In memory of...
Thanks to my mother we found an amazing way to memorialize our baby.
This day, I have been amazed at the people that remember a day I will never forget. My sweet friend Jessie just reappeared after so many months away, to remind me that she remembered and is there for me.
May 4th was not about being sad that we lost our baby. It was about the suffering she endured for her last several hours. It was about the regret of each poor decision I made in that final week. It was about honoring her and all she brought to us. It was that need to honor her that kept me out of bed when I so desperately wanted to be in bed with the covers pulled high.
I didn't cry much. I was distracted and didn't want to take the time to feel the pain. I guess even in trying to memorialize her I was self involved and was mostly focused on my guilt.
Today, I will pack up some of her belongings that I've been gathering and take a some time to enjoy the memories. What i want most is to snuggle her...to have one more time of her body molded to mine.
This day, I have been amazed at the people that remember a day I will never forget. My sweet friend Jessie just reappeared after so many months away, to remind me that she remembered and is there for me.
May 4th was not about being sad that we lost our baby. It was about the suffering she endured for her last several hours. It was about the regret of each poor decision I made in that final week. It was about honoring her and all she brought to us. It was that need to honor her that kept me out of bed when I so desperately wanted to be in bed with the covers pulled high.
I didn't cry much. I was distracted and didn't want to take the time to feel the pain. I guess even in trying to memorialize her I was self involved and was mostly focused on my guilt.
Today, I will pack up some of her belongings that I've been gathering and take a some time to enjoy the memories. What i want most is to snuggle her...to have one more time of her body molded to mine.