(no subject)
You know, whenever someone mentions having those horrible, recurring nightmares that make you relive the same terror over and over again, I of course fel really bad for them, but I never really thought I could relate. My dreams are a wide, random assortment, never the same thing twice and often times with a decided edge of crack-tastic fanfictions. Granted, there are the occasional nightmares in the bunch - nasty ones that usually involve finding out a loved one has been killed or murdered, or crazy real and scary ones where Something Evil lurks in the dark and is seconds away from getting me, or the annoyingly prevalent horrible-storm-that-ends-with-me-almost-being-killed-by-a-tornado dreams that still haunt me a few times a year. Beyond that, though, they were always entirely different from previous nightmares, with nothing in common at all beyond waking up with my heart pounding and completely terrified to go back to sleep.
Just now, however, I was doing a mental calculation of my bills and the two student loans I'm slooooowly whittling down, trying to recall if there was anything I may have missed when I went through and paid them all yesterday. And I had this sudden flash and split-second of panic/anxiety over how I had FORGOTTEN TO GO TO THIS CLASS OR DO MY HOMEWORK FOR IT ALL SEMESTER LONG, HOLY SHIT. Except there is no class, and no homework, and no failed grade added to my transcripts because I had attended this Mystery Class on the first day, and thus was automatically enrolled in it and I had to officially withdrawal from the class before the last drop-day or I'd get an automatic Fail - which I had never done - and the last day to drop was weeks ago. The class was, in fact, something that only existed in my dreams - and it continues to exist there, time and again over the years, and I feel just as panicked and anxious every time it does.
It was then that I had a "Holy Shit, THIS is my recurring nightmare!" moment. I am unsure how I really feel about this revelation, because while others have major, serious recurring nightmares about almost falling into Hell or a losing a loved one over and over again or vicious, PTSD-inducing firefights and battles... I freak out about college courses and the subsequent long-term damage a failed class will give me. While I am extremely, extremely grateful to have nothing so traumatic in my life that it causes horrible nightmares, it still seems a bit unfair to the rest of the world.
Just now, however, I was doing a mental calculation of my bills and the two student loans I'm slooooowly whittling down, trying to recall if there was anything I may have missed when I went through and paid them all yesterday. And I had this sudden flash and split-second of panic/anxiety over how I had FORGOTTEN TO GO TO THIS CLASS OR DO MY HOMEWORK FOR IT ALL SEMESTER LONG, HOLY SHIT. Except there is no class, and no homework, and no failed grade added to my transcripts because I had attended this Mystery Class on the first day, and thus was automatically enrolled in it and I had to officially withdrawal from the class before the last drop-day or I'd get an automatic Fail - which I had never done - and the last day to drop was weeks ago. The class was, in fact, something that only existed in my dreams - and it continues to exist there, time and again over the years, and I feel just as panicked and anxious every time it does.
It was then that I had a "Holy Shit, THIS is my recurring nightmare!" moment. I am unsure how I really feel about this revelation, because while others have major, serious recurring nightmares about almost falling into Hell or a losing a loved one over and over again or vicious, PTSD-inducing firefights and battles... I freak out about college courses and the subsequent long-term damage a failed class will give me. While I am extremely, extremely grateful to have nothing so traumatic in my life that it causes horrible nightmares, it still seems a bit unfair to the rest of the world.