Do you think Ill remember in detail everything Im vaguely talking about in this entry?
It is sorta sad when you finally accpet something you never wanted to.
Like, even though you knew it was wrong all along, but you made up excuses for why it was okay.
Its sad when you give in. I mean, its a lot healthier, but its still a bit of a let down. Because, its when you finally realize it isnt going to be how you wanted it to be, ya know? and it sucks.
Its also very dissapointing how people change.
I mean, its expected of course, exspecially in the last years of high school, and beginning college.
But still. Its hard when the person that you used to know like the back of your hand, you cant even being to predict what theyll do next. Because then its like you hold on to the old person, saying you know the real them is still there. which goes back to its sad finally accepting soemthing you didnt.
I suppose its just hard accepting change you didnt want to happen. Thats what Im getting at.
You just have to learn its okay to think about the good memories, but not to live in them.
You cant dwell in the past because then it prohibits you from making future memories that youll be able to look back on and smile.
Im just tired. I am tired of making excuses. Tired of convincing myself it will all be okay. Tired of trying to convince myself he's still a good person, even.
ive came to terms. im done.
I had court today. I was fighting a traffic ticket.
I won. and I should of, it was a lame ticket.
It was sort of intimidating when I first walked in though, there were 4 cops and the magistrate guy all staring at me.
They were nice though, and we joked around.
So far Ive gotten into Loyola, Albion, Central, and Wayne. I'll find out about Kalamazoo in the begining of January. I guess I'm applying to Oakland too. and maybe MArquette. I dont want to apply to too many though because then there will be too much to choose from! Although its already decided that Wayne and Central are out. I dont care how much money they offer me.
I really need to schedule some visits though. I am sorta waiting for my indoor soccer to end, so I wont miss games. I think its over in like January.
Its really cold in my basement. I really dont like the cold.
i like snow though. but I really sorta hate it. I wouldnt if snow didnt mean cold.
I really like Saralee. I really really like her a lot.
She did the nicest thing for me. And I am keeping it forever. And am going to look at it whenever Im sad. And smile.
Its what Ive always wanted somebody to do for me.
Ive been getting really nostalic lately. Probably because everything thats been going on..but i mean, it isnt only about last year.
I really miss freshman and sophomore year too. I miss running around with BRidget and Jen. Spending hours in Jens bathroom..watching Jen get ready =P then running around P.R, tping houses and just having old fashioned fun. I wish sometimes that Jen would put forth any sort of effort to hangout with Bridget and Myself.
Im glad bridge and I are still friends though. I dont know what I'd do without her. We can go weeks without seeing eachother, but we still always know whats going on in the others life. & I can always count on her when I really need her (Remember when Chris and I got in that fight and you came over at like midnight with yogurt? haha)
And I miss sophomore year. I miss Greg, Johnny, Britt, and I being best friends and being together 24/7. I hungout with Greg yesterday. We went to the movies, out to eat, then coldstone =) I had a lot of fun, it reminded me of old times so much. Us four need to have a reunion.
Have I written about Skyline? It was good. A lot of it was as I expected it to be, sorta of undescibable, ya know?
Like, I knew there would be little group animal meetings and people cried and got close and there was bonding and what not.
but you cant fully understand unless you go.
It just teaches you a lot, you learn a lot about people and find things you never would of even guessed.
People have some pretty hard lifes, and it reminded me how lucky I am. Even with as much drama as Ive been going through this year, I still have it really good.
One of the things I stress the most is being a good friend.
And it really upsets me that it feels like many dont care as much as I do.
maybe its just that I dont mean as much to them?
But still, I feel like it doesnt matter if one person means more to you than the next, you should still be as good to both as you can? I mean, sure, I guess there will always be a little favorism. But still. do you know what I mean? I want people I am not as close with to still think I am a good friend and that they can count on me.
FUCK. this is the 2nd time my foot has falled asleep in the past like 1/2 hour.
I like Akon.
Its my moms birthday. We are having steak and hot potatoes. Its going to be soo gooddd. And then cake =) Yummm.
Im excited to be happy and to hangout with new people and just have funnn.
I love Melissa and Charles.
and RAFE!! hes basically my hero and best friend forever. He was my getaway driver. I really dont like police and Dana made me very nervous. I was glad to just get out of there and eat donuts. and go home and lay down on my hard basement floor for an hour before going to bed. WHich Im not sure why that happened. I also had like an hour long conversation with Wendell thanking him for cake. I love Wendell. I miss when we used to talk and be close and all that stuff.
I need to write my cousin an email. And ask her some questions.
I am excited to go out of town for thanksgiving and see mis primas. I wish Jill and Keeg were flying in.
It'll be nice seeing matt again. hopefully he wont ask about thickums. because first, thats just sick. and i dont even want to think about him this break. Although I know he'll ask. and then I know what we'll do =/ Oh WEllll, all in good fun I suppose.
I got really upset today in photography.
I am feeling so overwhelmed in that class and I couldnt even tell you why.
I jsut feel so behind in it. But really, I am not so much.
I jsut dont know how to use photoshop.
And I am terrified this roll of film wont turn out because its insane. And probably Ill cry and hopefully Mr. Bassier will understand.
I just need to finish the 3rd assignment all during break and come back and be ready and be happy and be set.
I bought some spinach dip and pita bread today when I was picking up an application. Arent you excited?