(no subject)
It is very early in the morning and I am guilty and unexpectedly miserable, considering I just had what was a great day. I wanted to tell someone so I picked up my cell phone and began to type,
this is so stupid… But I know you will understand
But then I realized that she wouldn’t.
Let us just say… I found out that my mom might have only seventeen days to live. And I feel depressed, and also guilty because that is not the only reason I am sad, I am sad for other reasons and I feel like I am wasting my time left with my mother and I am dwelling on details, on things that are not important, on emotions that are not significant. I feel like a bad daughter, I feel like I will regret this all, and the thing is that I don’t really want to talk about it because I don’t want to cry in front of anyone because nothing anyone says can really make me feel better, and because once I tell a friend she will just console me for a while then go back to living her life and laughing with her family and somehow that thought makes me sad, that no one can really understand the misery of another person.
1.56 am
14 October 2005
this is so stupid… But I know you will understand
But then I realized that she wouldn’t.
Let us just say… I found out that my mom might have only seventeen days to live. And I feel depressed, and also guilty because that is not the only reason I am sad, I am sad for other reasons and I feel like I am wasting my time left with my mother and I am dwelling on details, on things that are not important, on emotions that are not significant. I feel like a bad daughter, I feel like I will regret this all, and the thing is that I don’t really want to talk about it because I don’t want to cry in front of anyone because nothing anyone says can really make me feel better, and because once I tell a friend she will just console me for a while then go back to living her life and laughing with her family and somehow that thought makes me sad, that no one can really understand the misery of another person.
1.56 am
14 October 2005