(no subject)
So Jaz and I have been talking a lot lately about various levels of self comfort.....about truly being able to accept oneself and idealistically to love oneself. It has been surprising to me that there are an infinite number of layers to this. My most confusing question is based on outing my twisted perverted side. Ahh...I can be proud of it here.
I'm not one to blend into the crowd...tattoos...piercings....and lately the new hair color every week. These things that comprise my public persona certainly don't yell 'Susie Cream cheese!!' (a friends quirky idiom for the normie's). I am very comfortable with these aspects of myself, and also comfortable with sharing them with the world. It's not so easy when it comes to my sexual lifestyle, perverse fantasies, and what I really do on the weekend. Why does it have to be a dirty little secret? Hmmm...part of the attraction to me is the forbidden nature of these interests and needs. Does this perpetuate my secretive tendencies?
All right...so this damn journal isn't writing back with a magic word that will give me all the answers I need. Perhaps it's time to switch gears.
Ahh! I was minding my own business this morning and preparing to leave for school. I leave my patio door open pretty much any time I'm at home and this morning was no exception. I was focused on school stuff....when I heard a happy "good morning lizzy" from the driveway outside my patio. E stopped by with an unexpected hello! He's in the midst of finals right now, and we haven't been able to see each other nearly as much as we'd like. He left me with more than that treat though.
As I leaned over to greet him with a kiss, he told me to hold out my wrist and to bend it back and forth. He then grabbed my wrist, pulled out his favorite knife, and laid three shallow cuts along the top of my wrist directly where it bends. This was a little reminder for me to carry throughout the day...and damn they hurt just like paper cuts! He then handed me an 18 gage needle, and warned me that is his toy of choice for our time tomorrow evening. He instructed me to carry the needle with me until we meet again, and to kiss it every two hours. For every time I miss the kiss, there will be an extra needle piercing my flesh tomorrow night! Ahhh...so creative...so devious....so wonderfully sadistic! I'm in big trouble by the way...it's really hard to be precisely on time for an entire day....and I suppose that is his intention...
I'm not one to blend into the crowd...tattoos...piercings....and lately the new hair color every week. These things that comprise my public persona certainly don't yell 'Susie Cream cheese!!' (a friends quirky idiom for the normie's). I am very comfortable with these aspects of myself, and also comfortable with sharing them with the world. It's not so easy when it comes to my sexual lifestyle, perverse fantasies, and what I really do on the weekend. Why does it have to be a dirty little secret? Hmmm...part of the attraction to me is the forbidden nature of these interests and needs. Does this perpetuate my secretive tendencies?
All right...so this damn journal isn't writing back with a magic word that will give me all the answers I need. Perhaps it's time to switch gears.
Ahh! I was minding my own business this morning and preparing to leave for school. I leave my patio door open pretty much any time I'm at home and this morning was no exception. I was focused on school stuff....when I heard a happy "good morning lizzy" from the driveway outside my patio. E stopped by with an unexpected hello! He's in the midst of finals right now, and we haven't been able to see each other nearly as much as we'd like. He left me with more than that treat though.
As I leaned over to greet him with a kiss, he told me to hold out my wrist and to bend it back and forth. He then grabbed my wrist, pulled out his favorite knife, and laid three shallow cuts along the top of my wrist directly where it bends. This was a little reminder for me to carry throughout the day...and damn they hurt just like paper cuts! He then handed me an 18 gage needle, and warned me that is his toy of choice for our time tomorrow evening. He instructed me to carry the needle with me until we meet again, and to kiss it every two hours. For every time I miss the kiss, there will be an extra needle piercing my flesh tomorrow night! Ahhh...so creative...so devious....so wonderfully sadistic! I'm in big trouble by the way...it's really hard to be precisely on time for an entire day....and I suppose that is his intention...