✑ 002;

[resignedtodeath]

[Filter: Private]I was so close, but death himself did not desire my return. I cannot question death, I want only to embrace it, but even then I do not see the logic behind it all, I belong in the Underworld. But do I... do I have the courage to kill myself

Comments

[hittingground]

[Filter: Private]

I-

...No.

...It'll never make things better, nothing ever will, but I might as well try.

[Filter: Polyxena]

I'm sorry.

I-

And I expect nothing, as attention seeking as that may sound, but I jsut want you to know that I'm sorry for everything that I've done.

[Filter: Private] 1/3

[resignedtodeath]

 

[Filter: Private] 2/3

[resignedtodeath]

 

[Filter: Neoptolemus] 3/3

[resignedtodeath]

Yet, with every apology made there is an expectation of something. Why else would we make them in the first place if we did not wish to placate the situation in some way?

You owe me no apology, I do not want for one. Those who you owe an apology to are my family, who you are not even within the right to speak to. They were made miserable by your actions, you are a wretched creature for doing so.

[Filter: Polyxena]

[hittingground]

Indeed, every apology is an attempt to soothe something that can't be soothed, every apology is a attempt to look the better man by acting in a way acceptable to society. No matter what was meant, that is always the one that ends up.

I killed you, you deserve one for that...

And I know that I'm a wretched creature, I know- I know that I'm not fit to stand in the shadow of my ancestors... And I know that I have no right to see them, to speak to them. But I must try-

...Oh, it all sounds pathetic. And now I must apologize for that too.

[Filter: Neoptolemus]

[resignedtodeath]

Dying was easier than living out the rest of my life as a concubine. Would I have been yours, or that of Odysseus, or perhaps Agamemnon if you had not ended my life? My family suffered on while I got the easy way out. I will not accept an apology for something that I wanted.

All of these apologies, the self-deprecation. It is more than pathetic. I can hardly believe you are his child, I can't claim to know his mind but I cannot imagine him being proud of you for such behavior. He would want you take pride in killing the one who killed him.

[Filter: Polyxena]

[hittingground]

...I would've not treated you badly had you been my concubine.

Him I never knew the-

...He would've wanted a lot of things, even I know that, and you were not the one who held the bow and shot the arrow into his foot. I cannot take pride in killing so many innocents.

[Filter: Neoptolemus]

[resignedtodeath]

Like my sister, Andromache? Killing her son only to impregnate her with her own children. As if children of yours could ever be a smidgen as good as Hector's. Do not lie so, I have read on about what happened after my death.

But that arrow was given a target by my own betrayal. I as good as killed him. He wanted my life in return for his, I am more sure of this than anything.

[Filter: Polyxena]

[hittingground]

They were children of Andromache's, all their goodness rested there.

And... It is true, but I don't lie as much as you think; I never beat her, I never chained her, I never threw her out in the cold, I never allowed Ajax anywhere near her- Though I am well aware that my words cannot be trusted.

Visions can be misinterpreted.

[Filter: Neoptolemus]

[resignedtodeath]

I do not insult her, do not make such implications with your words. Any children of hers would be lovely, but could not make up for the loss of Astyanax.

And the Greeks perhaps did misinterpret, but I care not what they thought. I knew.

[Filter: Polyxena]

[hittingground]

I meant to do no such thing, And... and I know that too. As sure as I've ever known anything.

You- You knew what you wished to know.

[Filter: Neoptolemus]

[resignedtodeath]

Good.

Who are you to say what I was feeling?