...but you can't abandon everyone...
Why is that the people we love the most are able to rip our hearts from our fragile bodies and watch it beating within their cold hands-beat-beat-until nothing can be heard but the fall of the last tear drop from our face. Why is that we allow these people to abuse us emotionally and repeatedly like a whip cracking the thick surface of raw skin? Why can't we stick up for ourselves and truly say what is on the mind where in the depth of our souls we are screaming the asnwers.
I'm sick of getting hurt and feeling the raw sting of pain tearing through my ever weakening skeleton. I'm tired of having people abandon me when they themselves don't relaize how much people really care. I'm frustrated with always be placed second in life when in all actuality I should be placing these people last. I care too much. or maybe these people just care or me too little. I want to lash out in anger sometimes and scream at them for their ignorance. I want to thank them for not being there when the blood poured from my skin or when I just wanted to see thier face in the audience.
Yet, will this attitude last? Of course not. I'm too forgiving and I let people walk all over me. I let them abuse me thinking that well they're probably under a lot of stress. But it hurts. It is worth than the piercing razors and the stinging of salty wounds and tears. These people don't know what pain is because they have neevr felt its icy sting. They have never known what it is to be constantly let down by someone you used to look up to. Sure, everyone has their share of problems, but they also act dumb like they have never caused any pain. Excuse me let me explain something to you...
Your presence or lack their of creates a void in me so hollow it feels like I'm callapsing within myself. Yet, I always forgive you, but you know what happens. You tell me-I'm such an ass I'm so sorry-and I feel sorry. I feel like the ill-willed person. I feel as though I have not done my duty as a friend and sister. But that's over. If you want to continue living in this fantasy that everyone is happy with the way you're treating them-FINE. But don't be surprised when no one is there to support your decision one day. Because it not only I who is tired of the constant forgotten promises, no, it is all of us who you "care" about. So, have fun pushing us away to the point where no of us stay. Have fun when I leave because I can't stay and let you hurt me any longer. Have fun when you really do have problems and no is there for you anymore besides your little girlfriends. Have fun when I stop crying because of you every night...because when the tears stop...and you're still having fun...
I WON'T CARE!
*Euphoric*Memories*