i didn't want to ruin her night
Have you ever regretted something?
I bet you did. A million things and a million times, countless of moments when you wished you could have done something differently, chose another option, or generally have been a better or different person at that time.
I did too. But I've always kept that certain contentment you get when you're fine with who you are, or what you've become, despite past events. The kind of contentment where you don't want to change anything else, even if it is for the better of your situation or of others, that it would've made everything easier, or made your family more richer or something. Because you know, that even if you regretted what has already come to past, you know that if you changed anything, or wished for something else, you know you wouldn't be the same person you are now, the same person that is thinking such things or making such wishes.
Suddenly, I regretted something.
Something that even if it would change me, the one who's typing this right now-- it would be okay for me, because that's much how I feel much of a wreck.
I regretted being friends with her to be honest.
Or at least I regretted trying to make a relationship last that burned out in the end.
Because I realize, that if I hadn't done so, I wouldn't be as sad and depressed I am now. Or at least, I wouldn't be so alone, be left out on things, because if I didn't focus on her, then I would've had a better relationship with my other friends who I find still at my side somewhat and in someway, generally better than her, than them, right now.
I realized that, watching Nikki's AVP during her debut. Somehow I feel jealous about not being there with them in certain pictures, like I missed out on a lot of fun things and better people because I invested my time and resources on someone else who barely even calls-- or calls not at all. I feel really bad-- me and Nikki could've become close, or I could've be a part of their group that doesn't feel like she [me] doesn't belong. If I realized sooner that I was clinging to him, then to her, then I wouldn't be the same clam shell I am right now, that I'd probably a butterfly, not the best, but still somewhat have been better. Just better.
I don't like to regret things, and I don't like to wish my regrets away.
But just this once, I do.
I bet you did. A million things and a million times, countless of moments when you wished you could have done something differently, chose another option, or generally have been a better or different person at that time.
I did too. But I've always kept that certain contentment you get when you're fine with who you are, or what you've become, despite past events. The kind of contentment where you don't want to change anything else, even if it is for the better of your situation or of others, that it would've made everything easier, or made your family more richer or something. Because you know, that even if you regretted what has already come to past, you know that if you changed anything, or wished for something else, you know you wouldn't be the same person you are now, the same person that is thinking such things or making such wishes.
Suddenly, I regretted something.
Something that even if it would change me, the one who's typing this right now-- it would be okay for me, because that's much how I feel much of a wreck.
I regretted being friends with her to be honest.
Or at least I regretted trying to make a relationship last that burned out in the end.
Because I realize, that if I hadn't done so, I wouldn't be as sad and depressed I am now. Or at least, I wouldn't be so alone, be left out on things, because if I didn't focus on her, then I would've had a better relationship with my other friends who I find still at my side somewhat and in someway, generally better than her, than them, right now.
I realized that, watching Nikki's AVP during her debut. Somehow I feel jealous about not being there with them in certain pictures, like I missed out on a lot of fun things and better people because I invested my time and resources on someone else who barely even calls-- or calls not at all. I feel really bad-- me and Nikki could've become close, or I could've be a part of their group that doesn't feel like she [me] doesn't belong. If I realized sooner that I was clinging to him, then to her, then I wouldn't be the same clam shell I am right now, that I'd probably a butterfly, not the best, but still somewhat have been better. Just better.
I don't like to regret things, and I don't like to wish my regrets away.
But just this once, I do.