(no subject)
So it's been just over a month since I had no options but to move in with A....and just as I predicted he may still be all sorts of enamored with me, but I'm frustrated as hell and resenting it more then a little. Yep, might not have been to soon to have me live with him for him, but it was for me by far. I seem to have this trend with boys.....it goes okay for a little bit so long as I am not constantly with them and have my own space and time to go do things without them there, but with my car STILL not being functional I don't get the option to go out on my own. I don't get to go anywhere without asking someone to give me a ride, and more often then not he's the ride.
Not to mention when we first started going out, I told him I didn't want a closed relationship, and well, it's ended up that way because of circumstance and I can't help but wonder if he conveniently forgot as well. So here I am in a closed relationship I wasn't ready for and didn't want. Yippie. Oh yea, and there's the whole bdsm part of it....I also told him I did not want to be a 24/7 submissive because I know myself better then to say I can commit to something that would frustrate me. I like having my independence and freedom to do what I want. And yet again, he is expecting me to be that 24/7 submissive. Oh, not to mention with all my stress my sex drive is down...and his is through the freakin roof! He even tries to hump me in his sleep.....which means my sleep is patchy at best and does not help my mood any. Ugh!
On a good side though, a couple of friends of mine, newer ones at that moved to Boston last week....and we have been talking about flying me out for a week in Sept for a convention. And then possibly in a month or so after that trying to move me out there as well. They are willing to help me get back on my feet, not just use me the way it seems the current relationship is going. And yea, Boston....REAL winters! And summers that won't make me want to fall over dead every time I walk outside.
Oh, and going back to school....I've been saying for ages I want to....and damnit I still do! Seems like I always am a tid bit late for fall semester though to get the ball rolling on it....so I say guess it will be next fall....I'm tired of that cycle, I want to go back starting next January damnit, get my school out of the way and freakin graduate, cause that will help immensely in the search for work and better jobs. Not to mention I DO qualify for the Pell Grant, which will help some with financing school....and obviously with how little I have made this year (read barely enough to keep my phone turned on) hopefully will qualify for more financial aid stuff as well.
Overall, I'm frustrated as hell and depressed as fuck with the 7 months now going on 8 of not working. I can't say things are better yet, but there are some glimmers of hope on the horizon....just hope they don't let me down.
Not to mention when we first started going out, I told him I didn't want a closed relationship, and well, it's ended up that way because of circumstance and I can't help but wonder if he conveniently forgot as well. So here I am in a closed relationship I wasn't ready for and didn't want. Yippie. Oh yea, and there's the whole bdsm part of it....I also told him I did not want to be a 24/7 submissive because I know myself better then to say I can commit to something that would frustrate me. I like having my independence and freedom to do what I want. And yet again, he is expecting me to be that 24/7 submissive. Oh, not to mention with all my stress my sex drive is down...and his is through the freakin roof! He even tries to hump me in his sleep.....which means my sleep is patchy at best and does not help my mood any. Ugh!
On a good side though, a couple of friends of mine, newer ones at that moved to Boston last week....and we have been talking about flying me out for a week in Sept for a convention. And then possibly in a month or so after that trying to move me out there as well. They are willing to help me get back on my feet, not just use me the way it seems the current relationship is going. And yea, Boston....REAL winters! And summers that won't make me want to fall over dead every time I walk outside.
Oh, and going back to school....I've been saying for ages I want to....and damnit I still do! Seems like I always am a tid bit late for fall semester though to get the ball rolling on it....so I say guess it will be next fall....I'm tired of that cycle, I want to go back starting next January damnit, get my school out of the way and freakin graduate, cause that will help immensely in the search for work and better jobs. Not to mention I DO qualify for the Pell Grant, which will help some with financing school....and obviously with how little I have made this year (read barely enough to keep my phone turned on) hopefully will qualify for more financial aid stuff as well.
Overall, I'm frustrated as hell and depressed as fuck with the 7 months now going on 8 of not working. I can't say things are better yet, but there are some glimmers of hope on the horizon....just hope they don't let me down.