Nov 01, 2010 21:56
I have been through some hard times, most of them brought on either by my own actions, or on things way out of my hands.
I have to say though that none of my life has been more difficult and painful than what I have been living through for the last 1.5-2 years.
No, not marriage.
What hurts more than anything, is knowing that the one person I love in the whole world was hurt in the most sensless and painful way they could be, and I caused it.
It is so hard to watch that person spiral in and out of depression, watch their self worth plummet, and their trust fall to pieces because I broke the most important promises.
It hurts so much to hear the sad songs that make their heart beat. Songs of heartache, betrayal, and longing for a return of lost trust, knowing that in a little way, every word is pointed at me.
This hurts more than anything I have ever had to bear, and I wish I could fix it all. Undo everything. I wish that the person I love never hurt, and that their faith in me and themselves was restored.
Sometimes I doubt that I will ever be enough again.
This, this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.
Is everythign they have done in return justified? Maybe, maybe not. But it makes sense.