(no subject)
He's back to calling me Watari-san, even half the time we're alone.
Someday I'll manage to understand the man, and then it will be the end of the world. It wasn't as though I were trying to attack his precious Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki's one of my best friends- and he can be bright and shiningly charismatic, pulling people into his happiness--
But he pulls them into his depression too. And it would never occur to him to see the effects he has, because he stops being able to see anything much beyond himself. And whether he knows he's doing it or not, it's hardly good for everyone who gets sucked into it-- like, for example, Tatsumi, who refuses to see anything either.
Why defend someone else's right to make you miserable? Why still try to protect someone from themself after fifty-something years of knowing it won't work?
Why do I think it matters more this time?
The current situation is really a comparatively minor one- I don't *know* why it should bother me. Any time Tsuzuki needs, it's nearly impossible to prevent Tatsumi answering- and that's been true for longer than I've been alive. Whether he's gotten over Tsuzuki romantically or not, he's still not over Tsuzuki's problems- and he's probably too desperately caring ever to be. I hope Bon decides to cheer his partner up sometime soon- we've already got far too much angst around here.
Personally?
It's awkward not knowing how to say anything to Tatsumi, having to worry about how he'll take it.
It's strange for it to hurt when he closes off, when he defends Tsuzuki.
It's worse than that catching myself wondering what it will take for him to decide to walk away from me.
...
It's really beyond ridiculous to be jealous-- it's not as though I were desperately in love with the man or
I--
Oh, crap.