FIC: Tomodachi 2 Tomodachi (Baba + Ikemen, Rish)
Title: Tomodachi 2 Tomodachi
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: 4200
Rating: Rish
Pairing: Er…it's still all about the Baba, really.
Disclaimer: This is 100% real of course, although Arena 37C owns Masa and his collection of bromides. Takkun's glasses are owned by Atelier.
Warning: Sex, more scatology and Aiba Hiroki's pants. Inside jokes about everything and references to PureBOYS Backstage Files DVD #2, Masa's First Live, Sato Yuichi's Overcome the Difficulty, Twilight Zone: Dead Go Round and Paris. This is an offensive piece of fanfiction.
Summary: Tomodachi are everything to Baba and Masa.
Author's Notes: doingfirst gets massive thanks again. lol. Sequel to Kizuna Bonds
Sharing is caring &hearts
"So I said, 'You won't take that part from me!' Because no one has, you know."
He nods. "Uh huh."
"I got rid of all the other guys they cast."
He keeps nodding. "Uh huh."
Aiba cackles. In the mirror across the room, his eyes glow red. But then again, it might be Baba's eyesight. His contact is a little off centre. He pokes at it with his finger and moves it around. Then, he scratches his balls under the table. Much better.
"Hey Ba-chon," Aiba says.
Baba blinks.
"If we duked it out for real, you'd have my back, right? We're friends, right?"
Baba can’t remember what the hell Aibaka is talking about, so he says, "Yeah, sure thing. Tomodachi."
Aiba huffs. He starts to shake, like that vibrator Kumiko-chan had last week in bed. Aiba makes a high-pitched noise, then he laughs some more. Baba winces at the brightness of Aiba's teeth. It makes the remnants of the head ache from this morning flare up again.
"He steals my jobs. He steals my friends. I hate that Furukawa Yuta!"
Now that is something Baba can agree on. "Yeah!" he says. He slams his hand down on the table. PET bottles shake. Luckily, he's got a bottle of Qoo in his bag.
The screening is boring. Apparently Baba's in the movie. Apparently it's a sequel to a movie he did last year. The only thing that Baba remembers from filming is his costar's rack and playing with some white balls.
Lol, he thinks.
Aiba's more into it than him. He answers the questions. He grins at the audience-almost all chicks. Baba grins too. He waves at the chick in the second row. She's got a nice crack of cleavage showing.
"What was the most memorable part of being involved with Twilight Syndrome again?"
Ugh. Too muzukashii. Baba thinks about it for a second. Tits. Don't say tits.
"It was a lot of fun," he says.
The MC asks, "Playing a zombie clown?"
"It was a lot of fun," Baba says. His cellphone rings.
Usually, in the middle of post-movie-screening "press conferences"-not that this is much of a screening, in some shitty little theatre in the back streets of Shibuya above a comic shop and a Familymart-it's frowned down upon to answer your cellphone.
However, Baba does it anyway. "Just a sec," he tells the MC. "Important idol business."
Aiba's teeth distract the audience enough as is. It's cool.
Baba says, "Yo."
"Tomodachiiiiiiiii!"
Masa. WTF.
Baba plays with his hair. His bangs are messed up: he told Ami-chan to watch the hair! Next time, they should slap and tickle in the theatre bathrooms instead of the alley behind the building.
"Uh, what's up?" Baba asks. The MC looks confused so Baba winks at her.
Masa says, "Tomo-"
"Um, hi, this is Nakajima Takui calling."
In the background, Masa starts to sing about smiling. Baba has no idea what's going on. Next to him, Aibaka is making elaborate hand gestures and waxing poetically about the opportunity to star in a movie with his dear friend, Ba-chon. Baba snickers. A chick waves. He stares at her tits. Takui keeps talking, like they're super best friends, or something.
"Your friend Masa and I were jamming together when he passed out. He's got no family and yours was the first number on his phone."
"Cool," Baba says. Special.
"I think he needs an intervention."
"Cool," Baba says. "An invitation to what?"
"SMILE TAKUI-SAN!!" Masa says in the background. It's loud enough that Aiba cringes. It's loud enough that a couple fans in the front row, their eyes pop out of their heads and they start to frantically whisper about "omg MASA!!!"
It's halfway across the audience in a beat. Masa this, Masa that.
Baba narrows his eyes. Stupid Takui. This press-con is about Baba, not Masa. "So what, I'm supposed to pick him up or something?"
Takui says, "He says he can get home all right. I've got to move it on. I've got to sing my song, but I'll pin directions to his place onto his bag in case he passes out on the train. You're his friend so you need to-"
"SMILE!" Masa shouts.
"-intervene and help him out with his problem."
"Cool," Baba says."
When Baba flips his cellphone closed Aibaka looks at him.
"Important business," Baba says. He hitches his camo pants up. "Gotta call the boys and have an intervention."
"Like, to a party?" Aiba whispers.
Baba grins. The light glitters. A girl in the audience faints.
"Exactly."
***
Masa is passed out in a sushi bar. There's brown hair in the toro and black in the squid. Baba sneaks up to him. For a dancer, Masa is heavy. He's got 10 000 yen in his wallet. The cashier gives Baba a funny look.
The cashier at Familymart gives him a funny look too. Masa cracks an eye open. The Stitch wallet is embarrassing. Baba buys a 2L Qoo and a case of beer.
Masa wakes up.
"We're having an intervention," Baba tells him on the train.
Masa clutches the case of Kirin to his chest. His eyes are shiny and watery, like Ryuu's when Baba comes home after a long night of pussy. "My favourite kind," Masa whispers. "You got my favourite kind…"
Baba flips his cellphone shut. "Tomodachi, right?"
***
Stupid Fufukawa phones halfway up the seven flights to Masa's apartment. Masa pukes. Baba cringes. Masa pukes again, green bile and chunky bits of sushi. It stinks like fish. In a gross way.
Masa gives Baba a weak smile and a thumbs up. His bloodshot eyes roll back, but he stands up and staggers.
"Watch the beer!" Baba says.
Masa gives him another thumbs up.
Baba hitches up his pants. He rubs his Gucci belt buckle and rearranges his balls. His pants crotch is halfway to his knees and the stairs make it awkward.
"Takui called me," Fufu says.
Baba says whatevs.
"Masa-kun had better get home all right!" Fufu's voice raises three octaves. He's totes a chick. One of those annoying shrews, though. Nag nag nag. Baba can hear his hair flip on the other end of the line. "No more drinking! He needs to stop and focus on his career! He needs all the help from his friends that he can-"
"It's cool," Baba says. Masa falls over outside his apartment door. There's a cockroach in the corner looking at Baba. It wiggles its antennas. Then it crawls into a dirty McDonald's takeaway bag. Masa drops his keys. Fufu keeps harassing Baba. Masa shouts, "Oh! That's where my Stitch plushie went!"
Baba hangs up on Fufu shrieking in his ear.
Masa digs into the McDonald's bag and holds up a red toy.
"Limited edition." He beams. "His name is Leroy."
Baba chugs the Qoo and belches.
***
Kumiko-chan calls when he's taking a leak. Baba shakes his dick off and answers his cell. "Hey."
"Toru-kun!" she says. "Should I bring friends?"
Hot.
Tomodachi.
Cha-ching!
Baba leans on his cell. With his foot, he tries to flush the toilet. The handle is covered in crusty shit. Baba doesn't know if its food or come or the remains of the open bottle of Stitch body wash sitting in the washlet sink.
"Cool," he says. The more pussy, the merrier.
Being a friend, Baba raids Masa's fridge. He dumps a bottle of energy drink into an old Starbucks takeaway cup and mixes the rest with a bottle of beer. He shakes Masa's shoulder. Masa rolls over. There's a grin plastered to his face.
"Thank you!" he sings.
Baba says whatevs.
The intervention party shows up. Baba can hear them halfway down the stairwell. The door flings open. Kouhei storms in at the head of a conga line. He whoops, and pumps his fist. "You're SO AWESOME, Toru!!" Kouhei shouts. "This partay is SO AWESOME!"
Baba yells back. Kouhei shouts louder.
"PARTAY PARTAY PARTAY!!"
The conga line snakes around Masa's place and squeezes inside. Baba counts the chicks off. Five girls and one maybe.
"YEAH!" he yells. He sidles up to the first girl and says, "I'm Toru. Toru."
She cocks her head to the side. She smells like alcohol and flowers. She's got a low-cut top and her pink bra peeks out the top. Baba waggles his eyebrows. She looks confused.
"Toru," he says. "To-ru. Toooooru."
She giggles. Then she hiccups. Her blue contact falls into the cooler can in her hand. "Cool," she says.
"You got a boyfriend?"
She giggles. "Maybe." Baba wraps an arm around her waist. "You got hot tomodachi, too?" he asks. She keeps giggling. She's bony and he's got a boner. Too bad Masa's apartment is one room only. Kouhei brought music and whisky. The chick starts to grind against Baba's leg. He does a full body wave into her hip and grinds back.
"It's not a party without you!" he yells to Kouhei. Kouhei tips his hat and tilts his head back. He's got a chick on her knees in front of him when he grinds. And grins. And flashes Baba a thumbs-up.
The hunchback shows up right after. Baba pushes the chick off himself-he doesn't have money for a love hotel right now, not his favourite Paris-themed one, anyway. Baba tosses Keisuke a drink.
"You legal now?"
Keisuke looks awkward. His back hunches over more. He shrugs his plaid shirt and nods. Half a beer later, he's passed out on the floor with Masa.
Baba says, "Lol".
The other guys come together. Kei-chan winks at the chick Baba left behind. Baba says hey to him and Ouji and the new guy, whats-his-name he doesn't care, and Takki with a bottle of vodka and tomato juice and Takkun and Hiromi, too.
"Is Renn-chan coming?" Baba shouts at Kei-chan.
"I'm here!" Ouji says.
Baba rolls his eyes. "No, the real Renn-chan," he says. One of the girls in the conga line flips her skirt up. She's wearing a thong. Her ass cheek jiggles when she dances. Baba rubs his balls.
"Okay! He's in Vietnam," Kei-chan says. "He's missing out on all the panties here!"
Takki asks Kei-chan if he wants a sake bomb.
"Okay!" Kei-chan says. "Okay, all right!"
He's a really smart dude. He can even speak English when he's drinking. Baba's impressed. He chugs his beer and he can't even remember the name of the chick shaking her tits in his face.
Hiromi stomps up to Baba. >:| He reaches Baba's armpits. Baba stretches taller. Hiromi keeps scowling.
"There's hot chicks here," Baba says.
Hiromi purses his lips. He puffs up his chest and crosses his arms. Then, he deflates.
"We have an event tomorrow," he says.
"No probs," Baba says.
"It's at 2pm," the shrimp says. A hot chick drapes herself over his shoulder. She towers over him in platforms. She stuffs her face into his furry collar and says, "Paris?"
Hiromi's eye twitches.
"I"VE BEEN TO PARIS!" New-guy yells.
Hiromi crunches up the cooler can in his hand. It spills onto Masa's floor and the stack of takeaway sushi containers.
"I'll be up by then," Baba says. "Chill out, little dude. There's chicks."
Hiromi shifts his eyes. >:|
Hot chick unzips his furry coat. "Pa-risss?" she asks.
"Okay, fine," he says.
He and the hot chick go to the bathroom together. Two seconds later they leave after someone shouts and the toilet flushes. Ouji leaves right behind them. He wipes his mouth and waves at Baba. Then, he giggles.
Baba says, "Is your girlfriend here?" She's probably hot. And she probably has hot friends, too.
Ouji keeps giggling. "Mayumi's making me muffins at home."
There's a shitload of people Baba doesn't know. There's a shitload of hot chicks and Kumiko-chan rubs his thigh and flutters her lashes. Baba lets her kiss him. She tastes like menthols. There's a smoke dangling from her fingers.
"Drag?" he asks.
She passes it to him. Baba inhales. Then he exhales through his lips and licks them. Kumiko-chan takes the smoke back with her fingers-they're covered in glitter stars today. Her nails look sharper than ever.
She rubs her palm on his balls and dicks her nails in. Baba sporfles. He shivers and wiggles his ass against her mini skirt.
"You got panties on?" he whispers in her ear.
"You wanna find out?" she asks. She blows smoke in his ear. Baba says yeah.
The retard breaks it up. He stands in the doorway with a gormless smile and a plastic bag in his hand. Baba says, "Come come!" Takkun rushes the door and trips on a melon rind on Masa's floor. Yuichi's smile falls. His bag starts to drop. Baba saves it: lightning speed from ikemen powers.
"Watch the booze!" he yells.
Yuichi looks confused. The same as always.
"Booze?"
Baba huffs. "In your bag," he says. "Duh."
Yuichi scratches his head. His hair looks like a rat's nest. Maybe he has lice. Baba scratches his balls. They itch just thinking about it.
"I…don't…have…booze…" Yuichi says.
Baba looks at him.
Kouhei smashes a window. "Who the hell leaves acoustic guitars around?" he shouts.
Baba keeps looking at Yuichi.
Yuichi keeps looking like :(?
He opens the bag. "I brought games. Pin the tits on the donkey."
"Games?" Baba says.
"I like to play with hot wheels," Ouji says. He giggles.
"Party games?" Yuichi asks. :)?
"Someone get you a beer," Baba says. He takes a step back onto Takkun. Takkun looks up with crooked glasses and crooked teeth. He holds up a beer to Yuichi. "Be Fri, for you…" he moans. Then he collapses again.
Baba thinks, lol.
Yuichi drops his bag of games. He drops a leash too. Baba looks into the hallway. A dog wearing a hat looks at him.
Baba blinks. His contact swims. He pokes it back into place.
"Oh my gaw!" he yells.
Yuichi: ?
"You have a dog?" Baba asks. He rubs the dog behind the ears. Its hat has an elastic band around its chin. Baba rubs his face in the dog's. Hat-wearing dog barks and paws at his chest.
Yuichi says, "Sometimes?"
"Hey," Baba says. He's struck down with a moment of inspiration. It helps that Masa has danced over with a can of beer and a bottle of juice. Baba swigs the beer, then he chases it with some juice. The beer tastes a bit fishy.
He hands the beer back to Masa.
"Backwash isn't cool."
"Do you think Niou and Yagyuu share germs?" Masa asks.
Baba has not idea what the shit Masa is talking about. Yuichi and the dog have the same vacant smile.
"Next time Coco-chan's in heat, come over to my place with your dog," Baba says.
Yuichi shifts his eyes. Masa rolls in the hallway with the hat-wearing dog until the dog barks and eats the McDonald's takeaway bag, bugs and all. Baba scratches his balls. He rubs his dick. Kumiko-chan's nails hurt. In a good way that makes him kinda horny for more.
"Hat-wearing dog will be busy," Yuichi says.
"Puppy pussy," Baba says.
"Hat-wearing dog will be busy," Yuichi says.
"Saves on pillows," Baba says.
Yuichi looks confused. Baba hands him Masa's beer. The retard looks even more confused. Baba gives up and goes back to the party. Kouhei's got his tongue down some chick's throat-oh wait, looks like Kumiko-chan.
Baba frowns. He grabs a bottle of whiskey from the top of Masa's tv. A stack of weirdass animated cards falls over. The cartoons look kinda familiar. Baba looks up: right, there's the same pictures of weirdass tennis anime all over Masa's walls.
"Weird," Baba says. "Totally creepy."
"Ne, Ba-chon," Masa says. He slings an arm over Baba. He has to stand on his toes to reach.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know that this is only the second time I've had…" Masa pauses. His eyes are glassy. He's got eleven o'clock shadow growing on his upper lip and there's a chunk of puke on his ear.
Baba makes a face.
Baba waits.
Masa opens his eyes as wide as he can. He says something funny.
"I don't speak Hiroshima," Baba says.
Masa laughs. He shifts his eyes again. His feet dance in the opposite direction. Dai-chan says hi behind them. Masa whispers, "Girls!"
"Chicks?"
"Girls in my place!"
"You need to get laid," Baba says.
"Stitch wears leis, too," Masa says. He hiccups. Then, he squats on the floor and curls up the doorway. Baba looks at him. Masa looks up. He looks serious and his eyes are red. "Do you think I'm any good?" he asks. "I'm no good. I can't sing or do anything. I can't be an idol. All the love is superficial and my fans won't remember me if I don't post everyday and Ba-chon, I can't remember if I posted to my blog today or not and I can't remember my password. Ba-chon, it's so hard. I fail so much. I can't be good enough…"
"Er…."
Baba makes a face. He moves his jaw around. Masa keeps rambling. And rocking back and forth on his ankles, hugging his knees. He's got one pants leg rolled up and the other rolled down.
"Er…Masa?"
"…so hard and I can't do it. Should I give up? I can't even smile. It hurts to smile. Takui says smile but I can't when I suck so much…"
"More beer?" Baba offers.
Masa sings thank you.
***
It's a pretty cool party, even if there's no yakiniku and they send the hat-wearing dog with a note around it's handkerchief collar to the nearest Familymart, "here's a 1000, please send booze to apartment 702, Shibuya-ku 10-2 xoxo neighbour-san".
Hat-wearing dog doesn't come back.
Yuichi goes out to find him. He calls Kei-chan and says he's lost, too.
Baba shrugs. It wasn't his money they sent. It's not his difficulty that needs overcoming.
Aiba comes over, about the time of the last train.
"REINFORCEMENTS!" Baba yells.
Kouhei waves a flag from underneath the chick who crawls over his chest.
Aiba prances in, tight red pants with a big red bulge. It's all stuffing down there. Baba pats his dick. He's all real.
Aiba passes the case of beer around. Masa cries. Aiba dances over to Masa, who looks at him with a blank look. Dai-chan says hi.
"Masa-kun?" Aiba asks.
Masa blinks. "Do I know you?"
Aiba staggers back into the curtains. He clutches his chest and gasps.
Baba asks, "Did you get any numbers from the chicks at the press-con?"
***
Message from aniki:
little bro moms pissed! its ur nite to walk dogs and im in turkey. ur supposed to call home asap
Response from ToRu:
hott chix aniki!! u know, lol. tell mom ill be home tomorrow morning. ill get some # 4 u 2 kk
Message from aniki:
cool, thnx little bro
Baba switches his cell to vibrate. He stuffs it into his left pocket. It hums on his dick. Yeah, feels good. Oh…yeah…
When Hiromi's done in the bathroom, Baba grabs the hot chick for himself. They make out for a while. Her nipples are stiff and big. Baba slurps on her neck. She unzips his camo pants. "Yeah," Baba says. He pushes her head down. "Yeah."
"I can't kneel down!" she says. She makes a >:| face.
Complete.
Turn-off.
Baba's erection shrinks. Damn. The shrimp's faces are contagious. Gross.
Baba bums a smoke off Kumiko-chan. He lights up and leans over Masa's tiny balcony. Kouhei's got another chick straddling his lap. "You're my destined woman," he says. Baba back up. He steps on a stick. Aibaka says "Ow" and moves his leg.
Baba pulls the curtain back. Aiba looks at him. Baba laughs.
And then the front door flings open. There is a misty breeze. Or, possibly, it's the result of an unexpected fart. Baba turns around and scratches his ass. He sniffs the air.
Pommade.
Aiba shoots up and prances over Kouhei and co. Fufu pliés into the apartment. Aiba sneers. Fufu flips his hair back. He looks gayer than that flamer who wore those purple pants in some show Baba did-he can't remember. Lol.
"YOU!" Aiba shrieks.
Fufu clicks his tongue. "Dai-chan, where are you?" he whines.
Dai-chan ducks behind the couch. Kouhei rolls off and zips up his fly.
Masa stumbles. He blinks. Then he flings his arms around Fufu. "RIVAL-KUN!" He slurs his words. Fufu looks horrified, maybe, which is the same expression as his usual pissy face, minus the hair flip. He flips his hair anyway.
"I thought you were intervening," he says. He sniffs at Baba.
Baba rolls his eyes. "Duh. What do you think this is?"
Fufu huffs. Dai-chan crawls toward the door. Aiba tries to pry Masa off Fufu and gets nothing but a smack to the face with a beer bottle. He cries. He cups his mouth as blood streams down his chin. It's the same colour as his pants.
And there's a couple glittering teeth on the floor.
"This is a party!" Fufu says.
"PARTAY!!" Kouhei yells. He and the conga line start to snake around the room again like a yokai parade with booze and boobs. Baba joins in and grabs the ass of the girl in front of him. She bats her lashes. Baba waggles his eyebrows.
Aiba yanks Masa off Fufu. He spits out another tooth. Fufu curls his lip. He sniffs and says, "That was disgusting. No wonder Masa doesn't like you. I would never do that."
"I'll kill you," Aiba says. His voice rises. He pushes Fufu. Fufu flips his hair.
"Who are you?" Fufu asks. Fufu looks around. New PureBOY trips over something in the middle of the conga line. Fufu dances over and gasps.
"My guitar!" he shrieks.
"I'll kill you!" Aiba says. His nasal shout is louder than ever. Baba's ears pop.
Fufu completely ignores Aiba. He stands up with a shard of the guitar in his hand. Aiba lunges. His red pants split in the back and he's bleeding from the mouth. Baba remembers-almost-filming a scene with zombie clowns with bloody mouths. But he can't remember what the hell the movie was about.
Tits?
Baba laughs under his breath. He runs his hands up the girl in front of him. He cups her tits. They jiggle as she dances. He can feel her nipples. It's hot stuff.
In the middle of the room, Aibaka and Fufu square off. Or more like, Aiba circles Fufu, who sighs and looks bored and frowns at Baba and says, "You're a bad friend."
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Aiba screams.
Aiba punches Fufu in the stomach.
Fufu falls backward, over a wayward remote-control Stitch toy, and he breaks in two.
Just as suddenly, Kei-chan answers a ringing phone from out of nowhere with a Kampai Je T'aime ring tone. Kouhei starts to shuffle sideways and pump his arm. Baba breaks the line and joins in.
Kei-chan announces, "Yuichi found himself!" There's a beat. Takkun waves a white handkerchief from the floor and says "Yay!"
Kei-chan adds, "And he found Irei, too!"
***
Baba wakes up in the middle of the night. He's lucid enough to hear the rustling beside him. But he's drunk enough not to care.
He looks over. His contact swims around the back of his eye. Baba opens the other. He can almost see in the dark, if it wasn't for the gleam of the city lights bouncing off the bazillion bromides tacked to Masa's walls.
And the glossy posters of some dude called TAKUI.
Kumiko-chan is topless and sitting on top of someone. There's a dozen people sleeping on Masa's floor. Dai-chan's fat ass takes up half the space.
Kumiko-chan's breathy giggles mean one thing.
Baba's hard from listening to them. He rubs his balls. He starts to unzip his camo pants. Her tits are triangular in the blinking neon lights streaming in through the ripped curtains.
"This is almost like rolling sushi!" some guy says.
"Masa?" Baba asks.
Masa says eep! Kumiko-chan stops bouncing for a second.
"Can we share, Ba-chon?" Masa asks.
"Sharing is caring," Baba says. "Good luck, tomodachi."
***
Baba buys a juice from the vending machine at the station closest to home. His cellphone reads half-past two. His head is split open and pounding. He staggers and trips on the hem of his pants. Baba grabs at his belt and rearranges his dick.
His cellphone rings.
Fucking shrimp, he thinks. >:|
Block sender?
Yes.
Baba trips again and chucks his cellphone down the corridor of the apartment building. Fucking blog doesn't need updating this week either.
He opens the door and squints. The conga line dances through his vision. His mouth tastes like ass and orange juice. "Baby," he croaks. "Baby, I'm home. Come give me some lovin', babe."
His mom yells at him from the kitchen. Baba clutches his head. "Toru, your manager dropped off another box of letters for you. Can you please do something with them before Ryuu pees on them?"
Baba falls over. His sunglasses break and ride up his forehead. Someone comes running down the hall, feet clacking on the floor. Baba faceplants into Yuta's soccer cleat. It stinks like feet and puke.
Baba feels about like puking.
Until he feels those warm, wet kisses on his neck and that loving tongue caress his lips. "Miss me, Ryuu?" Baba asks. He puckers his mouth and kisses back. "Babe, you’re the best tomodachi ever."
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: 4200
Rating: Rish
Pairing: Er…it's still all about the Baba, really.
Disclaimer: This is 100% real of course, although Arena 37C owns Masa and his collection of bromides. Takkun's glasses are owned by Atelier.
Warning: Sex, more scatology and Aiba Hiroki's pants. Inside jokes about everything and references to PureBOYS Backstage Files DVD #2, Masa's First Live, Sato Yuichi's Overcome the Difficulty, Twilight Zone: Dead Go Round and Paris. This is an offensive piece of fanfiction.
Summary: Tomodachi are everything to Baba and Masa.
Author's Notes: doingfirst gets massive thanks again. lol. Sequel to Kizuna Bonds
Sharing is caring &hearts
"So I said, 'You won't take that part from me!' Because no one has, you know."
He nods. "Uh huh."
"I got rid of all the other guys they cast."
He keeps nodding. "Uh huh."
Aiba cackles. In the mirror across the room, his eyes glow red. But then again, it might be Baba's eyesight. His contact is a little off centre. He pokes at it with his finger and moves it around. Then, he scratches his balls under the table. Much better.
"Hey Ba-chon," Aiba says.
Baba blinks.
"If we duked it out for real, you'd have my back, right? We're friends, right?"
Baba can’t remember what the hell Aibaka is talking about, so he says, "Yeah, sure thing. Tomodachi."
Aiba huffs. He starts to shake, like that vibrator Kumiko-chan had last week in bed. Aiba makes a high-pitched noise, then he laughs some more. Baba winces at the brightness of Aiba's teeth. It makes the remnants of the head ache from this morning flare up again.
"He steals my jobs. He steals my friends. I hate that Furukawa Yuta!"
Now that is something Baba can agree on. "Yeah!" he says. He slams his hand down on the table. PET bottles shake. Luckily, he's got a bottle of Qoo in his bag.
The screening is boring. Apparently Baba's in the movie. Apparently it's a sequel to a movie he did last year. The only thing that Baba remembers from filming is his costar's rack and playing with some white balls.
Lol, he thinks.
Aiba's more into it than him. He answers the questions. He grins at the audience-almost all chicks. Baba grins too. He waves at the chick in the second row. She's got a nice crack of cleavage showing.
"What was the most memorable part of being involved with Twilight Syndrome again?"
Ugh. Too muzukashii. Baba thinks about it for a second. Tits. Don't say tits.
"It was a lot of fun," he says.
The MC asks, "Playing a zombie clown?"
"It was a lot of fun," Baba says. His cellphone rings.
Usually, in the middle of post-movie-screening "press conferences"-not that this is much of a screening, in some shitty little theatre in the back streets of Shibuya above a comic shop and a Familymart-it's frowned down upon to answer your cellphone.
However, Baba does it anyway. "Just a sec," he tells the MC. "Important idol business."
Aiba's teeth distract the audience enough as is. It's cool.
Baba says, "Yo."
"Tomodachiiiiiiiii!"
Masa. WTF.
Baba plays with his hair. His bangs are messed up: he told Ami-chan to watch the hair! Next time, they should slap and tickle in the theatre bathrooms instead of the alley behind the building.
"Uh, what's up?" Baba asks. The MC looks confused so Baba winks at her.
Masa says, "Tomo-"
"Um, hi, this is Nakajima Takui calling."
In the background, Masa starts to sing about smiling. Baba has no idea what's going on. Next to him, Aibaka is making elaborate hand gestures and waxing poetically about the opportunity to star in a movie with his dear friend, Ba-chon. Baba snickers. A chick waves. He stares at her tits. Takui keeps talking, like they're super best friends, or something.
"Your friend Masa and I were jamming together when he passed out. He's got no family and yours was the first number on his phone."
"Cool," Baba says. Special.
"I think he needs an intervention."
"Cool," Baba says. "An invitation to what?"
"SMILE TAKUI-SAN!!" Masa says in the background. It's loud enough that Aiba cringes. It's loud enough that a couple fans in the front row, their eyes pop out of their heads and they start to frantically whisper about "omg MASA!!!"
It's halfway across the audience in a beat. Masa this, Masa that.
Baba narrows his eyes. Stupid Takui. This press-con is about Baba, not Masa. "So what, I'm supposed to pick him up or something?"
Takui says, "He says he can get home all right. I've got to move it on. I've got to sing my song, but I'll pin directions to his place onto his bag in case he passes out on the train. You're his friend so you need to-"
"SMILE!" Masa shouts.
"-intervene and help him out with his problem."
"Cool," Baba says."
When Baba flips his cellphone closed Aibaka looks at him.
"Important business," Baba says. He hitches his camo pants up. "Gotta call the boys and have an intervention."
"Like, to a party?" Aiba whispers.
Baba grins. The light glitters. A girl in the audience faints.
"Exactly."
***
Masa is passed out in a sushi bar. There's brown hair in the toro and black in the squid. Baba sneaks up to him. For a dancer, Masa is heavy. He's got 10 000 yen in his wallet. The cashier gives Baba a funny look.
The cashier at Familymart gives him a funny look too. Masa cracks an eye open. The Stitch wallet is embarrassing. Baba buys a 2L Qoo and a case of beer.
Masa wakes up.
"We're having an intervention," Baba tells him on the train.
Masa clutches the case of Kirin to his chest. His eyes are shiny and watery, like Ryuu's when Baba comes home after a long night of pussy. "My favourite kind," Masa whispers. "You got my favourite kind…"
Baba flips his cellphone shut. "Tomodachi, right?"
***
Stupid Fufukawa phones halfway up the seven flights to Masa's apartment. Masa pukes. Baba cringes. Masa pukes again, green bile and chunky bits of sushi. It stinks like fish. In a gross way.
Masa gives Baba a weak smile and a thumbs up. His bloodshot eyes roll back, but he stands up and staggers.
"Watch the beer!" Baba says.
Masa gives him another thumbs up.
Baba hitches up his pants. He rubs his Gucci belt buckle and rearranges his balls. His pants crotch is halfway to his knees and the stairs make it awkward.
"Takui called me," Fufu says.
Baba says whatevs.
"Masa-kun had better get home all right!" Fufu's voice raises three octaves. He's totes a chick. One of those annoying shrews, though. Nag nag nag. Baba can hear his hair flip on the other end of the line. "No more drinking! He needs to stop and focus on his career! He needs all the help from his friends that he can-"
"It's cool," Baba says. Masa falls over outside his apartment door. There's a cockroach in the corner looking at Baba. It wiggles its antennas. Then it crawls into a dirty McDonald's takeaway bag. Masa drops his keys. Fufu keeps harassing Baba. Masa shouts, "Oh! That's where my Stitch plushie went!"
Baba hangs up on Fufu shrieking in his ear.
Masa digs into the McDonald's bag and holds up a red toy.
"Limited edition." He beams. "His name is Leroy."
Baba chugs the Qoo and belches.
***
Kumiko-chan calls when he's taking a leak. Baba shakes his dick off and answers his cell. "Hey."
"Toru-kun!" she says. "Should I bring friends?"
Hot.
Tomodachi.
Cha-ching!
Baba leans on his cell. With his foot, he tries to flush the toilet. The handle is covered in crusty shit. Baba doesn't know if its food or come or the remains of the open bottle of Stitch body wash sitting in the washlet sink.
"Cool," he says. The more pussy, the merrier.
Being a friend, Baba raids Masa's fridge. He dumps a bottle of energy drink into an old Starbucks takeaway cup and mixes the rest with a bottle of beer. He shakes Masa's shoulder. Masa rolls over. There's a grin plastered to his face.
"Thank you!" he sings.
Baba says whatevs.
The intervention party shows up. Baba can hear them halfway down the stairwell. The door flings open. Kouhei storms in at the head of a conga line. He whoops, and pumps his fist. "You're SO AWESOME, Toru!!" Kouhei shouts. "This partay is SO AWESOME!"
Baba yells back. Kouhei shouts louder.
"PARTAY PARTAY PARTAY!!"
The conga line snakes around Masa's place and squeezes inside. Baba counts the chicks off. Five girls and one maybe.
"YEAH!" he yells. He sidles up to the first girl and says, "I'm Toru. Toru."
She cocks her head to the side. She smells like alcohol and flowers. She's got a low-cut top and her pink bra peeks out the top. Baba waggles his eyebrows. She looks confused.
"Toru," he says. "To-ru. Toooooru."
She giggles. Then she hiccups. Her blue contact falls into the cooler can in her hand. "Cool," she says.
"You got a boyfriend?"
She giggles. "Maybe." Baba wraps an arm around her waist. "You got hot tomodachi, too?" he asks. She keeps giggling. She's bony and he's got a boner. Too bad Masa's apartment is one room only. Kouhei brought music and whisky. The chick starts to grind against Baba's leg. He does a full body wave into her hip and grinds back.
"It's not a party without you!" he yells to Kouhei. Kouhei tips his hat and tilts his head back. He's got a chick on her knees in front of him when he grinds. And grins. And flashes Baba a thumbs-up.
The hunchback shows up right after. Baba pushes the chick off himself-he doesn't have money for a love hotel right now, not his favourite Paris-themed one, anyway. Baba tosses Keisuke a drink.
"You legal now?"
Keisuke looks awkward. His back hunches over more. He shrugs his plaid shirt and nods. Half a beer later, he's passed out on the floor with Masa.
Baba says, "Lol".
The other guys come together. Kei-chan winks at the chick Baba left behind. Baba says hey to him and Ouji and the new guy, whats-his-name he doesn't care, and Takki with a bottle of vodka and tomato juice and Takkun and Hiromi, too.
"Is Renn-chan coming?" Baba shouts at Kei-chan.
"I'm here!" Ouji says.
Baba rolls his eyes. "No, the real Renn-chan," he says. One of the girls in the conga line flips her skirt up. She's wearing a thong. Her ass cheek jiggles when she dances. Baba rubs his balls.
"Okay! He's in Vietnam," Kei-chan says. "He's missing out on all the panties here!"
Takki asks Kei-chan if he wants a sake bomb.
"Okay!" Kei-chan says. "Okay, all right!"
He's a really smart dude. He can even speak English when he's drinking. Baba's impressed. He chugs his beer and he can't even remember the name of the chick shaking her tits in his face.
Hiromi stomps up to Baba. >:| He reaches Baba's armpits. Baba stretches taller. Hiromi keeps scowling.
"There's hot chicks here," Baba says.
Hiromi purses his lips. He puffs up his chest and crosses his arms. Then, he deflates.
"We have an event tomorrow," he says.
"No probs," Baba says.
"It's at 2pm," the shrimp says. A hot chick drapes herself over his shoulder. She towers over him in platforms. She stuffs her face into his furry collar and says, "Paris?"
Hiromi's eye twitches.
"I"VE BEEN TO PARIS!" New-guy yells.
Hiromi crunches up the cooler can in his hand. It spills onto Masa's floor and the stack of takeaway sushi containers.
"I'll be up by then," Baba says. "Chill out, little dude. There's chicks."
Hiromi shifts his eyes. >:|
Hot chick unzips his furry coat. "Pa-risss?" she asks.
"Okay, fine," he says.
He and the hot chick go to the bathroom together. Two seconds later they leave after someone shouts and the toilet flushes. Ouji leaves right behind them. He wipes his mouth and waves at Baba. Then, he giggles.
Baba says, "Is your girlfriend here?" She's probably hot. And she probably has hot friends, too.
Ouji keeps giggling. "Mayumi's making me muffins at home."
There's a shitload of people Baba doesn't know. There's a shitload of hot chicks and Kumiko-chan rubs his thigh and flutters her lashes. Baba lets her kiss him. She tastes like menthols. There's a smoke dangling from her fingers.
"Drag?" he asks.
She passes it to him. Baba inhales. Then he exhales through his lips and licks them. Kumiko-chan takes the smoke back with her fingers-they're covered in glitter stars today. Her nails look sharper than ever.
She rubs her palm on his balls and dicks her nails in. Baba sporfles. He shivers and wiggles his ass against her mini skirt.
"You got panties on?" he whispers in her ear.
"You wanna find out?" she asks. She blows smoke in his ear. Baba says yeah.
The retard breaks it up. He stands in the doorway with a gormless smile and a plastic bag in his hand. Baba says, "Come come!" Takkun rushes the door and trips on a melon rind on Masa's floor. Yuichi's smile falls. His bag starts to drop. Baba saves it: lightning speed from ikemen powers.
"Watch the booze!" he yells.
Yuichi looks confused. The same as always.
"Booze?"
Baba huffs. "In your bag," he says. "Duh."
Yuichi scratches his head. His hair looks like a rat's nest. Maybe he has lice. Baba scratches his balls. They itch just thinking about it.
"I…don't…have…booze…" Yuichi says.
Baba looks at him.
Kouhei smashes a window. "Who the hell leaves acoustic guitars around?" he shouts.
Baba keeps looking at Yuichi.
Yuichi keeps looking like :(?
He opens the bag. "I brought games. Pin the tits on the donkey."
"Games?" Baba says.
"I like to play with hot wheels," Ouji says. He giggles.
"Party games?" Yuichi asks. :)?
"Someone get you a beer," Baba says. He takes a step back onto Takkun. Takkun looks up with crooked glasses and crooked teeth. He holds up a beer to Yuichi. "Be Fri, for you…" he moans. Then he collapses again.
Baba thinks, lol.
Yuichi drops his bag of games. He drops a leash too. Baba looks into the hallway. A dog wearing a hat looks at him.
Baba blinks. His contact swims. He pokes it back into place.
"Oh my gaw!" he yells.
Yuichi: ?
"You have a dog?" Baba asks. He rubs the dog behind the ears. Its hat has an elastic band around its chin. Baba rubs his face in the dog's. Hat-wearing dog barks and paws at his chest.
Yuichi says, "Sometimes?"
"Hey," Baba says. He's struck down with a moment of inspiration. It helps that Masa has danced over with a can of beer and a bottle of juice. Baba swigs the beer, then he chases it with some juice. The beer tastes a bit fishy.
He hands the beer back to Masa.
"Backwash isn't cool."
"Do you think Niou and Yagyuu share germs?" Masa asks.
Baba has not idea what the shit Masa is talking about. Yuichi and the dog have the same vacant smile.
"Next time Coco-chan's in heat, come over to my place with your dog," Baba says.
Yuichi shifts his eyes. Masa rolls in the hallway with the hat-wearing dog until the dog barks and eats the McDonald's takeaway bag, bugs and all. Baba scratches his balls. He rubs his dick. Kumiko-chan's nails hurt. In a good way that makes him kinda horny for more.
"Hat-wearing dog will be busy," Yuichi says.
"Puppy pussy," Baba says.
"Hat-wearing dog will be busy," Yuichi says.
"Saves on pillows," Baba says.
Yuichi looks confused. Baba hands him Masa's beer. The retard looks even more confused. Baba gives up and goes back to the party. Kouhei's got his tongue down some chick's throat-oh wait, looks like Kumiko-chan.
Baba frowns. He grabs a bottle of whiskey from the top of Masa's tv. A stack of weirdass animated cards falls over. The cartoons look kinda familiar. Baba looks up: right, there's the same pictures of weirdass tennis anime all over Masa's walls.
"Weird," Baba says. "Totally creepy."
"Ne, Ba-chon," Masa says. He slings an arm over Baba. He has to stand on his toes to reach.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know that this is only the second time I've had…" Masa pauses. His eyes are glassy. He's got eleven o'clock shadow growing on his upper lip and there's a chunk of puke on his ear.
Baba makes a face.
Baba waits.
Masa opens his eyes as wide as he can. He says something funny.
"I don't speak Hiroshima," Baba says.
Masa laughs. He shifts his eyes again. His feet dance in the opposite direction. Dai-chan says hi behind them. Masa whispers, "Girls!"
"Chicks?"
"Girls in my place!"
"You need to get laid," Baba says.
"Stitch wears leis, too," Masa says. He hiccups. Then, he squats on the floor and curls up the doorway. Baba looks at him. Masa looks up. He looks serious and his eyes are red. "Do you think I'm any good?" he asks. "I'm no good. I can't sing or do anything. I can't be an idol. All the love is superficial and my fans won't remember me if I don't post everyday and Ba-chon, I can't remember if I posted to my blog today or not and I can't remember my password. Ba-chon, it's so hard. I fail so much. I can't be good enough…"
"Er…."
Baba makes a face. He moves his jaw around. Masa keeps rambling. And rocking back and forth on his ankles, hugging his knees. He's got one pants leg rolled up and the other rolled down.
"Er…Masa?"
"…so hard and I can't do it. Should I give up? I can't even smile. It hurts to smile. Takui says smile but I can't when I suck so much…"
"More beer?" Baba offers.
Masa sings thank you.
***
It's a pretty cool party, even if there's no yakiniku and they send the hat-wearing dog with a note around it's handkerchief collar to the nearest Familymart, "here's a 1000, please send booze to apartment 702, Shibuya-ku 10-2 xoxo neighbour-san".
Hat-wearing dog doesn't come back.
Yuichi goes out to find him. He calls Kei-chan and says he's lost, too.
Baba shrugs. It wasn't his money they sent. It's not his difficulty that needs overcoming.
Aiba comes over, about the time of the last train.
"REINFORCEMENTS!" Baba yells.
Kouhei waves a flag from underneath the chick who crawls over his chest.
Aiba prances in, tight red pants with a big red bulge. It's all stuffing down there. Baba pats his dick. He's all real.
Aiba passes the case of beer around. Masa cries. Aiba dances over to Masa, who looks at him with a blank look. Dai-chan says hi.
"Masa-kun?" Aiba asks.
Masa blinks. "Do I know you?"
Aiba staggers back into the curtains. He clutches his chest and gasps.
Baba asks, "Did you get any numbers from the chicks at the press-con?"
***
Message from aniki:
little bro moms pissed! its ur nite to walk dogs and im in turkey. ur supposed to call home asap
Response from ToRu:
hott chix aniki!! u know, lol. tell mom ill be home tomorrow morning. ill get some # 4 u 2 kk
Message from aniki:
cool, thnx little bro
Baba switches his cell to vibrate. He stuffs it into his left pocket. It hums on his dick. Yeah, feels good. Oh…yeah…
When Hiromi's done in the bathroom, Baba grabs the hot chick for himself. They make out for a while. Her nipples are stiff and big. Baba slurps on her neck. She unzips his camo pants. "Yeah," Baba says. He pushes her head down. "Yeah."
"I can't kneel down!" she says. She makes a >:| face.
Complete.
Turn-off.
Baba's erection shrinks. Damn. The shrimp's faces are contagious. Gross.
Baba bums a smoke off Kumiko-chan. He lights up and leans over Masa's tiny balcony. Kouhei's got another chick straddling his lap. "You're my destined woman," he says. Baba back up. He steps on a stick. Aibaka says "Ow" and moves his leg.
Baba pulls the curtain back. Aiba looks at him. Baba laughs.
And then the front door flings open. There is a misty breeze. Or, possibly, it's the result of an unexpected fart. Baba turns around and scratches his ass. He sniffs the air.
Pommade.
Aiba shoots up and prances over Kouhei and co. Fufu pliés into the apartment. Aiba sneers. Fufu flips his hair back. He looks gayer than that flamer who wore those purple pants in some show Baba did-he can't remember. Lol.
"YOU!" Aiba shrieks.
Fufu clicks his tongue. "Dai-chan, where are you?" he whines.
Dai-chan ducks behind the couch. Kouhei rolls off and zips up his fly.
Masa stumbles. He blinks. Then he flings his arms around Fufu. "RIVAL-KUN!" He slurs his words. Fufu looks horrified, maybe, which is the same expression as his usual pissy face, minus the hair flip. He flips his hair anyway.
"I thought you were intervening," he says. He sniffs at Baba.
Baba rolls his eyes. "Duh. What do you think this is?"
Fufu huffs. Dai-chan crawls toward the door. Aiba tries to pry Masa off Fufu and gets nothing but a smack to the face with a beer bottle. He cries. He cups his mouth as blood streams down his chin. It's the same colour as his pants.
And there's a couple glittering teeth on the floor.
"This is a party!" Fufu says.
"PARTAY!!" Kouhei yells. He and the conga line start to snake around the room again like a yokai parade with booze and boobs. Baba joins in and grabs the ass of the girl in front of him. She bats her lashes. Baba waggles his eyebrows.
Aiba yanks Masa off Fufu. He spits out another tooth. Fufu curls his lip. He sniffs and says, "That was disgusting. No wonder Masa doesn't like you. I would never do that."
"I'll kill you," Aiba says. His voice rises. He pushes Fufu. Fufu flips his hair.
"Who are you?" Fufu asks. Fufu looks around. New PureBOY trips over something in the middle of the conga line. Fufu dances over and gasps.
"My guitar!" he shrieks.
"I'll kill you!" Aiba says. His nasal shout is louder than ever. Baba's ears pop.
Fufu completely ignores Aiba. He stands up with a shard of the guitar in his hand. Aiba lunges. His red pants split in the back and he's bleeding from the mouth. Baba remembers-almost-filming a scene with zombie clowns with bloody mouths. But he can't remember what the hell the movie was about.
Tits?
Baba laughs under his breath. He runs his hands up the girl in front of him. He cups her tits. They jiggle as she dances. He can feel her nipples. It's hot stuff.
In the middle of the room, Aibaka and Fufu square off. Or more like, Aiba circles Fufu, who sighs and looks bored and frowns at Baba and says, "You're a bad friend."
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Aiba screams.
Aiba punches Fufu in the stomach.
Fufu falls backward, over a wayward remote-control Stitch toy, and he breaks in two.
Just as suddenly, Kei-chan answers a ringing phone from out of nowhere with a Kampai Je T'aime ring tone. Kouhei starts to shuffle sideways and pump his arm. Baba breaks the line and joins in.
Kei-chan announces, "Yuichi found himself!" There's a beat. Takkun waves a white handkerchief from the floor and says "Yay!"
Kei-chan adds, "And he found Irei, too!"
***
Baba wakes up in the middle of the night. He's lucid enough to hear the rustling beside him. But he's drunk enough not to care.
He looks over. His contact swims around the back of his eye. Baba opens the other. He can almost see in the dark, if it wasn't for the gleam of the city lights bouncing off the bazillion bromides tacked to Masa's walls.
And the glossy posters of some dude called TAKUI.
Kumiko-chan is topless and sitting on top of someone. There's a dozen people sleeping on Masa's floor. Dai-chan's fat ass takes up half the space.
Kumiko-chan's breathy giggles mean one thing.
Baba's hard from listening to them. He rubs his balls. He starts to unzip his camo pants. Her tits are triangular in the blinking neon lights streaming in through the ripped curtains.
"This is almost like rolling sushi!" some guy says.
"Masa?" Baba asks.
Masa says eep! Kumiko-chan stops bouncing for a second.
"Can we share, Ba-chon?" Masa asks.
"Sharing is caring," Baba says. "Good luck, tomodachi."
***
Baba buys a juice from the vending machine at the station closest to home. His cellphone reads half-past two. His head is split open and pounding. He staggers and trips on the hem of his pants. Baba grabs at his belt and rearranges his dick.
His cellphone rings.
Fucking shrimp, he thinks. >:|
Block sender?
Yes.
Baba trips again and chucks his cellphone down the corridor of the apartment building. Fucking blog doesn't need updating this week either.
He opens the door and squints. The conga line dances through his vision. His mouth tastes like ass and orange juice. "Baby," he croaks. "Baby, I'm home. Come give me some lovin', babe."
His mom yells at him from the kitchen. Baba clutches his head. "Toru, your manager dropped off another box of letters for you. Can you please do something with them before Ryuu pees on them?"
Baba falls over. His sunglasses break and ride up his forehead. Someone comes running down the hall, feet clacking on the floor. Baba faceplants into Yuta's soccer cleat. It stinks like feet and puke.
Baba feels about like puking.
Until he feels those warm, wet kisses on his neck and that loving tongue caress his lips. "Miss me, Ryuu?" Baba asks. He puckers his mouth and kisses back. "Babe, you’re the best tomodachi ever."