Skeeter's Scoop
Title: Skeeter's Scoop
Author: Jazzonia
Wordcount: 562
Era: Post-Hogwarts, pre-Azkaban
Rating: PG, for mentions of Sirius's endowments
A/N: I like this one (=
Comments: Loved, as always.
"Remus, how many times must we go over this?" Sirius asks exasperatedly. "That hat makes you look like a girl!"
"It keeps me warm," Remus replies, tugging the crimson wool firmly over his ears, "and knowing how indecisive you are, it's going to take a long time to finish our Christmas shopping."
"Fine," Sirius sighs, as he leads Remus out the door.
***
The next morning, Remus scans the headlines of the Daily Prophet as Sirius snorts into his coffee over the funnies. Suddenly, Remus's eyebrows shoot nearly into his hairline and he chokes on his tea as he catches a glimpse of Rita Skeeter's column, Skeeter's Scoop.
"Bachelor No More," he suddenly announces, in a voice equal parts horrified and amused.
"Eh?" Sirius asks through a mouthful of toast.
"The wizarding world's most eligible young man might finally have been taken! Yesterday, behind a sweets shop in Diagon Alley, Sirius Black was spotted kissing a crimson-clad woman."
"Hah! I told you, that hat makes you look like a girl!" Sirius hoots triumphantly.
"Shh, it gets better. The yet-unidentified woman is suspected to live somewhere in London, for the pair was later spotted dashing into Black's apartment. Couldn't wait, could you?" Remus adds with an amused grin.
"Let me see that," Sirius growls, snatching the paper away from Remus.
"At least read it aloud," Remus urges him, sipping his tea with amusement.
"Black has a knack -- hah, rhyme -- for making headlines; just last month this reporter penned a special profile of the top ten handsomest single men of England."
Remus broke out into laughter.
"I thought we'd gotten past that," Sirius mumbles, cheeks reddening.
"Go on, Sirius," Remus says between bouts of laughter.
"Fine. Number one? You guessed it, Sirius Black. From his --"
"What?" Remus asks, for Sirius has stopped talking, and is looking as embarrassed as that time Dumbledore caught them in the third floor broom closet.
"I can't, Remus, it's devastating." Sirius thrusts the paper at Remus, who reshuffles the pages back into the proper order before continuing.
"From his luscious locks to his eyebrow-raising wardrobe, Black is the primary heartthrob of the wizard dating world."
"I'll never live it down!" Sirius wails.
"On top of it all, he is well-endowed in more ways than one! What does she think she knows about your endowments?" Remus adds huffily.
"Getting a bit possessive, Rem?" Sirius asks bemusedly.
"No," Remus assures him, a bit too quickly, "just commenting on the ignorance of modern tabloids, 's all."
"Hmm," Sirius murmurs noncommittally, grinning madly.
"Anyway, continuing on here... -- though you didn't hear that from this humble ( and single ) reporter."
"Ah, so now she wants a date from me."
"So, has this -- ack, do I have to say this word? -- hottie been taken? This reporter certainly thinks so, and offers her congratulations to the lucky woman who might be the future Mrs S. Black -- what a catch!"
"That's horrific," Sirius says in awe after a few moments of stunned silence. "Absolutely, completely horrific."
"It's nothing but praise -- and it mentions your endowments. You should frame it," Remus says with a wolfish smile.
"Let's ring up Rita, she could interview you about my endowments; you're certainly well-acquainted with them."
Remus smiles, slow and sweet and sensual. "I have a better idea."
***
An hour later, as the sudden high demand of crimson hats baffle Diagon Alley shopkeepers, Sirius Black and his unidentified companion do things that would make even Rita Skeeter blush; the Prophet lays, forgotten, on the floor.
Author: Jazzonia
Wordcount: 562
Era: Post-Hogwarts, pre-Azkaban
Rating: PG, for mentions of Sirius's endowments
A/N: I like this one (=
Comments: Loved, as always.
"Remus, how many times must we go over this?" Sirius asks exasperatedly. "That hat makes you look like a girl!"
"It keeps me warm," Remus replies, tugging the crimson wool firmly over his ears, "and knowing how indecisive you are, it's going to take a long time to finish our Christmas shopping."
"Fine," Sirius sighs, as he leads Remus out the door.
***
The next morning, Remus scans the headlines of the Daily Prophet as Sirius snorts into his coffee over the funnies. Suddenly, Remus's eyebrows shoot nearly into his hairline and he chokes on his tea as he catches a glimpse of Rita Skeeter's column, Skeeter's Scoop.
"Bachelor No More," he suddenly announces, in a voice equal parts horrified and amused.
"Eh?" Sirius asks through a mouthful of toast.
"The wizarding world's most eligible young man might finally have been taken! Yesterday, behind a sweets shop in Diagon Alley, Sirius Black was spotted kissing a crimson-clad woman."
"Hah! I told you, that hat makes you look like a girl!" Sirius hoots triumphantly.
"Shh, it gets better. The yet-unidentified woman is suspected to live somewhere in London, for the pair was later spotted dashing into Black's apartment. Couldn't wait, could you?" Remus adds with an amused grin.
"Let me see that," Sirius growls, snatching the paper away from Remus.
"At least read it aloud," Remus urges him, sipping his tea with amusement.
"Black has a knack -- hah, rhyme -- for making headlines; just last month this reporter penned a special profile of the top ten handsomest single men of England."
Remus broke out into laughter.
"I thought we'd gotten past that," Sirius mumbles, cheeks reddening.
"Go on, Sirius," Remus says between bouts of laughter.
"Fine. Number one? You guessed it, Sirius Black. From his --"
"What?" Remus asks, for Sirius has stopped talking, and is looking as embarrassed as that time Dumbledore caught them in the third floor broom closet.
"I can't, Remus, it's devastating." Sirius thrusts the paper at Remus, who reshuffles the pages back into the proper order before continuing.
"From his luscious locks to his eyebrow-raising wardrobe, Black is the primary heartthrob of the wizard dating world."
"I'll never live it down!" Sirius wails.
"On top of it all, he is well-endowed in more ways than one! What does she think she knows about your endowments?" Remus adds huffily.
"Getting a bit possessive, Rem?" Sirius asks bemusedly.
"No," Remus assures him, a bit too quickly, "just commenting on the ignorance of modern tabloids, 's all."
"Hmm," Sirius murmurs noncommittally, grinning madly.
"Anyway, continuing on here... -- though you didn't hear that from this humble ( and single ) reporter."
"Ah, so now she wants a date from me."
"So, has this -- ack, do I have to say this word? -- hottie been taken? This reporter certainly thinks so, and offers her congratulations to the lucky woman who might be the future Mrs S. Black -- what a catch!"
"That's horrific," Sirius says in awe after a few moments of stunned silence. "Absolutely, completely horrific."
"It's nothing but praise -- and it mentions your endowments. You should frame it," Remus says with a wolfish smile.
"Let's ring up Rita, she could interview you about my endowments; you're certainly well-acquainted with them."
Remus smiles, slow and sweet and sensual. "I have a better idea."
***
An hour later, as the sudden high demand of crimson hats baffle Diagon Alley shopkeepers, Sirius Black and his unidentified companion do things that would make even Rita Skeeter blush; the Prophet lays, forgotten, on the floor.