...the ache felt is no headache...
Loneliness...
defined in webster as:
- Without companions; lone.
- Characterized by aloneness; solitary.
it is the feeling that seems to be comsuming me this year. I'm tired of always being alone lately. I want a relationship, and i think i have a right to have a relationship. I mean sure I am not that gorgeous...hell I'm downright obese, but won't someone look at me for the person I am, and not the amount I weigh. For u see, i can be a great person if you let me into your life. Yet, no one will give me the time of day. Alas, everyone at camp--maintenance boy: off the market. AGH! My life is so frustrating. Really it is. I see thin girls with blothces all over thir faces or their shallow insignificant lives sewn upon their sleeves, but I feel as though they are better than me because they have someon.
and well what also bothers are people, who have someone, or a potential someone and yet seek to find others. Where all the time the person they have been longing for have been forever under thir nose. It just frustrates me. I mean. be happy you have people pining for your every attention or they want you to be with them, don't make a calamity over it. I mean I would kill in order to have someone hold me, and tell me I'm perfect the way I am. Someone to share intimate moments with and just have on your side when the world feels as though it is attacking you. Yet, no one values that anymore. They always want something more and the relationship can never be god enough. God, I just want someone to cuddle with during a move, whereas people get bougt things and are like...well I dunno. I want to slap these people around, and be like wake up you fool! How long must you spend in this dream-like bliss until you realize you will be forever searching for no one is ever good enough. Somethings in life you have to settle for, and you know if you want to fins perfection turn into a priest or a nun and marry God, because there and only there will you find perfection.
i guess i just felt it a lot lately. i want the love in my life that i see others have. the raw emotion that comes when you see that person in the distance, and you know that you are theirs and vice-versa. Sure, I'm a hopeless romantic, but at least these dreams keep my hope alive. Hope is what keeps the soul from dieing every time our heart shatters a little more from the constant tapping of the glass by life. I'm envious of friends and family members...but things will be okay, because now will be my third year without someone. I guess i can keep going until something fills the void. I dunno what to say.
*Euphoric*Dreams*