All i can do when i'm alone is cry
I have had entirely too much time to just think lately. Today all that I could think about was Jacob. I could not get him off my mind. I’m trying to but I can’t. Some of the things that I think of are memories and they all seem to hurt me so much! Look at me I’m crying. I’m so fucking pitiful really I am. I remember when we went to see the lights in the oak with the church, on the way back I pretty much lay my head in his lap the entire way home. I miss his arms around me. Bad thing is I see him every day and every time I see him I want to cry. I’m trying to do what he wants me to (get over him or at least act the part) but I can’t. I love him too much. I was not this upset when Eric, my ex-fiancé, dumped me so that should tell you something! I’m I that bad of a person that NO ONE wants to stay with me? And it seems that Jacob is ignoring me. I hope it’s just me being paranoid. I really am thinking about asking him out in the near future but I don’t know how I will deal if he said no. I don’t think I could handle it. I have made myself so sick and I’m not doing it purposefully. I really am exhausted because I have not been able to sleep. I just can’t make any rational though. I fucking hate myself and I don’t know why I just hate myself right now. I can’t seem to cry enough. It won’t stop but I’m not doing it in public anymore. I’m sitting here shaking … I think I need to go to bed.