Object lesson: How (Not) to be a Jackass

[replicant_rasa]

So last weekend I was at a predominantly queer party; met some people, didn't click with anyone, and after I'd left it occurred to me that this was probably because they were all so damned young. Like, mostly 19 to 21. And I never notice it right away, because they look like adults at that age, but then when I talk to them it's like, "Wow. Your

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[rassaku]

It's not the same though -- the tl;dr version of what I said above boils down to this:

The only thing that all trans dudes have in common is the "wrong" junk (and then sometimes not even that, when we're post-op). So in my opinion, the only legit reason for ruling out trans dudes is if you're ALL ABOUT dick and absolutely can't stand the thought of touching/seeing a vagina. If that describes you, then by all means, go ahead and tell the world up front so nobody wastes their time on you.

The problem is that when most people say they're not into transsexuals, they don't actually know what they're talking about. They think transsexual = "man in a dress" or "dumpy dyke" and since they know they don't want THAT, obviously they're not into transsexuals. They just have no idea how many hot young thangs they've had their eye on before who had the "wrong" junk, that they never had any idea about.

I've been hanging out in gay social situations when guys go off on some tear about vaginas being gross and icky, etc, at the same time they're eyeing my twink self without knowing that I'm trans. And they are so chagrined when they find out, one because they've finally noticed how that makes them sound like a misogynistic jackass, and two because it's clear they've shot their chances with me. "Omg I didn't mean it like that!" is usually how they try to backtrack, but I suspect what they mean is "I didn't realize that could apply to someone I was attracted to."

There's this weirdly common idea among cisgendered people that by asking for acceptance, trans folk are somehow trying to guilt-trip them into dating us. Which is why they wail that they're just not ~attracted~ to trans people, they can't ~help~ that, it's just how they are! It's not you it's me, etc.

When what we're really asking for is them to stop stereotyping us, because reality might surprise them. And frankly, the last thing any of us are interested in is dating someone who hates our bodies and thinks our junk is disgusting.

Of course, maybe I'm just jaded, amoral, and mercenary about all this.

Aye, and this is why we're friends. ^_^

[ww0308]

Ah, very good point-- the "transsexual = "man in a dress" or "dumpy dyke"" idea is probably all that's behind a lot of those ads.