(no subject)
Title: Dawning
Author: Kellie (lilchibibunny)
Summary: Angel muses over things. (I was never good at summaries.)
Rating: PG, I suppose.
Word Count: 700.
Notes: Songwise: Between "Without You" and "Contact". I saw the topic, and instantly thought about Angel. I haven't seen too many fics written solely about Angel, and I hadn't written one. So, here it is. I hope it's clear enough, forgive me if it isn't.
I’m dying.
You’re sleeping beside my bed, tired. Hospitals can do that to you. You look troubled, even in your sleep. I remember a time when I would look at you, lying beside me, and you’d be smiling, like you always are. You’re the light of my life, don’t you know? You make me feel so special. I wish you would smile like you used to.
But, ah, AIDS. The silent killer. It leaves me so weak sometimes, and I hate it. I wish I could be out there, singing in the streets and dancing like we used to. Oh, I wish we could do those things again. I wish I had the energy to do those things again. I’m glad you’re not awake; I’ve started crying again. I don’t mind crying, but I hate doing it in front of you. I don’t like it when you see me sad.
I hate the fact that your last memories of me will be lying in this bed, weak and helpless, tears in my eyes, trying to fight off a disease that will take over anyway. Please, please remember me as the sweet guy who brought you to his apartment, the girl with the crazy wig and Santa drag. Those were the best days, honey. The best days of my life.
Oh, baby, I don’t want to go. Don’t get me wrong, though. Trust me, honey, I was ready for death once I learned I was HIV positive. Death doesn’t scare me. But leaving all of you, that’s what really frightens me. I’ve made the best friends of my life in just a few short months, just to be dragged away again to loneliness. God, where will I be without all of you? Mark filming every move, Roger with his lonely eyes and Fender guitar, Mimi with her wild hair and leopard boots, Joanne and Maureen with their lover’s spats, and you. Oh, my sweet baby with his new leather coat. Where would I be without you?
Remember those nights when we would say the craziest, corniest things to each other, about how much we loved each other? I remember the one night when you had me laughing so hard by saying, “Baby, you’re the caramel to my chocolate.” And oh, how I laughed, and you laughed, and we could have filled a whole stadium with our laughter. God, I’ll miss you so much when I’m gone. I’m so scared to go somewhere without you, without knowing if you’ll be okay. Promise me you’ll be okay, and maybe I won’t fear leaving all of you so much anymore.
I know you’ll wake up in the morning, and say I’ll look better, you’ll swear I’ve gotten better, but I know I won’t, I’ll look worse. I’ve lost all my energy, and I know I could die any minute now, but I don’t want to leave you. I’m scared of dying without seeing your face one more time. Please, stay by me, please. I’m scared without you. I’ll be okay if you’re here. I can die peacefully if you’re here.
It’s six in the morning. I smile knowing the nurses haven’t found you yet; you hid in the bathroom while they checked on me for the night. What will I do without you? I’m so scared, baby. I don’t want to go anywhere without you. I’ll miss you so much. You stir slightly, and I stroke your head. The tears won’t stop, but I’ll make sure you won’t see them, see my weakness.
Baby, you’re the chocolate to my caramel, the man to my woman. I’ve loved you more than anyone else in my whole life. You’re my life, honey. Promise me you’ll live it when I’m gone.
I’m scared of leaving you all alone. I know I won’t, that the others won’t let you be all alone, but, still, the idea terrifies me all the same. We’re two pieces of the same whole. Don’t let the part of me in you die, too. Please, don’t let my memory die. I live through you, baby. That’s why I don’t fear dying. I live through you.
The dawn hits us lightly.
I love you, Collins.
-fin.
Author: Kellie (lilchibibunny)
Summary: Angel muses over things. (I was never good at summaries.)
Rating: PG, I suppose.
Word Count: 700.
Notes: Songwise: Between "Without You" and "Contact". I saw the topic, and instantly thought about Angel. I haven't seen too many fics written solely about Angel, and I hadn't written one. So, here it is. I hope it's clear enough, forgive me if it isn't.
I’m dying.
You’re sleeping beside my bed, tired. Hospitals can do that to you. You look troubled, even in your sleep. I remember a time when I would look at you, lying beside me, and you’d be smiling, like you always are. You’re the light of my life, don’t you know? You make me feel so special. I wish you would smile like you used to.
But, ah, AIDS. The silent killer. It leaves me so weak sometimes, and I hate it. I wish I could be out there, singing in the streets and dancing like we used to. Oh, I wish we could do those things again. I wish I had the energy to do those things again. I’m glad you’re not awake; I’ve started crying again. I don’t mind crying, but I hate doing it in front of you. I don’t like it when you see me sad.
I hate the fact that your last memories of me will be lying in this bed, weak and helpless, tears in my eyes, trying to fight off a disease that will take over anyway. Please, please remember me as the sweet guy who brought you to his apartment, the girl with the crazy wig and Santa drag. Those were the best days, honey. The best days of my life.
Oh, baby, I don’t want to go. Don’t get me wrong, though. Trust me, honey, I was ready for death once I learned I was HIV positive. Death doesn’t scare me. But leaving all of you, that’s what really frightens me. I’ve made the best friends of my life in just a few short months, just to be dragged away again to loneliness. God, where will I be without all of you? Mark filming every move, Roger with his lonely eyes and Fender guitar, Mimi with her wild hair and leopard boots, Joanne and Maureen with their lover’s spats, and you. Oh, my sweet baby with his new leather coat. Where would I be without you?
Remember those nights when we would say the craziest, corniest things to each other, about how much we loved each other? I remember the one night when you had me laughing so hard by saying, “Baby, you’re the caramel to my chocolate.” And oh, how I laughed, and you laughed, and we could have filled a whole stadium with our laughter. God, I’ll miss you so much when I’m gone. I’m so scared to go somewhere without you, without knowing if you’ll be okay. Promise me you’ll be okay, and maybe I won’t fear leaving all of you so much anymore.
I know you’ll wake up in the morning, and say I’ll look better, you’ll swear I’ve gotten better, but I know I won’t, I’ll look worse. I’ve lost all my energy, and I know I could die any minute now, but I don’t want to leave you. I’m scared of dying without seeing your face one more time. Please, stay by me, please. I’m scared without you. I’ll be okay if you’re here. I can die peacefully if you’re here.
It’s six in the morning. I smile knowing the nurses haven’t found you yet; you hid in the bathroom while they checked on me for the night. What will I do without you? I’m so scared, baby. I don’t want to go anywhere without you. I’ll miss you so much. You stir slightly, and I stroke your head. The tears won’t stop, but I’ll make sure you won’t see them, see my weakness.
Baby, you’re the chocolate to my caramel, the man to my woman. I’ve loved you more than anyone else in my whole life. You’re my life, honey. Promise me you’ll live it when I’m gone.
I’m scared of leaving you all alone. I know I won’t, that the others won’t let you be all alone, but, still, the idea terrifies me all the same. We’re two pieces of the same whole. Don’t let the part of me in you die, too. Please, don’t let my memory die. I live through you, baby. That’s why I don’t fear dying. I live through you.
The dawn hits us lightly.
I love you, Collins.
-fin.