Object lesson: How (Not) to be a Jackass
So last weekend I was at a predominantly queer party; met some people, didn't click with anyone, and after I'd left it occurred to me that this was probably because they were all so damned young. Like, mostly 19 to 21. And I never notice it right away, because they look like adults at that age, but then when I talk to them it's like, "Wow. Your brain is... not very interesting yet."
Man, I used to worry about getting older because then all the hot young thangs wouldn't want to date me anymore. It didn't occur to me that I wouldn't want to date them first.
Anyway, this morning I had a message in my OkCupid inbox, a guy from the party who'd recognized me and was like, "Oh hey, you were at so-and-so's party, right?" So I clicked over to his profile to see if he had hidden depths that hadn't been apparent when I met him, and found this gem right there in his "About Me" summary:
I also don't and will not date a bisexual guy or transgender ppl. Nothing wrong with them but they're just not for me.
This, knowing that I was trans before he messaged me. Luckily I hadn't been interested in dating him either, and since I have no compunctions about burning my bridges with that crowd:
Okay, so, I'm not going to win any friends doing this, but you did say you'd rather be educated than offend in ignorance, so...
Did you always have the "no trannies" clause in your profile, or did you add that for my benefit? Because I don't care if you don't want to date me -- I'm an elitist jerk, I'm aware of that, and there are plenty of people who aren't into that -- but ruling out transsexuals as a species makes you look like an asshole. You might as well write "No Mexicans plz" -- the only difference is that it's still socially acceptable to discriminate against trans folk.
If your next argument is "I can't help what I'm attracted to," I've heard that one before too, and the rebuttal is that trans dudes come in all shapes and sizes, so if any subset of men are your "type," then there are going to be transsexuals who are "your type." If what you're actually trying to screen for is big dicks, then just say so, "Only big dicks need apply."
And lastly, if I've pissed you off, please keep in mind that these are my personal feelings, not those of all trans dudes everywhere. "Man, that guy Gabriel is an uptight jerk" = okay. "Man, trans guys are uptight jerks" = not true. We are not all the same any more than gay guys are all the same.
The End
Man, I used to worry about getting older because then all the hot young thangs wouldn't want to date me anymore. It didn't occur to me that I wouldn't want to date them first.
Anyway, this morning I had a message in my OkCupid inbox, a guy from the party who'd recognized me and was like, "Oh hey, you were at so-and-so's party, right?" So I clicked over to his profile to see if he had hidden depths that hadn't been apparent when I met him, and found this gem right there in his "About Me" summary:
I also don't and will not date a bisexual guy or transgender ppl. Nothing wrong with them but they're just not for me.
This, knowing that I was trans before he messaged me. Luckily I hadn't been interested in dating him either, and since I have no compunctions about burning my bridges with that crowd:
Okay, so, I'm not going to win any friends doing this, but you did say you'd rather be educated than offend in ignorance, so...
Did you always have the "no trannies" clause in your profile, or did you add that for my benefit? Because I don't care if you don't want to date me -- I'm an elitist jerk, I'm aware of that, and there are plenty of people who aren't into that -- but ruling out transsexuals as a species makes you look like an asshole. You might as well write "No Mexicans plz" -- the only difference is that it's still socially acceptable to discriminate against trans folk.
If your next argument is "I can't help what I'm attracted to," I've heard that one before too, and the rebuttal is that trans dudes come in all shapes and sizes, so if any subset of men are your "type," then there are going to be transsexuals who are "your type." If what you're actually trying to screen for is big dicks, then just say so, "Only big dicks need apply."
And lastly, if I've pissed you off, please keep in mind that these are my personal feelings, not those of all trans dudes everywhere. "Man, that guy Gabriel is an uptight jerk" = okay. "Man, trans guys are uptight jerks" = not true. We are not all the same any more than gay guys are all the same.
The End