(no subject)
why does my heart keep breaking...wasn't once enough?!
i woke up last night and cried for an eternity. dunno why.....
was working tonite, and everything felt far away, just out of reach, i smiled for the customers but it felt like a horrible mask. it always feels fake. i hate my smile.
one good thing. i've decided on a tattoo and im going next saturday, on my own if i have to, to get it, and buy new shirts and trousers/jeens.
and i'm gonna tell more people. cos i need to stop feeling like i'm not me, like im some imposter who just sits in this body, taking up space. thats the only way to describe it. i'm scaring myself cos i haven't felt this down in a long time. and when i'm down it really fucks me up. cos i just thinnk about bad stuff thats happened, people i've hurt, or who've hurt me, people i've lost....here i go again
see what i mean?
i think i'm gonna go off and cry for a while, it seems to help...
i woke up last night and cried for an eternity. dunno why.....
was working tonite, and everything felt far away, just out of reach, i smiled for the customers but it felt like a horrible mask. it always feels fake. i hate my smile.
one good thing. i've decided on a tattoo and im going next saturday, on my own if i have to, to get it, and buy new shirts and trousers/jeens.
and i'm gonna tell more people. cos i need to stop feeling like i'm not me, like im some imposter who just sits in this body, taking up space. thats the only way to describe it. i'm scaring myself cos i haven't felt this down in a long time. and when i'm down it really fucks me up. cos i just thinnk about bad stuff thats happened, people i've hurt, or who've hurt me, people i've lost....here i go again
see what i mean?
i think i'm gonna go off and cry for a while, it seems to help...