The best day I can ever remember
I just discovered that I am on the Internet for something I did nearly a year ago.
http://www.diwa.ph/pspletran.asp
That's from the best day of my entire life... not because I won that contest (although, when you think about it, the victory is an indirect cause), but because of the way I was received at school, when I returned.
My heart was racing. I still had to bring all my things--my bags, my heavy trophy, the chocolates I had bought from total (a gas station) and a chocolate cake I had bought Meg because it was her birthday. My heart was racing... not just from the weight of all the things I had with me and not just from my journey up four flights of stairs, but because of the excitement, the pride I hoped to see on the faces of the people I loved the most in the entire world, and also because of my fear, born of years of insecurity, that people would have no reaction at all and they would look at me (while I held my trophy) and say, "So What?"
And through it all there was one person whose proud smile I was longing to see...
Holding all my bags, hair in disarray and things toppling down, I nudged open the door of the fourth year classroom, peeking inside to see if they were there, half-dreading that they were, half-wishing the same thing... I saw Miss Erna on the platform and she looked at me quizzically, as though demanding to know why I was outside the room rather than in my usual seat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my classmates sit up straighter.
There are four people whose reactions I remember the best.
I took my Chinese drum toy out of my pocket and began to roll the handle swiftly between my palms. This was a signal. I had told some of my classmates, earlier that morning, that if I drummed quickly I won, and if I drummed slowly I won but not first place, and if I didn't drum at all I had lost miserably. When Celine and Mamel saw it, they whooped for joy; some of my classmates didn't understand--actually, most of them just stared blankly at me. Deni (who sat in the middle of the class, front row in the center of the U-shaped structure that was our chair arrangement), still slumped in her seat and with her legs half-spread before her, looked at me. Surely she wasn't the first person to speak the moment I opened the door but her words are the ones I remember the best, because I focused my attention on her, being, as I was, so afraid of looking at the people in the back of the classroom, of seeing, in particular, Mamel's reaction because I was afraid of her elation, for reasons I can't understand even now. ...Deni said, "Nanalo ka?" and I said, "YEAH!" and everyone began to cheer. Then they quieted down when Deni said, "May place?" and I said, "YEAH!!!". And everyone cheered again. Then Deni asked, "What place?" and I raised my pointer finger to say: "ONE!"
It was so noisy.
I had never felt so loved.
And after that... lying on the cots in clinic with Jinky because I had a massive headache, comforting her because she had lost and was afraid of her parents' disappointment, facing Sr. Ida sitting, Indian-style, on my cot with unshoed feet, skipping class for the rest of the day because, anyway, I had already studied the things they were studying in Math and in Physics, and I was already done with my requirements for Literature (my paper having been refined over the Christmas vac, and by this time already submitted and--I think--defended). Having classmates come by from class (saying they were only going to the comfort room but in reality sneaking away so they could see me) to congratulate me.
Man, that was the best.
And what a pleasant reminder this page has been.
Now I would be pleased if the picture weren't so bad... I really don't look like that much of a dweeb, I swear.
11.55pm
27 December
http://www.diwa.ph/pspletran.asp
That's from the best day of my entire life... not because I won that contest (although, when you think about it, the victory is an indirect cause), but because of the way I was received at school, when I returned.
My heart was racing. I still had to bring all my things--my bags, my heavy trophy, the chocolates I had bought from total (a gas station) and a chocolate cake I had bought Meg because it was her birthday. My heart was racing... not just from the weight of all the things I had with me and not just from my journey up four flights of stairs, but because of the excitement, the pride I hoped to see on the faces of the people I loved the most in the entire world, and also because of my fear, born of years of insecurity, that people would have no reaction at all and they would look at me (while I held my trophy) and say, "So What?"
And through it all there was one person whose proud smile I was longing to see...
Holding all my bags, hair in disarray and things toppling down, I nudged open the door of the fourth year classroom, peeking inside to see if they were there, half-dreading that they were, half-wishing the same thing... I saw Miss Erna on the platform and she looked at me quizzically, as though demanding to know why I was outside the room rather than in my usual seat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my classmates sit up straighter.
There are four people whose reactions I remember the best.
I took my Chinese drum toy out of my pocket and began to roll the handle swiftly between my palms. This was a signal. I had told some of my classmates, earlier that morning, that if I drummed quickly I won, and if I drummed slowly I won but not first place, and if I didn't drum at all I had lost miserably. When Celine and Mamel saw it, they whooped for joy; some of my classmates didn't understand--actually, most of them just stared blankly at me. Deni (who sat in the middle of the class, front row in the center of the U-shaped structure that was our chair arrangement), still slumped in her seat and with her legs half-spread before her, looked at me. Surely she wasn't the first person to speak the moment I opened the door but her words are the ones I remember the best, because I focused my attention on her, being, as I was, so afraid of looking at the people in the back of the classroom, of seeing, in particular, Mamel's reaction because I was afraid of her elation, for reasons I can't understand even now. ...Deni said, "Nanalo ka?" and I said, "YEAH!" and everyone began to cheer. Then they quieted down when Deni said, "May place?" and I said, "YEAH!!!". And everyone cheered again. Then Deni asked, "What place?" and I raised my pointer finger to say: "ONE!"
It was so noisy.
I had never felt so loved.
And after that... lying on the cots in clinic with Jinky because I had a massive headache, comforting her because she had lost and was afraid of her parents' disappointment, facing Sr. Ida sitting, Indian-style, on my cot with unshoed feet, skipping class for the rest of the day because, anyway, I had already studied the things they were studying in Math and in Physics, and I was already done with my requirements for Literature (my paper having been refined over the Christmas vac, and by this time already submitted and--I think--defended). Having classmates come by from class (saying they were only going to the comfort room but in reality sneaking away so they could see me) to congratulate me.
Man, that was the best.
And what a pleasant reminder this page has been.
Now I would be pleased if the picture weren't so bad... I really don't look like that much of a dweeb, I swear.
11.55pm
27 December