Object lesson: How (Not) to be a Jackass
So last weekend I was at a predominantly queer party; met some people, didn't click with anyone, and after I'd left it occurred to me that this was probably because they were all so damned young. Like, mostly 19 to 21. And I never notice it right away, because they look like adults at that age, but then when I talk to them it's like, "Wow. Your
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You're talking about sexual orientation, and orientation applies to you. You're straight, so you're not into women. I'm gay, so I'm not into women either. Straight guys aren't into dudes, and accordingly, they aren't into me.
Meanwhile, a person's transsexuality is about them, not about you. From an outsider perspective, think of trans as an adjective, one that can occur in combination with literally any other adjective you can apply to a person. Trans men (to use them for an example, since you said you're straight) can be androgynous and feminine or macho like mf'ing linebackers, waif-like hipsters or musclebound bodybuilders, or anything in between. Trans men can be athletes, scifi geeks, intellectuals, fucking morons, artsy types, swishy fags, computer nerds -- anything you could find attractive, there is a trans dude out there who is your type.
It's true, transsexuality can be very obvious (which, yes, you are allowed to not be attracted to, that's fine) but it can also be something that you're never, ever going to realize unless they tell you. Which is why it makes no more sense to say "I'm not into transsexuals" than it does to say "I'm not into people with O+ blood type." You can't tell that by looking at them -- no really, you can't.
When I come out to people, the response is always the same: "I would never have guessed!" The next thing is usually that they've never met a transsexual before, or that I'm the first they've ever met (and I hear this a LOT), I'm hard-pressed not to laugh in their faces. You have no idea how many trans people you've met who never even pinged you.
However, being weirded out by different genitals than what you're used to is a different hurdle, and one I give more leeway on, since I have a pretty strong preference for dicks myself. >_> Even so, I think rejecting someone for the "wrong" genitals puts you on par with the girl who'll dump a guy for having a small dick.
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For instance, supposing I was the shallow female you describe above and I meet a guy, we get on well and when I drag him into my bedroom --Amazonian style-- to rip his clothes off. I then discover he has a dick the size of pencil eraser and it's a huge turn-off.
Now, that definitely sucks, since it's going to resort in a lot of hurt feelings but why it is more shallow and me saying "eh, I don't find you attractive" from square one? Haven't I made that claim on very superficial aspects, for instance, hair, eyes, height, body build etc etc?
In which case, isn't is always about me? And therefore, saying "I'm not attracted to small dicks / trans people / big guys with hands like saucepans" is all the same?
Now, you could say "Yes! All those choices prove that you are a shallow little twit" and go onto claim that attraction may first me on saucepan sized hands, but by the time you hit the bedroom, it's moved onto a deeper connection and dick size shouldn't matter.
But in which case, isn't there an argument that says gender comes into the same category? If I'm straight, I might think I prefer men, but does that mean I should rule out women any more than transgender people? Woman, like transgenders-- can come in a wide range of looks. So isn't it --at the end of the day-- always an adjective that can be applied to anything?
Maybe the argument is that gender is as fundamental as personality to an individual whereas the size of your body parts are not? I'm not totally sure how I feel about that. At the end of the day, gender was a bit luck-of-the-draw, wasn't it?
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So --the point is-- that if what you're really against is different genitals to the norm, that's what you should come out and say, since there's nothing that applies to all transexual people so it makes no sense.
(Got there in the end!)
Although, to some degree, the second part of my original ramble holds in that men and woman also come in a wide range of shapes and sizes. I've sometimes wondered if it's only society restraints that makes most people pick a gender of preference.
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