANGE.
thelemic: INDEED. THEY CLEARLY NEED TO SUCK IT UP, PUN ENTIRELY INTENDED
restless_jedi: THEY CAN JUST BITE ME, ALRIGHT?
restless_jedi: *IS NOW THINKING ABOUT VAMPIRE TOASTERS*
thelemic: HAHAHAHA YESSSSS. THEY WANT YOUR BLOOD AND YOUR BREAD. IN THAT ORDER
restless_jedi: BLOOD ON THE BREAD. IT'S VERY CATHOLIC, VERY EUCHARIST, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT
thelemic: IT REALLY IS. ARE THEY CATHOLIC VAMPIRE TOASTERS?
restless_jedi: PROBABLY. THEY HAVE ROSARIES AND EVERYTHING. (BUT THEY THINK MIKEY IS JESUS)
thelemic: ... IT EXPLAINS SO MUCH. THEY MAYBE WORSHIP HIM A LITTLE. MORE THAN A LITTLE
restless_jedi: THEY JUST WANT TO KNEEL BEFORE HIM BUT THEY HAVE NO KNEES.
thelemic: THEY WILL JUST OFFER HIM GOOD TOAST INSTEAD
restless_jedi: THEY WANT HIM TO BLESS THEM (WITH HIS BLOOD)
thelemic: IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, THEY JUST WANT A LITTLE BLOOD. JUST A TAD
restless_jedi: BUT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT'S A BLESSING TO THEM, SO INSTEAD THEY TAKE OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD
thelemic: HE'S NOT SO MUCH A FAN OF THAT, BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO GET THEMSELVES INTO TROUBLE AND THEY'RE NOT AROUND TO MAKE TOAST IN THEN
restless_jedi: HE'S AMUSED BY THE WHOLE CHRIST THING WHEN HE FIGURES IT OUT. HE'S NOT GOING TO CORRECT THEM.
thelemic: HE HAS VAMPIRE TOASTERS WORSHIPPING HIM. THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE AWESOME/SURREAL
restless_jedi: HE TOTALLY BRAGS TO PETE ABOUT IT.
thelemic: PETE'S JEALOUS OF COURSE. HE WANTS TO BE WORSHIPPED BY TOASTERS TOO
restless_jedi: HIS TOASTER WON'T EVEN GIVE HIM TOAST THAT ISN'T CHARRED COMPLETELY. WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' LOVE?!
thelemic: THERE IS NO LOVE. NONE AT ALL, BECAUSE MIKEY'S TOASTERS WORSHIP HIM AND HIS JUST SUCK
restless_jedi: PETE'S AFRAID HIS TOASTER IS GONNA CONVERT TO MIKEYOLICISM AND GO VAMP ON HIM. MIKEY'S TOTALLY FUCKING ABUSING HIS POWER, OKAY?
thelemic: IF ANYONE SHOULD BECOME A GOD TO TOASTERS, IT SHOULD BE HIM. CLEARLY. MIKEY IS NOT THE ONE TO DO IT. REALLY.
restless_jedi: MIKEY STARTS ELECTRICAL FIRES AND SHIT. PETE'S NEVER DONE THAT.
thelemic: HE'S NEVER STARTED ANY FIRES! ... ON ACCIDENT.
restless_jedi: AND HE LIKES TOAST. MAYBE NOT AS MUCH AS MIKEY, BUT NOBODY LIKES TOAST AS MUCH AS MIKEY.
thelemic: MIKEY IS LIKE. THE TOASTMAN. THE TOASTMASTER. TOASTARIFFIC. PETE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE PROPER WORDS FOR MIKEY'S TOAST OBSESSION.
restless_jedi: IF PETE EVER FOUND THINGS CREEPY, HE MIGHT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT THE TOAST THING. BUT SINCE HE DOESN'T, IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA HOT. OTHER THAN THINKING ABOUT HOW MANY CRUMBS THERE MUST BE IN HIS BED.
thelemic: IT MUST BE REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE TO SLEEP ON. SO PETE DOESN'T LIKE TO DWELL ON THOSE THOUGHTS, BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM ITCHY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.
restless_jedi: HE'S NEVER SEEN MIKEY GO LONGER THAN AN HOUR WITHOUT TOAST, AND HE'S PRETTY SURE MIKEY HAS SOME AT THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WHEN THEY HAVE CONCERTS, SO BETWEEN SONGS HE CAN SNATCH BITES
thelemic: HOW HE MANAGES TO NOT BURN IT WHILE STILL PAYING ATTENTION TO HIS SONGS IS BEYOND PETE, BUT HE PULLS IT OFF SOMEHOW. HIS DEDICATION TO ALL THINGS TOASTY IS IMPRESSIVE.
restless_jedi: MAYBE PETE CAN JUST CONVINCE MIKEY TO MAKE HIM TOAST FOREVER AND IT WILL SOLVE ALL HIS PROBLEMS
thelemic: HE'D HAVE TO KEEP MIKEY AROUND TO DO THAT. THAT WOULD ALSO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS.
restless_jedi: EXCEPT THE CRUMB ISSUE. PETE'S NOT SURE HOW TO SOLVE THAT ONE.
thelemic: HE DOESN'T THINK THERE'S SUCH A THING AS CRUMB-FREE TOAST.. MAYBE MIKEY CAN FIGURE OUT A WAY TO INVENT IT.
restless_jedi: HECK, MIKEY IS A FUCKING TOASTLY DEITY. MAYBE IF HE ASKS, THE TOAST WILL STOP CRUMBING.
thelemic: HE KNOWS THE TOAST WOULD AT LEAST MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO IT. MIKEY'S POWERS OF TOASTLY PERSUASION ARE PRETTY EPIC.
restless_jedi: THEY'RE LEGENDARY, NO FUCKING LIE. PETE'S HEARD PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T EVEN MET MIKEY TELLING STORIES ABOUT HIM AND HIS TOAST.
thelemic: HE'S SURPRISED MIKEY DOESN'T HAVE ANY BOOKS ABOUT HIS TOASTLY EXPLOITS YET. BUT IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
restless_jedi: PETE IS CURIOUS ABOUT THE TOASTERS BUT IT'S NOT LIKE HE CAN JUST ASK MIKEY ABOUT HIS ACCOLADES OR SOMETHING.
thelemic: HE WOULD TRY GETTING SOME INFORMATION OUT OF THEM, BUT THEY ARE MOSTLY TOO OBSESSED WITH MIKEY TO PAY MUCH ATTENTION TO OTHER THINGS.
thelemic: THE FIRST TIME HE TRIES, THEY'RE BUSY WITH THEIR HAIL MIKEYS AND... NO LUCK
restless_jedi: PETE LOVES THE HAIL MIKEY THOUGH. HE'S THINKING ABOUT GETTING IT AS A TATTOO.
thelemic: IT'S A BIT WEIRD, BUT THEN, MOST OF HIS TATTOOS ARE.
restless_jedi: PETE'S NOT SURE WHERE TO PUT IT THOUGH, OR IF HE WANTS TO HAVE A PICTURE OF A TOASTER OR TOAST OR MIKEY NEXT TO IT.
thelemic: MAYBE ALL THREE, IF HE'S GOT ROOM. BUT THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE CROWDED...
restless_jedi: HE MIGHT HAVE ENOUGH ROOM ON HIS BACK, BUT THEN HE CAN'T SEE MIKEY'S FACE.
So. Feel free to compose toasterly hymns, to add to this in any way you desire.