[Fic] The Three Kisses - chapter 6
Title: The three kisses
Pairing(s): ??/Changmin
Length: Chaptered (6/?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings:
Genre: drama, romance, light angst
Summary: Someone’s writing Changmin love letters. How’s he supposed to identify his admirer when all four of his band mates seem like the one?
A/N: *hiding* i know its been forever but i didn't abandon this fic -0- its just been torturing me. and i've been hating it. and not confident abt this chap or whole rest of the fic :S but i've made you wait long enuf so ~~ T^T
Previous Chapters:
one | two | three | four | five |
*********
Sometime throughout the next few now early hours of the morning, Junsu seemed to draw completely into himself, reverting back into a small child, one who refused to let Changmin leave his side, refused to let him even so much as stand up.
Trapped in the small dark room with hardly room enough for them to extend their legs from where they sat on the floor, Changmin had no idea of the passage of time. He was unable to see the clock either from where he sat with Junsu curled into his side, their backs resting on the wall.
He was only half-asleep, unable to really sleep in his current position but also unable to resist the heavy pull on his eyelids, so that when a light sound against the door penetrated the stupor he was sunken into he thought it was just part of his subconscious imaginings. He floated away into darkness until the sound came again, this time definitely the sharp rap of knuckles on wood.
Junsu’s head slowly lifted from where it had been nestled into Changmin’s shoulder and Changmin turned his head to look down into the dark shadow of his face. He could vaguely make out his eyes in the dark, staring up at him.
Before he could think of something to say, Junsu spoke in a somewhat raspy whisper, a voice that had been broken by tears.
“Don’t open it.” Fingers clenched tightly into the fabric of his shirt, twisting it in a physical plea to accompany the words. “Please.”
The knocking came yet again, and Changmin’s eyes lifted to stare into the dark space that must be the door. As if wanting to help clarify his thoughts the hall light was suddenly turned on, causing a small bar of faint yellow to illuminate itself at the bottom of the door.
Another knock, this time accompanied with a low muffled voice from the other side. “Junsu? Changmin? Are you in there? Open the door.”
It was Yunho. As soon as he heard the words, beside him Junsu was shaking his head almost frantically, and his hand flew out to clasp over Changmin’s mouth. His palm was overly warm and sweaty, sticking slightly to his face, and Changmin found himself holding his breath.
“Changmin, please.” Junsu whispered weakly. “I’m not ready to face them yet.”
“But we can’t just hide in here forever.” Changmin protested, speaking into Junsu’s hand which was still clamped tightly across his mouth. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he was more than ready to leave the uncomfortable room behind, and he was so tired he was irritable.
Not to mention they did have a schedule that day, and given the events of the night plus the lack of sleep meant the day was going to be nothing but a long and tiring trek through hell.
Yunho knocked again, louder, more insistently . “Wake up and open up this door before I find another way to open it. Manager’s on his way and I wont have us be late yet again.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Junsu’s hand fell away from Changmin’s face, and he promptly sagged against the wall in defeat. Changmin waited another long moment, watching Junsu’s outline while outside Yunho pounded on the door.
When the other didn’t make a move to reach for him again, Changmin clamored painfully to his feet, his body crying in protest to having slept cramped against a wall all night. He fumbled blindly for the door handle, so lost in fatigue that he didn’t think to find the light switch first. Finally his searching fingers landed upon the door, and he clicked open the lock just as Yunho was threatening to break the door down.
Before Changmin could grasp the handle to open it, the door was wrenched open from the other side, knocking him solidly in the head with a sharp crack that sent him crashing heavily to the floor. Despite his body now being in its path, Yunho somehow pushed the door open, standing tall in the door frame.
A flick of one hand and florescent lights fluttered to life above. It was instant fire in his eyes, and Changmin belatedly shielded his face with his hands as behind him Junsu let out a low groan of protest. Temporarily blinded, Changmin just listened to Yunho’s body moving into the room.
“What are you doing on the floor, Changmin? And what were you two even doing locked in here all night?”
Neither of them were in any state to be able to reply to his demanding tone, his voice much too loud in their ears, and Changmin just squeezed his eyes more tightly closed, trying to think around the throbbing ache that was his forehead.
It was silent for a moment, then the door clicked quietly closed before Yunho moved to stand somewhere above Changmin. Chancing a hesitant peek through his fingers Changmin was able to make out Yunho who was looking between the two of them with unreadable features, the tight clench of his jaw muscles the only indication he was displeased. Changmin shrunk back slightly. It wasn’t often that Yunho was displeased, and Changmin had long ago promised himself to never be the cause of it.
But it seemed that it was already too late as Yunho caught his eye and held it with a sharp stare. Changmin was unable to look away as Yunho effortlessly pinned him with the look alone, waiting for him to explain something. But Changmin’s voice was stuck somewhere deep in his throat.
Squinting against the brightness, eyes stinging with tears from the intrusion of light, Changmin chanced a glance over at Junsu instead. He had to admit that now the light was on and he could see clearly, that Junsu made quite the pathetic sight.
He’d curled in upon himself, knees drawn up to his chest with his head buried in his arms atop them. It left nothing except a mop of tangled, sweat-matted hair visible, while his shoulders shook slightly, knuckles white where his hands clenched around his own arms in a tight grip.
Yunho followed Changmin’s gaze, and after a long moment to take in the sight as Changmin was currently doing, broke the silence with a long heavy sigh.
“Okay. I don’t know what went on in here last night…or what you fought about with Yoochun-" Junsu’s whole body stiffened at the mention of their bandmate, while Changmin’s heart seemed to drop into the pit of his stomach. Noticing the reaction, Yunho stumbled over his words, took a breath, but continued. “Whatever happened, I need you ready and presentable in the next fifteen minutes. No matter what the problem is, it says behind in this house when we leave here today. You understand me?”
A small wave of guilt washed over Changmin, easily sweeping him back into the ever spiraling thoughts of regret, and he managed to murmur some sort of affirmative noise as Yunho’s eyes flashed towards him. But Yunho seemed to be waiting more for Junsu’s response, as the other merely continued to hide his head in his arms.
Moving over before the small figure, Yunho crouched down in front of him. His voice was softer as he spoke now. “Hey, Su. Come on, please look at me.”
Junsu shook his head almost imperceptively, and Yunho reached out to rest strong steady hands on small shoulders. “Junsu.” His tone was warning yet concerned and gentle all at the same time. “I can’t cover for you this time…you need to face your duties today regardless of-”
His voice faded into nothing, lost in the air as finally Junsu lifted his head with his eyes downcast. The bright lights did nothing to hide or flatter the red blotches and swollen puffy skin of his face. Yunho seemed temporarily lost for words and Changmin felt he should give Junsu some privacy, having the decency to turn away when Junsu was so reluctant to show the mess that was himself. He scrambled to his feet, but before he could get more than two steps towards the door Junsu called his name in an almost sharp voice.
He hesitated only a moment before turning to find Junsu’s eyes upon him, so open and vulnerable. Begging him. “Don’t leave me alone.” He whispered. “Don’t leave me today.”
There was no way he could refuse such a request, especially not after knowing he was half of the cause of Junsu breaking down. Half of the reason why his shirt was stained with hot tears. Either way he couldn’t deny the guilt and regret that now sat heavily in his chest, a suffocating pressure.
Yunho was turning to him now, rising slowly to his feet. “Go get ready…please. I’ll try to stall the Manager for at least a few minutes. But that’s all I can do, so hurry.”
Changmin nodded stupidly, eyes not moving from Junsu’s face as Yunho brushed passed him and out the door, leaving it open behind himself. Standing unmoving where he was, Changmin found himself unable to move or even break the imploring look that was Junsu’s gaze.
But Yunho’s urgency rang in his ears and he knew a scolding from the manager was the last thing Junsu needed when he was in this state. It was the last thing he needed either, not after the tumultuous ups and downs of last night. Although he wanted nothing more than to just climb into bed and sink into nothingness, he moved over towards Junsu instead, reaching out a hand towards the other.
Junsu looked about ready to crumble back into pieces, mirroring the tangled mess of hurt and fatigue that Changmin also so keenly felt at that moment, but he just bent down to wrap one of Junsu’s hands in his own. He tugged on it gently, urging Junsu with the warmest voice he could manage.
“Come on, hyung. I’ll… I’ll stay with you. All you have to do is pretend just for a few hours…okay?” Junsu let himself be pulled up to his feet, staring blankly ahead into Changmin’s chest. “Junsu, please.” Changmin begged. “This isn’t gonna be easy for me either.”
Junsu’s eyes flickered up to meet his for a moment before he finally nodded slowly, taking the first step towards the door. Emerging from the practice room they almost ran directly into Jaejoong who was hovering just a few steps away from the door, his face anxious.
Almost by habit now, Changmin averted his eyes, unconsciously tugging his hand quickly from Junsu’s grip. He assumed Jaejoong would also ignore him or pretend he wasn’t worried, so he wasn’t prepared for the cool fingers that suddenly curled around his other wrist.
He froze in place, heart leaping into his throat at the firm touch, unable to deny the sparkles that bloomed across his skin as another hand was then brushing across his cheek. His eyes darted over to find Jaejoong directly beside him, face tilted up towards his own, brows drawn in concern as his fingers gently touched his face.
The world faded around him as he stared with wide eyes into the face that was so close to his, realizing fully just how long it had been since Jaejoong had looked at him like this. Really looked at him. And not only looking, but caring for him. And it wasn’t until the soft press of fingertips on his brow bone sent pain through his skull did he realize he must have bruised from when the door hit him.
“What happened to your face?” Jaejoong’s voice filled his ears, and though he couldn’t keep from wincing as the other continued to press against the spot, he felt he must be dreaming. He blinked rapidly, unable to form a single thought as those dark eyes that were focused on his forehead slid down to meet his own. The air around them seemed to still, as if everything was on pause, and Jaejoong didn’t look away. “Who…did someone-”
Before he could finish the question Changmin found himself yanked bodily away from Jaejoong’s soft caress, the moment broken as Junsu’s seized Changmin’s arm with both hands and nearly dragged him down the hall. Jaejoong called after them and Changmin turned his head back to see him standing awkwardly, alone in the hall behind them, his hands dangling limply by his sides.
Then Junsu was pulling him into the bathroom and turning on the faucet. Changmin’s nerves felt dull and slow, making him sluggish and his mind was unable to catch up from where he’d left it floating stupidly before Jaejoong’s eyes. He stared unseeingly into the mirror, not even surprised to see the state of his own face, haggard and shadowed, a fiercely swelling discolored lump raised on the bone directly above his left eye.
He still felt like he was out in the hall, standing before Jaejoong again, having that moment of normalcy back, a moment like the others that were so long gone that he’d forgotten they used to be normal. And his heart was clenching and thundering at the same time, but Junsu didn’t give him any time to sort it out. His fingers slid around Changmin’s neck and tugged him gently forwards to splash icily cold water directly into his slack face.
Jerking away from the water and sputtering, Changmin found himself back in the bathroom. Almost mechanically he washed up as best he could, the water stinging his blossoming bruise but he found he almost welcomed the pain. It kept him in the present, if not providing a sweet simple distraction.
Because he thought there was something wrong with his eyes, an odd haunting look shadowing their usual brightness. But he soon realized it was nothing but an echo of the twisted feeling in his gut, a feeling that only got worse, tightening painfully the moment he saw Yoochun out in the main room, standing like a shadow behind Yunho who was deeply engaged in conversation with the manager.
Yoochun’s face was half-obscured by his long hair as it fell limply into his eyes. His whole body swayed and it seemed like he would topple over at any moment. Changmin’s heart constricted and he was already striding towards the other before he could even consciously decide what he was doing.
“Hyung!” The word slipped past his lips almost without him knowing, and the eyes that whipped up to meet his were wide and full of a darkness that Changmin couldn’t recognize nor understand.
But he just only wanted to fix it, to offer a safe unassuming embrace since he was the only one who knew everything. The only one who could even guess at what Yoochun was feeling. And it was all so much worse because he’d been the reason why it happened, why Yoochun now looked dead on his feet.
He was already moving to reach for Yoochun, to let spill the frenzy of apologies fighting to escape from his mouth, when yet again a hand latched onto his wrist, fingers digging into his skin almost harshly. He was pulled back with a jerk.
Caught off guard, he stumbled back into a smaller frame, and an arm slid around his waist to steady him. He twisted around to see Junsu staring intensely, almost sharply at Yoochun, even as his arms tightened around Changmin. His lower lip trembled slightly. “You said you’d stay with me.”
His tone wasn’t quite accusatory, but it was enough to cause Changmin to crack a little. He looked helplessly into Junsu’s carefully empty face, able to feel Yoochun’s eyes on them, but he couldn’t make himself push Junsu away. And the longer they stood like that the more he found he couldn’t bear to turn back to look at Yoochun either, scared to see the tortured expression he knew must be there. He was torn in two and didn’t know what was the right thing to do. What could he do?
Luckily the manager and Yunho finished their talk and chose that same moment to usher them all to the door. In the entryway as they shoved their feet into their shoes, Changmin tried to pull his hand carefully free from Junsu’s grasp without making the other feel like he was denying him. The moment his fingers slipped from Junsu’s warm hand the other man froze in his tracks, looking up at Changmin quickly with hard eyes.
The other three also paused, turning to look at them as well, and Changmin looked back at Junsu awkwardly simply trying to understand what was going on. A tense silence fell around them and Junsu’s eyes flickered with something that he couldn’t identify but that he instantly knew he couldn’t win against.
The manager paused in the doorway to look back at them in frustration, “Let’s go already.” His hasty command was accompanied by pushing Yunho through the door and Yoochun followed quickly behind, tripping over his own feet since he hadn’t even gotten his shoes all the way on.
Changmin was finally able to break Junsu’s intense stare, turning away only to find that dark penetrating gaze of Jaejoong’s resting upon him yet again. He was standing silently beside the door. He looked confused, eyes jumping back and forth between the two of them, but Junsu just ignored him, once again taking hold of Changmin and leading him out the door.
The ride to the studio was thankfully less awkward, as they all were forced to focus and pay attention to the debriefing and plans for the day. Changmin was glad Junsu had sat them in the furthest seat back, saving them the torture of multiple eyes burning into the backs of their heads. As it was, he was the one who couldn’t stop looking at the wavy locks that were Yoochun’s, or the sloping curve of Jaejoong’s neck as he rested his head on the window.
The moment they got to the studio, they were bustled and herded through the halls to a dressing room where they spend the next hour having their outfits fitted and refitted. It was brainless and easy work, letting themselves be prodded and positioned this way and that. And Changmin felt guilty yet again when he realized it was relief crashing over him as Junsu was shooed out of the room first and had no choice but to leave him behind.
Junsu didn’t rejoin them until after they had gone through a tentative schedule for the concert, and then it was off to the practice room to relearn a dance that someone had decided needed to be changed. By the time they were through Changmin was too worn out and tired to even stand, sinking to the floor against one wall as Yunho continued to practice and Yoochun promptly left the room.
He realized his eyes had closed when the next moment something cold on his face caused them to fly open. It was Jaejoong. This time pressing a half-frozen bottle of water to the ugly lump on his head. His lips curved down in a frown as he leaned closer to inspect the spot.
Changmin could clearly see every bead of sweat that had collected on the other’s face, watching silently as one rolled slowly down the side of his jaw, coming to a stop near the point of his chin. His eyes then moved to focus on Jaejoong’s eyes, and as if sensing his stare the dark orbs flickered to meet his own.
“Now tell me what happened to your head?” He asked quietly, the ice soothing his bruise even as it burned with cold.
Changmin didn’t think he could speak around the fluttering of his heart, it was clogging up his chest and setting his nerves on edge and all he could think was Jaejoong was here with him again, for the second time that morning, and it was too good to be true.
“You’re not mad at me anymore?” It was not what he meant to say, and definitely the quickest way to have Jaejoong realize his mistake and revert back into that cold aloof self, but he just continued to look into Changmin’s eyes, frowning slightly.
“I was never angry at you.” Was all he said, removing the ice and wiping the sweat off Changmin’s face with a towel, gentle and careful around his forehead.
Changmin’s heart was literally pounding in his chest. “Then why…?” He didn’t think he should ask, but it was the only thing he could focus on at that moment, the only thing he wanted to know.
Jaejoong ran the towel along his jaw, down the side of his neck, eyes following the steady movements of his own hand. It didn’t seem like he’d heard the hesitant words, or if he had was choosing to ignore them. And Changmin knew he couldn’t ask again, even though he knew another chance like this might never come.
“Hyung,” He tried again, foolishly unable to control his own mouth, “I don’t wana be…like this…anymore.”
“I know.” Came the swift reply, and Jaejoong was already pulling away, leaning back onto his heels. His eyes were already gone, turning to look aimlessly around the room, to look anywhere but at him. And Changmin realized that his hyung still had it all wrong, and that wasn’t what he wanted anymore.
“No, that’s not what I meant-”
Jaejoong cut him off. “It’s okay, I understand better than you think.”
Without giving him a chance to respond or even explain, he was moving gracefully to his feet, turning away all at the same time and it was mere heartbeats before he was already gone from Changmin’s side, gone from the room, and leaving something horrible and cold in his place.
It was too much. One time too many. And Changmin was unable to take it yet again, but more unable to call after him or even watch his retreating back.
Changmin let his head fall heavily into his hands. He drew in a shaky breath, one that caught in his throat dangerously and made his chest hurt with the pressure. The pressing feeling grew stronger but he couldn’t let it out, was terrified the rest of him would spill out with that single breath, and he choked on it as he couldn’t hold it back any longer.
Air left in a strangled gasp, one that he tried to smother in something sounding horribly like a pathetic sob. His fingers dug into his scalp, fisting his hair in a weak attempt to control himself, to keep the sudden tears back. But he was just too tired. He couldn’t do this anymore.
A light touch on his shoulder and he froze up, a barely audible sob slipping from lips he couldn’t press together tightly enough. He could feel his own shoulders shaking despite his best efforts to keep them still, his best efforts to hide and act like nothing was wrong.
Then fingers moved to grasp his shoulder more firmly and a warm body sat beside him, so close their arms were touching. Much too close. He didn’t want anyone asking him what was wrong, didn’t want to have to pretend again or have to try to hide in front of eyes that could see right through him anyway.
“Hey, you okay?” Junsu spoke quietly, voice low in his ear. Words for him alone, but Changmin still shrank away as the other leaned more fully against him.
“Just leave me alone, hyung.” A tortured whisper before he buried his face further into his arms, shrugging the hand from his shoulder.
It was silent for a moment, and Changmin wondered if there was anyone else still in the room with them, but he didn’t want to lift his head to check. He wondered if Junsu would do as he asked and leave, because he actually didn’t want him to go. He didn’t want to be alone.
Clothes ruffled beside him and he felt Junsu lean back against the wall. “I’m sorry.”
He almost didn’t hear the apology, and let the silence stretch rather than try to come up with a suitable response. That sorry could cover a whole lot of things right now. And although the sting in his eyes was slowly fading, he was still struggling, barely able to keep control as he blinked rapidly. Junsu could tip him over the edge with the slightest nudge, and he squeezed his eyes closed as Junsu broke the silence with a small miserable voice, heavy with regret and apology.
“I’m sorry, Changmin-ah. I didn’t think about how you might feel. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Last night…when I saw you with…saw him doing that to you…I just got so upset. And I wanted to take you away from him. Hurt him. And I thought I’d feel better by taking what he wanted, taking you…using you. I was wrong to do that, and I’m sorry.”
He spoke in a rush, not waiting for Changmin to reply as if he was expecting something bad. But Changmin just sat quietly, letting him ramble on mostly for the simple reason that he was just too insecure and confused.
“What do you mean you're using me? Is that really the only reason why you...why you're like this?”
He finally was able to voice the thing that had been worrying him the most, the thing that had him unable to calm down. That Junsu might be hiding something. He didn’t dare lift his face, afraid he’d see the other attempt and fail to hide the truth in those eyes while he tried to lie to his face. Junsu couldn’t lie and Changmin was terrified of the real reason why Junsu was doing this…that Junsu might really like him. And he didn’t know what to do if that was true.
Junsu also seemed lost for words, only able to respond with more muffled apologies. But what was he apologizing for really?
“Sorry for what?” Changmin tried to keep any bite out of his voice since Junsu hadn’t done anything wrong, and it was Changmin who should be apologizing to both Junsu and Yoochun for everything he’d done.
But Junsu’s next words had his heart stopping for one awful moment. “You…love Jaejoong hyung, don’t you?”
Changmin couldn’t speak. Should he deny it? Pretend or get angry at Junsu for even suggesting such a thing? But before he could make up his mind Junsu sighed. “I didn’t understand what had gone wrong between you before…but just now when I saw you two….I didn’t know…and that’s why I tried to…I’m just…sorry, Changmin-ah.”
Changmin’s eyes were hot and stinging once again, but he still tried to keep it in, afraid that he’d have no power to stop the flood once it started. Junsu had figured him out and there was no point in lying or denying it because Junsu had also seen the way Jaejoong had left him behind cold and broken.
“I’m sorry for being angry and avoiding you. I know it’s not your fault; I’d just guessed those letters were from Yoochun…that he was looking at you…and now I know I was right.”
Changmin looked up quickly at that, finally turning to find Junsu with his head bowed, expression so lost and tired. “Yoochun didn’t write the letters.” He blurted automatically, and slowly, ever so slowly, Junsu rolled shadowed eyes over to meet his own.
“Even if he didn’t…I saw everything I needed to know last night.”
Changmin stared at Junsu with a sinking heart, unable to understand what was really going through Junsu’s mind, or what he was trying to say. “Hyung. Does that mean…? It was all a mistake, a misunderstanding-”
“It’s okay.” Junsu broke in, cutting him off. “I know it wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was.” Changmin insisted, now not caring that he’d been in the wrong, so filled with shame that he only wanted to hide and pretend it hadn’t happened, but he had to explain the truth before it got even more messed up. Had to take responsibility. “It wasn’t Yoochun’s fault.” His voice dropped, losing confidence as he admitted it out loud. “I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was just…lonely and didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.”
“You’re not the one who needs to be apologizing to me right now.” Junsu’s voice was hard, and it seemed he wasn’t even listening to the words Changmin had tried so hard to force out. He didn’t think he could repeat himself again, and just turned to look at the other pleadingly.
“Then believe me and give him a chance to explain.”
“I don’t care, Changmin.” Junsu cut him off again. “Why would you think I care what he does? I was just worried about you.”
Changmin bit his lip. Maybe he had hoped and tried for nothing, unable to tell what was hiding behind the now carefully guarded face. “Why are you worried about me? Why were you so upset? Because he loves you? Or because…is it me?”
Junsu turned to look at him with wide eyes, shaking his head immediately. The response was too quick, too defensive, and Changmin’s heart sank more as Junsu turned away to look fixedly down at his own feet instead.
It suddenly felt so awkward, and he felt so weak. He also turned away to let his eyes sweep the empty room. Somehow his gaze came to rest upon a half opened bag dropped carelessly on the floor, and his eye caught on something small and white peeking halfway out of it.
He was too far away to see properly, but the size and shape were only too similar to those of his letters, so familiar they were burned into his memory, along with the words printed on them. The quiet of the room seemed almost deafening as his heart began to thud heavily in his chest, body suddenly becoming oddly warm from the sudden rush of blood through his veins.
That couldn’t be what he thought it was. He was sure his eyes were just playing tricks on him and making an ordinary piece of paper look like something it wasn’t. But, whose bag was that anyway?
Without any more thought, Changmin promptly scrambled to his feet, ignoring Junsu’s questioning call of his name. He walked slowly towards the object that seemed to fill his whole vision, unable to stop the thoughts racing through his mind. Really, he was too desperate now, or just too far gone to think of anything else.
He came to a stop, standing over it and looking down as if from a great distance. Junsu had come after him, was taking hold of his elbow gently and looking up at him. Changmin could see his concerned face upturned in the corner of his eye, but couldn’t force any response out to the tentative, “Changmin, what’s wrong?”
There was only one answer to his question, and before he could stop himself he reached down to snatch the small white paper out from the bag, unfolding it with slow purpose.
The moment he had it unfurled in his hands the whole world seemed to stop. His eyes flew down the page, then stopped, staring blankly at the bottom. Just like he’d done the first time he’d read it. It was the first letter he’d ever received, the one he’d somehow lost. And here it was back in his hands…hands that were now shaking slightly. And he couldn’t hear anything except the blood pounding in his ears.
“Junsu.” His voice was low and steady, betraying nothing of the turmoil he felt inside. Junsu stepped closer in response, peering over his arm to take a look at the page. “Hyung.” Changmin tried again with a little more force, whipping around to look into Junsu’s confused face. “Whose bag is that?”
“What?” Junsu looked more confused. “But, Changmin-ah,” his eyes fell back to the paper in Changmin’s hands. “Isn’t that one of your-”
“Whose bag is it?” Changmin’s voice rose sharply, almost echoing in the empty room, and Junsu flinched back in slight surprise.
Before he could respond and before Changmin could actually go crazy because he couldn’t believe his answer was so close right in front of him, the door opened and a coordinator stuck her head inside.
“There you are.” She sighed. “Everyone’s been waiting for you in the recording studio. And you know it’s not my job to remind you of your own schedule.”
Junsu snapped back to himself quickly, hastily apologizing and turning back to grab Changmin’s arm once again. “Come on, Manager’s going to be pissed that we’re late.”
Changmin shook Junsu’s hand off, feeling irrationally angry. “But hyung, this is more important.”
“Let’s go.” Junsu pushed, tugging the paper from his hands and dropping it back into the bag, ignoring Changmin’s pleading and near panicked expression. He somehow steered Changmin almost bodily to the door, the coordie watching them with an annoyed frown the whole way. But Changmin again shook Junsu off.
Although at the moment he had no choice except to follow silently behind and leave the letter behind, he knew he wouldn’t have a chance to speak or ask anything until their schedule for the day was finished. He didn’t know that the suspense wouldn’t kill him first.
****************************
next: 7 ~
A/N: next chapter already finished so i'll post soon after editing <3 :P
Free Hit Counter
Pairing(s): ??/Changmin
Length: Chaptered (6/?)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings:
Genre: drama, romance, light angst
Summary: Someone’s writing Changmin love letters. How’s he supposed to identify his admirer when all four of his band mates seem like the one?
A/N: *hiding* i know its been forever but i didn't abandon this fic -0- its just been torturing me. and i've been hating it. and not confident abt this chap or whole rest of the fic :S but i've made you wait long enuf so ~~ T^T
Previous Chapters:
one | two | three | four | five |
*********
Sometime throughout the next few now early hours of the morning, Junsu seemed to draw completely into himself, reverting back into a small child, one who refused to let Changmin leave his side, refused to let him even so much as stand up.
Trapped in the small dark room with hardly room enough for them to extend their legs from where they sat on the floor, Changmin had no idea of the passage of time. He was unable to see the clock either from where he sat with Junsu curled into his side, their backs resting on the wall.
He was only half-asleep, unable to really sleep in his current position but also unable to resist the heavy pull on his eyelids, so that when a light sound against the door penetrated the stupor he was sunken into he thought it was just part of his subconscious imaginings. He floated away into darkness until the sound came again, this time definitely the sharp rap of knuckles on wood.
Junsu’s head slowly lifted from where it had been nestled into Changmin’s shoulder and Changmin turned his head to look down into the dark shadow of his face. He could vaguely make out his eyes in the dark, staring up at him.
Before he could think of something to say, Junsu spoke in a somewhat raspy whisper, a voice that had been broken by tears.
“Don’t open it.” Fingers clenched tightly into the fabric of his shirt, twisting it in a physical plea to accompany the words. “Please.”
The knocking came yet again, and Changmin’s eyes lifted to stare into the dark space that must be the door. As if wanting to help clarify his thoughts the hall light was suddenly turned on, causing a small bar of faint yellow to illuminate itself at the bottom of the door.
Another knock, this time accompanied with a low muffled voice from the other side. “Junsu? Changmin? Are you in there? Open the door.”
It was Yunho. As soon as he heard the words, beside him Junsu was shaking his head almost frantically, and his hand flew out to clasp over Changmin’s mouth. His palm was overly warm and sweaty, sticking slightly to his face, and Changmin found himself holding his breath.
“Changmin, please.” Junsu whispered weakly. “I’m not ready to face them yet.”
“But we can’t just hide in here forever.” Changmin protested, speaking into Junsu’s hand which was still clamped tightly across his mouth. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he was more than ready to leave the uncomfortable room behind, and he was so tired he was irritable.
Not to mention they did have a schedule that day, and given the events of the night plus the lack of sleep meant the day was going to be nothing but a long and tiring trek through hell.
Yunho knocked again, louder, more insistently . “Wake up and open up this door before I find another way to open it. Manager’s on his way and I wont have us be late yet again.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Junsu’s hand fell away from Changmin’s face, and he promptly sagged against the wall in defeat. Changmin waited another long moment, watching Junsu’s outline while outside Yunho pounded on the door.
When the other didn’t make a move to reach for him again, Changmin clamored painfully to his feet, his body crying in protest to having slept cramped against a wall all night. He fumbled blindly for the door handle, so lost in fatigue that he didn’t think to find the light switch first. Finally his searching fingers landed upon the door, and he clicked open the lock just as Yunho was threatening to break the door down.
Before Changmin could grasp the handle to open it, the door was wrenched open from the other side, knocking him solidly in the head with a sharp crack that sent him crashing heavily to the floor. Despite his body now being in its path, Yunho somehow pushed the door open, standing tall in the door frame.
A flick of one hand and florescent lights fluttered to life above. It was instant fire in his eyes, and Changmin belatedly shielded his face with his hands as behind him Junsu let out a low groan of protest. Temporarily blinded, Changmin just listened to Yunho’s body moving into the room.
“What are you doing on the floor, Changmin? And what were you two even doing locked in here all night?”
Neither of them were in any state to be able to reply to his demanding tone, his voice much too loud in their ears, and Changmin just squeezed his eyes more tightly closed, trying to think around the throbbing ache that was his forehead.
It was silent for a moment, then the door clicked quietly closed before Yunho moved to stand somewhere above Changmin. Chancing a hesitant peek through his fingers Changmin was able to make out Yunho who was looking between the two of them with unreadable features, the tight clench of his jaw muscles the only indication he was displeased. Changmin shrunk back slightly. It wasn’t often that Yunho was displeased, and Changmin had long ago promised himself to never be the cause of it.
But it seemed that it was already too late as Yunho caught his eye and held it with a sharp stare. Changmin was unable to look away as Yunho effortlessly pinned him with the look alone, waiting for him to explain something. But Changmin’s voice was stuck somewhere deep in his throat.
Squinting against the brightness, eyes stinging with tears from the intrusion of light, Changmin chanced a glance over at Junsu instead. He had to admit that now the light was on and he could see clearly, that Junsu made quite the pathetic sight.
He’d curled in upon himself, knees drawn up to his chest with his head buried in his arms atop them. It left nothing except a mop of tangled, sweat-matted hair visible, while his shoulders shook slightly, knuckles white where his hands clenched around his own arms in a tight grip.
Yunho followed Changmin’s gaze, and after a long moment to take in the sight as Changmin was currently doing, broke the silence with a long heavy sigh.
“Okay. I don’t know what went on in here last night…or what you fought about with Yoochun-" Junsu’s whole body stiffened at the mention of their bandmate, while Changmin’s heart seemed to drop into the pit of his stomach. Noticing the reaction, Yunho stumbled over his words, took a breath, but continued. “Whatever happened, I need you ready and presentable in the next fifteen minutes. No matter what the problem is, it says behind in this house when we leave here today. You understand me?”
A small wave of guilt washed over Changmin, easily sweeping him back into the ever spiraling thoughts of regret, and he managed to murmur some sort of affirmative noise as Yunho’s eyes flashed towards him. But Yunho seemed to be waiting more for Junsu’s response, as the other merely continued to hide his head in his arms.
Moving over before the small figure, Yunho crouched down in front of him. His voice was softer as he spoke now. “Hey, Su. Come on, please look at me.”
Junsu shook his head almost imperceptively, and Yunho reached out to rest strong steady hands on small shoulders. “Junsu.” His tone was warning yet concerned and gentle all at the same time. “I can’t cover for you this time…you need to face your duties today regardless of-”
His voice faded into nothing, lost in the air as finally Junsu lifted his head with his eyes downcast. The bright lights did nothing to hide or flatter the red blotches and swollen puffy skin of his face. Yunho seemed temporarily lost for words and Changmin felt he should give Junsu some privacy, having the decency to turn away when Junsu was so reluctant to show the mess that was himself. He scrambled to his feet, but before he could get more than two steps towards the door Junsu called his name in an almost sharp voice.
He hesitated only a moment before turning to find Junsu’s eyes upon him, so open and vulnerable. Begging him. “Don’t leave me alone.” He whispered. “Don’t leave me today.”
There was no way he could refuse such a request, especially not after knowing he was half of the cause of Junsu breaking down. Half of the reason why his shirt was stained with hot tears. Either way he couldn’t deny the guilt and regret that now sat heavily in his chest, a suffocating pressure.
Yunho was turning to him now, rising slowly to his feet. “Go get ready…please. I’ll try to stall the Manager for at least a few minutes. But that’s all I can do, so hurry.”
Changmin nodded stupidly, eyes not moving from Junsu’s face as Yunho brushed passed him and out the door, leaving it open behind himself. Standing unmoving where he was, Changmin found himself unable to move or even break the imploring look that was Junsu’s gaze.
But Yunho’s urgency rang in his ears and he knew a scolding from the manager was the last thing Junsu needed when he was in this state. It was the last thing he needed either, not after the tumultuous ups and downs of last night. Although he wanted nothing more than to just climb into bed and sink into nothingness, he moved over towards Junsu instead, reaching out a hand towards the other.
Junsu looked about ready to crumble back into pieces, mirroring the tangled mess of hurt and fatigue that Changmin also so keenly felt at that moment, but he just bent down to wrap one of Junsu’s hands in his own. He tugged on it gently, urging Junsu with the warmest voice he could manage.
“Come on, hyung. I’ll… I’ll stay with you. All you have to do is pretend just for a few hours…okay?” Junsu let himself be pulled up to his feet, staring blankly ahead into Changmin’s chest. “Junsu, please.” Changmin begged. “This isn’t gonna be easy for me either.”
Junsu’s eyes flickered up to meet his for a moment before he finally nodded slowly, taking the first step towards the door. Emerging from the practice room they almost ran directly into Jaejoong who was hovering just a few steps away from the door, his face anxious.
Almost by habit now, Changmin averted his eyes, unconsciously tugging his hand quickly from Junsu’s grip. He assumed Jaejoong would also ignore him or pretend he wasn’t worried, so he wasn’t prepared for the cool fingers that suddenly curled around his other wrist.
He froze in place, heart leaping into his throat at the firm touch, unable to deny the sparkles that bloomed across his skin as another hand was then brushing across his cheek. His eyes darted over to find Jaejoong directly beside him, face tilted up towards his own, brows drawn in concern as his fingers gently touched his face.
The world faded around him as he stared with wide eyes into the face that was so close to his, realizing fully just how long it had been since Jaejoong had looked at him like this. Really looked at him. And not only looking, but caring for him. And it wasn’t until the soft press of fingertips on his brow bone sent pain through his skull did he realize he must have bruised from when the door hit him.
“What happened to your face?” Jaejoong’s voice filled his ears, and though he couldn’t keep from wincing as the other continued to press against the spot, he felt he must be dreaming. He blinked rapidly, unable to form a single thought as those dark eyes that were focused on his forehead slid down to meet his own. The air around them seemed to still, as if everything was on pause, and Jaejoong didn’t look away. “Who…did someone-”
Before he could finish the question Changmin found himself yanked bodily away from Jaejoong’s soft caress, the moment broken as Junsu’s seized Changmin’s arm with both hands and nearly dragged him down the hall. Jaejoong called after them and Changmin turned his head back to see him standing awkwardly, alone in the hall behind them, his hands dangling limply by his sides.
Then Junsu was pulling him into the bathroom and turning on the faucet. Changmin’s nerves felt dull and slow, making him sluggish and his mind was unable to catch up from where he’d left it floating stupidly before Jaejoong’s eyes. He stared unseeingly into the mirror, not even surprised to see the state of his own face, haggard and shadowed, a fiercely swelling discolored lump raised on the bone directly above his left eye.
He still felt like he was out in the hall, standing before Jaejoong again, having that moment of normalcy back, a moment like the others that were so long gone that he’d forgotten they used to be normal. And his heart was clenching and thundering at the same time, but Junsu didn’t give him any time to sort it out. His fingers slid around Changmin’s neck and tugged him gently forwards to splash icily cold water directly into his slack face.
Jerking away from the water and sputtering, Changmin found himself back in the bathroom. Almost mechanically he washed up as best he could, the water stinging his blossoming bruise but he found he almost welcomed the pain. It kept him in the present, if not providing a sweet simple distraction.
Because he thought there was something wrong with his eyes, an odd haunting look shadowing their usual brightness. But he soon realized it was nothing but an echo of the twisted feeling in his gut, a feeling that only got worse, tightening painfully the moment he saw Yoochun out in the main room, standing like a shadow behind Yunho who was deeply engaged in conversation with the manager.
Yoochun’s face was half-obscured by his long hair as it fell limply into his eyes. His whole body swayed and it seemed like he would topple over at any moment. Changmin’s heart constricted and he was already striding towards the other before he could even consciously decide what he was doing.
“Hyung!” The word slipped past his lips almost without him knowing, and the eyes that whipped up to meet his were wide and full of a darkness that Changmin couldn’t recognize nor understand.
But he just only wanted to fix it, to offer a safe unassuming embrace since he was the only one who knew everything. The only one who could even guess at what Yoochun was feeling. And it was all so much worse because he’d been the reason why it happened, why Yoochun now looked dead on his feet.
He was already moving to reach for Yoochun, to let spill the frenzy of apologies fighting to escape from his mouth, when yet again a hand latched onto his wrist, fingers digging into his skin almost harshly. He was pulled back with a jerk.
Caught off guard, he stumbled back into a smaller frame, and an arm slid around his waist to steady him. He twisted around to see Junsu staring intensely, almost sharply at Yoochun, even as his arms tightened around Changmin. His lower lip trembled slightly. “You said you’d stay with me.”
His tone wasn’t quite accusatory, but it was enough to cause Changmin to crack a little. He looked helplessly into Junsu’s carefully empty face, able to feel Yoochun’s eyes on them, but he couldn’t make himself push Junsu away. And the longer they stood like that the more he found he couldn’t bear to turn back to look at Yoochun either, scared to see the tortured expression he knew must be there. He was torn in two and didn’t know what was the right thing to do. What could he do?
Luckily the manager and Yunho finished their talk and chose that same moment to usher them all to the door. In the entryway as they shoved their feet into their shoes, Changmin tried to pull his hand carefully free from Junsu’s grasp without making the other feel like he was denying him. The moment his fingers slipped from Junsu’s warm hand the other man froze in his tracks, looking up at Changmin quickly with hard eyes.
The other three also paused, turning to look at them as well, and Changmin looked back at Junsu awkwardly simply trying to understand what was going on. A tense silence fell around them and Junsu’s eyes flickered with something that he couldn’t identify but that he instantly knew he couldn’t win against.
The manager paused in the doorway to look back at them in frustration, “Let’s go already.” His hasty command was accompanied by pushing Yunho through the door and Yoochun followed quickly behind, tripping over his own feet since he hadn’t even gotten his shoes all the way on.
Changmin was finally able to break Junsu’s intense stare, turning away only to find that dark penetrating gaze of Jaejoong’s resting upon him yet again. He was standing silently beside the door. He looked confused, eyes jumping back and forth between the two of them, but Junsu just ignored him, once again taking hold of Changmin and leading him out the door.
The ride to the studio was thankfully less awkward, as they all were forced to focus and pay attention to the debriefing and plans for the day. Changmin was glad Junsu had sat them in the furthest seat back, saving them the torture of multiple eyes burning into the backs of their heads. As it was, he was the one who couldn’t stop looking at the wavy locks that were Yoochun’s, or the sloping curve of Jaejoong’s neck as he rested his head on the window.
The moment they got to the studio, they were bustled and herded through the halls to a dressing room where they spend the next hour having their outfits fitted and refitted. It was brainless and easy work, letting themselves be prodded and positioned this way and that. And Changmin felt guilty yet again when he realized it was relief crashing over him as Junsu was shooed out of the room first and had no choice but to leave him behind.
Junsu didn’t rejoin them until after they had gone through a tentative schedule for the concert, and then it was off to the practice room to relearn a dance that someone had decided needed to be changed. By the time they were through Changmin was too worn out and tired to even stand, sinking to the floor against one wall as Yunho continued to practice and Yoochun promptly left the room.
He realized his eyes had closed when the next moment something cold on his face caused them to fly open. It was Jaejoong. This time pressing a half-frozen bottle of water to the ugly lump on his head. His lips curved down in a frown as he leaned closer to inspect the spot.
Changmin could clearly see every bead of sweat that had collected on the other’s face, watching silently as one rolled slowly down the side of his jaw, coming to a stop near the point of his chin. His eyes then moved to focus on Jaejoong’s eyes, and as if sensing his stare the dark orbs flickered to meet his own.
“Now tell me what happened to your head?” He asked quietly, the ice soothing his bruise even as it burned with cold.
Changmin didn’t think he could speak around the fluttering of his heart, it was clogging up his chest and setting his nerves on edge and all he could think was Jaejoong was here with him again, for the second time that morning, and it was too good to be true.
“You’re not mad at me anymore?” It was not what he meant to say, and definitely the quickest way to have Jaejoong realize his mistake and revert back into that cold aloof self, but he just continued to look into Changmin’s eyes, frowning slightly.
“I was never angry at you.” Was all he said, removing the ice and wiping the sweat off Changmin’s face with a towel, gentle and careful around his forehead.
Changmin’s heart was literally pounding in his chest. “Then why…?” He didn’t think he should ask, but it was the only thing he could focus on at that moment, the only thing he wanted to know.
Jaejoong ran the towel along his jaw, down the side of his neck, eyes following the steady movements of his own hand. It didn’t seem like he’d heard the hesitant words, or if he had was choosing to ignore them. And Changmin knew he couldn’t ask again, even though he knew another chance like this might never come.
“Hyung,” He tried again, foolishly unable to control his own mouth, “I don’t wana be…like this…anymore.”
“I know.” Came the swift reply, and Jaejoong was already pulling away, leaning back onto his heels. His eyes were already gone, turning to look aimlessly around the room, to look anywhere but at him. And Changmin realized that his hyung still had it all wrong, and that wasn’t what he wanted anymore.
“No, that’s not what I meant-”
Jaejoong cut him off. “It’s okay, I understand better than you think.”
Without giving him a chance to respond or even explain, he was moving gracefully to his feet, turning away all at the same time and it was mere heartbeats before he was already gone from Changmin’s side, gone from the room, and leaving something horrible and cold in his place.
It was too much. One time too many. And Changmin was unable to take it yet again, but more unable to call after him or even watch his retreating back.
Changmin let his head fall heavily into his hands. He drew in a shaky breath, one that caught in his throat dangerously and made his chest hurt with the pressure. The pressing feeling grew stronger but he couldn’t let it out, was terrified the rest of him would spill out with that single breath, and he choked on it as he couldn’t hold it back any longer.
Air left in a strangled gasp, one that he tried to smother in something sounding horribly like a pathetic sob. His fingers dug into his scalp, fisting his hair in a weak attempt to control himself, to keep the sudden tears back. But he was just too tired. He couldn’t do this anymore.
A light touch on his shoulder and he froze up, a barely audible sob slipping from lips he couldn’t press together tightly enough. He could feel his own shoulders shaking despite his best efforts to keep them still, his best efforts to hide and act like nothing was wrong.
Then fingers moved to grasp his shoulder more firmly and a warm body sat beside him, so close their arms were touching. Much too close. He didn’t want anyone asking him what was wrong, didn’t want to have to pretend again or have to try to hide in front of eyes that could see right through him anyway.
“Hey, you okay?” Junsu spoke quietly, voice low in his ear. Words for him alone, but Changmin still shrank away as the other leaned more fully against him.
“Just leave me alone, hyung.” A tortured whisper before he buried his face further into his arms, shrugging the hand from his shoulder.
It was silent for a moment, and Changmin wondered if there was anyone else still in the room with them, but he didn’t want to lift his head to check. He wondered if Junsu would do as he asked and leave, because he actually didn’t want him to go. He didn’t want to be alone.
Clothes ruffled beside him and he felt Junsu lean back against the wall. “I’m sorry.”
He almost didn’t hear the apology, and let the silence stretch rather than try to come up with a suitable response. That sorry could cover a whole lot of things right now. And although the sting in his eyes was slowly fading, he was still struggling, barely able to keep control as he blinked rapidly. Junsu could tip him over the edge with the slightest nudge, and he squeezed his eyes closed as Junsu broke the silence with a small miserable voice, heavy with regret and apology.
“I’m sorry, Changmin-ah. I didn’t think about how you might feel. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Last night…when I saw you with…saw him doing that to you…I just got so upset. And I wanted to take you away from him. Hurt him. And I thought I’d feel better by taking what he wanted, taking you…using you. I was wrong to do that, and I’m sorry.”
He spoke in a rush, not waiting for Changmin to reply as if he was expecting something bad. But Changmin just sat quietly, letting him ramble on mostly for the simple reason that he was just too insecure and confused.
“What do you mean you're using me? Is that really the only reason why you...why you're like this?”
He finally was able to voice the thing that had been worrying him the most, the thing that had him unable to calm down. That Junsu might be hiding something. He didn’t dare lift his face, afraid he’d see the other attempt and fail to hide the truth in those eyes while he tried to lie to his face. Junsu couldn’t lie and Changmin was terrified of the real reason why Junsu was doing this…that Junsu might really like him. And he didn’t know what to do if that was true.
Junsu also seemed lost for words, only able to respond with more muffled apologies. But what was he apologizing for really?
“Sorry for what?” Changmin tried to keep any bite out of his voice since Junsu hadn’t done anything wrong, and it was Changmin who should be apologizing to both Junsu and Yoochun for everything he’d done.
But Junsu’s next words had his heart stopping for one awful moment. “You…love Jaejoong hyung, don’t you?”
Changmin couldn’t speak. Should he deny it? Pretend or get angry at Junsu for even suggesting such a thing? But before he could make up his mind Junsu sighed. “I didn’t understand what had gone wrong between you before…but just now when I saw you two….I didn’t know…and that’s why I tried to…I’m just…sorry, Changmin-ah.”
Changmin’s eyes were hot and stinging once again, but he still tried to keep it in, afraid that he’d have no power to stop the flood once it started. Junsu had figured him out and there was no point in lying or denying it because Junsu had also seen the way Jaejoong had left him behind cold and broken.
“I’m sorry for being angry and avoiding you. I know it’s not your fault; I’d just guessed those letters were from Yoochun…that he was looking at you…and now I know I was right.”
Changmin looked up quickly at that, finally turning to find Junsu with his head bowed, expression so lost and tired. “Yoochun didn’t write the letters.” He blurted automatically, and slowly, ever so slowly, Junsu rolled shadowed eyes over to meet his own.
“Even if he didn’t…I saw everything I needed to know last night.”
Changmin stared at Junsu with a sinking heart, unable to understand what was really going through Junsu’s mind, or what he was trying to say. “Hyung. Does that mean…? It was all a mistake, a misunderstanding-”
“It’s okay.” Junsu broke in, cutting him off. “I know it wasn’t your fault.”
“But it was.” Changmin insisted, now not caring that he’d been in the wrong, so filled with shame that he only wanted to hide and pretend it hadn’t happened, but he had to explain the truth before it got even more messed up. Had to take responsibility. “It wasn’t Yoochun’s fault.” His voice dropped, losing confidence as he admitted it out loud. “I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was just…lonely and didn’t mean to…I’m sorry.”
“You’re not the one who needs to be apologizing to me right now.” Junsu’s voice was hard, and it seemed he wasn’t even listening to the words Changmin had tried so hard to force out. He didn’t think he could repeat himself again, and just turned to look at the other pleadingly.
“Then believe me and give him a chance to explain.”
“I don’t care, Changmin.” Junsu cut him off again. “Why would you think I care what he does? I was just worried about you.”
Changmin bit his lip. Maybe he had hoped and tried for nothing, unable to tell what was hiding behind the now carefully guarded face. “Why are you worried about me? Why were you so upset? Because he loves you? Or because…is it me?”
Junsu turned to look at him with wide eyes, shaking his head immediately. The response was too quick, too defensive, and Changmin’s heart sank more as Junsu turned away to look fixedly down at his own feet instead.
It suddenly felt so awkward, and he felt so weak. He also turned away to let his eyes sweep the empty room. Somehow his gaze came to rest upon a half opened bag dropped carelessly on the floor, and his eye caught on something small and white peeking halfway out of it.
He was too far away to see properly, but the size and shape were only too similar to those of his letters, so familiar they were burned into his memory, along with the words printed on them. The quiet of the room seemed almost deafening as his heart began to thud heavily in his chest, body suddenly becoming oddly warm from the sudden rush of blood through his veins.
That couldn’t be what he thought it was. He was sure his eyes were just playing tricks on him and making an ordinary piece of paper look like something it wasn’t. But, whose bag was that anyway?
Without any more thought, Changmin promptly scrambled to his feet, ignoring Junsu’s questioning call of his name. He walked slowly towards the object that seemed to fill his whole vision, unable to stop the thoughts racing through his mind. Really, he was too desperate now, or just too far gone to think of anything else.
He came to a stop, standing over it and looking down as if from a great distance. Junsu had come after him, was taking hold of his elbow gently and looking up at him. Changmin could see his concerned face upturned in the corner of his eye, but couldn’t force any response out to the tentative, “Changmin, what’s wrong?”
There was only one answer to his question, and before he could stop himself he reached down to snatch the small white paper out from the bag, unfolding it with slow purpose.
The moment he had it unfurled in his hands the whole world seemed to stop. His eyes flew down the page, then stopped, staring blankly at the bottom. Just like he’d done the first time he’d read it. It was the first letter he’d ever received, the one he’d somehow lost. And here it was back in his hands…hands that were now shaking slightly. And he couldn’t hear anything except the blood pounding in his ears.
“Junsu.” His voice was low and steady, betraying nothing of the turmoil he felt inside. Junsu stepped closer in response, peering over his arm to take a look at the page. “Hyung.” Changmin tried again with a little more force, whipping around to look into Junsu’s confused face. “Whose bag is that?”
“What?” Junsu looked more confused. “But, Changmin-ah,” his eyes fell back to the paper in Changmin’s hands. “Isn’t that one of your-”
“Whose bag is it?” Changmin’s voice rose sharply, almost echoing in the empty room, and Junsu flinched back in slight surprise.
Before he could respond and before Changmin could actually go crazy because he couldn’t believe his answer was so close right in front of him, the door opened and a coordinator stuck her head inside.
“There you are.” She sighed. “Everyone’s been waiting for you in the recording studio. And you know it’s not my job to remind you of your own schedule.”
Junsu snapped back to himself quickly, hastily apologizing and turning back to grab Changmin’s arm once again. “Come on, Manager’s going to be pissed that we’re late.”
Changmin shook Junsu’s hand off, feeling irrationally angry. “But hyung, this is more important.”
“Let’s go.” Junsu pushed, tugging the paper from his hands and dropping it back into the bag, ignoring Changmin’s pleading and near panicked expression. He somehow steered Changmin almost bodily to the door, the coordie watching them with an annoyed frown the whole way. But Changmin again shook Junsu off.
Although at the moment he had no choice except to follow silently behind and leave the letter behind, he knew he wouldn’t have a chance to speak or ask anything until their schedule for the day was finished. He didn’t know that the suspense wouldn’t kill him first.
****************************
next: 7 ~
A/N: next chapter already finished so i'll post soon after editing <3 :P
Free Hit Counter