(no subject)
It's not fair.
It sucks to go through the Christmas season without having much Christmas spirit. My Christmas spirit was tarnished when I found out I had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I HATE that....I had it all planned out that I was going to quit Hollywood and be unemployed for the Christmas season then go apply at Parkway in January, but things worked out different. So now I work 8 hours on Christmas eve and will be late for the family get together I have that night, then the next day I'll have to come straight home from my Grandfather's house and go straight to work again. I was not happy about all that. But now with Patrick's tragic death this week, I have even less Christmas spirit. I should have MORE Christmas spirit, I should think about how lucky I am to still be here, and to have my family all alive and healthy. But I can't. I just can't get very excited about Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I'm not full blown scrooge....the excitement and joy is in the back of my mind, but I just can't bring it out. It's very over-powered by the sadness and depression. I've never had an experience like this one, that TRULY makes you see the unpredictability of life...that it truly can be gone within a blink of an eye. But I read on Patrick's myspace that he was not afraid of death or pain. People say it's just a shame that he went through all the chemo and conquered cancer to die in such a way. But, I've thought about it, and BECAUSE of his cancer experience, I can believe that he wasn't afraid of death. True, he definitely wouldn't have WANTED to die, but he wouldn't have feared it. I hope sometime between now and Saturday I can conquer my depression enough to let some Christmas spirit out. I don't wanna be a downer on Jesus's birthday. I wouldn't want him to ruin my party, I can't ruin his. So, please pray for me to find some happiness amidst all the tragedy. (Patrick Kicker, that means you, since you're the only one who reads this. :) )
It sucks to go through the Christmas season without having much Christmas spirit. My Christmas spirit was tarnished when I found out I had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I HATE that....I had it all planned out that I was going to quit Hollywood and be unemployed for the Christmas season then go apply at Parkway in January, but things worked out different. So now I work 8 hours on Christmas eve and will be late for the family get together I have that night, then the next day I'll have to come straight home from my Grandfather's house and go straight to work again. I was not happy about all that. But now with Patrick's tragic death this week, I have even less Christmas spirit. I should have MORE Christmas spirit, I should think about how lucky I am to still be here, and to have my family all alive and healthy. But I can't. I just can't get very excited about Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I'm not full blown scrooge....the excitement and joy is in the back of my mind, but I just can't bring it out. It's very over-powered by the sadness and depression. I've never had an experience like this one, that TRULY makes you see the unpredictability of life...that it truly can be gone within a blink of an eye. But I read on Patrick's myspace that he was not afraid of death or pain. People say it's just a shame that he went through all the chemo and conquered cancer to die in such a way. But, I've thought about it, and BECAUSE of his cancer experience, I can believe that he wasn't afraid of death. True, he definitely wouldn't have WANTED to die, but he wouldn't have feared it. I hope sometime between now and Saturday I can conquer my depression enough to let some Christmas spirit out. I don't wanna be a downer on Jesus's birthday. I wouldn't want him to ruin my party, I can't ruin his. So, please pray for me to find some happiness amidst all the tragedy. (Patrick Kicker, that means you, since you're the only one who reads this. :) )