(no subject)
wake up!
catch this metaphor:
i feel as though i'm staring straight ahead, a gaze undeterred. beyond this universe, stuck out of focus, unwilling to return. a voluntary coma. to everyone that has flashed their hand across my face, or brushed my cheek in effort to wake (a snap!), believe me, i have seen you. and i have seen you walk away. hands thrown up in exhaustion from your affection.
snowflakes have fallen, rain has chilled, i have been wet and scared, warm and tired. i have not slept, since i have been here. between all of you, the times when i have been left untouched, the moments between the next love of all loves, when my hands and shoulders were held, when hope was left to chisel the invisible stone, before this petrification!
i want to at least pretend to be literal, but i find it so confining. fact is, indeed, not fact at all, but rather perception. what i perceive, each time, each facet of each individual, the romance, the intensity, the novelty, every time it has been extrapolated has led to the same pitiful result. i am weary from loving and giving, returning to my restless nights alone and in doubt.
yes, i long to bask in a sun that sets at my leisure, in a window that is shut in only the coldest months. to sleep on a pillow that is not occupied by just one. to feel as if i am giving it all without giving it all up.
i want to protest this bitterness. ironically, all i can muster are weak whispers, under my breath.
shame.