Anger Issues [Oneshot]
Title: Anger Issues
Pairing: KaisooRating: PG
Summary: Jongin is in love with someone who has a special kind of anger issues.
a/n: based off catherine and augustus's story from the fault in our stars.
Jongin wiggled the toes on his right foot. Or at least he thought he did. Because once he threw back the stiff linen hospital sheets he was greeted by the same familiar sight he had been forced to get used to for the past week. Nothing but a white mattress background past his stump knee.
It would be a sight he wouldn't particularly have to get used to, the nurse would constantly assure him. Since his prosthetic leg would feel and act exactly like his missing one. But it wasn't hard to see that Jongin still wasn't exactly thrilled to be missing his right leg.
Sighing, he looked outside his hospital room down at the abandoned hospital playground. As if suddenly not being able to walk anymore was depressing enough, he had been placed in a room that overlooked some shitty plastic play area that was untouched since all the kids that were suppose to be playing on it were either too sick and or dying! There wasn't even a parking lot full of crying people to ease Jongin's boredom.
But today for some reason it was different. The cemetery playground bore a sprinkle of life. A boy, around Jongin's age was swinging all alone on the old swing set. He had big eyes and a large white bandage wrapped around his head. His face was expressionless and he kept looking straight ahead, into the building Jongin was staying in. For a hour, the boy had his eyes locked on the swinging one, not wanting him to leave his sight. But after an hour, the boy got up and left as plain and simple as he had arrived. Jongin thought that that would be the last he saw of the boy. The end of whatever feelings he was feeling towards the mysterious boy, and he was perfectly fine with it. But then the boy came back the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. And that was the beginning of something Jongin would always wonder was worth regretting.
“Excuse me?” Jongin asked the nurse delivering his lunch.
“Yes?”
“That boy down there...” He pointed out his window, “Swinging on the swing...can you get him for me? He's always down there all alone and I really want to talk to him, but you know.” He pointed down at his nonexistent right foot.
The nurse looked out the window and her usual sour expression transformed into a blinding smile,“Oh, of course!” she nearly flipped the black plastic bowl of soup and mashed potatoes onto the patient's head from excitement. “I think you and Kyungsoo would get along great!”
Kyungsoo...so that's his name.
“Right in here, Kyungsoo. Jongin is a fine boy. I'm sure you two will be able to become great friends.” The nurse was leading in the same big eyed boy that Jongin had been starring at from his hospital room for the past week. It was strange for him, to see someone he had been looking at down below for so long to suddenly materialize in front of him. It took him a minute to process the fact that Kyungsoo was an actual human being and not someone who just sat on a swing set all day.
“You wanted to see me?” Kyungsoo took a seat in the one chair in his room that looked horribly uncomfortable and scooted closer to Jongin's bed.
“Uhhh yeah. I'm Jongin. It's nice to meet you, Kyungsoo.” He extended a tube covered hand towards the other and he gently shook it.
“So what's wrong with you?” Kyungsoo asked, breaking the short silence the two had been sitting in. For it had occurred to Jongin that he actually had no idea what he was going to talk about once he got the boy in his room.
“Huh?”
“What life threatening illness do you have that I had to come up to you like you were some prince? Why couldn't you have just left your room?”
And for the first time, Jongin was actually thankful for his missing leg. He tossed his bedsheets back to reveal his bandaged stump of a leg. “I can't walk.”
“Woah.” Kyungsoo reached out a hand and poked the bandaged stump. “How the hell did that happen?”
“Unfortunate accident.”
“The sucks, dude.”
“You're telling me. So what's wrong with you? Head injury or something?” He asked, making circles with his finger in the air above Kyungsoo's bandaged head.
“I guess you could say it's something. It's something called a brain tumor.”
“Damn. That sucks. How long you got?” Jongin asked, feeling at ease with the boy despite the fact they had just met.
“Not long. But who knows? The doctors here are all shitty. But yeah, I'm gonna die soon.” Kyungsoo replied back in such a calm way that Jongin was suddenly feeling that his missing leg honestly wasn't something to even get remotely upset about.
“Y-Yeah. The doctors here are all shitty. They cut off my leg for christ's sake. I don't even think they tried to salvage it after the accident.”
“I feel that. Honestly speaking, I hate everyone here. People like you, they've tried to make friends with me. I've been here for a while. And they're all so...nice. It pisses me off. I hate them. I hate all of them. They can go to hell. But you man, I don't hate you. You should be fucking grateful.” He said with a scowl.
“I am fucking grateful. Because you are a cool guy and I want to be friends with you.” He replied back with a smile.
“Kyungsoo? I think it's time for you to go back to your room.” A nurse poked her head into the room.
“Yeah, whatever. I'll see you tomorrow, Jongin.”
“Yeah. See you.”
-
Jongin had his head submerged in a comic book when he heard a knock on his door, “Ah, Kyungsoo? Come in-”
“Who's Kyungsoo?”
“Oh, hello Sehun. So nice of you to finally pay your best friend a visit.” Jongin groaned, before returning back to his comic book.
Sehun took the seat Kyungsoo usually sat in. “Relax. It's only been a week! And you know I've been supporting you every step of the way.” Sehun urged, patting Jongin's blanketed thigh.
“I also am going home tomorrow so I don't even know why you bothered to come. And yes, you're my best friend. But would you please leave? I'm expecting someone and he sits in that seat you're occupying.”
“Expecting someone? Who? Kyungsoo? Who's Kyungsoo?” Sehun arched his body and rested his head on the edge of the bed. “Is he your boyfriend?” He smirked and shook his friend's thigh.
“He's just a friend I met last week. You could say we've been getting along pretty well.”
“Really? What's he like?”
“Umm well...he's cute. And he's pretty nice to me. But he's kinda got some anger issues.”
“Those anger issues are called cancer.” Kyungsoo butted in, in a rather upset tone. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Ah yes, I can see why you like him so much.” Sehun sighed, patting Jongin's shoulder as he stood up from his chair. “Well let me not be in the way of your daily meeting.” Sehun waved a goodbye before exiting out of the room and Kyungsoo quickly took over the area Sehun had been sitting in.
“So you're going home tomorrow?” Kyungsoo asked. His bandages had recently been removed, revealing a jagged scar on his head.
“Yeah. I'll come visit you every day though, okay?”
“Okay.”
-
“How's Kyungsoo doing?” Jongin asked, taking a seat by Kyungsoo's bed. He was currently getting some tests run on him.
“Not good.” Joonmyun, Kyungsoo's father replied back to him.
Jongin nodded his head, he had expected that. In a way he pitied him. Here Kyungsoo was, missing part of his brain and not being able to control exactly what he said. Needless to say, his brain tumor had transformed him into something like a monster. There were times that Jongin wondered what Kyungsoo was like before this virus had consumed him. Joonmyun had told him that he was a really nice boy. A nice boy who always helped his father out around the house and made cookies for his friends on their birthdays. He was the complete opposite of that now, but Jongin loved him regardless.
“How about you? Gotten used to the new leg, I see.” Joonmyun was such a nice man. It wasn't a shock to see where Kyungsoo had gotten his once bubbly and friendly personality from.
“Ah, yeah.” Jongin patted his new prosthetic. “Wasn't very hard once I got the hang of it.”
“Hey, Jongin.” Kyungsoo was being wheeled back into the room by a less then happy nurse. He probably said something rude again. “Glad you're here. I want to take a nap.” Joonmyun helped his son back into his bed. “Sing me something. You're good at singing. It's one of your few good points.”
Jongin nodded, he had gotten used to singing his boyfriend to sleep. He liked it when he was sleeping. It was the only time that Kyungsoo looked like Kyungsoo, Joonmyun would always insist. Good old nice cookie baking Kyungsoo. With his soft round milky cheeks, and his fluttering long eyelashes that were gently draped upon his closed eyelids. He seemed like an entirely different person. Not the cruel, person hating boy that Jongin had angrily won over and had to put up with every day. One day, he hoped he could truly meet Do Kyungsoo, and not cancer Kyungsoo. But the slow beating of a heart monitor always proved him otherwise.
Tell me, this isn't right. This is too much, baby. You get mad, then you love me again. Why do you go back and forth, why? You might get upset at me and resent me at times but I want to tell you, who gets mad at me so easily...
-
He was getting worse. Everyone knew that. But Jongin still felt that clingy loving feeling towards Kyungsoo, even when he started being horribly rude to his own boyfriend. Jongin knew Kyungsoo couldn't help it. He wanted to hold on to him for just a little longer. Through the repeated rude jokes, and the endless bashing sessions, he wanted to hold onto Kyungsoo for a little longer. He wanted them both to have a normal relationship. He wanted them to be able to love normally.
“Jongin? What are you doing? Weren't you listening to me? Didn't you hear my funny joke?” Kyungsoo broke Jongin's train of thought.
“Huh? Oh no, sorry sweetie. Mind repeating it again?” It didn't need to be repeated, Jongin had heard the joke a thousand times before.
“You have nice legs. Or at least had. Get it? Cause you only have one leg!” Kyungsoo burst into a fit of laughter as Jongin sat there, wondering once again how their relationship would be if Kyungsoo was still Kyungsoo.
-
He doesn't have very long left. He's going to go through another surgery tomorrow but it won't do much good.
Jongin wasn't too upset over the idea of his boyfriend dying. Kyungsoo was an asshole. A true, genuine asshole. But something kept him from breaking up with him. Half of him thought it was the fact that it's some universal law that you can't break the heart of a cancer patient who's dying, and the other half thought it was because it was his job to try to make him less of an asshole and more like a Kyungsoo. So that's why he was sitting with some moody teenager at six am on a Saturday. Because Kyungsoo was about to go into surgery and of course his boyfriend had to be there for support.
Jongin smiled and gently pressed his warm lips against Kyungsoo's cold ones, “I love you.”
“I hate you.”
And then Kyungsoo got part of his brain whacked up again.
-
“Congratulations of your successful surgery!” Jongin came in, laughing, as he popped an imaginary bottle of champagne. It had been a week since he had last seen Kyungsoo because Joonmyun insisted it would be better for him to not see him until now.
Kyungsoo was lying on the bed, with a tensed fist in the hand of his gentle father. He was glaring at Jongin, and Jongin was beginning to question if Kyungsoo truly loved him more then he did to him. He couldn't ask that anymore though, because Kyungsoo could no longer speak. Just because he had a successful surgery didn't mean he was going to live.
“He doesn't have much time left.” Joonmyun sighed.
“Yeah. I know that.” Jongin had been hearing the same sentence for months. But this time he really knew that Kyungsoo didn't have much time left.
Kyungsoo freed his fist from Joonmyun's hand and began to angrily pound at the soft, squishy hospital mattress. He opened his mouth, as if to scream. But his respirator shielded whatever ugly face his mouth was attempting to make.
“Shhh, shhh.” Joonmyun calmed his son down and gently stroked his bandaged forehead. “Don't use up all your strength.” Kyungsoo instantly calmed, and Jongin believed it was not by choice. His strength was diminishing quickly.
They all sat there in silence for hours, as Jongin constantly watched Kyungsoo's eyes dart around and about the room. But then they fell on Jongin's and Kyungsoo kept his gaze for what seemed like minutes. His eyelids were getting heavy with exhaustion and his mouth was saying something that Jongin could easily read, as he had done so many times before.
Sing me to sleep.
Jongin nodded and took Kyungsoo's relaxed hand into his.
Don't get mad at me, stop it, please don't do this. I'm getting annoyed, I'm getting mad- I love you. How many times do I have to tell you for you to know? Do you know how I feel? Do you know how I feel? How many times do I have to tell you for you to know?
“Finally goodbye, cancer Kyungsoo.”
Don't frown with that pretty face. If you're not mad, don't kill me. Don't say you'll understand and that it's fine. Don't be mad, I want you to smile.
Pairing: KaisooRating: PG
Summary: Jongin is in love with someone who has a special kind of anger issues.
a/n: based off catherine and augustus's story from the fault in our stars.
Jongin wiggled the toes on his right foot. Or at least he thought he did. Because once he threw back the stiff linen hospital sheets he was greeted by the same familiar sight he had been forced to get used to for the past week. Nothing but a white mattress background past his stump knee.
It would be a sight he wouldn't particularly have to get used to, the nurse would constantly assure him. Since his prosthetic leg would feel and act exactly like his missing one. But it wasn't hard to see that Jongin still wasn't exactly thrilled to be missing his right leg.
Sighing, he looked outside his hospital room down at the abandoned hospital playground. As if suddenly not being able to walk anymore was depressing enough, he had been placed in a room that overlooked some shitty plastic play area that was untouched since all the kids that were suppose to be playing on it were either too sick and or dying! There wasn't even a parking lot full of crying people to ease Jongin's boredom.
But today for some reason it was different. The cemetery playground bore a sprinkle of life. A boy, around Jongin's age was swinging all alone on the old swing set. He had big eyes and a large white bandage wrapped around his head. His face was expressionless and he kept looking straight ahead, into the building Jongin was staying in. For a hour, the boy had his eyes locked on the swinging one, not wanting him to leave his sight. But after an hour, the boy got up and left as plain and simple as he had arrived. Jongin thought that that would be the last he saw of the boy. The end of whatever feelings he was feeling towards the mysterious boy, and he was perfectly fine with it. But then the boy came back the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. And that was the beginning of something Jongin would always wonder was worth regretting.
“Excuse me?” Jongin asked the nurse delivering his lunch.
“Yes?”
“That boy down there...” He pointed out his window, “Swinging on the swing...can you get him for me? He's always down there all alone and I really want to talk to him, but you know.” He pointed down at his nonexistent right foot.
The nurse looked out the window and her usual sour expression transformed into a blinding smile,“Oh, of course!” she nearly flipped the black plastic bowl of soup and mashed potatoes onto the patient's head from excitement. “I think you and Kyungsoo would get along great!”
Kyungsoo...so that's his name.
“Right in here, Kyungsoo. Jongin is a fine boy. I'm sure you two will be able to become great friends.” The nurse was leading in the same big eyed boy that Jongin had been starring at from his hospital room for the past week. It was strange for him, to see someone he had been looking at down below for so long to suddenly materialize in front of him. It took him a minute to process the fact that Kyungsoo was an actual human being and not someone who just sat on a swing set all day.
“You wanted to see me?” Kyungsoo took a seat in the one chair in his room that looked horribly uncomfortable and scooted closer to Jongin's bed.
“Uhhh yeah. I'm Jongin. It's nice to meet you, Kyungsoo.” He extended a tube covered hand towards the other and he gently shook it.
“So what's wrong with you?” Kyungsoo asked, breaking the short silence the two had been sitting in. For it had occurred to Jongin that he actually had no idea what he was going to talk about once he got the boy in his room.
“Huh?”
“What life threatening illness do you have that I had to come up to you like you were some prince? Why couldn't you have just left your room?”
And for the first time, Jongin was actually thankful for his missing leg. He tossed his bedsheets back to reveal his bandaged stump of a leg. “I can't walk.”
“Woah.” Kyungsoo reached out a hand and poked the bandaged stump. “How the hell did that happen?”
“Unfortunate accident.”
“The sucks, dude.”
“You're telling me. So what's wrong with you? Head injury or something?” He asked, making circles with his finger in the air above Kyungsoo's bandaged head.
“I guess you could say it's something. It's something called a brain tumor.”
“Damn. That sucks. How long you got?” Jongin asked, feeling at ease with the boy despite the fact they had just met.
“Not long. But who knows? The doctors here are all shitty. But yeah, I'm gonna die soon.” Kyungsoo replied back in such a calm way that Jongin was suddenly feeling that his missing leg honestly wasn't something to even get remotely upset about.
“Y-Yeah. The doctors here are all shitty. They cut off my leg for christ's sake. I don't even think they tried to salvage it after the accident.”
“I feel that. Honestly speaking, I hate everyone here. People like you, they've tried to make friends with me. I've been here for a while. And they're all so...nice. It pisses me off. I hate them. I hate all of them. They can go to hell. But you man, I don't hate you. You should be fucking grateful.” He said with a scowl.
“I am fucking grateful. Because you are a cool guy and I want to be friends with you.” He replied back with a smile.
“Kyungsoo? I think it's time for you to go back to your room.” A nurse poked her head into the room.
“Yeah, whatever. I'll see you tomorrow, Jongin.”
“Yeah. See you.”
-
Jongin had his head submerged in a comic book when he heard a knock on his door, “Ah, Kyungsoo? Come in-”
“Who's Kyungsoo?”
“Oh, hello Sehun. So nice of you to finally pay your best friend a visit.” Jongin groaned, before returning back to his comic book.
Sehun took the seat Kyungsoo usually sat in. “Relax. It's only been a week! And you know I've been supporting you every step of the way.” Sehun urged, patting Jongin's blanketed thigh.
“I also am going home tomorrow so I don't even know why you bothered to come. And yes, you're my best friend. But would you please leave? I'm expecting someone and he sits in that seat you're occupying.”
“Expecting someone? Who? Kyungsoo? Who's Kyungsoo?” Sehun arched his body and rested his head on the edge of the bed. “Is he your boyfriend?” He smirked and shook his friend's thigh.
“He's just a friend I met last week. You could say we've been getting along pretty well.”
“Really? What's he like?”
“Umm well...he's cute. And he's pretty nice to me. But he's kinda got some anger issues.”
“Those anger issues are called cancer.” Kyungsoo butted in, in a rather upset tone. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Ah yes, I can see why you like him so much.” Sehun sighed, patting Jongin's shoulder as he stood up from his chair. “Well let me not be in the way of your daily meeting.” Sehun waved a goodbye before exiting out of the room and Kyungsoo quickly took over the area Sehun had been sitting in.
“So you're going home tomorrow?” Kyungsoo asked. His bandages had recently been removed, revealing a jagged scar on his head.
“Yeah. I'll come visit you every day though, okay?”
“Okay.”
-
“How's Kyungsoo doing?” Jongin asked, taking a seat by Kyungsoo's bed. He was currently getting some tests run on him.
“Not good.” Joonmyun, Kyungsoo's father replied back to him.
Jongin nodded his head, he had expected that. In a way he pitied him. Here Kyungsoo was, missing part of his brain and not being able to control exactly what he said. Needless to say, his brain tumor had transformed him into something like a monster. There were times that Jongin wondered what Kyungsoo was like before this virus had consumed him. Joonmyun had told him that he was a really nice boy. A nice boy who always helped his father out around the house and made cookies for his friends on their birthdays. He was the complete opposite of that now, but Jongin loved him regardless.
“How about you? Gotten used to the new leg, I see.” Joonmyun was such a nice man. It wasn't a shock to see where Kyungsoo had gotten his once bubbly and friendly personality from.
“Ah, yeah.” Jongin patted his new prosthetic. “Wasn't very hard once I got the hang of it.”
“Hey, Jongin.” Kyungsoo was being wheeled back into the room by a less then happy nurse. He probably said something rude again. “Glad you're here. I want to take a nap.” Joonmyun helped his son back into his bed. “Sing me something. You're good at singing. It's one of your few good points.”
Jongin nodded, he had gotten used to singing his boyfriend to sleep. He liked it when he was sleeping. It was the only time that Kyungsoo looked like Kyungsoo, Joonmyun would always insist. Good old nice cookie baking Kyungsoo. With his soft round milky cheeks, and his fluttering long eyelashes that were gently draped upon his closed eyelids. He seemed like an entirely different person. Not the cruel, person hating boy that Jongin had angrily won over and had to put up with every day. One day, he hoped he could truly meet Do Kyungsoo, and not cancer Kyungsoo. But the slow beating of a heart monitor always proved him otherwise.
Tell me, this isn't right. This is too much, baby. You get mad, then you love me again. Why do you go back and forth, why? You might get upset at me and resent me at times but I want to tell you, who gets mad at me so easily...
-
He was getting worse. Everyone knew that. But Jongin still felt that clingy loving feeling towards Kyungsoo, even when he started being horribly rude to his own boyfriend. Jongin knew Kyungsoo couldn't help it. He wanted to hold on to him for just a little longer. Through the repeated rude jokes, and the endless bashing sessions, he wanted to hold onto Kyungsoo for a little longer. He wanted them both to have a normal relationship. He wanted them to be able to love normally.
“Jongin? What are you doing? Weren't you listening to me? Didn't you hear my funny joke?” Kyungsoo broke Jongin's train of thought.
“Huh? Oh no, sorry sweetie. Mind repeating it again?” It didn't need to be repeated, Jongin had heard the joke a thousand times before.
“You have nice legs. Or at least had. Get it? Cause you only have one leg!” Kyungsoo burst into a fit of laughter as Jongin sat there, wondering once again how their relationship would be if Kyungsoo was still Kyungsoo.
-
He doesn't have very long left. He's going to go through another surgery tomorrow but it won't do much good.
Jongin wasn't too upset over the idea of his boyfriend dying. Kyungsoo was an asshole. A true, genuine asshole. But something kept him from breaking up with him. Half of him thought it was the fact that it's some universal law that you can't break the heart of a cancer patient who's dying, and the other half thought it was because it was his job to try to make him less of an asshole and more like a Kyungsoo. So that's why he was sitting with some moody teenager at six am on a Saturday. Because Kyungsoo was about to go into surgery and of course his boyfriend had to be there for support.
Jongin smiled and gently pressed his warm lips against Kyungsoo's cold ones, “I love you.”
“I hate you.”
And then Kyungsoo got part of his brain whacked up again.
-
“Congratulations of your successful surgery!” Jongin came in, laughing, as he popped an imaginary bottle of champagne. It had been a week since he had last seen Kyungsoo because Joonmyun insisted it would be better for him to not see him until now.
Kyungsoo was lying on the bed, with a tensed fist in the hand of his gentle father. He was glaring at Jongin, and Jongin was beginning to question if Kyungsoo truly loved him more then he did to him. He couldn't ask that anymore though, because Kyungsoo could no longer speak. Just because he had a successful surgery didn't mean he was going to live.
“He doesn't have much time left.” Joonmyun sighed.
“Yeah. I know that.” Jongin had been hearing the same sentence for months. But this time he really knew that Kyungsoo didn't have much time left.
Kyungsoo freed his fist from Joonmyun's hand and began to angrily pound at the soft, squishy hospital mattress. He opened his mouth, as if to scream. But his respirator shielded whatever ugly face his mouth was attempting to make.
“Shhh, shhh.” Joonmyun calmed his son down and gently stroked his bandaged forehead. “Don't use up all your strength.” Kyungsoo instantly calmed, and Jongin believed it was not by choice. His strength was diminishing quickly.
They all sat there in silence for hours, as Jongin constantly watched Kyungsoo's eyes dart around and about the room. But then they fell on Jongin's and Kyungsoo kept his gaze for what seemed like minutes. His eyelids were getting heavy with exhaustion and his mouth was saying something that Jongin could easily read, as he had done so many times before.
Sing me to sleep.
Jongin nodded and took Kyungsoo's relaxed hand into his.
Don't get mad at me, stop it, please don't do this. I'm getting annoyed, I'm getting mad- I love you. How many times do I have to tell you for you to know? Do you know how I feel? Do you know how I feel? How many times do I have to tell you for you to know?
“Finally goodbye, cancer Kyungsoo.”
Don't frown with that pretty face. If you're not mad, don't kill me. Don't say you'll understand and that it's fine. Don't be mad, I want you to smile.